Feeling blindsided

jizogarden · February 2010

Feeling blindsided

jizogarden · February 2010

New to the group...and have spent countless hours reading so many wonderful, informative and uplifting posts from all of you.

I had a double mastectomy with reconstruction spacers in place on January 25th. My lobes were clear....thank the stars....very grateful.

I am now 16 days out from my surgery and still feeling pretty beat up I had spoken to a few people before my surgery and they painted a very rosy picture....drains out in a few days...back to work in two weeks...recovery pain was so much less than they had anticipated...etc.

So I'm feeling like I must be a huge whimp! I am still in considerable pain, have two drains still in place (one removed yesterday, another on removed last week.......ouch!) I have always felt like I bounce back from quickly from most things that life throws at me....this time not so much

I am 60 years old and hoping to return to work next week (three weeks post op). My plastic surgeon has promised me that he will take out the final two drains this coming Friday and that should help my pain levels..and just to be able to sleep on my side will be such a releif.

I had a reaction to percocet .... incredible itchies so have been trying to manage with tylenol and advil. Yesterday the doc gave me vicadin....which also began to itch after several hours. The hunt for pain killers continues Right now I am on Celebrex and nothing else. Any advice on pain meds would be appreciated. Oh, my doc also gave me valium for muscle spasms around the the muscle adjusting to the spacers.

I guess I'm feeling discouraged....I was expecting to bounce back much more quickly....I don't mean to sound like an impatient winer....but I'm exhausted by the pain

My blessing is a my husband who is doing everything he can to help me....I couldn't ask for more. He is cooking, cleaning, shopping and keeping lots of cups of tea coming....my dog Smudge and two cats Kiki and Smiley are giving me many smiles and loving company.

I hope each day to wake up and suddenly feel better....like I can go to the store, fix our dinner, do the dishes and not feel any pain.

Thanks so much for listening to my pity party.....and for sharing so many helpful stories.....any advice is accepted with open arms.

Wishes of courage and healing for each of you who have so many more challenges to face in each day of your life.

Strength and healing,

Laura and Graham's bright spirit.....

lovinmomma · February 2010

I am sorry that you are having a rough time. I flet so much better once all the drains were out! That makes such abig difference!!! I used hydrocodone for the pain and it worked really well. Every person is different and do not feel bad if it takes you 2 weeks or 4 weeks to feel better. Juswt listen to your body and go from there.

pip57 · February 2010

Sixteen days with drains. I can understand your frustration. I was a good sport with those things for seven or eight days...and then I was just a big baby. As soon as they were pulled, I made an instant improvement. Both mentally and physically! Hoping the same for you.

rumoret · February 2010

Well you just had a double mastectomy and you should be feeling a little sore. After reading your post I would say that you are one independent woman and that is why you are being so hard on yourself.

Once the drains are out you will feel much better....but you should remember that someone's experience will not necessarily be yours. You will be given the OK when you can begin your stretching exercises to get your flexibility back.

Oh....by the way.....you are not a Wimp! This website has many stories sharing their own unique experiences after mastectomy. And remember you had TWO--so hugs from me to you.

Terry

peaceandhealth · February 2010

Don't let expectations determine how you feel. I had a double mastectomy with DIEP flap reconstruction on November 4, 2009 and I am slowly feeling better. I thought I would be back to work in two months, but was still in too much pain at the beginning of January. I bounced back from two lumpectomies, and didn't "bounce" from the chemo but slowly became whole again. I've learned that whatever time it takes is what time it takes. Don't be hard on yourself and you are not a wimp. You stepped up and got the treatment that you determined was best for you and that was a pretty courageous thing to do. I marvel at the amazing courage of the women on this site, you included. I said to someone recently that this might be the first time I ever really listened to my body - and that's a good thing. Hope I'm not too preachy, but I've been through all of the arguments you are making to yourself now for why things should move faster. Let go of them and treat yourself with kindness.

As far as the pain meds, I was on percocet, but when I decided I needed to move to something else, I used a fairly large dose of motrin and sometimes took ativan with it. Check with a pharmacist to make sure of doses and that these can be ok together - I knew from previous experience it was ok for me. I took ativan during chemo when I had bad headaches and that was the only thing that worked on them. I called the pharmacists a lot during chemo because the best stuff to get rid of pain wasn't working on my headaches. (By the way, they turned out to be from Zofram, an anti-nausea drug, if anyone still is on chemo, too.)

I'm finally starting to have days with no pain - and it was only a month ago I thought it wouldn't happen. You will get there, too.

jizogarden · February 2010

Thank you Kimberly, PIP, Terry and peaceandhealth.......

After I posted my first entry I took my dog out for a short walk....even though it was a slow walk it felt good to feel the cold air on my face and see how happy Smudge was to be out and about, he is used to walking with me every day...it did us both good

I've just finished your lovely thoughts and advice...... It is amazing how voices of kindness and understanding can lift the spirits....

Thanks so much to all.....

Laura and Graham's bright spirit

3katz · February 2010

Laura - No way are you a wimp!!! Don't you just love it when the "professionals" paint such a rosy picture? Bummer that you are having such bad reactions to the pain killers. Eliminating the pain will make you feel so much better. Could you get at least prescription strength ibuprofen or tylenol? As the others wrote - once all the drains are out you will feel better. Don't push yourself to go back to work either. Are you set up for occupational therapy (after the drains are removed) to get your motion back? Did you get any stretching exercises?

Just take things slow - taking a walk with Smudge sounds like good therapy.

cancersuks · February 2010

Laura,

I'm sorry you're feeling so much pain, you have been through alot in a short amount of time! I recently was in alot of pain, and my oncologist gave me a perscription for the fentanyl patch. One patch covers 3 days and I almost feel like my old self now. As long as my pain is relieved, I can handle almost anything.. I have been pain-free for the most part lately and I hope you find something too that works. Prior to the patch, I was almost inmobile and thought this would be it. I told my onc. what he originally perscribed was not working and I needed something stronger.

karen1956 · February 2010

I just lost my long post....so this will be shorter than before....

You are not a wimp.....repeat.....you are not a wimp.....16 days is not very long post surgery....I was lucky to get my drains out sooner than expected as I was developing a seroma and the PS felt it was better to take the drains out.....I was always a side or stomach sleeper and had to learn to sleep on my back after Mx.....I used 2 or 3 pillows.....and getting out of bed was not easy!!! The narcotic pain meds make me sick to my stomach and bind me up....so I only take ibuprofen....but I was also taking ativan and sleeping pills (still do!!!). I hope you find something to help with the pain....and remember you are not a wimp!!!

2z54 · February 2010

I agree with everyone Laura; you are NOT a wimp! 16 days post-op is way too soon to be expecting to feel like your old self again. I had my dbl mx with immediate recon last year and I was 54. There was no way I could have gone back to work in three weeks. And like some of your friends, I thought the surgery wasn't as bad as I had expected, but it was still no picnic. Like you, I kept expecting my body to bounce back a lot quicker than it did. It wasn't til about week 4 that I stopped all pain meds except ibuprofen. But, I was still taking naps every day. (Come to think of it, I still am! ... It's the weather and unemployment now! )

You will feel much better once the drains come out, but you should still go easy on yourself. Take care!

Sue

jizogarden · February 2010

Dear Sue, Karen,cancersucks, and Amy D,

Thank you so much for your replies. I feel fortified by your words of encouragement and advice. I will call my doctor today and see if there are any other pain meds that I can use that would be less likely to cause the crazy itchies! Fentanile patch sounds like it may be helpful for me. Ativan is something I will also ask about .... I'm afraid it's anything with opiates in the medication even the tylenol with codeine started another flair of itchiness......frustrating. >:(

It's morning now....and I always feel strongest in the morning and there is a beautiful snow falling. I love to shovel snow.....shovel and shovel until I'm in a sweat.....but that clearly will not be my day today. I will spend the day resting and maybe even get some drawing done....drawing is my best meditation ....

I hope you all find some peace and comfort in your day.....again thank you for welcoming me into the fold......just talking to others who are going down the same path helps more than I can express

I am not feeling like such a wimp anymore....thanks so much to all for advising me to give myself time to heal......not to rush it....I will try to be more patient with my healing.......but I sure am looking forward to having my drains out Friday!!! cross fingers

Strength and healing,

Laura

Feeling blindsided

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