Recently dignosed and scared

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  • laurak1
    laurak1 Member Posts: 27
    edited January 2010

    Last night was pretty good.  Slept well until about 4 am.  A little bit of nausea and some slight cold sweats, but was able to ignore it and go back to sleep.  So I can handle that.  I even got up and cleaned up the house a little bit this morning!! 

    Good luck Tammy on Thursday.  The axiety is the worst part of it, not knowing how you will react, but you will get through it just fine too.  We took pictures of the whole process so that we could show the kids just what it is that mommy is going though.  Lots of smiles and thumbs up in the pictures.  Even pics of my Onc and nurses.  This really helped ease thier minds that Mommy was ok and this was not scary.  They are so curious.  I think we will do pictures every time.  Would make a good scrapbook for my journey.

    Take care all!!

    Laura

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  • laurak1
    laurak1 Member Posts: 27
    edited January 2010

    My hands are so itchy they are driving me crazy!  All splotchy and bumpy.  Dr says if probably from my blood platelets.  I dont know, all I know is it is super itchy and the cortizone cream isnt helping. 

    Going to celebrate my sons 10th birthday this weekend.  Cant believe he is 10 already!

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  • cheers247
    cheers247 Member Posts: 270
    edited January 2010

    Hi Laura, I'm glad you are tolerating chemo ok.  I've been praying for you!  Much Love, Jessica

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  • laurak1
    laurak1 Member Posts: 27
    edited February 2010

    Hair still hanging on!  Coming out little by little, few strands here and there and every once in a while 10-15 strands at a time.  I suppose its gonna start really coming out soon.  Just waiting.  I never liked my hair but I tell ya, every day that i have it on my head is great! 

    Chemo again this Tuesday.  2nd round.  Not looking forward to it but know that it has to be done.  I am enjoying feeling good and normal this week.  Gained the 5 lbs back that I lost after the 1st treatment.  I suppose I will go through that cycle each time.

    Hope everyone is getting through thier treatments well.

    Updates later.

    Laura

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  • angelsabove
    angelsabove Member Posts: 363
    edited February 2010

    Just scanning through the post before I head out to see a movie with my daughter.....

    Hello to all my breast cancer sisters....I am 36 years old and you can see my signature below.

    I hope that all of you in treatment are doing well. I had a double mastectomy 5/21/2009. You can see my signature below. I too have 3 kiddos and an AMAZING HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!!!!! I took a three week break after surgery to heal. Then started the CHEMO.....My regimen was 12 weekly Taxol and 4 tri-weekly FAC combo.....Made it through 8 Taxol treatments....and HAD to get the port.....

    I was given another three week break after chemo and then started radiation. I had 32 treatments. 25 regular and 7 boost......

    I completed all of that Friday....WOW WHAT A RIDE IT HAS BEEN. I sat in the parking lot after leaving final radiation treatment yesterday and CRIED from the bottom of my soul......It has been SO SUREAL!!!!!!!!

    Yes girls we hang on TO ALL AND ANY GOOD NEWS......I did scans right after DX prior to surgery and LONG story but I was told.....FEELS SO GOOD TO BE AHEAD OF EIGHT BALL. The NODES even look clear...I went into surgery and surgeon did a SNB and BOOM....there was three which had CANCER in them.....UUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHH......She removed 13. So of course the GOOD I hung onto was not the three infected but the 10 CLEAN!!!!!!!!!!

    I sit here today and the hair is growing back......I am sporting this SPIKY do......Just feels good to have hair....LOL.....I am trying to get the chemo weight off.

    I want my energy and LIFE BACK....I did do a Pet scan prior to starting rads. It was after chemo was done.......and PRAISE JESUS....NED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    We do this treatment stuff SOOOO long it is hard to get back to LIVING.....I continue (DAILY) to remind myself FEAR IS NOT OF THE LORD....easier said then done....Huh sisters?????

    LAURA------------ I lay down with my 8 year old every night until he falls asleep. The darkness and still of the room makes me also do the WHAT IFS????? I hold him and think Oh sweet JESUS let me stay down here long enough to RAISE ALL MY KIDDOS.....

    My 8 year old celebrated yesterday morning because it was MOMMYS last day of treatment....HE actually said the FUNNIEST THING....but it also made me think....poor little guy....

    He said HEY MOM AFTER TODAY IS OVER WILL THAT MEAN YOU WILL BE A NORMAL MOM AGAIN??????

    I thought WOW.....I dunno....I want to be....but WHAT IS THE NEW NORMAL...

    Of course with him I said YUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I

    I do still find it so hard to BREATHE at times......It has been almost 10 months and still feel in SHOCK.......I do have to tell you guys that there are LOTS of survivors and WE ARE NOT A STATISTIC......that is why many times my Onc. says WE JUST DONT KNOW.....

    Well I rambled and rambled.....just needed to share.....now I am gonna go get my self in the shower.....boy it is gonna HURT.....my skin is SO TORCHED......crispy crunchy.......

    I am then gonna go with my 16 year old daughter to see DEAR JOHN at the theater.......

    I AM GONNA GO LIVE......THANK YOU LORD FOR GIVING US THIS DAY AND BE WITH ALL OF THESE LOVELY AMAZING WOMEN AS WE ENDURE THE PAINS OF A FALLEN WORLD.......Remind us that you have walked this BEFORE US.......

    Trust me on the days I was to sick to even CRAWL.....My friend JESUS WAS THERE.....I know that because without a doubt I could NOT HAVE DONE IT.......

    Sincerely,

    36 year old Mom,Wife,Daughter,Sister,and friend to many who had NO FAMILY HISTORY, Had children very young, Nursed, and was waiting until 40 to get that FIRST MAMMO..... 

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  • laurak1
    laurak1 Member Posts: 27
    edited February 2010

    Well, the hair has finally begun to REALLY come out.  Globs everytime I run my fingers through it and my scalp is starting to hurt.  So, I guess its time to take it off.  Ugh.  I am nervous about it.  Scared really. But I know it needs to be done.  Just get it over with.  Up until a few years ago, I wouldnt even change my hair style. Now here I am about to go bald.  Truth is, I am really kind of sad.  I thought I had prepared myself for this over the past month but I guess I hadnt prepared enough.  I will let you all know how it goes.   Wish me luck!

    Laura

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  • laurak1
    laurak1 Member Posts: 27
    edited February 2010

    Ok....I did it.  Hair is gone.  It was tough at first and my daughter cried with me, but once we got through the first half, I felt much better.  guess I dont look that bad.

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  • Tarry1
    Tarry1 Member Posts: 85
    edited February 2010

    laurak1,

    good luck with that.  I know it's a scary thing to lose one's hair.  What I did was one day just cut it offf myself, then ask my husband to shave the rest and after that I put a hair net on.  Be strong, and remember it will grow back eventually, that's what I keep telling myself.  We are all here for you.

     God Bless

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  • laurak1
    laurak1 Member Posts: 27
    edited February 2010

    Second dose of Chemo today.  Went pretty good except for the reaction I had to the steroid.  Pretty scary!  It took my breath away and my throat and chest got really strange.  Was nice that the nurses came running so quick.  Loaded me up with lots of extra bendadryl.  all was good then.  So 2 down....4 to go!  1/3 of the way done!  Trying to look at the positive here. 

    I suppose I will be out for a few days, so I will try and post when I am finally awake.

    Take care to all and I will be saying lots of prayers for everyone!

    Laura

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  • youngmomof3
    youngmomof3 Member Posts: 156
    edited February 2010

    Hey Laura, How are you feeling? i'm so sorry to hear about your reaction to the steroids. very scary. i had a similar reaction to the taxotere the 1st time it was given to me. Yeah with having 2 rounds under your belt. i go for my 2nd next thurs and am already dreading feeling like crap for a week. spend last night in the ER b/c i'm have random sharp pains in left arm, chest, back & neck. all tests came back okay but still a little concerned about possible blood clot. will talk with nurse practitioner tomorrow b/c onc is in FLA on vacation. how are you kids handling the hair loss? mine keep asking when i will lose mine and i think it will be soon b/c scalp is starting to get a little tender. so dreading the day!

    Angelaaboove: Loved your comment from your son about being a "normal mom" again.  oh how i can't wait for the day to feel like one again. i'm with you on praying to God to be able to stay and raise my kids.I'm also 36 yrs. old and sometime i feel so selfish b/c i don't want 10, 20 or even 30 more years... I want to be around for another 50 years. I want to watch my kids grow up, get married, have their own babies and watch those babies grow up.I still have a lifetime of living left to do and I don't want it taken away fromvme by this darn cancer. People always tell me " I know someone who is 10 yrs. cancer-free" which is wonderful news, but at 36 yrs. old, that doesn't seem long enough. Does anyone else feel this way?

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  • laurak1
    laurak1 Member Posts: 27
    edited February 2010

    I am feeling somewhat human again.  Aside from the "burnt, hairy tongue" feeling and nasty taste, I am feeling alot better.  Actually got out of the house for a few hours and did a little Freezer Sale shopping.

    YoungMom:  I know just what your talking about...being selfish about wanting to be around for 50 years.  I know that when I think that this might come back some day, that scares the heck outta me.  I lost an aunt in her early 50's from cancer that had come back and I sure done want that to be me.  I know that they will keep a close eye on me, but that doesnt ease my worrries.

    I am still patiently waiting to see if I am a gene carrier.  Thats gonna mean another road to go down based on those results.

    Keep up the spirits gals!  The Lord will get us through this!

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  • laurak1
    laurak1 Member Posts: 27
    edited February 2010

    I got my Genetics results!  I am NOT a carrier!!  I have not mutated my children! lol  That sure makes me feel better. Although the questions are still there now of why it happened to me at 36, but I guess some questions just cant be answered.

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  • laurak1
    laurak1 Member Posts: 27
    edited February 2010

    Question for anyone...Did your eyesight get worse after starting chemo?  My eyesight is getting terrible.  Its hard to focus even up close on the computer and things are quite blurry far away.  Assuming its from the chemo and hope that if it is, that is corrects itself after chemo is over.

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  • AmyIsStrong
    AmyIsStrong Member Posts: 1,755
    edited February 2010

    Laura

    Congratulations on the BRCA results. For me, that was the single most intense moment of my entire BC journey - to not have to worry about my daughters.

    I hope you are doing ok through chemo. The days may seem long but the months fly. Trust me, you will be coming out the other end before you know it. I would never have believed it myself, but it is true. I only have 3 more Herceptins and then I am done. Stay strong.

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  • youngmomof3
    youngmomof3 Member Posts: 156
    edited February 2010

    Yeah Laura, that is incredible news:) What a relief. I'm with you though as to why we were diagnosed at 36 yrs old. as for eyesight, yes mine had definitely gotten worse esp the week after chemo. i have a hard time at the computer, esp with my contact lenses in and also with perceptual vision when driving esp on bridges. I feel like I am over-focusing b/c i am so paranoid i'm going to hit something. need to have an eye exam anyway so will ask dr. about all of this.

    Amy, wonderful that you have 3 more Herceptins to go. so happy for you.

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  • MamaHasNoBoobies
    MamaHasNoBoobies Member Posts: 3
    edited February 2010

    It feels like yesterday that I too was given news I NEVER thought I would hear.  You must be so very scared and yes, there are people out there that understand!  I too am young (35), 34 when I was diagnosed.  Unfortunately I was told I had stage 4 from the beginning and when my PET scan was negative, "downgraded" to 3c.  It so scary to think of our babies being alone, not being there for all of the things we just knew we would see.  I live every day as if I wont be here, just in case.  But I never give up working hard to kick cancer's ass!  I will be praying for your lungs to be cancer free and if you should ever want to chat, please reach out.  We have a lot in common and it is not often that you meet someone with so many similarities......by the way I have 7 children!

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  • MamaHasNoBoobies
    MamaHasNoBoobies Member Posts: 3
    edited February 2010

    In reply to your eyesight question......YES!  My vision has been worse too.  I was told not to see the eye doctor until well after chemo because you have to wait to see what your vision is like off of chemo.  I have been doing Herceptin for 8 mos so I have been off chemo and I still have the vision difficulties.

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  • MamaHasNoBoobies
    MamaHasNoBoobies Member Posts: 3
    edited February 2010

    I saw your post and thought we had a lor in common....thought I would send you a hello.  I am 35 and I have 7 children from 17 to 4.  I nursed LOTS of babies and still had milk when my husband found the "lump".  Bi-lateral mastectomy, AC, Abraxane, Herceptin and same radiation plan as you.  Having a hard time deciding on reconstruction.  Sounds like we had very similar treatment and I am just looking for someone to talk to.......

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  • angelsabove
    angelsabove Member Posts: 363
    edited February 2010

    Gosh I think I have vision issues TOO......I was at window the other day and a big truck was across the street.....I had to ask Hubby what was on the side of the truck....he said can you NOT read that????? I said ummmm no sure cant......

    Lots Of Love

    Oh yea....chemo ended on 11/16/2009....wonder HOW long before going to eye doctor?

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  • laurak1
    laurak1 Member Posts: 27
    edited March 2010

    So I havent been on here in a while.  Guess time has just gotten away from me.  I am having one of those terrible "what if" kinda nights.  We went to a funeral just this week for a real special man in our small town here that lost his fight with cancer.  Now, laying in bed, my husband just informed me that a fella he bowls with is about to lose his fight.  I feel so bad for him, he's not even 40 yet.  And then in the same breathe he tells me that yet another friend was just given his last 3 months to live.  Yet again....cancer.  So then, I just recently found out that our old babysitter, who took care of my kids for the first 6 years, was just diagnosed with her 2nd round of cancer.  What the hell?!?!  So....now I am getting a bit depressed about things again. I need some serious success stories!!! 

    Sorry, just thought I would feel better if I could get my thoughts down and to others that understand.  Thanks for listening...whoever you are.

    So I hope that everyone is doing well, I am praying for all of us every day!!  Lots of love to all!

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  • youngmomof3
    youngmomof3 Member Posts: 156
    edited March 2010

    Laura: Hate when I hear those sad stories. I know a few women that cancer has returned that started out as BC...not helpful info when you are trying to get through it the first (and hopefully last)time. I do work with a woman who is 6 years out and have heard other success stories which helps me stay focused on the positives but you are right, it scares the crap out of me. I want to be a success story and I pray that everyone on these boards are success stories. Hang in there...tomorrow is another day; another gift.

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  • Goldstar
    Goldstar Member Posts: 5
    edited March 2010

     i will be 32 sat and was diagnosed the 22 of this month. i just had cat scan yesterday and was supposed to have pet scan. they messed up and had me drink that stuff. cant have that with pet scan so i couldnt have it done. i have muga tomorrow and meet with my oncologist tomorrow after that. so i am really wondering how bad it is and all. all i know so far is its high-grade and infiltrating. but other than that i dont know if i have a chance of living or how bad it is, has it spread...

     i have a 6 yr old daughter and a 2 yr old son. they mean more to me than anything. i am not worried for myself but for them. i dont know how all this will turn out for me. but i do know i keep praying that God sees fit to keep me here for many years to come. i still have that hope since i haven't been told otherwise yet. if that is taken away from me i dont know how i'll feel then. right now i am pretty sick of it all. i dont care for drama at all. and i just want it to calm down and go back to hopefully being kinda normal.

     so maybe i'll get some decent news tomorrow? i really hope so. i am setting here and not sure how life will turn out for me.......

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  • youngmomof3
    youngmomof3 Member Posts: 156
    edited April 2010

    Goldstar, I am so sorry to hear about all that you are going to to gather information. I have to say the beginning stages of not-knowing was definitely the hardest for me. Once you are armed with information and a plan from your surgeon and oncologist you'll feel more hope and and action plan to see you through. I also have young kids(8,6, and 11/2 yrs. old) and it is overwhelming to think about them and the fears we have about how this will effect them. I have to say we gave my boys enough info initially(as much as their brains could comprehend) and have often asked them questions about how they feel when they haven't mentioned anything in a while and so far it has been helpful. Kids are so resilient. I wish you the best. Use these discussion boards to connect with other women going through the same things you are. Unfortunatley there are plenty of us.

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  • laurak1
    laurak1 Member Posts: 27
    edited May 2010

    Hello all!!  So sorry I havent been on here in so long.  guess life just caught up with me and I didnt take the time to write.  I have finally finished the last of my chemo treatments.  What a wonderful feeling.  Just getting through the tiredness and loss of taste and I should be well on my way back to "normal".  (if there is such a thing anymore).  My previous treatment was really tough on me.  My counts were so low they almost postponed it.  Counts were pretty low again this last time too, but they pushed it anyway.

    The husband and I went to a Couples Weekend retreat this past weekend. It was sponsered by thinkmarraige.org and was put together for couples touched by cancer. It was a real nice experience and we learned alot and met some really wonderful people.  Sure made us feel fortunate that we dont have some of the other problems out there.

    I sure hope that you are all doing well and getting through your battles.  I do think of so many of you and wonder how you are doing.  Please keep me updated.  I pray for us all everyday.

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