mom with severe anxiety/withdrawal

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brandy15
brandy15 Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I am hoping someone can offer insight into my mothers situation.  she is 62, diagnosed with stage 1 ILC in one breast and DCIS in the other. They had to perform bilateral mastectomies, reconstruction, but no chemo/radiation.  She is in pain from the surgeries and from having to lay in one postion while she sleeps during the reconstruction. It has been 6 months of diagnosing, surgery, etc. 

 She is having a "nervous breakdown" for lack of a better term and can't get out of the pain/anxiety/depression cycle.  She fears never returning to her former self and being unable to carry on like she is.  I am trying to distract her from her lonliness, but my father still works and I have two small children and cannot be with her all day.  She is lost and the therapy from psychiatry/pschology is ineffective at this point (3 months of it).  Xanax is somewhat helpful. 

 If any one can lend insight, that would be great.

 Is this common? What is the best support for her?

God Bless all the women who suffer not only from the cancer itself but the toll it takes on your soul. 

Thank you.

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  • debbie6122
    debbie6122 Member Posts: 5,161
    edited January 2010

    Hi Brandy, Im sorry that your mom is going thru this, she has been thru a lot, and it effects family to, you sound like a caring daughter, i can tell you that after dealing with bc and once treatments and surgeries are done, there is kind of a void and a lot of woman feel the same way as your mom, they have a forum here called before during and after surgery which is very helpful, it helps woman deal with the after..when we are first dx(diagnosed) we go into some kind of super mode so to speak and just concetrate on getting thru all the surgeries etc... then when its over your kind of left with ok, what do i do now and depression sets in for a lot of us, i know for me it did to, im better than i was but if it gets worse or dosnt get better maybe she can talk to someone, maybe you can have her come here, if she dosnt want to talk to us she can jsut come here and read the posts untill she decides she wants to talk about it, there are so many loving caring compassionate woman here who have all been thru it and it may make her feel better,let her know we are here for her, please let us know how she is and if you need to talk we are here for you as well, im sure more woman will be along to offer more advice- god bless and hugss

    debbie

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  • nene2059
    nene2059 Member Posts: 270
    edited January 2010

    As the saying goes, "this too shall pass".  I can say that because I spent all of 2009 (was diagnosed in January) getting chemo, bilateral mx, reconstruction (just had my implant exchage in December) and now I am on hormonals.  It takes time to adjust to your new body and all of the aches and pains that the surgeries and muscle/skin stretching with recon cause.  Eventually it becomes normal and your body accepts it all as part of you.  She will be able to sleep in any position that she feels comfortable and she will be happy with the "forever perky" breasts that she will now have.  I think the physical is sometimes the least of the healing.  Emotionally it can be hard to move on.  Has she tried an antidepressant?  She may not need it forever but just to get her feet under her and she may be able to get more out of the therapy if she is not feeling the pain and anxiety as acutely.  It is incredibly hard to hear the C word and even harder if you focus on what it has taken from you.  I also lost my ability to have children to BC and hubby and I had so wanted a family.  I have realized in the past year as I got through each part of the journey that this experience can also give you so much.  A different focus, more gratitude.  It takes a different time frame for all and she should be gentle and forgiving with herself.  She is a fighter and survivor.  She can over come anything.  She fought BC and she can fight the depression/anxiety but no one can do it with out a little help. Best wishes to you and your mom.

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  • LauraLC
    LauraLC Member Posts: 54
    edited January 2010

    Brandy,

    I experienced this also, at my diagnosis.  I think it would be wise to get your mother to a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder after my diagnosis; not severe, but I have a history from childhood.  Of course my bc diagnosis sent me into a downward spiral. 

    My dr. is very experienced, and prescribed prozac 20mg. daily + 1/2  of a 0.5 mg clonazepam morning and night.  I must stress that she cannot continue in this manner, no one has to suffer anxiety and depression, please get her to a dr.  Clonazepam works best when it has been established in your system.  I believe this will help your mother as it has helped me. 

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  • brandy15
    brandy15 Member Posts: 2
    edited February 2010

    Thank you for all of your insight(s).  My mom is under the care of a psychiatrist and counselor.  She is still struggling, but I think stabilizing.  She seems hopeless, angry, and very negative still, which concerns me.  She wants to shut me out, more because I think she is so sick of talking about it. 

     She takes valium, but has not had success on an antidepressant.  She has tried Cymbalta and remeron.  Her Dr has taken her off these.  She is very adverse to taking drugs, but her Dr. is working closely with her.  She is not the person she once was (at least at this point in her recovery) I don't know when to back off or just let her heal.  Everyone stresses how depressed people shouldn't be alone, but she doesn't want me to visit her. I don't blame her, because it is hard for me to stay positive around her especially when I have my two babies with me too!  My dad still works, but tries his best in the evenings and weekends to help her. 

     Thanks for all the support, hoping this burden lifts from her. 

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  • Bren-2007
    Bren-2007 Member Posts: 6,241
    edited February 2010

    Hi Brandy ... I am so sorry to read of the hardship your mom is going through.

    Pain can be debilitating and slow down the recovery and healing process.  If she is still sleeping in a position to help relieve pain after six months, the pain and lack of sleep may very well be contributing to her problems.

    If you go with her to her doctor's appts, maybe you can bring up the topic of pain relief.  It's so hard to recover from surgeries and sadness when you are in that much pain.

    Sending you both big hugs,

    Bren

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