Single, no kids, - how do you cope?

I have become a recluse.  I don't want to leave my apartment.  I go to bed around 10 pm and wake up around 8 am, but I force myself to go back to sleep until around 9:30.  The only time I feel good  is when I'm sleeping and thats all I want to do.  I also worked for a bunch of jerks. They made it clear to me when I was diagnosed last April that I was not going to get any special treatment b/c of my cancer.  I tried to work during chemo and I just couldn't physically do it. So, i took the 3 month leave (FMLA).  I went back to work just 4 weeks after surgery (double mastec w/reconstruction and lymph node removal. They said if I didn't return to work on that day, I would not be guaranteed my position with the company..I thought I had no choice.  I was forced to do physical labor, stuffing king size comforters in duvets..I worked for a hotel as a sales manager. Everyone was helping to get the new bedding in all of the guestrooms.  I was only able to do this for 2 hours.  Imagine lifting and stuffing king size comforters after only 4 weeks of recovery from a double mastectomy, reconstruction and removal of 10 lymph nodes under the right arm.  It was awful..I tried to work and go through required radiation.  The radiation sucked the life out of me. I had to chose between my job and radiation. I was told by HR that my job would not be held for me any longer.  I had to quit and chose radiation.I completed radiation in November 2009. I am now unemployed, stressed and depressed. If it wouldn't be for my kids and parents, I probably would have committed suicide by now.

Thank you so much, Elizabeth.  I just started taking Effexor.  This should help.  I appreciate your kind words. 

Hugs,

Laurie

Hi Laurie,

Effexor is good stuff.  I started taking it way before BC -- for anxiety and depression.  One thing I found with Effexor was that it made me nauseous for the first 2 weeks when I started taking it and then I was fine.  I always like to give a head's up about this so people don't get discouraged.  Just mentioning it in case you've just started.

Ditto on what Judi said -- I'd be lost without this website.  The women understand what we're going through <like duh, does that obvious statement come under chemobrain?>.  Something that no matter how dear some of our friends are they don't quite get it.  Lots of hugs,

Elizabeth

xoxoxoooo

Laurie, welcome, and I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. In hindsight, I clearly see that it was my friend Susan who made my treatment process do-able. She had been through it a year or two before me, and was able to help me know how normal all these feelings are. I still sometimes want to be a recluse, and find that if I go out and be social one day, the next day I hole up by myself to recover.

Hugs to you, and best of luck!

It takes time Laurie. I've heard it can easily take a year or two before we will feel at all normal. I often don't get out of my jammies all day, and I finished rads in september. I'm trying to be ok with it, and to respect what I need. I suspect that folks who have the worst time in the long run may be the folks who don't give their bodies and minds time to really recover. It's a major trauma. Some liken it to post traumatic stress disorder. Hugs!!!

Connie!  I'm so happy you posted - I have been quite worried.  What an awful time you've had - talk about everything happening at once.  I'm very sorry about your Mom.  And your cats.  And you not getting your surgery -- unreal!!!!  And the bills.  What a mess.  I just don't know what to say, how to help.  Crap.  I am so very sorry all this f-ing crap is happening to you.

Elizabeth

xoxoxo

Oh, I hope it's okay that I posted even though I'm not 40 yet. I'm wise beyond my years, promise! And I'm going through chemical-induced menopause! That all counts as added years, right? 

Welcome petjunkie. Looks from your picture that you have a cav or two??? Gosh I love that breed!!! We were going to get one when I was a teenager but had trouble finding one way back then and got a springer spaniel instead. Now I'm into sighthounds.

Hugs to all, and may our finances, health, and support systems improve!!!

You ask a very good question Petjunkie.  I have been busy with my move back to Canada in Dec, setting up with a new onc, getting ready with a clinical trial (find out tomorrow if I'm in), applying for disability, etc.. . Next week, finally I can be the hermit I love to be.  I know it will be work to get myself out of the house.

I'd like to volunteer at the humane society or something animal related.  But I don't know if I can commit to a certain day each week since each day changes according to my mood.  Maybe be an on-call cat petter or do stuff for fund-raisers.  I wish I hadn't sold all my mosaic making tools -- I could be doing that -- maybe I'll buy some more and create stuff.  Take an art class.  Sometimes I hang out with friends but if they push to get me out I push back and want to stay in -- it's a big balancing act with my moods.  Right now I'm trying to think of stuff I'd like to do -- pretend I'm on retirement and not on disability -- it's less depressing.  If I do go out, fine.  If I don't, that's fine too. I'm only gonna do stuff if I want to.  Not much of an answer, but it's what came to mind.

Thanks Connie -- I'm feeling a lot better.  I can't wait to do the cyberknife thing and keep going with my treatment.  It can always be worse than what it is.  Reminds me of my friend at lunch the other day asking me what Stage V was.  Ummm, well, there isn't one, that's dead.  So as long as I'm Stage IV and not "Stage V" it's OK.

I hope you're getting some help with all the crap you're going through.  It's been a very hard time for you!! Big hugs,

Elizabeth

Happy Valentine's Day to the single, no kids ladies!

Only a few more hours and the Horrible Holidays will be over till next Thanksgiving!!!  Yippee!!!!!

Plus all the chocolate will be on sale tomorrow....

Hi

I'm middle age old Asian Lady, single without husband and kids.

Last two years, I had undergone three opt-fibroadenomas lumps being removed twice and removed once for endometrium polyps.

My last year report shown that I had 41 breast cysts-more simple cysts including some complex

cysts and also have two uterus fibroids and two ovaries cysts still under obeservation. This coming March I need to go for follow up six months ultrasound scan for breast cysts. I'm so worry and somtimes feel very depressed that I got nothing, very lonely. I admired those people with a happy family. Many years ago. I had missed a good guy. My younger sister who suffered from depression had ended her life in Year 1998. Sometimes, when I feel very down, I feel like following her footsteps to jump down and end up my miserable life. My life is not complete, I do not have a family. I felt very inferior being single. Two of my colleagues always gang up and  insulted me as old vigrin lady(in Mandarin), old werid lady and spread all scarcastic rumours and pass insulting remarks on me. My another colleague who treat me nicely in the past also believe in their nonsense and keep a distance on me unless is work related issue. I feel isolated in this company and wondering I do not harm people and did not do any bad things why I deserve this type of treatment? They both have their own strong religion but they like to find fault on me without any reason.  

I feel tired  with my life and am always questioning myself is being single a problem to this soceity? If times can rewind back, I will want to pursue my happiness, having husband and kids. Sometimes, I  wonder why I still survive in this world for what purpose?  My life is not beautiful. I had debts problems, family problems-can't get along with my two brothers-heavy smoker and heavy alcoholism.

I have strong family history of breast cancer-maternal grandmother and grand aunt died of breast cancer. My mother also had removed fibroadenomas lumps few years ago. I will be dragging my legs to go for ultrasound scan in this March. Will my complex cysts turn cancer? Should I go for the scan? How should I cope if is bad news and without a partner to support you?

Sorry, hope everybody understand my poor English.

 Worried Old Lady

   

. 

Hi LL12 -- first -- you are not an old woman -- I saw on some of your other posts that you're only 43!  I always tell myself that I'm younger than Madonna (50) so I'm still young.  Your coworkers are simply cruel and ignorant.  Some people are just bullies -- ignore them, walk away with a smile and let them wonder if you have a secret life that they don't know about.

I don't know much about cysts but I don't think it means they will turn into cancer.  Get the scan in March and go in with the assumption that all will be well.

I too wish I had a husband and children but it was not meant to be. To get through BC I find inner strength.  Yes, it can be very hard but somehow I keep on going, that something good is waiting for me around the corner.  You will get through it too if you have bad news in March; you are much stronger than you realize.   Hugs,

Elizabeth

We're here for you LL12.  I read everything in this site to learn.  And now I am on the boards every day -- it helps a lot.  We're not alone, there are always other women who have experienced something similar and can give support.

And since I will soon be 48 I'll call you worried young lady!  Hugs,

Elizabeth

Hi All

I have phobia of breast cancer.

My follow up six months scan will be due on this early March and follow up doctor appointment will be due on Mid March.  I dare not to go for the scan. As after the scan, I'm worried that the hospital will give me an emergency call before my doctor's appointment is due to review the scan result. 

I got many breast cysts including some complex cysts. I had fibroadenomas breast lumps being removed twice.  Very scared to know the scan result,,,,,,,,,,,,,.

Anybody same boat with me? How you guys cope before the result is reviewed by the doctor???

  LL12