Regret

I agree that we all made the best choices with the information we had at the time--- and just think of the level of emotion we were dealing with as well.

 I have no regrets about treatment--- everything I picked was based on my question "will I be able to sleep at night if I don't do this?"  as a result, I did chemo even though it was in the gray area-- no one was pushing me to do it, but when I decided to do it, my surgeon and 2 different oncs agreed..... and now that I have seen the new research on isolated tumor cells, I am really glad I made that decision.  I am glad to have had a lumpectomy--there was absolutely no evidence that a mastectomy would be better--- and I went forward with radiation and lupron and femara

I do regret not listening to my body in the months before I was diagnosed-I knew something was wrong, but there had been a lot of stress in my family and I just figured it was that---- and it took me several months to get into the dr. office where it was found.  When I mentioned this to the onc, he said if I had gone in earlier, they might not have been able to feel it--- so, in some ways, being late worked for me....

these are such hard decisions---  and we make them under such duress..... and the landscape on bc changes from day to day..... 

Just had to chime in...My biggest regret is the BMX, how i wish i had a lumpectomy instead. Everyday i cry for those breast, and it has destroyed my 21 yr. marriage, I absolutely hate myself. Can't go out and see other women with breast, start crying and go home sad.  Suz42 how was your care at Sloan, and if i may who did you see there.  I understand the facility is great, wondering your opion?

Have a good weekend all !!!

My regret is having a bilateral mastectomy. I went in for a routine mammagram (turning 40) and next thing I know I am being told a I need a mastectomy for extensive DCIS and a small invasive tumor. I then had a mammgram and mri on the other breast and it came back bi-rads 3 and the doctors wanted to do a biopsy. I panicked and decided on a bilateral mastectomy. I wish now I would have given myself a chance to monitor the "good" breast and see if I could handle the monitoring.  Emotionally, it has been so hard to have both breast gone. I had to have one tissue expander removed because of infection and will have to wait till after chemo to try again. I feel like everything happened so fast and I over reacted. Everyday I wish I could go back and change my decision. I am working with a therapist now to try and move on but it is very hard. I know we all try to make the best decisions we can at the time but for some reason I can't stop wishing I had made a different one.

I too have no regrets. In my case, I had a lumpectomy with one small margin. Because eight tumours had been removed (all DCIS), my surgeon was unsure of whether she got it all. The tumour board all agreed I should have a mastectomy. My cancer was ER-/ PR-, necrosis, etc and they all felt it was the best move for me. I had the mastectomy, and it turned out, no additional cancer cells were found. All the cancer was removed during the lumpectomy. Now, one would think I would regret having the mastectomy. But with complete honesty I can say that I don't. I look at it this way. First, the news of "we found no more cancer" was received as incredible news. I have tried to think of it the other way . . . I had my breast removed for no reason . . . yet the incredible news just seems to completely wash away any negative news. I'm also a worrier and I don't think I would have ever been convinced that the lumpectomy got it all. So instead of moving forward with life, I would have been worried every day. Now, I completely understand how others feel about their mastectomy .  .... but I'm just expressing how I feel; not how others should feel.

My only regret is having a mammogram at 40  - hating it - And not having another til I felt a lump at 53 and suffering thru chemo,rads,arimidex. Family resentment? I think a litttle bit-that hurts every day. I just need to accept it makes me human. and makes me cry.

I regret not insisting on a biopsy immediately upon detection of my "suspicious calcifications" instead of getting more and more dangerous mammograms every six months for two years.

No regrets regarding Tx....bilat...prophy one non-cancer side and modified radical with axillary dissection on cancer side.  Lumpectomy was never an option as there were 3 different places in the breast with cancer....Chemo, rads, ooph, AI's.  My regret some days is going for my annual mammo....yes I realize if I didn't, things would be much worse, but I have not felt like my "old" self since this whole BC journey began almost 4 years ago..

I can see where this thread would be really helpful to people on the fence about a decision.  It might help them figure out what's best for them.

I'm not far enough away from treatment to have regrets but I tend, for the most part, not to be a "regrets" person.  I make the best decision I can at the time and that's all I can do with anything. Looking back helps me if I can change things or learn from it, but to look back and beat myself up for what I didn't do doesn't help me.

As others have noted, we're under intense emotional duress when we first hear about the cancer and that adds to the stress of deciding.

I'm grateful, however, that my oncologist suggested and supported having chemo, then surgery; otherwise I would have had a mastectomy first.  I knew I couldn't deal with the surgery, recovery, emotions, etc., beyond what I was already dealing with so it was an easy decision and at the time had nothing to do with avoiding a mastectomy, just wanted to delay it until I was emotionally better. 

As it is I had chemo and then a lumpectomy with all negative biopsies (including 17 lymph nodes).  The lumpectomy vs. mastectomy was a "gut" decision, against my surgeon's advice (although he freely admitted he has had that go both ways) but with my oncologist's blessing. My surgeon now beams when he sees me and is one of my biggest champions.

I just finished 33 rads and have started on estrogen-blocking pills.

I'm a big believer in trusting my gut (although I often call it listening to my soul).  I've never gone wrong when I can truly hear what it's telling me.  Will my cancer return?  Maybe, but my prognosis is excellent, and I'm happy with what I've decided.

I'll add that I've been seeing my oncologist's therapist off and on throughout treatment, and she's been a tremendous help in many ways;  among many things, she's encouraged and supported my believing in myself.  If anyone is really having a lot of anxiety or depression or other problems, please consider talking with a professional.  Please, anyone, don't beat yourself up.  You did the best you could and that's all any of us do.

Thanks NativeMainer

BC did not return locally so the rads would not have made a difference 10 years ago - I went with my 'gut' and I can stop doubting myself - no regrets from the first round. 

Don't know about this round yet - only that I wish I would have made the decision to start dating sooner after my significant other died - I don't know quite how to go about now.  I see there is a dating thread on here somewhere - have to find that again...

I regret not "listening to my gut" when I first saw my radiation oncologist.  I knew he was not the right doctor for me and I knew his center was not the place for me to receive treatments.  After a lumpectomy, ALND surgery, and chemo, I just wanted to get rads over with as quickly as possible. The treatments there ended up being an emotional ordeal that I have still not fully recovered from.  My advice--trust your gut and run elsewhere when you feel like you are in the wrong place.

My only regret is not finding this board sooner. However, I did find it in time before listening to my plastic surgeon telling me to make my good breast match my reconstructing breast during implant surgery.  During expansion my recon never matched my good one and he didn't want to or couldn't make it even close to the same size.  It would have been a disaster that I would regret to this day!  I'm lopsided, but I'm so glad that I'm still holding on to my good one.

I wish I would have just had the lumpectomy and lymphedectomy and took my chances. I have very little quality of life. Chemo and rads left me so damaged I am in horrible pain every day and my brain and energy level have not returned to pre tretment levels in 4 years.

I should have listened to MYSELF, not my Pack Rat (and then the doctors who I would not have seen if not for him): I would be dead, but what I regret is having had treatment at all. The last 2-and-a-half years of my life (since being diagnosed) have NOT been worth living, for all the reasons why I didn't want to be treated in the first place (SEs of all the treatments which didn't work anyway except to extend my life and make me feel miserable).  I am sorry I didn't just let myself die the person I was.