Starting Chemo April 2009

Hi, everyone.  Been crazy-busy at work, which is a good thing, and also helping to take my mind off those looming dates.  Tomorrow is a year that I found the lump.  But, I guess I consider my cancerversary to be the dx date, which is 2/14/09.  Yup, Valentine's day is now ruined for me!

My hair is still very curly in the back, the closer to the nape of the neck, the curlier it is.  I had a trim over the weekend (I WISH it were in a bob - that's still a few months away, I'm afraid) to get rid of the dead ends (I'm flatironing it every day to try and smooth down some of the waves / curl).  It looks like a demented pixie cut, because it's so wavy and curly in the back, but at least it looks deliberate, like I can't style my hair, instead of "Oh my, what is wrong with her."

I have all kinds of emotions as I come up on these dates - I am somewhat relieved that it's all behind me (I hope!) and in some aspects feel that maybe this was an eye opening event for me to take better care of myself - even though it had to come at the cost of a life-threatening disease that has caused me pain, undergo numerous surgeries, lose my hair, feel like crap and then be radiated.  But, I am eating much better and working out and spending much more quality time with my DH, so I guess it wasn't all bad.  Wait a minute - OF COURSE it was all bad!!  I am trying not to be nervous or sad about those dates - but instead, focus on the future and try to keep moving. 

I am feeling good - some minimal se's from the tamox that I am trying to work through - but for the most part, I try not to take my thoughts to that dark place and worry, but instead force myself to "let go" of things that are stressing me, worrying me and keeping me up at night (besides the tamox. . . but that's another story) and to just enjoy the breeze, my dogs, my husband and my family. 

I hope all of you are doing well - and if I could hug each one of you in person, I would.  We did keep each other going during some of the roughest times of our lives and we have become sisters, bonding in a way others just can't even begin to understand.

Eat Lena Eat!  Just kiddiing...one lady told me that "weight is good for a cancer patient"...so whatever...honestly though...I think it is better to have the weight than not..maybe 147# is where your normal weight should be....I too have gained weight..and have that wonderful roll around the middle but..people that do care..and like me tell me that I look healthy and that I was way too skinny "before"....so I eat...but I do eat alot of veggies and fruits...I haven't given up red meat because I am..as my daughter who really doesn't like meat very well, tells me that I'm a carnivore..well so be it...meat is good protein and good for your red blood cells..so be it...I would never tell anyone else how to eat..but I'm thinking..if those mini muffins make you feel good and you enjoy then what the heck...eat them!

Chelev..I love your post..everything you said is to darn true...look past on the past year...maybe...and Lena..you will like this...FLIP OFF THE PAST YEAR and just go on...

I had dinner with some friends tonight...talked a little about the past year...they said how well I went through this, how strong and positive I was...I just remarked that I had no choice,,what else was there to do?   I had friends and family to be THERE for...and they were there for me too...I just thanked my friends for being there to listen to me, go to chemo with me...and well..just to let me talk about things..I said that my DH and family think that this is over..I said that I want it to be over..but that it is NOT over...I said that yes..it gets better everyday..but that I'm not the same person I was a year ago....

Thanks Judy....I think that we all want for things to be the same but we can't...we have changed..we have been through alot of junk...it does just take time...sometimes..more often now..I just go to work, hang out with my family and the junk from last year just fades away..I sleep well, I feel good, I eat well...I laugh, my brain is coming back somewhat....like you say it is not over..but it may be getting there....I like being a little special, I loved meeting all you very special ladies....and want to continue with these friendships....hey, the ladies that were BALD together..well we stick together...always.

Hi all...I wish I could put 2009 behind me but I'm feeling like it's not going to happen soon. Yesterday after visiting my bs for the second time this year, she has begun treating for not only a breast infection (still going strong) but also for RIF -radiation induced fibrosis. Which according to most information I've read on the internet does not have a cure. Although there is one doctor that has questioned that there is no cure, he said there wasn't enough stats to conclude that as fact. I hope he is right. Now I'm not sure RIF is really a set dx yet, as it's very early, but my bs didn't hestitate for a second to put me on a new drug combo, Pentoxifylline er 400 plus Vit E. It's suppose to help heal the damaged cells heal correctly after radiation. BC certainly is the disease that keeps on giving. Geri, I hope you are right that there is a new treatment just around the corner.

Count me in the weight gaining group. I was doing well until just recently when I gained seven pounds in 3 days. I'm keeping my fingers crossed it's water weight. Could I be that lucky? Probably not given my track record....

My hair is still curly, especially on top. Tomorrow I'm going in to get it shaped. I feel like and old lady that just had a bad perm.

I have a story for you ladies...a friend of mine's mom just started chemo this week...Of course she was freaking about the first time. so...she goes in there and runs into a "friend"  this friend starts going on and on about how horrific chemo is and this poor lady ends up in tears.  She meets with the onc..her blood pressure is sky high...she tells him what this lady said to her..the onc is really ticked off...finds out what this lady's name is and now they are going to have a little chat with her...I told my friend..tell her about ME..tell her that no it isn't fun..but that she will survive this!   I was so ticked off..I wanted to get that lady and shake her..I suggested they put something in her port to shut her up next time (which is evil..but whatever)...I did tell my friend, though that chemo is doable..losing her hair would be one of the hardest things...it is a hard fact of what you are going through..and that you have to make decisions on how you are going to go about dealing with it...losing your hair is something you cannot avoid...it just made me so mad about that lady...!  I wanted to get this girl's mom on and the phone and say..yes I lost my hair, but I'm living, I'm breathing and after 24 weeks PFC I have a nice head of hair....sometimes people can be so stupid..even our "own"...if that is what she is...

Geri..that is interesting..very interesting!  Do you think they could use that on mets..just thinking ahead here..but wouldn't that be awesome?

A friend of mine has colon cancer with mets to the liver and he had his mets burnt off his liver..which I thought was very interesting...

Ok.,.I posted this on the Sept. rads board also...ladies...we need to get together...to talk and have some fun...I know we are spread out everywhere...but how about Chicago for a weekend ..maybe in the spring..I know that $$$ are always an issue but we are worth it..I would just love to hang out and meet all of you in person...Chicago (or wherever)..would probably never be the same!  I'm serious about this..what do you all think?

Betsy, good to hear from you and glad that the hair worked out. I hope that your frb starts to feel better soon.

A get together sounds fabulous, I am not sure I would be able to make it, but there is always a chance, so please keep me in the loop.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend, Hugs, Judy xoxox

Betsy, I too am still having pain even after all of those meds for the breast infection and the manual lymphatic drainage sessions.  It's mostly around the nipple area - which is still having lots of discharge - and it is tender and painful.  I am seeing my bs on Feb. 4 for a followup and I'll definitely ask him all kinds of questions.  I'm also very itchy under the breast - can't wait to take off my bra at the end of the day!

Had a trim last week and color this weekend.  Why is it my stylist insists on drying and styling my hair to look like Ethel Mertz from I Love Lucy?  I am NOT 75 years old - and yes, it does look like an old lady perm if it's not blown out and flat ironed, and spiked up with some goop.

Chelev,

You might want to read these two articles and discuss them with your bs:

http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT00583700

http://jco.ascopubs.org/cgi/content/full/23/34/8551

The symptoms of RIF are very similar to a breast infection. Although, they are treating me for both still. My bs said I'm in a circular loop, I can't heal from the infection because the cells aren't healing correctly.

I can totally relate to the hair thing. But I'm happier since I got my hair cut, it's still curly but manageable and back to edgy instead of old lady.

Dawn I got tears in my eyes reading your post. I feel the same way.

Your picture is adorable. I LOVE YOUR HAIR!

Judy - What a year it has been. How strong a fighter you have been. Congratulations to you for a valiant battle this past year. You are a true warrior. I am proud to be in this group with you.

Make today/tomorrow special. You have earned it!

Amy

Thanks to all of you for your kind words. We have all been strong fighters, I don't think we would be at this point if we weren"t.

Congratulations to us ALL!!!!!!!!!

Every day is a new beginning.....

Hugs to all, Judy xoxoxox

Hi everyone. So good to hear that so many are feeling stronger. I'm doing my best. I've returned to work full time and that is a distraction for me which I think is good. Next week is a year since diagnosis but during January last year I was getting tests. I saw my onc yesterday and she said things look good. I still miss having breasts. My hair has grown a little but the crown is still thin and my scalp does show through. I saw a dermatologist and she has given me a prescription for minoxidil as well as Latisse for my eyelashes. I'm still carrying all the extra chemo and Arimidex weight and it doesn't feel good. I don't think I'll ever move on completely as having 2 dx of bc in 4 years has really thrown me for a loop. Hopefully in time I'll feel better. I love reading about how well you are doing and I love all the great hair you have. It is inspiring to know that you are getting better. For those of you who are having breast pain, I hope you feel better soon.

Hi all,

Yes, I too have a year anniversary this week - mammo and ultrasound - neg results, but I felt a lump. After a needle biopsy that was negative, I didn't get  the actual bc diagnosis until Feb. 20th, when the surgeon did an open biopsy.  So, I have three more weeks until the actual diagnosis anniversary, but everything started about now.

I just completed Herceptin #30 - 22 more to go!  At least I am counting down now...last week of June and the infusions should be done.  Expansion is weekly, probably another 5 weeks until fully expanded.  Then 2 more months until exchange surgery and my prophylactic mastectomy on the other side.  If all goes as planned, July 4th will truly be Independence Day for me!

I share all your feelings about the strength we have been to and for each other - I have come to this site many times to soothe my fears, gain knowledge (aka power), and just to see how my friends are doing.  Thank you all for being here!

Geri