Getting married, feel depressed about my lack of breasts

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Meggy
Meggy Member Posts: 530
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

Our wedding is next month.  After a bilateral I tried expanders but I had rads on my right and my reconstruction failed. I am not open to more surgeries now becuase my cancer was aggressive and the surgery felt like way too much for my body.

I just feel so bad that I have one expander on one side and nothing on the other.  My hair is short and frizzy and gray.  I am going to get it colored this week but I just feel so depressed about everything.  My fiance never makes me feel beautiful.  Even before cancer, he never made me feel that way.  He is a good guy and I love him and don't want to leave him but I feel like crap.  I told him that tonight but he just doesn't get it.  He's one of those understated types that doesn't express compliments, etc. Sometimes I feel really mad becuase other than the lack of hair and boobs, I am attractive.  

I'm broke and I wish I had money to buy new clothes and go to the hair dresser regularly to make me look better.  Even my laungerey (sp?) is old...I really feel bad on so many levels about how I look. I don't want to wear a wig on our wedding becuase I get so hot...feel like I want to throw up sometimes.  

Thanks for listening...just wish I had boobs, no lymphedema, some regular hair, some energy, a temperature gage that didn't make me feel like throwing up and a guy who thinks I'm beautiful no matter what.  

I really have to put off reconstruction 3 more years.  (till I hit 5 years....they say that's a cure date for triple negatives).   I feel in my gut that I am doing too much to my body if I try again.  

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  • AnnNYC
    AnnNYC Member Posts: 4,484
    edited January 2010

    Meggy, it's clear you are a beautiful woman.  It sucks that your guy isn't the kind of guy who says that, but you seem very clear about his good qualities.  The same way you are being gentle to your body in putting off reconstruction, I hope you can be kind and gentle to your entire beautiful self.  ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

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  • Meggy
    Meggy Member Posts: 530
    edited January 2010

    Thank you so much Ann.  I know I really need to praise myself more.  I wish I had more energy to spruce myself up. My stupid lymphedema makes my arms feel like lead. So many day just taking a shower wears my arms out.  I don't go on to do the makeup that would probably make  me feel better emotionally.

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  • sam52
    sam52 Member Posts: 950
    edited January 2010

    Do you have a 'look good, feel better' program near you? Ask your hospital .......it really is an uplifting experience.Also, are you getting treatment for the LE? Manual lymphatic drainage can help if done by a qualified practitioner.

    BTW - with some guys you have to ask them for the compliments - I know that's not the same, but they have to be made aware of how you are feeling.And say something like 'if you would caress my whole body/ give me a body massage I would feel so good' or 'I love it when you touch me all over' and let him see your reactions.I'm sure this man is just unsure how to proceed, knowing that you feel lacking in confidence about your own body.

    You have said it ....you ARE attractive, and you will feel that way once again.You just need time and confidence.

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  • cancersuks
    cancersuks Member Posts: 258
    edited January 2010

    cancer has a way of highlighting things in others, that normally we might overlook.  the most important thing is what is important to you.  he is lucky to have you.

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  • Meggy
    Meggy Member Posts: 530
    edited February 2010

    I've never let him see my scars.  I know it will only  make things worse.  I can imagine men who would be OK with it...I'm sure they're out there...my fiance is just not one of them.  He stands by me through all this though......but...we're watching American Idol and the new host is some singer with the fake boobs I wish I had....just had to leave to talk to someone who'd understand. 

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