Do *We* judge each other on our Stage?

Hey CH, you are not alone in your feelings! I am new to the disease and the Board. I have already been chastised for posting 5 posts in a 24 hour period. There is LOL and support, but finding the right forum is important (I think). AS a "newbie", cancer is cancer, surgery is surgery, radiation and/or chemo is fraught with risk. It is all terribly frightening. I am slated to start chemo tomorrow. I cannot stop crying because I am so terrified (saw my aunt go thru it in the 1960's) and she died anyway. I have developed a massive candida infection on my stomach and the docs have to look at it tomorrow to SEE if they should proceed with chemo. Fungal infections and steroids do not mix, yet they "think" they can try it anyway. I think not! I have had trouble since surgery in several areas that my docs assured me I would "sail thru". Yeah right! I am at the "what else can go wrong" state. I am a coward and I make no claim on "battling cancer". I am an older (supposedly wiser) woman and all of this is overwhelming and whipping my butt right now. Cowards Unite and Keep on truckin', Blessings

I've heard that the Stage IV women can be touchy about other stages posting in their forums, but they have such heavy issues to deal with that we try to give them the space they need.  Beyond that I have never seen anyone "judged" based on stage, grade, or node involvement.  The women on these boards are, in the main, kind and willing to help and answer any questions you have.  I know you are scared and don't feel strong (hell, I never did), but I found a lot of support here and I hope you will too.

My goodness, I hope I have never judged anyone by their stage, grade or nodes.  I like to know what each person's dx is, but not to judge them.

There are many good threads on this site, you just need to shop around until you find the right ones for you.  I post to about 4 and they keep me busy.

We all have been through the tough days of early dx, telling friends and family, and we know where you are at.

Good luck to you and you will find your place.

Juannelle

I really don't understand this post at all......I browse through active topics, and read/reply to posts where I think I may be able to help. But, if someone doesn't give details as to their stage/diagnosis/treatment-how can we support and advise? I'm stage 1V and as Sido said, our board is somewhat protected-really until you reach this stage (and I hope that you and any others on this board never do), input from stages which aren't terminal can be upsetting. We are living with the daily hell that cancer will kill us prematurely, and that is a very heavy burden to carry. But the other boards are there to help people like yourself deal with the traumas of your diagnosis-both physical and emotional. Whether it's giving tips on chemo/treatments (hugely helpful to one newly diagnosed), or giving emotional support-yep, we've all had friends that treat us as infectious, and stay away. Honestly, we do! This is far more common that you would think-people react through fear, ignorance, embarrassment-simply because they don't know what to say or do. They are not being deliberately cruel-think how you reacted when you were diagnosed-afraid, angry, etc.....well so are they. They too need time to try and understand. Hopefully they will be back in your life-some will, some won't, and you really will learn who your true friends are. On the other hand-this whole dreadful experience will lead to you making NEW friends-and I guarantee that some will be found here.

Good luck with your treatment-whatever it is. And please give out information here if you want help-otherwise nobody will be able to give you any support! I really don't understand this need to be so secretive?

I understand your concern, but really thre are some truly wonderfull and supportive women on this board.  Please post your information so others may give you advice and support.  If you are starting chemo, go to the chemo thread and find one that matches your start date.  There is always a new thread started by ladies who are new like you and are scared and nervous about chemo.  The same goes for radiation. 

This board is a microcosm of the real world.  Most people are nice, and there are a few nasties. 

I agree with Elaine, most of us do not have the knowledge or experience to post any advice on Stage IV board.  I somethimes just post my support or prayers for those brave ladies.  But I mostly read for their advice.  Other than that, there are no issues related to stege and diagnosis.

Anita

I was chastised for posting on a stage III thread so I know what you mean! The poster told me I wouldn't understand.....I told her we were ALL just one diagnosis away from mets. She thought she was closer...

Gentle hugs. I understand.

Hi chasinghope, I just joined the discussion boards in December so am a newbie here too. I kind of like to see the 'stats' because then I can say, "Oh, she's going through/gone through the exact same thing as me," and then I can either get or give advice (or commiserate with) someone in the same situation as myself. It has also made me think, "Maybe I shouldn't say anything because I have no clue what this person must be going through." What is the deal with the only 5 posts? Can a person do more after they've been a member a certain period of time? If so, how long? I haven't found rules anywhere, just the 'we have a problem with your post' notice if I've tried to do more than 5. Pets are awesome buddies when you are sick (and when you are well too). I had two cats (who had been cell mates at the Humane Society) throughout the whole surgery/chemo/radiation time; and two months after I was all done with treatment, a little 1 pound stray kitten showed up on my front door; which I took as a sign of life going on (what could I do but keep her)....... Get two kittens or a puppy and you will have a lot of distractions and even some fun. Good luck!

Hey Salya,Thanks for the info. SO, in my new journey on the Boards, I have had a woman hit me with the 5 post rule and telling me to go to typing PM's. Next day I did 5 posts and got a "computor generated" sign in writing from somewhere very important, telling me my five post limit was up and I could not post for 24 hours. Being the brat that I am I did it again next day and got the same post. CH and rest of gals, I will rule (said with great humor). This Board rocks! We can vent here; have a bad day(s); understand that there really are no 'nasties'; still be loved unconditionally and leap into each others (complete strangers) lives with gusto and the kindest wishes to help and heal. This is the first place where I feel understood (I live on an island). And thanks to all for the different perspectives on stages and diagnosis. I need you all to teach me how to be sensitive in my writing and forum picks. I truly did not understand the logic until I sat in the "Chemo treatment lounge" for the first time today with ladies with far more advanced cancer than mine and saw what this disease can do to us.I hope I came out with humility and a bit of humor. I am still sick as a rat after 1st chemo today and cannot sleep from steroids IV'd into me. But sending love and (((((HUGS)))) to all on this thread and the "Mod Pods" (women over 40). Blessings and sweet dreams 

I've never judged anyone on the boards by the stage/grade/nodal involvement.  I do look at that info in the signature, but as a way of determining what experiences the woman may have had--when treatment info in in the signature that's very helpful.  If I'm answering a question I can take that into account and not give info that the woman probably already knows, or share info that doesn't apply to the woman's situation.  On the other hand, some women are very private and don't feel comfortable posting that kind of info, and that's ok, too.  

On the other hand, when I ask a question I may give a little more weight to the answers given by women with "stats" and treatment similar to mine.  Even then, the answers I get from women in other situations have been very helpful and reassuring.  

Just be careful when jumping to a thread from the active topics list--before you post anything double check to make sure it isn't a Stage IV forum thread.  You will get snapped at if you post on that Forum, no matter how appropriate your answer.   

I know the 5 posts a day rule for newbies is a nuisance but I think it serves a good purpose.  When spammers join simply to post commercial messages they cannot flood the site.  Five inappropriate posts are quick to be reported and removed.  If they repeat the spam action two or three days in a row they can be removed from membership.   

I think it also gives legitimate new members a chance to ease in to the society and learn the rules of engagement.  Not so long ago a new, somewhat panic stricken sister posted emotionally charged messages on several threads at the same time.  It took a few days for members to realize she was genuine and not, as they say, a troll.  If there had not been a 5 post limit it would have been even worse.

The 50 posts go quickly.  And after all, your post is not limited in length so use your "airtime" wisely.

pam 

As PJ mentioned, the five post a day rule was implemented because there was period of time that this board was being hit by spammers with posts about bogus cancer treatments and ads for selling various things (Ugg boots for one).  I remember one day when a spammer had posted a large number of threads on each forum that you had to scroll down a long way to find the active threads.

OK, I will see if it will let me post more than the 5 by trying to send this now.

You made it ruthbru.

Sheila

Chasingggggggggggggg, (LOL)

People treat me different too. They are afraid to ask me questions, even tho I welcome questions.  I believe that knowledge helps aleviate alot of worries. Sometimes I feel I am on the outer edge of my circle of friends because I have cancer.

My personal feelings on stages.................yes stage 4 is a different ball of wax. But all stages are cancer and they all are scarey and any one of the early stagers could be joining the  stage 4 boards with the same emotions and life changes.  Although I pray that no one else has to join stage 4 ranks.

It's okay to be scared, mad, sad etc. And it's okay to vent. We need to do whatever makes us feel better to get thru this. Chemo was not easy for me and I didnt feel tuff while I was doing it but I feel tuff having survived it. I hope that one day soon you will also feel tuff. Until then I am glad you have found this site.

 And I agree you need a cat LOL..

Hugs, Mazy