Single, no kids, - how do you cope?

Elizabeth-- you, of all people, blah? You are anything but blah. You are a lifeline to so many people here. I read your many posts and I´m always impressed by your thoughtful and witty responses. With a quick, active mind like that you must thrive on having lots to do. Put that on your resumé in the "Other skills" category. They´ll snap you up in a trice, probably as soon as the holidays are over.

Barbe, thanks for the holiday wishes. My Christmas was pretty solitary as well. I took refuge in work.

Connie, it has been a while since your surgery by now. Are your recovering OK?

I was diagnosed on Wed. with ILC.  I am 51 single and barley making ends meet right now.  I don't know how I will pay my bills when I have to take time off work for surgery.

The only good thing is the VA will be paying most of the medical costs, I might have to pay a co-pay for meds but that will be all.

Elizabeth,

Thanks for the kudos. It is actually a tiny fragment of a much larger picture of me and some friends at my favorite beach. The other day I suddenly realized that my students could stumble on some post of mine here, so I thought I´d try something a little less recognizably me but still with some fragment of me.

How's Boston? is the BF on good behavior? 

Hugs

Lisa 

I went and read. Ah, so he DOES appreciate you more now that you´re tantalizingly out of reach!

I´m so glad you had a nice get together with him. Nothing like a little snuggling to soothe the jangled nerves.

Room for one more?

I am 50, turning 51 on Jan 23rd...laid off last Feb 09, decided to go back to school under my state worker retraining and dx'd and bio with BC in November during the last two weeks of the quarter.   My mastectomy was two weeks ago and I am still healing.

I have only one cat and a few friends left...yeh, some 'faded away' and only calls to see how I am doing (yeh, right).  My family is usless...my sisters are telling me that I should have found a man and married before my bc was discovered to lean on someone, at least (take it from the experts: a man is always a financial plan for them).  My mom is telling me that I should move back home, only that she never contacted me in 20 years.  How did they find out?  My dad, who I just established a relationship with him 10 years back, told my sisters in hopes that this would bring the family back together(backtrack a bit, my parents divorced when I was 16).  Wonderful...my disease is now a Hallmark movie of the week.

I try to concentrate on the friends that I do have and kept the negatives out on the wet back door. I have gotten comments from 'well, your cat isnt' going to take care of you, is he?' to 'well, at least you'll get SSI for a while and now have to worry about work'.  Ladies, I was working for a law firm for seven years before I was laid off due a merger...before that, I worked for the government that was suppose to be for three weeks turned into three years...so I don't like dependenced on anyone unless there is blood on the floor.  I keep my 'sarcastic sense of wicked humor' about me keep away from the depression stuff.

Hope I didn't bum some out..

FlamingKat

Connie -- how are you?

Also wondering about Connie.  It has been some weeks since the surgery, right?  I'm sending you some healing wishes.  Let us know how you are feeling.

Pitanga, I like your ocean view.  My haircut is very similar to yours in that pic ('cause I just donated 9" to Pantene for their cancer wig program.)

Just checking in ... welcome Flmgkat and Lee!

I've moved into a new-to-us home with my mom, so am no longer alone. We've been here a month and I'm loving it! I'm renovating an old woodshop into my art studio, and have been having so much fun with it! It's almost 14' x 14', so I added a small contemplation corner with a chair-and-a-half and a couple of slate-covered end tables that I found at a thrift store. I love to sit there and dream of painting ideas, or what I need to do next.

Finances are an issue for me too, but fortunately my mom has enough extra to support me while I get back on my feet. The fear of being dependent is strong, but I also feel really lucky to have her.

Being in a new state brought up lots of fears around finding support groups and doctors. I think, as of today, I've figured it out. I have a recommendation for a medical oncologist, and have found two breast cancer support groups that look promising. I find that having face-to-face contact with others in the same situation is very helpful for me.

Hugs to all of you, and I hope that 2010 will be a good year for us all.

Oh, FlamingKat, I'm so glad you reconnected with Bob. I do find that many of those who seem to fade out at first are having a reaction that really has nothing to do with the strength of their feeling for you. It's their feeling about something else, and they just have to get through it and sometimes come back. I'm so glad he did.

Magister,

On behalf of Connie, welcome to Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts club (with no band...yet). We were a tiny group initially but slowly new gals like you have been trickling in. Conversation is sporadic, at least for me--one of my new year´s resolutions was to spend less time in front of my computer screen.

Yes, most people don´t seem to have a clue as to how difficult even the most simple tasks become after surgery when you live alone. Bathing, dressing, bringing home groceries... I was unemployed when strike 2 came but fortunately had a little money saved and lived off that for several months.

My parents have also passed, my mother when I was a child and my father two years after my original breast cancer dx.

What kind of school do you teach in? I teach part time in a university study abroad program for undergraduates. I said nothing to my students, though the more astute of them might have detected my lopsided state-- I have an implant but it is much smaller than the remaining boob, which is still awaiting a reduction and lift, one reason being that it has to happen during the intervals when I´m not teaching.

Anyway, I digress. The point was to say welcome aboard!

Lisa 

Elizabeth,

I know what you mean about the isolation that not having money can cause. I have income now but there have been a number of longish periods in my life when I didn´t. I remember when I first moved to New York, I was earning minimum wage and I used to always invite friends over to my place rather than eat out, because I could cook for both of us for less than what I would have paid to go to a restaurant and split the tab. Even today, I have an income but I earn much less than most of my friends. I dont like people to feel like they should chip in and pay my part, so many times I refuse invitations because I know it involves spending more than I can afford to.

But not having money is only part of what you wrote about. The other part is the structure that having a job creates in our lives. A reason to get out of bed, take that shower and get out of the house... Some people are perfectly happy being couch potatoes but I can tell you are person who likes to be active and busy. Did you decide against volunteering or are you still mulling over what would be the right choice? I know you were thinking about the humane society. What about the library? An arts organization? Environmental outreach?

One idea: exercise can help one´s frame of mind. Is there a YMCA near you? they usually have yoga, dance, Pilates, water aerobics, etc. at very reasonable prices.

Lisa 

Hi, Just found this thread.  I'm also single, never-married and no kids but I do have 2 cats and 1 bird.  I've always been independent and pretty much a loner except for a few close friends.  My family has been supportive, however, they can't be with me all the time.  I'm continuing to work with a Stage IV diagnosis out of financial necessity, my boss is a bastard and just told me today that there would be no consideration for my workload, that I'm getting paid full-time and full-time production is expected.  I'm positive he caused my cancer to come back after 12 years being cancer free.  I can't afford to quit, not close to having the age and years for retirement...so I'm hoping he continues to give me enough amunition to sue his a$$ to hell...problem solved.

Hi GryffinSong,

Thank you for the welcome!  We're neighbor's, I'm in Severn, MD. 

Ditto on the butt-head boss!  Has the dork not heard of the Disability Act and reasonable accommodations?  Yes, dreaming of suing his *ss...

Cancersuks:

Your boss is so wrong to act this way -- I believe in karma, and what goes around comes around. He should be grateful he doesn't have cancer and treat those who do with kindness and fairness. I hope you get moved so you can work in more amenable conditions, with someone who understands that your workload can't be what it was, at least for a while. It's unbelievable how people believe that if you are around, you must be cured of cancer and ready to go full-time. I am blessed -- I have a fantastic boss and co-workers, and they have been allowing me to work from home and keep up with things until I return next week. I think 90% of us are people who actually LIKE to work, who prefer a routine, who are team players, and who perform well in our jobs. Cancer should not cause us to be punished in the very environment we value so highly. I am sorry as I can be that you are having to deal with that as well as with the cancer.