Starting Chemo in June 2005

I'm off to my first Taxol in a couple of hours. Don't know why I'm feeling such trepidation about this - almost more than about starting chemo at the beginning. I just want to get it over - it's the fear of the unknown, I guess.
Brenda

Thanks No Surrender for being ahead of me on the Peter Jennings announcement. I would have gone all over the place with emotions but your post let me stay centered and not get put off balance.
I am sad to hear of his death. I have a good friend with lung cancer who is now in his second year since treatment. I hope he is one of the 15% who make it. He sure seems to be in good health.
Opps! there I go with percentages again.
One question?
What is it about Dr. Susan Love's book that you find objectionable?

Reeny, I agree about noticing more people with cancer now...I was reading the Parade magazine that came in yesterday's newspaper where someone asked what happened to the original "Bewitched" cast. I was so surprised to see that Elizabeth Montgomery died of colon cancer, Agnes Morehead died of lung cancer, and Dick Sargent died of prostate cancer!

I want to make sure that I can say I lived a good life, too. I want to be DOING things, I'm so sick of being tired right now.

Can I whine too? I know you have all said that #3 ac is the worst. I just can't get any energy going this time. I know, NS, that is the way chemo is. I just needed to vent to you all.

Also, for those of you finished with ac, when does the awful chemical smell in my body go away. I am ready to puke just thinking about it!!!!

Peter Jennings will be missed by many He was an excellent journalist, reporter and news anchor. He exemplified integrity in the news media. I don't think they make them like that any more.

It feels good not to have another chemo coming up until the end of August, although there are times I wish I could dose dense the taxotere too...just to be done with it. It will be nice if I get to feel normal for part of the time....a new feeling!

Liz

I am starting to resurface after being tied with chains and cement and dropped in the deepest part of the ocean by cytoxan mofia. I think one of Kimbe's mermaids came by and pulled me up for air. That or the fact I didn't wear make-up this morning to my office visit.
I don't have to do anymore a/c -I have lost too much weight because of the throat sore that keeps getting irritated by swallowing. I had the swish and spit stuff-now they are giving swish and swallow-so there is such stuff. Why didn't they give that first? They send some lady to be with me while they gave me fluids that was in BAD shape-everything caused a reaction with her body. It was so sad.
Anyway I have two weeks off before Taxol-I am hoping it will much easier on my body. I still feel some guilt-crazy right? Like I should have tried harder but I am going to keep in mind NS's qoute from Peter Jennings-I really have been as brave as I could have been...especially considering my mother is so afraid of water she used to scream hystically at the side of the lake my dad tried to teach us to swim in, so much so he gave up. My siblings and I can't swim.....

Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes—we had a fantastic time on the Cape!

BevN—it bummed me out to hear that you were crying about the call from the American Cancer Society—I don’t know what specifically upset you, but if I were to have received that call, I would let her know that diet and exercise mean NOTHING--- okay, maybe exercise can help with recurrences, BUT-- I have been a vegetarian for 20 of my 35 years and am a life-long athlete. And geesh—why did that woman want you to raise money NOW--- like you don’t have anything better to do while you’re in treatment?!

MindyP—sorry to hear you missed a treatment--- by now it is just a few more days and you’ll be half way done.

RebeccaH—congrats on getting out of the ticket…it is nice to feel the Towanda-power, isn’t it?!

Watson--- re: hair--- I’ve had a number of people tell me how good my hair looks—someone even asked me where I had it done! Most times I just take the compliment and laugh once I’m out of earshot. When I ran into someone who knows me as a blonde, but then had a red wig on--- she asked me why I wear wigs “do I just like the ability to change?” I guess I’m young for bc, so she didn’t stop to think it was anything other than a fashion statement. People are funny.

Nancy M—how’s your face doing? Isn’t it strange how these things happen and baffle the docs? I have had one weird thing--- sore wrists that come and go--- my Onc just kinda shrugs and says ‘let’s blame the chemo.’

Fi--- re: whether or not to do the next chemo phase of your treatment. Everyone is going to have a different opinion, but I say that 7-8% is a big number. I mean, wouldn’t you like a 7% raise? Or imagine you gained 7% of your bodyweight—for me that would be 10 lbs--- I’d be bummed—that’s not easy to lose.

Jenster—I had the exact same thing with my fourth A/C—the rest have been relatively easy (with the third the easiest) but the last I had along with my period. IT SUCKED!!! I had a taste of what some others on this board have been feeling and I don’t know how you ladies did it--- especially with kids at home. You’re all amazing.

Nosurrender--- thanks for the snowflake analogy. I’m diggin’ it, especially in this hot NYC weather. When I’m standing on the subway platform tomorrow, I’ll be saying to myself “I’m a snowflake, I’m snowflake, I’m a snowflake…”

BrendaF—hope the first Taxol went well. I’m up for Taxol #1 on Friday.

JoMac—my surgeon was very thumbs down on the Susan Love book—he said that when he read it, he was outraged because of something factually incorrect, and then calmed down to turn the page to find that he himself had been misquoted by her. I think there’s also the feeling that the book may needlessly scare some women. All that said, I’ve never read it.

Dana—sorry to hear about the bone pain, but glad to hear that it is still better than your A/C experience.

Me— we had a wonderful trip to the Cape--- I had a really rough week after my last A/C, and I was glad that I felt well enough to go. It was nice to take some long beach walks and see family and friends. It also made me a little sad because I can clearly remember what it was like to be there without this dx hanging over our heads--- sometimes I just tear up thinking about what this had done to my husband and how he worries--- and how wonderful our new life together was before all this happened. It is a big loss, the sense of security that we had, but I guess dealing with this dx is more than trips to the Onc, it is somehow getting to a place that no matter what happens, we feel like we can deal with it. Sigh. Anyone there yet?

Jen

Kimbe...I was doing A/C on Thursdays for the same reason...so that was a good question on the Taxotere/Taxol...hope we get an answer soon.

Lived life on the wild side tonight...went for a manicure and pedicure...it felt wonderful! No cuticle cutting or anything that could cause a problem, but I did put my feet in the cesspool!

Jo Mac and others...none of us have to be brave, stoic or courageous. All we have to do is stumble to the other side of this...and the great thing is that we have each other to help! We would not be human if we didn't have both bad and good days as we make our way through. I will be glad when we can start complaining about radiation , cause that will mean we're done with this yucky chemo stuff!

Liz

I myself think we're all brave. Being brave doesn't mean that we don't get scared or tired or sad. It means we do what we can do, and when we can't do anymore - that's okay. Quite frankly, I think we're all incredibly awesome!

An old neighbor of mine (old as in used to live here, not old as in age - lol) stopped by this evening. She just found out today that I had cancer and was going through chemo. She took one look at me, smiled real big and said, "You're so beautiful! I tried to imagine how you would look, but you look wonderful!" I laughed because I stood there in an oversized shirt, house shoes, no makeup, and a pink bandana on my bald head. Gosh, I miss her!! lol

Jen - your weekend at the beach sounds divine! I grew up by the beach in Southern California and I've been missing just sitting on a bench and breathing in the tangy sea air while watching the sun set. I keep thinking that would just make me feel so much better. But it's not to be. At least not this year.

Hi ladies,

Well, what a day, up at 5am for the 5 hour drive to my closest radiotherapy centre, met all the doc's got my tattoos etc and peeked at the accommodation I will stay in each week, then 5 hours home got back just before 6pm. And yes, I drove myself all the way, mad-I-am.

Thank you to the "angels" who assisted the journey by clearing all traffic accidents, turning all traffic lights green and flipped the road work signs to go/slow on my approach.

Something very interesting came out of the appointments though. The doctors there are also questioning (un prompted by me btw) my Taxol treatment, I'm a double negative (ER etc tests) so... what's the point of doing Taxol which targets the hormonal side of things was their question.... its soooooo nice to have my thoughts validated and yes I'll be asking my oncologist to answer that question at the end of the week.


Thank you ladies for your thoughts and contributions, I confess I'm tired now and am off to bed, so please excuse me from replying in more detail for now.

Best wishes and good thoughts to you all

Fi

I'm still at the bottom of the ocean, so I'm sorry that this message will be short. Good news...no more CEF! What they say about the 3rd one is true...except it hit me a day later than number 2.
See ya in a few days.

Got some good news today. Went to orthopedist (I broke some bones in my right hand less than a month after mastectomy in a fall) and I am officially free of my cast. I stopped wearing it a week and a half ago because I just couldn't stand it any more, but it's nice to know it's healed and the doctor agrees that I don't need it. Plus...one less doctor to see...YEA!!



Liz

When is your birthday Minerva...I am a Capricorn too...born on New Year's Eve!

Maybe I will schedule my treatments for the afternoon so I can sleep when I get home!

Liz

Fi- I have heard the expression that triple negative girls don't need taxol. Which means they are ER/PR -, Her2/nue-, and node negative.
That could be the confusion?
They USED to only give Taxol if you had a positive lymph node. It has nothing to do with your hormonal status. In fact, just the opposite. Taxol works better on ER/PR- girls because ER/PR- cancer responds better to chemo.

Unless I am missing something and am wrong- I have never heard of it having anything to do with negative hormonal status- only negative NODE status.

Many docs are hitting girls with the full monty nodes or no nodes. Personally, I think it is overkill unless your cancer was so aggressive they believed they needed the extra boost Taxol can give you.

At the last ASCO conference a paper was presented that A/C T is excellent treatment for women with positive nodes but they have inconclusive evidence whether it benefits women with no node involvement.

Good luck at your doc tomorrow!
Or is it today? Or Yesterday- when is Australia time compared to ours??? I know you all are in Winter right now- correct?

I'm a July, 2005 poster, but I've been doing this for 15 mos. Drop in to see what I could learn here and decided to jump in.
Fi....Taxol is chemo, not hormone therapy.
Nosurrender......I started with A/C and was to do Taxol. Mets to bone while on A/C. Did radiation and tamoxifen. Mets to bone again. Am now on Taxol. And by the way, I was node negative.
Live long, your sister in the fight
Candle