January Mastectomy

Aloha Ladies,

Ambien is great, but what is helping me most is you all.  Reading what you are doing and feeling makes me feel normal in a world that is no longer normal.  My husband took me to the symphony tonight to hear Vivaldi's 4 Seasons by the Ft Worth Symphony.  Loved it, but found myself gazing over the crowd and doing numbers--I figured in my balcony alone, 25 women would get breast cancer in their lifetime, and by the numbers, there were probably 5 of us on our level alone.  Strange thoughts, but suddenly not so lonely.  

My mastectomy is the 21st and I think I have decided to do "Double or nothing" (not that nothing is a real option...).  My oncologist said a "dramatic" number of cells reproducing/dividing on a slide is 20% on a biopsy, 60% is "unheard of," but my slide had 100% of cells going amuck.  She thought the test was faulty, but no such luck.  SCARY.  The tears just keep pouring out at unexpected times.  I am grateful to not have a sick toddler at home and will pray for you Cindi--and the rest of you wonderful souls who are keeping me sane (a tough and tall order).  I do have a full medicine cabinet--even before BC, including Wellbutrin.  Better living through chemicals.  I love anti-depressants.  And Xanax.  My surgeon gave me a rx the day I was diagnosed.  I've only taken 3 in the past two weeks, but it is great to know it is there when I need it.  Breathe.  That is what I used to say.  Just Breathe.  Now it is just cry, then breathe.  

Love and appreciate all you ladies.

Yours in the January sisterhood!

Susan 

Hugs all around the 'room'.............

The sun has literally come out for the first time all week.

I feel it's hope, even tho it's just a tick above zero degrees.

I fly out tomorrow at noon, present 3 professional workshops on Tues, fly back Wed.

Surgery on Friday.

Now, I just have to get myself packed & organized.

We will hold one another up. Thru surgery, thru pathology reports, thru the healing process.

Thru the emotional fall-out, which is certain to hit, bubble up, smack-us-upside-the-head.

We can do this, because we must.

Sending prayers to all having had surgery & in recovery and serious prayers to all those sitting in anticipation of the upcoming events.

xx00xx00xx00xx00xx

P.S. What is Healing Touch??? Did I miss that discussion??

This is my first post and I thought this seemed like an appropriate change to interject since mastectomy is scheduled in January. This of course was after they tried to schedule me on December 31st and told me in the morning on the 30th that I would be discharged at 5pm after my bilateral nipple-sparing mastectomy with SNB on affected right breast and tissue expanders. Hmmm, that would mean I'd leave the hospital 4 hours after a 5-6 hour surgery. NOT!!! My new date is Jan 14th and I feel so much more emotionally and physically prepared this time.

I absolutely am loving this site which I just happened upon a week or so ago. So many of you woman have gone and are going through the same thing as me. I am so comforted to hear other woman making the same decision to go through the bilateral mastectomy. Thank you all for sharing your story and being there for others who may need some comforting, supportive words.

I am 38 with 2 3 year old twins with a strong family history (my mom, my mom's sister aunt, my mom's mom, my mom's aunt had breast and later pancreatic, three of my mom's cousins, and now my mom's sister's daughter -- genetic testing showed a significant gene mutation of undetermined signifcance - not sure what that means but the medical oncologist said this info supports doing a prophylactic on left.) I decided I want to try to reduce my risk of recurrence and invasive cancer as much as possible. My doctor's told me that a mastectomy is probably the best way to go in the right due to the size of the diseased tissue which was confirmed also in an MRI, my age, and my family history. My 39 year old cousin (her mom and my aunt had cancer twice at 35 and breast and metasticized to lung at 41 is doing fine now at 54 but went through hell and back) was diagnosed with DCIS in her left (<1cm) a few weeks before me and decided to do the same surgery. It is comforting to know she is doing great. I saw her at the family Christmas Eve party and she looked a little flat and was worried when her toddler had a trantrum. The worst part she said was the drains and now the expanders and of course she misses giving her kids and husband a hug.

I do hope everyone who has had the surgery is still doing well right now, gets some sleep tonight and isn't suffering from too much pain. Those of you who haven't I wish you the best and send my hugs at least until I can't hug for a while...

MelissaD - Welcome! I have only one 3-year-old (daughter) and can't even imagine what two would be like. A blessing, I'm sure... But a lot of energy, too! Sounds like you made the right decision to delay. And wow - you're family is sure full of brave women... Amazing strength:) Just wanted to say hi - it's nice to know someone else with a little one at home during all this. Keep us posted!

Well I've spent today getting ready, as much as possible.

I got my hair cut & colored.

I ate ice cream with chunks of chocolate.

I went to the book store.

AND I stopped at a consignement shop. I bought 6 button down/zip down shirt/blouse/top/cardigans, that seemed especially the right/biggish size, overly soft, cheep and that I wouldn't have a second thought upon throwing them in the trash when I'm 'done' with them.

After all, it's all about me.

I just deplore having to tell people. Somehow telling them the second time feels like I failed them and their prayers. How's that for idiotic.? Just typing it makes me feel sad. I know that it's completely irrational, but it's soooooooo much harder this time.

I am so grateful that I have you/the collective BCO you. I have dear, sweet friends from other threads, nurtured by years of nonsense and now I have you sweet dear ones going thru the same wringer at the same time.

When ever I start to have a pity party I remind myself that I am the GRANDmother of 3 years olds and that puts everything into perspective. I wish I was more of a strength to you young moms. Just know that I am here praying for each and everyone in this boat of ours.

Welcome Melissa. I had so hoped to read that your surgery was going to be Jan 15th -- with me. It's all about me, ya know? You'll be good to go, by the time I'm heading in and that's a good thing. So glad to hear that you advocated for yourself and the timing of the surgery.

xx00xx00xx00xx00xx

I leave for Baton Rouge in the morning. Must finish packing. LOL. Hopefully I can keep updated, from my phone at the very least.

Due to my extensive travels..... I have people placing me on their prayer chains all across the country, and each time I ask them to pray for our whole January crew...... so if you feel some extra prayers headed your way, it could be the spill-over effect.

Frosty

Frosty

Frosty

Frosty!!!!!!

Fro-sty!!!!!!

Cheering, cheering, cheering.

Good luck formykids!  Thanks for this thread. 

I'm scheduled for January 14th.  My final answer is bilat mastectomy with SNB with expanders.  I may have to change my final answer if the insurance company doesn't like my final answer.  I just really want this all to be over with.  I have large breasts so getting a little smaller perkier set is about the only thing even remotely appealing through this life event.

Good luck to everyone in January...this may not be the best way to start out 2010 but I bet we end this year stronger, smarter and better than ever!   

My consignment store is 3 clicks above a Goodwill in quality, but 5 clicks below Target in price.

I think I was able to get 6 or 7 pieces for under $25.00

These pieces will hold NO emotional happiness for me, so if they are salvagable I'll just donate them, if they get gross I'll pitch them.

I did get one VERY nice lands end cardigan that I can actually envision wearing in this next chapter. It has strategic pockets and lots of design in the knitting. Totally pink, which was ironic.

It was a great solution for me.

Sleep well everyone.

I'm packed for the airport.

(What a loon, I can hear you saying that under your breath.)

Hi everyone. This is actually my first post. This thread is the reason I registered. I am feeling pretty alone and anxious. I am scheduled for bilateral mastectomy with tissue expanders Wednesday January 13th.   I don't have family other than my 11 and 13 year old kids so I am depending on friends to help me out. I don't feel quite as alone seeing everyone else facing the same thing at the same time. {hugs}

Lynbob,

You are in the right place.  I was a wreck (suppose I still am....), but am SOOOOOOO much better since finding this site.  Welcome.  You are among friends.

Ladies,

I made a request of my 'patient navigator' with oncology--I figure she knows the pathology folks at the hospital well.  She assured me she had never had this request.  Apparently, I am a freak 'cause I keep getting this stare.  However, I haven't posed it to anyone in our boat.  And my boat keeps seeming to take on water....  So here it is.  I want my breasts to be cremated and returned to me.  I figure if my dogs can be cremated and sit on the mantle, my girls can too.  They have been just as much an integral part of my life as my babies, past and present.  Then there is the conversational element in the future--'cause at some point there has got to be laughter.  

Has anyone ever asked this question--out loud or silently?  Anyone conquered it with success? I guess after reading that I am on antidepressants it only makes sense I sound crazy....  but this is a death.  Two actually.  

I pray for you all daily and nightly--Good night my January friends.   

frosty1, Will be thinking of you today...

Lynbob, my first post was yesterday so if I can say welcome, welcome. You will definitely find support here and I will be thinking about you on Wednesday as I prep for my surgery on Thursday.

TexasPeaches, love it! I can imagine the conversations, maybe even a boob shaped urn...I often want to ask if I can see the tissue before the pathologist flattens it out and rakes through it.

formykids, thanks for adding me to the list!

I find myself doing that too TexasPeaches....looking at women in a new and different way.  It seems every ad on TV or every catalog I get somehow promotes perfect boobies.  It's an epidemic out there and I hope they figure out what the hell it is.  It's not just early detection...it's something else...some other common denominator, like microwave use all these years.  Something!  I just feel like here we are in 2010 and there has to be better ways they can deal with this...like why can't they just zap those tumors until they shrivel up? 

I'm just freaking out with just a few more days to go.  I take ativan a lot and then a tylenol PM at night to sleep.  I'm over the crying part though, my goodness I didn't think that would ever stop!

Thinking of you today Frosty1

Off to the airport: Baton Rouge and kindergarten teachers, here I come!!!!!!

Prayers for all.

Strength and courage.

Strength and courage.

Strength and courage.

xx00xx00xx00xx

Lynbob. Thank goodness that you found this site and this thread within it.

We do get it.

There are entire threads of dozens & hundreds of responses of the same sentiment "what happened to my friends" or "my family can't deal" or all of the variations on the theme.

The good news is that yours is not an isolated case. The bad news is that yours is not an isolated case.

You are never alone here.

Are you aware that there is a real-time, chat function? That was my first addiction here @ BCO, the advantage is your questions & concerns are answered at the moment.

I have switched my additction to the boards, here, as it is for me an easier way to see people and their progress over time. It is a permanent addition to the community experience.

xx00xx00xx00xx00xx

Strength and courage.

Strength and courage.

Strength and courage.

frosty1 - good luck today! I am taking lots of deep breaths and sending lots of healing prayers to you!

formykids - thanks so much for providing this wonderful page. Best of luck tomorrow - we all await your update when you're up to it.

Lynbob - Welcome - I don't know how you've made it this far without much support, as wonderful as kids are, it is difficult to expose them to all the rollarcoaster has in store. You are a strong woman, my dear. Many blessings, lots of gentle hugs, and know that we are all holding your hand through this - you are not at all alone. This site has been a god-send for me. There is information on just about anything so please be sure to come back, give us an update, and ask questions on any little thing! Someone will know where to look if you can't find it yourself.

faithandfifty - happy trails!