Please help me understand w/out all the technicalities

I'm new here daughter is writing for me. Early Oct. my mothers left breast was inflamed, she thought she had an infection. Within 3 weeks her breast was very swollen and painful, dark reddish orange in color, flat nipple and a large area of pitted skin. She finally went to dr. when she developed an ulcer. Which we later found out to be an 8' tumor that ulcerated through the skin and there was an infection that needed drained. She had her biopsy a week before Thanksgiving, results are invasive ductal carcinoma with no clear margains for surgery, negative for hormone therapy. So before any scans the onco. began neoadjuvant chemo. 2 kinds every 3 weeks. Finally she had a ct and bone scan which showed thumbnail size nodes and a spot on liver which is "suspicious" Insurance denied PET scan. So onco says we will treat "as if" its in whole body.He cant give a definite stage before total masectomy and node removal, he says possible 3. Had 2 chemo treatments and yet breast still seems infected, on 3rd antibiotic. Incision hasnt closed and theres still drainage which dr. says is good. He says tumor is liquifying from treatment. We cant help but wonder if this isnt really inflammatory breast cancer WITH A TUMOR or is the biopsy truely accurate. Just wish we knew "true" stage and what to expect instead of constantly wondering what is truely inside the body. Trying to be positive about this but scared, cant help but feel like being poisoned by the chemo..I know crazy right. Any advice or more understanding would be greatly appreciated, if you can maybe help figure out how to better stage this cancer, we know its not a clinical staging but if she could "feel" better prepared at what shes facing instead of saying OK to whatever dr.'s says. Thanks (and by saying without technicalities, I mean language I can understand not doctor language..)