1st Mammo since DX December 2008

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jancie
jancie Member Posts: 2,631
edited June 2014 in IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)

I didn't sleep well last night even though I drugged myself heavily.

They took pictures, the radiologist looked at them and ordered more pictures.

By then I was in tears.  This is exactly the same thing that happened when they told me I had BC last year.

Took some more pictures, radiologist looked at them and ordered an ultrasound.  I am bawling by now.  Why?  I have no clue, I did chemo, surgery, and radiation - surely my cancer couldn't have come back again so soon?  

I had to drive myself but my hubby did meet me at the breast center so I couldn't take any valium but I did take some lortabs which helped with the pain of getting my boobs squished.

Good news - is that my mammo and ultrasound did come out clear.  I guess they wanted to double check and triple check.  I should be thankful that they are watching me so closely but dangit, I was so scared that when I came home and ate lunch, I immediately threw up.

I knew ahead of time by reading posts here that it is normal to go through major anxiety.  I guess I am normal.

I wanted to some home and just curl up in bed the rest of the day but had to take my stepson to the dentist.  When I finally did get back home I layed in bed for 4 hours straight.  I feel a little bit better but not ready to eat yet.

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  • NativeMainer
    NativeMainer Member Posts: 10,462
    edited December 2009

    The first mammo is the hardest, and it is horrible.  They ALWAYS do extra pictures, often order ultrasound, and NEVER explain that they are just being thorough.  I, too, was crying during my first (from the pain, had lymphedema in the breast), bawling and shaking so hard when they took me back for more pictures I could barely walk, very nearly fainted while sitting in the waiting room after the extra films.  I have mammograms scheduled the same day as the doctor's appointment and take the films to the doctor, so get a full read the same day.  I also have someone drive me so I can take xanax, and I still bawl through the whole thing.  But it does get a litter easier after the first one. 

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  • otter
    otter Member Posts: 6,099
    edited December 2009

    Aw, jancie, ... hugs to you!  (Gentle ones.)

    You know we all know how scary it is, to have that first post-tx mammogram.  Heck, the second one isn't all that much better.  As I've said elsewhere, my BS assured me it does get better with time, though.

    One thing I would suggest is that you tell the rad techs up-front that you need to know exactly what is going on.  Appeal to their humanity (if they have any); tell them you're a weak person and need their help; whatever it takes ... but try to get them to understand how scared you are.  Sure, they've seen it all, and everyone is scared, etc.; but try to convince them that they, personally, can help you through this if they will lead you through it (so to speak). 

    I've found that I am much better off if the tech (or the doctor, or nurse, etc.) explains exactly what is happening and why it's being done. None of this cr*p about "I need to take another picture."  Tell me why, and don't mince words.  Heck -- I've had cancer, and I've gone through chemo.  I'm not a total wimp.  But, I am a bit fragile with certain things, like post-tx mammograms.

    The tech who did my first post-tx mammo told me the job applicants at my breast center are grilled about their sensitivity and concern for patients. If they don't pass the test, or if they give any indication later on that they are not totally committed to patient care and comfort, "they are gone" (in her words).

    Dark chocolate can help.

    otter

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  • otter
    otter Member Posts: 6,099
    edited December 2009

    jancie and NativeMainer, I just wanted to add this confession:  I understand that, even if they do tell you what they're doing and why they're doing it, it's still very scary when they add extra views or procedures.  Someone on these boards said we really suffer from a type of post-traumatic stress disorder.  That means we re-live the original terror each time something similar happens.  I don't know how to fix that, except to have a safety net and some comfort foods waiting for me. And to know that time will soothe the fears.

    More hugs...

    otter 

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  • jancie
    jancie Member Posts: 2,631
    edited December 2009

    NativeMainer - Thanks for sharing your experience and words of encouragement.  I wish they had told me upfront they would be doing an ultrasound after the mammo - at least then I wouldn't have been sitting there wondering if they had "found" something on the films.  At least I know what to experience 6 months from now and dangit - next time my hubby is going to drive me so I can take some valium!  I am not one to cry easily but those tears just flowed out of control.  The raw emotional feeling is something I won't forget anytime soon.

    Otter - I have to say the techs are wonderful at the breast care center.  The first one back a year ago was so nice.  I had a new tech and she was hugging me, checking on me after she sent my hubby away for a short period of time to make sure I was ok.  When  I started crying she immediately got some kleenex for me and had so many kind words for me.  When she had to use the small paddles and it hurts so much more she would get me set up and almost run to the machine to take the picture as quick as possible.  I had warned her up front that I had a zero tolerance for pain so she tried everything she could do to make it as painless as possible.  Although I think I was pretty darn smart to take some lortabs before the test!  I really think it helped lessen the pain.

    I will definately ask them next time before they start exactly what they are planning on doing.  It didn't occur to me that an ultrasound after the mammo is routine procedure.  I was having some pain in my armpit area so it makes sense looking back now that they would want to ultrasound that area to check my lymph nodes.  Still don't know why I have that pain.  It is not cording, BTDT, so I know what that feels like and I haven't done anything physically demanding to have cording going on.

    My petscan is scheduled for January 4th.  Yippeee....another frightful day to look forward to.

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  • jancie
    jancie Member Posts: 2,631
    edited December 2009

    Otter - we were posting at the same time Laughing  I have more chocolate at my house right now than I know what to do with!  I wanted so bad to go see my horse today but she is up in the mountains and it is snowing down here in the Valley - I can't get my car up the canyons safely.  They are expecting about 2' of snow in the mountains today and more tomorrow.  Between chocolate and my horse I am able to somehow keep some sense of sanity.

    I am still suffering from major fatigue so because I am snowbound today I took some ritalin and am getting some housework done instead.  I am sure my dh will appreciate that when he comes home.  He started doing the laundry this weekend for me without even saying anything at all.  I typically run our laundry during the week so my stepson has total access to the washer/dryer on the weekends to do his laundry.

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  • SharonS
    SharonS Member Posts: 326
    edited January 2010

    Hi Otter - Haven't been on in a bit...my 2 year mammo is coming up and I am pretty freaked out.  I feel good and am still trying to be healthy....but this still gets to me as that is how they found my cancer.  Hope you are doing well

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