Starting Chemo April 2009

Chelev...found you on facebook and sent a friend request....! 

Judy...facebook is free!   My kids don't really like me having an account..but well..it's not that big a deal..they call me a creeper!

Helen...hang in there sweetie....we are all here for you.,.,..hug those grandkids tight...sometimes they can just make living worthwhile....I don't have any yet...but sometimes...I think...that sure would be cool  my daughter isn't even engaged yet (but may be soon)....I am ready to be grandma...I guess!

Back to chemo....has anyone told you that your complexion is great?  Isn't that weird but my face looks younger than pfc....weird....I guess if there is any good (besides killing cancer cells that is)...have no wrinkles is one of them!

Dawn...how is your son's soccer going?   I miss hearing about him...

Hi girls!

I haven't been on this thread in ever so long, but when I saw it bumped to the top, I realized that you are still going strong!  I have only read back a little bit, but I saw your pictures and you all are so darned gorgeous - it is hard to believe that just a few months ago we all were searching our mirrors for signs of hair, and look at you now!  Beautiful women, inside and out.   Happy New Year!  Bye-bye 2009.  Tammy

Ladies - just when I thought all this stuff was behind me - I have most likely got a UTI  and...I have all this bleeding down there - doc that saw me today said  the 'area' is raw from being all dried out from Tamox plus all the wiping from all the peeing I was doing from drinking water trying to flush out the infection. What a mess. The blood really freaked me out - it was REALLY RED which is very disconcerting. Sorry for all the TMI in this message but I hope you understand, I just need to get it out. I have an antibiotic for the UTI and am trying to 'baby' myself down there to let things heal. But it sucks and I feel shaky and unsettled tonight, like I am back in the 'patient role' all over again. I HATE that role.

Also , the nurse practioner I saw today was the same one who I asked about the lump last year right at this time, which led to the BC dx.  BEing back there in that room and seeing her brought it all rushing back to me and was pretty upsetting as well, but I just tried to put it out of my mind and focus on the problem at hand (which was upsetting enough in its own right).
What a day.

 BUT she did say that she will order a TVUS (trans vaginal ultrasound) every year to check on what my organs look like in there. My onc said he would not do that, as it 'isn't the standard of care' but she said she will, and I am glad about that. She is wonderful and an awesome care provider. I just wish this didn't happen. I feel run down and not like myself.

At least I can sleep well tonight knowing that the bleeding isn't anything serious. She said it was vulvar lacerations or something like that.

Wow, I just popped in here to check on you all and mention that I saw my onc yesterday and am now lined up for a zillion scans -- the PET, Bone, CT, another MUGA (huh?!) to see how the cancer we already know about its doing, plus also a pulmononary function test: I've had shortness of breath recently, so how bad is it, and do I have lung mets? :-P

Testing starts next week (1/11/10) and runs through 2/11/10, and my next onc appointment, which is when I get the results of all that testing, will be 2/18/10. 

But anyway -- hi again Geri and Tammy! Yup, long time no see. Glad you're doing OK.

Amy! You're gonna get the DILDO-CAM (the transvaginal ultrasound)! LOL! After my last CT scan (August 09) turned up a suspicion of fibroid tumors, my onc sent me for both transabdominal and transvaginal pelvic ultrasounds, so I've had it (and yes, these scans confirmed I do have fibroids).

I got the expression "dildo-cam" from one of my net buddies who had several of both kinds of pelvic ultrasounds during her problematic pregnancy (her baby turned out to be OK but was still born a couple months premature) -- and when I had mine, I instantly saw why my friend called it the dildo-cam! It even wore a condom! LOL. My Pack Rat got a kick out of it when I told him about it. Sorry about the blood and pain and Tamox complications which are a prelude to this, though -- that's horrible and I hope you get better soon. Somehow my Tamox SEs (the hot flashes -- they're awful, they wake me up in the middle of the night, but so far they're the only out-of-control problem I seem to be having from taking Tamoxifen) suddenly don't seem AS bad when I read about this.

Yup I'm still hideous without my wig of course, so Helen, I'm still with you on that one, not opening my door without the wig on, much less going out and doing things.

Till next time....

 ~Lena. 

Hey all...those of you with hair.. has your hair started to get curly? About two weeks ago I went from straight to curly, curly, curly. It's bazaar. I've always had wavey hair, never curly hair. I'm hoping more weight will settle it down. TG for product.

Amy - how are you doing today? Sending hugs.

Hi all

Betsy - good to hear from you. My hair seems to be thick with a wave, but no real curls yet - I am hoping it will not become too curly - I will keep you posted. Am I a few weeks behind you? I am just over 5 months pfc.

Amy - how are you feeling?

Geri - good to hear from you! You are so right, this thread has the most amazing group of women on it!

I am doing ok, although these past few days, I have had stomach issues again! I can hardly believe it. I had hardly had any heartburn and this week, has not been good. It has also heightened my sense of smell again! Like I said, 10 steps backwards (well, maybe not 10...).

Hope everyone has a good weekend,

Hugs, Judy xoxox

It's sorta like coming home -  regrouping on this thread.  We all are close to our "cancerversaries" and with that date comes all kinds of memories that virtually wash over us - do you find they come in waves? Sometimes it's walking into the building or room where we had a biopsy, or were diagnosed.  Sometimes it's seeing the face of a nurse or the radiologist who read our mammogram.  Sometimes it's a smell, or a song, or the sound of the phone ringing that reminds you of "the call."  We have made it through some of the most mind-blowing, irreversible, unbelievable things.  But look: Lena is still making us laugh, and thank goodness, Amy is healing, and Geri is grateful, and Betsy is revelling in her curly hair, and Judy is taking (five?) steps forward and (three?) steps back, Helen is lovin' her grandkids,Chelev is lookin' like a movie star in her "bob" haircut, Titan is glad to be living in Ohio instead of Buffalo and I'm in Buffalo just happy to be livin'.  May the sun shine on all of you.  Tammy

Tammy, thanks for your posting, it was wonderful and warming!

This morning, I sat down with my 2009 planner and made a note of all the dates that we don't want to ever have to relive - for example, diagnosis, surgery, first treatment, hair falling out etc. Now we have made the list, we are hoping to mark each one of them with something that we can do together either as a family or a couple which will be fun and memorable for a good reason! If anyone else is doing this, I would love to hear your ideas : )

Take care all of you wonderful ladies!

Hugs, Judy xxx

Judi - what a GREAT idea - substituting happy associations on those certain days instead of the terrible ones from last year.  I have a few days in mind myself and hadn't given much thought to this but now I am going to deliberately plan GOOD things on those days to override the previous memories.

Just one more way this board has helped me so much.

Hope you are all doing well. I am feeling so much better and more back to my regular happy self.

Oh Lena...we are NOT celebrating those awful dates of a year ago...I'm just thankful that those dates are behind me now (and least I hope) and that I can go out on 1/19 and have some fun..because one year ago on that date I was freaking and this year...well..I'm not as much....so much better to know what is going on rather than to NOT know...does that make sense ..probabably not...

Glad to hear you are using conditioner....and shaving...it just feels good to do those normal every day things....I put conditioner on my bald head this summer..just to go through the motions of being normal.....!

 Where is everyone?   Is everyone keeping warm?  After some very cold weather and snow in Ohio my DH and I went walking OUTSIDE today!  The sun was out and I swear it was at least 40 degrees!   Got some Vit D 3!   The only problem was I was all covered up..too cold to go out walking half naked...at least in January! 

Is anyone else gaining weight?  I swear I'm an eating machine...I just can't seem to get enough food.... I am 5 ft. 5 inches...weigh 145 lbs...weighed 130 one year ago...people tell me that I look healthy!   Whatever...not too sure if healthy is having..what do "they" call them....love handles around my hips...they are freaking me out....I almost feel like I waddle when I walk...but someone told me that gaining weight is "good" after cancer...so...I guess these love handles are good...but I don't like them...!

Hi all, I am also eating alot. It could be the cold weather too! I find that I struggle to maintain my weight, but I also try not to be too hard on myself. People say it is good to see me so "healthy", but that is compared to how I looked during treatment. The weather just says to me "drink hot chocolate and eat lots of cakes and cookies!!" Does that happen to anyone else?

Hugs to all for a good weekend, Judy xoxox

One year ago today I found that freaking lump....the first thing I did this morning was feel myself up....so far so good...my dh and I took the kids out for breakfast,.they are both going back to school tomorrow..then cooking out some t-bones tonight..yes even in January in Ohio...I bought a couple of new bras today too...on of my girls is now bigger than the other one...oh well!  Kinda icky weather wise here but I'll take today over one year ago today!

Amy...are you all cleared up with your UTI? 

Titan - yes I am feeling all better, thank you. It was a tough week but now is in the rear view mirror and I am moving forward again.  I did find something onilne called D-Mannose which is a natural product that is supposed to help clear up a UTI if you take it in the beginning and avoid needing antibiotics. I am going to keep some in the house and try it next time (if there is a next time).

Well that's a relief, Titan! Though, Judy, I don't think ANYTHING will ever "compensate" for being diagnosed and then going into treatment for this disease! I wouldn't even know where to start to try. But, that's just me.



Titan, Amy and Judy, you can add me to the list of weight-gainers. GRRR! >:-P At the time I was diagnosed, and all the way through chemo (the April - July 6 rounds of TAC), I was at the top end of what I didn't mind living with in terms of my weight (Midsection from Hell). That is to say, IDEALLY, I'd have weighed ~125 instead of ~135 and NOT been thick through the middle, but I was still able to accept and tolerate my body as it was. Once in a very blue moon, I could even look at my body and think that for a woman my age (to me 40+ is "old"), it wasn't too terrible even. But NOW? UGGGH! I am a fat DISGUSTING SLOB, which is like adding insult to the injury of the ugly short-hairedness, and yes, this is contributing to my not being able to stand the sight of myself. Of course in my case I don't know if it's Tamoxifen or "quit smoking" weight...but it's there, and naturally it all piled up on the one and only place on my whole body that I'm fat -- my Midsection from Hell.



Actually, I think it's mostly quit smoking weight, because for the first time I can remember in my adult life, I picked up a nasty little habit of "comfort eating" which I don't recall ever having when I used to smoke. They sell these mini-muffins at my supermarket's bakery section (corn, blueberry, banana nut) which I really like but (up till recently) would only rarely buy. Well, I started buying them again my last few trips to the supermarket, and while I originally used to buy them at intervals of once a month to 6-8 weeks to bring in to work "for everybody" in my department (so I myself would only eat a couple of them) and then once in awhile when my Pack Rat was visiting (he likes the banana nut ones), NOW, here I go like a pig: I can eat through a whole package of 20 mini-muffins in 3 or 4 days! :-O I don't have a scale here, but I get weighed every time I go to the oncologist's, and while I stayed in the ~135 range on chemo and even on Tamoxifen before I stopped smoking, at my last onc appointment (1/5/10) the number on the scale was 150 -- take off 3 pounds for the winter clothes I was all bundled up in so I weigh 147. UGGGGH! And it looks DISGUSTING, I can SEE it every time I take off my clothes to get in the shower! ::::shudder::::



And I better stop talking about these damn muffins not just because I should "stop" eating them, period, but also because I have a PET scan today and not only am I totally "off" from not being allowed to have my morning coffee, but I sure as hell CAN'T have a muffin either.



~Lena.