So Depressed!! Help me!!

Zoe(always loved that name after having a Greek American friend named Zoe in my youth)

My heart goes out to you. We will all tell you that dealing with the emotional aspects of cancer are sometimes the hardest.  The one good thing is that it teachers us what is important in life and who the important people are. I have learned to shed all the toxic people. Those are the people who were not there for me when I needed them. It is really liberating. Give it a try!

As for the depression. The thing that saved me was walking. Not only does exercise release the feel good endorphins in our brain, it does wonders for our health. I literally walked my way out of cancer. I walked every single day, even in a foot of snow and temps well below freezing. So no excuses for you! You have the advantage of living in one of the most beautiful topographies and climates in the world. Get out and take advantage of it. Breathe in that fresh sea air. Feel the warmth of the sun on you and just glory in each day that you are blessed to enjoy it. How I envy you! Just a picture of that beautiful scenery that you must be looking at fills me with awe. As I walked, it gave me the time to really work through all my emotions. It took me months, but eventually I found peace  and I came out a happier person that I ever was before. If this guy is not there for you now, when you need him the most, then he is not worthy of you. When you get yourself well, you will find a guy who deserves you. We women are not defined by our breasts. We are incredibly strong and beautiful on the inside too, and when you find a guy who sees your inner beauty, then you will have your soul mate.

I am going for a walk now in the snow and I will say a prayer for you and pretend I am in Greece! LOL

Have a beautiful New Year. God bless.

zoegr ~  I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time, and waiting for things to move along due to a long holiday weekend makes it even harder.  I'm also very sorry that your long-distance boyfriend appears to be fading into the background when you need him the most.  However, as hard as it might be to hear, it's probably better to find out his true colors now, rather than to continue to believe he's more committed than he actually was.  If he really cares about you, he'll be back after he gets it sorted out in his head.  I'm also wondering if maybe it wasn't the breast cancer as much as your suggesting a visit to the UK that may have scared him away?  Have you visited him in the UK before?  If not, are you sure everything he's told you about himself -- his marital status, job, living arrangements, etc. -- has been truthful?   Just a thought...

As far as your emotional state right now, many women dealing with bc need and get temporary help from an anti-anxiety drug, like Atvian, or even a natural supplement product that will help to relax you.

Other than that, we're here for you!  I actually spent a year in Greece (many years ago!), and still feel a connection to it.  There is also at least one other gal on BCO who is from Greece -- I think her i.d. is vivo.  Hopefully, she'll also see your post and want to offer her support ~  Deanna

I'm very depressed too.  I'm dealing with my 2nd recurrence and they want me to take tamoxifen while the bumps (all in the incision line from the 2nd lumpectomy) keeps spreading.  They've already been biopsied, so I know it's cancer.

My boyfriend lives across the country and had dislocated his shoulder, so he can't come out.  I have no friends or family nearby.  I'm struggling financially, and just feel so hopeless.  Like there's no point in living.

I don't know what I'm going to do.  They are planning a mastectomy now for March and then radiation - which is supposed to cause exhaustion and depression!  Right now I can't get out of bed or brush my teeth most days, so I don't know how I will survive this.

Dear Zoe & Ihatepink,

This is, undoubtedly, the most difficult thing you will ever go through.  "The Holidays" don't make it any easier - everyone is expected to be happy and full of joy - and that is not the case when you are facing a mountain to climb.  I agree with vivre, walking is wonderful.  It clears your head and gives you a new perspective on things.  I had surgery in March '09 - again in April '09 followed by chemo and rads.  Finished all tx in mid-August - now just taking tamox.  I think I can finally say that I am over the hump.  My energy is back, I feel well and everyone says I look good!  My hair has grown back short, sassy and curly and you know what?  I like it!  Cancer has forced me to look at life a lot differently now.  I am definitely a stronger person because of it. You both will get to that point someday, but right now you are in the middle of a life-altering journey.  Be good to yourself ... allow yourself moments of sadness, because this is sad.  But try to find something positive each day.  I know its easier said than done, but you have to try.  I used to say to myself "what is the alternative?" 

Tender hugs and heartfelt prayers to you both,

Nancy

ihatepink,

{HUGS} 

I am so sorry you are going through this again.  I know what you are dealing with has got to be rough, and I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you. 

When I started chemo, it seemed that my family deserted me, and most of the friends who were there for me at the time of my diagnosis disappeared from my life.  I felt very much alone.   It was difficult, just trying to get through the worst point of my life, without friends and family near.  It didn't help that my husband and I were having to deal with a long distance relationship then, because I moved to NC, while he was still in the Navy, stationed in DC. 

Things seemed pretty bleak at first, but then I just kept putting one foot in front of the other, and somehow, I got through it.  Exercise helped.  I walked every day. 

I can't say that I know what you are going through, but I just want you to know that I am thinking of you, and praying for you.  If you need a shoulder to cry on, I'm here.  You can pm me if you like. 

Hugs & Prayers,

Harley

One of the things that really bugs me about our medical care is that they continue to treat our illnesses but not US. Doctors do not bother to check our deficiences with blood and urine tests that would help tremendously with how we are feeling, both physically and emotionally. Do you gals know your Vit D levels and the difference raising it will make in your prognosis and in your emotional health? Do you know what your magnesium levels are and how much low magnesium contributes to depression? Do you know what your iodine levels are and how the lack of iodine can cause a whole slew of health problems, and as a natural fungicide, will actually help to combat cancer cells? Have you tried massage therapy, yoga, acupuncture, etc? I never got into this stuff before, but when I tried them, I could not believe how invigorated they made me feel. I bet there are yoga studies who would be happy to give a few free classes to cancer patients. Just ask. A lot of the depression drugs are good at treating symptoms but they do not address the underlying causes. We get cancer because somehow, our systems are out of whack, and the only way things will get better is if we figure out how to find balance again. If you do not have a doctor who can help you with this, you need to find one. I doctor shopped for a while until I found ones who are holistic minded and could actually help me get well again. I also read everything I could about beating cancer. The more I read, the more I learned. I started to add all kinds of things to my arsenal. We are in war you know. We cannot get very far in this battle if we remain empty handed. We need all the weapons we can get. Everytime I added a new one, whether it wasVit D or iodine, or a longer walk, I felt empowered. Cancer will not beat you if you do not let it win. Oh, I know, people will still die of cancer, but there is still victory in overcoming all the daily trials and tribulations and giving cancer the finger every time we win little victories.

I agree with Annette that the hardest part is emotional. But I can tell you that coming to terms with that part is why I feel cured today. The doctors could not fix me, only I could. Walking enabled me to reflect on my life and remember what my dreams were and to not quit, but go for it. My new outlook has led me in a totally different direction and brought so many wonderful new people into my life. For that reason, cancer was a blessing to me. Not that I would ever admit I am glad I got it, but I know that the lifestyle changes I have made, not only made me a better and happier person, but probably kept me from getting diabetes or heart disease.

We all have a special gift that can make this world a better place. I hope you gals will not give up on yourselves. You will get through these treatments and come out stronger and wiser and then you can give the gift of yourself to others. My heart goes out to you all. God Bless

Wow Vivre.........that was beautiful......I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks for years before I got bc so it was a double whammy for me when i was dx....I also started walking every day regardless of weather, eating healthy, and taking just about every supplement know....somehow it makes me feel like I am doing something to help....You gave great advice and your post should be an encouragement to us all....hugs to all....Claudia

Vivre

Thanks for your message... 

I have upped my vitamin D.  I asked my dr. to test my D levels...  my primary care dr. didn't really think it was necessary, but he did it anyway.  Then my onc. also measured my D levels, and even though they were NORMAL, they were still LOW NORMAL...  so I am taking 6000 IU of D, and I may take up to 10,000 IU.   I already feel lots better emotionally.  I had been thinking of adding an anti depressant, but I think I'll just try the D for awhile.  I also exercise, but am having trouble with motivation in the Winter months, because it's so cold.  After I send this message, I think I'll go out for a walk. 

Annettie,

I don't think my insurance would allow me to see a naturopathic dr., but I've started doing some research, and I've added some supplements to my ever growing list of vitamins, supplements and pills that I take.   I know that it can be confusing, so what I've been doing is just researching, researching, researching.  If I am not sure whether to add a supplement, I just do some more research, and just waiting helps, because alot of times I decide that it may be a good supplement for SOME to take, maybe it's not for me.  I just take baby steps in this area.

I have gone through the dark period, when I was first dx'd, so I understand feeling all alone.  I didn't have anyone to really help me emotionally.  I am taking things one day at a time, and that helps.  I had been so worried, thinking about the future and being scared about what MIGHT happen.  

A famous person was quoted as saying "I've worried about lots of stuff in my life, and MOST of these things NEVER happened."  That helped me tremendously.

I am glad to see that you are feeling better.  Hang in there. 

Hugs

Harley

Has anyone ever heard of taking passion flower drops for anxiety ????Some sites say it is as beneficial as xanax or any other anxiety drug without the side effects...I know you can buy it at a health food store but I don't want to take it unless I rescearch it more......Am anxious to hear your comments...My thoughts and prayers go out to all the gals that are going through deep water at this time......it does get better......a bc sister...Claudia

I third and fourth the walking.  Gets you outdoors and has you interact with others.  My oncologist checked my vitamin D levels and since they were in the toilet, I was put on that.  Now down to 2000 IUs per day.

Once I knew my diagnosis for sure, I reached out to my friends via the Internet and held a Global Virtual Wine Party to celebrate successful completion of my surgery.  I will hold two more, one when I finish chemo and the other when I finish radiation.  I will participate in both. 

I am fortunate in that Main Squeeze still finds me more than desirable even with the scar across my left breast, and minus most my hair.  Nothing like a few Os to brighten my mood.

Dear Ihatepink (love that name BTW).....one of my friends found out her cancer had spread when she went in for foot surgery of all things.  She had the cancer lesions removed and took Tamixofen.  She has been fine now for a number of years.  So you need to create an unfavorable environment for cancer to develop.  Tamixofen will do that, or in my case, it will be aromatase inhibitors.

When I was certain I would be going down this path, I went on a three day cycling holiday with a group.  I told them the deal, and that I was there to heal.  It was the best thing I could have done for myself as put me in sunshine and light (could use some today here in Seattle) and prepared me mentally for the journey ahead.

As for the recent holidays, mine were wonderful.  Had Christmas dinner with friends (supplied the Christmas Pudding and Hard Sauce), saw some of the holiday sights around Seattle (candlelit walk around Green Lake), and spent New Year's Eve with two neighbors.  The skies parted shortly after midnight to reveal the Blue Moon in all her glory.  I consider that a harbinger of wonderful things to come.

Hugs to all of you going down this journey alone. - Claire

One of the best things to help with anxiety is magnesium. I cannot believe the calming effect it has had on me. The more I read about it, the more I realize that mag deficiency signs were there for me and probably contributed to my bc. Read about it:

http://www.naturalnews.com/024847_magnesium_insulin_medicine.html

http://magnesiumforlife.com/ 

http://magnesiumforlife.com/medical-application/magnesium-in-neurological-diseases-and-emotions/ 

You do not have to buy it from those sites. I buy mine locally, but there is good info here about the importance of mg and mental health. It also is a natural sleep aid. My doctor gave me a script for xanax. I tried it a couple of time but I would wake up in a total fog so I went to melatonin instead. It worked well for me. It does make you dream some weird stuff sometimes though. And for melatonin to work, the room must be totally dark, not even light from a clock, or it interferes.

Sometimes I think I am crazy to still come here, since I am well, and really not even afraid of the return of the beast, but posts like some of you gals here, just tug at my heart. I remember all too well how I was feeling two years ago, like I would never get over it, but I feel so great now that I have tamed the beast, and I just want to encourage others that you will be able to get through this if you just keep taking one step forward every day. I came to the point that I just was so happy that I had caught my cancer early enough that I could live to tell about it. I know what I went through pales in comparison to many of you, but the emotional battle is just as scary for all of us, when we have no idea what is ahead. And I know that even if I was a latter stage, I would be fighting with the whole aresenal. The one person whom I admired most, and whom I try to pay tribute to every time I reach out to others, in her name, is FLLady. She was stage 4 for over 4 years, after her doctors told her 4 months, and she never ever quit. She read all she could, tried every thing she could, both alternative and standard, and astonished her doctors. Whats more, she came here all the time, and fought so many nasty nasty comments because she would link to all sorts of treatments that others dispelled. If you really want to be motivated, go back and read some of her posts.

God how I miss that courageous, and inspirational woman.

Also, there is a great thread that is just about motivation and if you want some help on nutrition and supplements, join us on the natural girls thread.

No one knows what you are going through except those of us who have been there. Keep asking for support. We are here to hold each other up.

Vivre

You must continue to post and help us with direction, I am a well educated, smart, savvy women but putting this all together is overwelming. I continue to push my Docs but putting all the supp's and progesterone and estriol etc etc is a lot and i am just not sure what the first step is.

Your posts are awesome and I too believe we can get to feeling better than we did before.

sharing your ideas and reminding us big steps you might have taken to put it all together is helpful.

Thanks

Vivre, I forgot to mention earlier that I am taking supplements for vit. D  5000 IU's and natural magnesium 400 mg. I, also, take sam-E with a vit. B-50 complex that is good for pain for I have fibromyalgia, also. I take a multi-vitamin and fish oil, also. My pharmacist gave me a supplement called IP-6 & Inositol which is s'pose to boost natural killer-cell activity. He gave me a vegetable drink powder with mangosteen in it and he gave me raw apple cider vinegar to make a cocktail out of and a vit.C powder everyday. Maybe I'm not taking enough of the D and mag? How do I know what is too much? How much mag do you take for your anxiety? I've wondered about my iodine levels and didn't know that they could cause a slew of problems if they were low. The tap water where I live smells of chlorine. Sometimes it smells just like it came out of a bleach bottle. So I've been drinking filtered water from my fridge hoping that the chlorine has been filtered but still not comfortable with it.

I'm not sure what the safe levels of all this stuff is and what interacts with what. I think I'll ask my pharmacist. I thank you for bringing this all to my attention and so glad you are healed and able to give us this advice. Thank you for the websites, also. 

Annettie