Diagnosed and not Worried

Count me in this naturally upbeat group.  I was shocked and numb at diagnosis time, but since then have been, 95% of the time, remarkably positive about my prognosis and ultimate outcome.  It helps that since diagnosis things have gone well: no pain from the SLN bx, nodes were clear, very few SE's from chemo (so far, but I've had only 1 tx), I got in the arm I was interested in for a clinical trial. 

I work in research as a statisician for a behavioral geneticist - so I am naturally drawn to all the stats in BC and actually enjoy poring over the models and numbers.  I take as a silver lining in this whole process that I am learning a lot of interesting things.  It's the science project I never wanted to be in, but while I'm here I can't help but enjoy reading some of the papers.  And yeah, sometimes I get scared, but I move on from that pretty quickly, most of the time.

When I emailed close friends to let them know of my dx and choice of treatment paths, etc., one friend emailed back to say that he was amazed at the tone of my email, he said it was as if I were describing a grand adventure I was going on rather than dealing with a potentially life-threatening disease.  Maybe I am nuts.  Maybe someday this cancer will kill me.  But I don't really believe that.

Hey writer.  They will follow your lead. It is ok if they freak out at first we all had family do that I believe. This is in the beginning after dx. After that they and you will get all the info on treatment and prognosis and then get on with it.  If you are ok they will be ok.  To be honest I complained so little during all the crap that is treatment that I feel like I am paying for it a little now.  Especially at work.  Everyone thinks I had a head cold I believe because I have found that if someone has cramps we are getting them a cake and a get well card and they treat me sometimes like I was out of work "finding myself" in Europe or something while in actuality I was" finding" my bald head and  bone loss and reconstructed boobies.  This is not your question though, sorry about that, what I am trying to say is that if you are ok your family will regroup and be fine too.  Laugh, cry, feel whatever you need to during this but don't let the months that you are in treatment go by without finding joy.  I am not a parent so I think that may be a more complex situation then just smiling to make them feel better.  Of course they will worry about you like crazy but seeing you being as normal as possible will made everyone relax. Best wishes. 

Hope I'm not doing anyone (including myself) a disservice by not reading all of the posts (I am really a very intermittent poster these days) but I just saw CoolBreeze's post and it reminded me so much of my experience with the whole thing.  Once I was finally diagnosed, I was nothing but positive.  Maybe I'm pie-in-the-sky also, but I never got down or depressed.  I considered having BC a minor inconvenience and never asked "why me".  Instead, I figured, why NOT me!   I had two mastectomies (one elective), all of my lymph nodes removed on one side, chemo before and after surgery, radiation, herceptin, I'm on arimidex, and I had reconstruction surgery a year and a half after radiation.  I never thought of any of it as anything but a bump in the road.  I have been optimistic from jump street and decided that none of it would get the best of me.  And it didn't.  I never took time out of work when I was on chemo (except the time it took to get the chemo!).  I had a fantastic experience with the whole thing.  I consider myself so lucky and blessed.  I had a tremendous support group but really preferred to rely on myself and not bring others down.  My biggest fight was getting my family to let me have some indendence in the process!! 

There is no correct way to process BC.  But I really loved reading CoolBreeze's post because I felt like an oddity when I was going through the process just because I didn't find anyone else who was quite so breezy about the whole thing!  I know I was in the vast minority - but it does feel good knowing that there are others out there who totally understand how my psyche worked during the process; and knowing that theirs worked the same way!

Good luck to us all.  I live KNOWING the cure is right around the corner.

Trisha

Writer - I'm treated at UCLA also - my BC surgeon is Raquel Prati and my oncologist is Sara Hurvitz, who trained under Herceptin inventor Dennis Slamon.  I'm in a trial at UCLA that adds Tykerb (chemical name: lapatinib) to the "standard of care" for HER2+ patients of TCH.  I think your drug is Avastin.  My trial is neo-adjuvant and you already had surgery, right, so of course you couldn't have done that one.  Sara Hurvitz is heading up both trials, I believe.

The team at UCLA is great - you're right, it is terrific to be with a team that is doing cutting edge research.  Good luck with your treatments, you and I both are in great hands.  There is plenty to be optimistic about!

Writer I have had one chemo tx, my second is Jan 7.  I am taking taxotere, carboplatin and Herceptin (abbreviated TCH) and the trial drug Tykerb.  I had a pretty easy time of it for the first tx, I was a little tired and achy for days 3-6 and then bounced back 100%.  I haven't had much hair loss yet, but I think it will start going this week.  I'm ready with the headcovers & wigs and what not.

Regarding research, get Robert Bazell's book on the development of Herceptin, it's a pretty interesting read.

Hey I was in your neck of the wood today - I've lived in LA since 2000, but just today made my first trip to the Gamble House - amazing place.

Good luck with your treatments, and feel free to PM me anytime!

Sue

I had a moderately hard time with chemo - no hospitalizations but I was pretty weak, anemic and low on magnesium by the end of it. An odd reaction to either the carboplatin or Neupogen would cause me to have sudden nausea and vomiting late in my cycle. I'd feel okay and then suddenly be sick before I had time to take anti-nausea medicine. I was a bit worried at the end of chemo about how weak my leg muscles had gotten and how long it would take to get strength back, but between week 5 and 6 after chemo most of it came back. I think getting my magnesium levels back up helped.

I worked through treatment - though sometimes during chemo I worked a pretty short day and took the occasional day off. Rads fortunately went very easily. I didn't have any tiredness from rads. 

People generally took their attitude from me. I worried about my husband because he is the type to put on a strong face to try and help me through but be worrying inside. I've been done with treatment long enough now that that would have shown up and he seems to have come through fine. My kids (all adults) were fine, my toddler granddaughter didn't seem bothered by my bald head. I didn't have to tell my parents - my Mom died long ago and my Father is kind of senile and barely seems to remember that I exist.

One of my sisters was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer a few years ago and is in remission with a targeted drug so stage I breast cancer seems relatively minor in comparison. Recently, the mother in law of one of my son's found stage IV ovarian cancer and had pretty massive internal surgery to remove what they could find. I've been able to help with some info because her chemo will be with similar drugs but her surgery has been difficult to recover from to get to chemo. She has been told that it is likely to kill her within 5 years. A less than 10% chance of recurrence seems pretty good in comparison.

A man in one group I work with had had treatment for stage IV prostate cancer a few years before and was back looking fine. During my chemo, it recurred and he was restarting chemo. He died within a couple of months. That was one of the hardest times for those around me - he'd had cancer, got better and then it killed him. Some were afraid that the same might happen to me. I tried to gently point out that there is a big difference in the risk for stage IV cancer coming back and stage I and that there was very effective chemo plus a targeted drug for my cancer and they seem okay now.

This weekend when we were talking about cancer (one of my son's in-laws is in treatment for stage IV cancer right now so it's at the front of their minds),I came up with a way of helping my family visualize how small my tumor was. My pinky finger is about 1 cm wide so my invasive cancer was smaller than the tip of my pinky.

Well....mine has been a ROLLER COASTER of emotions....I am doing ok now....I completed the end of my treatment last Friday.....Maybe I am not ok...MAYBE it is the EFFEXOR...lol

MAY GOD BLESS US ALL