Two Year "Cancerversary" Today - Happy New Year!!

Not sure where to put this, so here it is.  Two years ago today I received my official diagnosis - that lump was indeed cancer.  Two years later here I am - a bit more scarred than I was, but I'm here. And I'm definitely wiser for the experience. This is a long post, but I want to share what I've learned, and hopefully others can share what they've learned. 

I learned that keeping ahead of the pain after surgeries is important -keep on those pain meds for at least a week or 10 days. 

I learned that losing your hair isn't fun, but it grows back, and isn't really as traumatic as I thought it would be.  And I have a great collection of baseball hats and dangly earrings out of the deal.

I learned the meaning of "fatigue" during chemo.  It's not just being tired, but it's a to-the-bone weariness that's hard to describe to anyone who hasn't gone through it.  But I also learned that it doesn't last forever, and eventually you do get your strength and vitality back.

I learned that second opinions are vitally important.

I learned that I need to be in charge of assembling my medical team.  This is my life we're talking about, and I needed to assemble the best team possible for me.  If a doctor or other medical professional didn't measure up, I got a second or even third opinion until I found someone with whom I wanted to work.  I am a partner with my doctors, but I am the senior partner, and all decisions reside with me, not them.   

I learned that I have friends, family and co-workers who I expected would be there for me made themselves scarce during this time.  But I also found that I have other friends, family, and co-workers who stepped up to the plate to do whatever they could for me during this time, even from some people from whom I never expected it.  Those people are gifts that I treasure.  This experience is a great way to sort out who will be there for you in times of need.

I learned I had the most wonderful husband in the world.  His support was incredible - he has done everything he could to support me and make this as easy as possible for me.  He attended every appointment with me as we were figuring out our game plan, and cared for me after chemo, surgeries, etc.  He never shied away from me, even with the scars and bald head, and always made me feel loved and cared for, and yes, even desirable.  It turns out he's also great at stripping drains.

I learned the mantra "Don't go there until you get there."  Many times the fears and doubts and horrible anticipation of what might be that kept me up at night weren't as bad as my imagination made them out to be.  And even for the things that were bad, worrying about them ahead of time didn't change that. So I learned to deal with what was going on at the time, and let the future take care of itself.    

I learned not to look back at my decisions.  When I was making the various treatment decisions, I did extensive research, got second and even third opinions, then made the best decision I could with the information I had on hand at that time.  Second-guessing myself weeks or months later is a waste of time, and won't change a thing. 

I learned that life is a gift and needs to be lived as joyfully as possible.  At this point my last scans show No Evidence of Disease.  I will take that for as long as the situation lasts.  Hopefully this disease won't claim me, but I know that it can.  But see above - "Don't go there until you get there."  I will continue to follow up with my onc, take my Femara, get monitored, and take what steps I can to prevent recurrance.  But I'm really trying not to let myself panic that every ache or pain is a recurrance - life needs to be lived out of the shadow of fear.  If recurrance happens, I'll deal with it then, but I do not want to live the rest of my live in fear. 

I've learned that I'm not Superwoman, and it's OK to ask for and accept help from others.  But I've also learned that I'm stronger than I think. I've already learned to use the strength and understanding I've gained through this experience for other parts of my life.   

Happy New Year everyone!