Single, no family (except for kids, alone

except for friends as my support system..I will cut and paste from my other post.  Have a recurrence after 14 years..Am on Femara.  This is a recent diagnoses.

I got the news 14 years ago when my twins were 2 they are now 16 (I have 5 children total the oldest is 35, and 4 grandchildren with 2 on the way due in Jan and March) and it is back, am adopted and found my bio mother and she died of a recurrence of bc (before the 1st diag. that is what made me get a mamo. was 42).  She died after 15 years, so of course I am nervous.  Just recently found out and the first time had lumpectomy, 6 wonderful months of chemo and r6 weeks of radiation.  This time it was found out quite by accident.  I cough alot from the damage the radiation did to my lungs (they have a name for it like radiologicisis or something like that) and I thought I broke my rib coughing and went for a chest ex-ray  and the "mass" was found in the same breast (r) underneath my pectural muscle and according to my onocolgist it is inoperable cause of where it is.  I did get a PET scan and there are spots  (5)on my lungs but they are not big enough to do a biopsy of he said about the size of the end of a pin and my lymphnodes in my chest are swollen (5) pretty big.  He put me on Femara which is HT, said that it didn't spread to any other parts of my body. He said it was about 3cm, I think.

Not happy at all that there is a tumor growing in my body and nobody can do anything about it.  I decided last week to get a second opinion, which never occurred to me the first time, so I have an appt on the 6th of January.  They have sent my information to Fox Chase Cancer Center in Philadelphia and I am waiting (that stupid word) for them to call for them to tell me to bring the slide and the CD which apparently contains information.  Also, the ono said that they consider it stage 4 cause it is a recurrence (what is that?)

I work a PT job at a local department store and am on MA and can't get a full-time job now cause of the insurance issue. I also watch my grandson (3) while my daughter works). I am a single parent but do have a good support system.  Have someone or 2 go with me to the appts. and pay attention while I am not.  So now the dreaded waiting game, taking the medicine trying to not ruin everybody's Christmas, not being able to shut my head off and wondering what is going to happen now, while trying to remain positive, not letting people see me when I am upset. 

I appreciate this site as you all know, cause some of you are where I am and some have been there, thanks for listening, I will be lurking and hanging out.  After I just wrote that I think I will go get a piece of cake with ice cream on the top...cause I need it, lol....