6 more treatments and I can't stop crying

NaniAlice,

What Cookie said is so true.  We can all "hit the wall" at one point or another.  Alot of people are predisposed to depression during the winter and especially during the holidays.  Try not to be too hard on yourself.  People like your family expect everything to be ok just as soon as we near or complete treatment and of course everyone here who is living with BC knows that's just not the case.  I think talking to a social worker or therapist is a wonderful idea.  You've been through hell.  Just because you can see the light at the end of the tunnel doesn't automatically mean life is going to suddenly be wine and roses.  You can get through this and we're all here to help.  Take care.

Dee 

NaniAlice,

If I may add a few words of encouragement to all the great posts above, what you are experiencing is very common and normal.  I sailed through all my treatments (did not do chemo) until the third week of rads.  Then  I got hit with depression/crying every morning.  I attributed the crying to the fact that my mother died a few weeks before my lumpectomy, but I have since talked to other women who got hit with depression  and feeling very emotional around week three of rads. 

You, your body and your psyche  have been through an ordeal.  You have been very strong and brave, but the cummulative effect of all that stress hits you eventually.  The good news is that once you let it out, you start to feel a whole lot better.  Give it some time.  You WILL get through this!

As for other people saying you must be 'happy', I think they just want to encourage you.  No one knows what a diagnosis/treatment for cancer feels like unless they've been through it themselves.  Even then, we are all unique so our reactions are as varied as snowflakes.

Best of luck to you! 

Bless your heart NaniAlice, I am right there with you.  The wall that everyone talks about I have hit.  I do not know how long I am going to be thrown against it, but it is all part of this journey!  My co-workers, family and S/O ask me "why are you not smiling? - you should be happy it is all over and done with!!!  I have to be really straight with them and say, "not meaning any disrespect as I have and continuing to appreciate all of the support that you have given me, but remember that this is a disease gives you your own personal 9/11, it is your first thought in the morning and the last at night and it is going to take time to come down from the hell that this body and mind has gone through and stress that you would not wish bc or any kind of cancer on anyone!

There are days that I can cry all day and cannot stop, in some respects we mourn the bc, remember this has and will continue to be in our head, sooner or later we have to put it on the back burner, and then we struggle how to find a new normal.  We are all in this together and together we can pull eachother through.

The mornings are always the toughest for me.  I want to wake up and feel normal and this is when I do most of my crying!  I cannot talk to anyone I just go about my business and get ready for work and then finally around lunch time I start feeling better.  I am taking antidepressants, ridalin for cognative and am seeing a counselor.  I will get there, we all will.