How did you feel the first time you saw your scars

Hello, I am sorry that you are feeling a great deal of fear about this. I am sure it won't be nearly as distressing as you think. I agree with Erica, plastic and reconstructive surgery has come a long way!

Just to give you a positive story.

When I decided to have  double masectomies with imediate reconstruction ussing tummy flaps, I asked the surgeon to draw the type of initial scars I would have. I asked mainly as I had to prepare for my 2 yound children's reaction. As she drew it, it came to me right away, that the scars would resemble a "happy face", and that is how I saw them as from that time forward.

I would have 2 scars in the rough shape of a circle on each breast (when they took everything out and "replummed in the fat and skin from my tum", then I would have a little round scar, where they "repositioned my belly button", then a large hip to hip, "smile like" scar when they rejoined my skin after taking the "slice out they needed for reconstruction". That is how I drew it for my kids, this is how they saw it and called it and I never felt bad about it for 1 minute. Just glad to have it done and not to have remnent breast tissue to worry about.

I can honestly say, that despite the normal recovery issues and some anoying nerve niggles, I have never regretted it, and feel very comfortable with my new boobs.

The nipple reconstruction and the tattooing was painless and easy (had lost sensation to the centre of the breast anyhow) and I feel I now have a nice pair of breasts that are not like time bombs.

I hope telling you this has help a wee bit. I do wish you all the best. It will be ok. Make sure you are very happy with your PS and don't be afraid to ask any questions.

Take care,

Shiny

I looked at a lot of pictures before surgery so I was prepared- I was also really glad to have the tumor OUT. I also let my husband see the scar as soon as possible and I think that really helped also.

Kristy

Like others have said - looking at photos really helped prepare me.  I was not that bothered but I did have expanders inserted and some fluid in them during the bilat mast so I was not completely flat and since bilateral - they looked the same.    The drain tubes were more concerning to me as I was fearful I would accidently pull one out! Good luck.

The mind has an amazing way to deal with what happens to our bodies and the acceptance.

I too worried how I would feel losing my breasts (I opted for no reconstruction).  Different, yes; scary, no.  The posts I read here really helped.

Best to you.

I had BMX without reconstruction.  The day after surgery the surgeon came in and removed large bandage from my chest-- at first I was afraid to look down but then something inside told me it would be ok.  I went ahead and looked down and to my surprise wasn't freaked out!!!  It's definitely different looking at your body without breasts and nipples BUT the thought of Life is even better  It has been almost 2 weeks since surgery and I find looking at myself in the mirror gets easier each time.  I don't even realize my breasts are gone until it's time for a shower. 

I had Neo Adjudvant Chemo and after Chemo had a PET scan that showed the cancer was completely gone except for 1 lymph node in my chest.  After surgery, the pathology report showed (2) tumors less than 1 cm and 12/18 axilla lymph nodes positive!!!  Lesson learned that no matter what the PET scan shows, it's always best to have surgery to make sure... 

Awaiting surgery is the hardest part-- after surgery it gets better every day! 

I agree with others.  I looked up photos on line to prepare myself.  I ws also introduced to someone in person who had been through all this and she pulled up her shirt and showed me her foobs!  LOL!!  I didnt ask, she just volunteered!  I also agree that all the time leading up to the surgery is much much worse than after the surgery, and also that you should let your husband see the scars  right away too.

With all that being said--I was actually pleasantly surprised the first time l looked in the mirror.  I had bilat mast with tissue expanders Dec 4.  I was filled to about 300cc's which equaled a size A for me.  I was terrified before the surgery of how I would react the first time I looked down.  I was so scared of seeing a flat chest--even with the expanders I knew I would still be pretty much flat (for me)  I was a D before surgery.  I had steri-stips over the incision, then a thin layer of gauze and that sticky plastic stuff that they use over IVs--I forget what its called.   When all that stuff came off a week later and I saw the actual scars, I still didnt react badly--more curiously I think.  I stood in front of the mirror several times just looking at them, trying to get used to my new look.  I also try to keep in mind that what they look like right now, is not how they will be looking even in a month.  They will be changing a lot over the next few months.  And Im hoping that the final result will be fabulous! 

I know its so hard for you right now.  I am just 3 weeks out from surgery,and I can tell you, its much better being on this side of the surgery.  I was so worried and worked up about everything I had to get meds to help with my anxiety beforehand.  I was also terrified about what my husband would think about what I looked like.  He constantly told me he didnt care about my boobs, he just saw them as a problem and he wanted to be rid of them more than I did.  He has been seeing them just as often as I have, and he has been great--probably better than me with how everything looks!! 

good luck with everything!!

The initial shock is hard to get over. I really couldn't look at myself in a mirror for at least a week. Right after my shower on went the robe. I slowly got used to it by covering my normal breast and examining the other with a mirror. This helped because I wasn't comparing the two.

Gradually it became more normal for me- it probably took about 2 weeks. At this point I am just shy of 2 months out and have come to terms with it. I can look at myself in a mirror with no problems. The scar had flattened out quite nicely I am due for another expansion in about 2 weeks or so. I am actually happy with the scar now- even without the nipple.

Hi Zoegr,

I had a large chunk of my right breast removed in July.  I know, it was not a mastectomy and I did not lose the nipple, but still I burst into tears the first time I saw my breast after the surgery.  It has been an adjustment, but over time it has become far less emotionally charged.  As of right now, I have no plans to do reconstruction, because long-term I don't know yet if I will be able to keep my breasts.

To the extent that you can, please try not to worry about how you will react after the surgery, because it's just impossible to know.  I was honestly completely caught off guard by my own reaction.  At the time, not only did I feel devastated, traumatized and self-conscious, but I also felt ashamed, because I thought I was just being vain.  It took awhile for me to understand that vanity was really the least of what I was feeling.  I think that, in general, when we are afraid and feel out of control, our minds try desperately to take control of whatever aspect of the situation they can.  For me, it was "I can't control (or even deal with) what is wrong inside my breast, so I'll focus on those things over which I do have some control -- such as the appearance of my breast (Reconstruction?) and my treatment (Mastectomy? Tamoxifen?)."  Those things kept my mind busy, so I didn't have to think as much about the biggest issue, which was, "I am so unbelievably terrified that this might kill me."  For me, the whole thing seemed totally surreal...until I saw my breast for the first time after the surgery.

The emotional part of this journey can be really difficult, but you've got to GO through it to GET through it.  The women on the forum are such angels and such pillars of strength, and when you need them they are there without fail.

I wish you a very uneventful surgery and speedy recovery. You will be in my prayers.

"Relief" was exactly what I felt.

I had a modified radical mast w/ SNB on the left side almost 2 years ago.  I declined recon, and asked my surgeon to leave me with a flat, smooth scar -- no extra tissue left behind "just in case".  When I woke up in the Recovery Room, I had a thick, padded bandage covering that side, with 2 drain tubes exiting under my arm.

The next morning, the chief surgical fellow and her training entourage (it's a teaching hospital, after all...) came in to see how I was doing and to check the incision.  The entourage included other fellows and residents as well as medical students -- perhaps 10 people in all, of both genders.  The fellow was very gentle and careful as she tried to reach through the overlapped sides of my gown and pull off the tape without exposing any body parts to members of the audience.  She was having trouble accessing the edges of the bandage, though, so I finally suggested that we just unsnap the shoulder of the gown to get at the whole bandage.  I popped the snaps, she pulled off the tape and the bandage, and, voila!  There was the incision...

It was a nice, flat, smooth, red line, covered with dozens of tiny SteriStrips.  The incision was about the width (thickness) of a pencil lead, and it extended from the middle of my chest (at the sternum) all the way over to somewhere near the back of my left armpit.  There was not a suture in sight, because they were all "buried" (subcuticular sutures).

All I could think of was, "Wow -- that's pretty slick, considering how much tissue used to be there."   And I was relieved to know that the surgical part of this was over (or very nearly so), and the entire tumor was out of my body and was sitting in a jar in the pathology lab.

That's just me, though.  I'm pretty stoic about things sometimes.

otter 

I had a left modified radical mastectomy and when I first saw my incision, I was not upset and it didn't shock me.  I recall thinking that it was not as bad as I thought it would be and that I could live with it. My husband's been really supportive also.

 I've pretty much worked in the health field most of my adult life, so I'm used to seeing cuts,incisions, etc. 

My breast looked really good at first but now for the past month the nipple is squished in. I feel guilty for caring about it when being alive is what matters but I'm just so bummed because I had been so happy about the results before. Also I'm blaming myself because it happened after I wore a super tight sports bra for a week or two to try to get rid of fluid. This is a hard thing to go through but we will all adjust with time. I try now to focus on nice things I can do like walk on the beach.