I'm Not Sure How I Feel

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GryffinSong
GryffinSong Member Posts: 439
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer
I'm Not Sure How I Feel
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  • GryffinSong
    GryffinSong Member Posts: 439
    edited December 2009

    This last year has been so hard. Chemo put me in the hospital three times. Rads were better. Now that I'm done, I've moved clear across the country. I was living in an RV for the last five years, and now, as of two weeks ago, I'm in a house again. I'm living with my mom for the first time in 30 years. In other words, in addition to cancer, my entire life has changed.

    I haven't found a local cancer center and doctor yet. I'll be due for testing next month but I just can't seem to get excited about meeting a while new support team. I knew the old ones. They knew me. I felt comfortable. Safe. Supported. I don't want to start over.

    I feel happy sometimes. Numb sometimes. Sad sometimes. And lost. Often I feel lost.

    I feel as if I'm in the right place to heal from this experience, and my mom is extremely supportive. But I'm not clear on how to move forward.

    Some days I think about cancer. Some days I want to be normal again.

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  • BMac
    BMac Member Posts: 650
    edited December 2009

    What you're feeling is normal.  It's post traumatic stress.  You've been through a life changing experience, one that made you face your own mortality.  It's normal to feel lost.

    I had ovarian cancer 7 years ago and when I finished chemo I thought I would feel joy.  Instead I felt overwhelming sadness.  I described it then like post traumatic stress and have since learned that it is very common.

    In addition to cancer you've moved and lost your medical support team.  That's scary.  Once you find a new doctor/centre you'll have that support again.  Change is difficult but necessary in this case.  You are so lucky to have a supportive mother.

    Maybe there are support groups in your area.  I'm in Canada and I attended a fitness class at Wellspring, which is a support centre for people with cancer.  It was wonderful.  They also have many other classes.  Perhaps there's something in your area.

    I wish you good luck.

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited December 2009

    GryffinSong, I'm so sorry to hear your sadness. The one light in your post is that you're with your mother and she's supportive.

    I agree with Barbara, a support group (either for women with bc or women with all cancers) should be a tremendous help. I know how much my group has meant to me.

    Sending you many (((((((((((hugs))))))))))

    Leah

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  • GryffinSong
    GryffinSong Member Posts: 439
    edited December 2009

    Thank you, everyone, it really helps. I'm so used to putting on a happy face that it's hard sometimes to credit my other moods. After reading your replies I realize that my top priority has to be to find my local cancer center, get to know my new doctors, and start attending a support group again. That will help me feel safe here, in knowing that I have the support I need. I have the name and number of someone to recommend a center, but I've misplaced her number. The search is number one, because the woman who gave me her name is out of town for a week for the holidays and probably unreachable.

    Thanks again, and I hope we can all hang in there.

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