The Ice Candle Angel

It was the worst Christmas ever! On Dec. 5, I discovered a small lump on my breast which I new instantly was BAD. I even went to the extent of going to Emergency to get it looked at and was fortunate and blessed to have a mammogram and ultrasound almost instantly! I got the phone call on December 13...the doctor wanted to see me right away after school. My legs were weak and I knew it was not good! I came home after school and Derek passed me a note saying I had an appointment with the surgeon the next day! This was even before I had seen my Doctor.

My Doctor is great! She's calm and gentle and did I say calm? She told me that the mammogram was suspicious for breast cancer. I fell apart and wished I had brought someone to the appointment. Our son was only 2 at the time and Derek had stayed home to watch him! I cried and cried and felt instantly sick to my stomach. She got me some valium (smart woman) and called my mom for me. I was having a biopsy by the end of the week. Things moved FAST. I still think that's the way God's angels helped me through it...it rolled FAST.

As it turned out, I needed to have a re-excision of my breast to get clean margins. It was a Stage 1 Grade 3 ductal carcinoma. I had the re-excision on December 22 and had to be in the hospital over Christmas. Well, this is depressing when you have a 2 year old and they really don't understand where mommy is. I didn't want to have him in the hospital much because I was in some severe pain and didn't want him jumping on me.

It was Christmas Eve and I lay in my bed looking out the window. In the distance, I could see two people climbing down a snow bank and peering in my window. It was my friend Cathy and her granddaughter who was in my class that year! She was toting an ice candle and she promptly plunked it right in front of my window and lit it. It burned all night long and I would watch it when I woke up intermittently through the night, a flicker of hope in the dark cold winter. It was truly a symbol of love and hope for me and to this day, it has been my favourite Christmas present of all times! Even in the darkest, coldest moment of my life, there was light, heat, warmth and love.

The next year, I went through months of treatment, chemotherapy and radiation. It was a test of courage and perseverance. I don't know why it happened to me, I really don't, but I do know that it showed me what is important in life. The next year, at Christmas Eve, I looked out my kitchen window and saw Cathy dropping off another ice candle at my house, a symbol of continued hope and love. This Christmas, may you be someone's ice candle!