Two recent losses

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smithlme
smithlme Member Posts: 1,322
edited June 2014 in Life After Breast Cancer
Two recent losses
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  • smithlme
    smithlme Member Posts: 1,322
    edited December 2009

    I have no idea where to post this, so if it's in the incorrect place, please don't shoot me. Two weeks ago today I lost a very dear friend due to complications with pneumonia. She had diabetes and was always taking care of everyone else, except herself. She left behind her childhood sweetheart and husband of 35 years and her two grown children. She was 53. The family chose to wait until after Thanksgiving to have her services so those were on Monday evening.

    This is the friend who I use to work for and with for many years. When I was first diagnosed she would call, email, send flowers and visit to make sure I was OK. Throughout both diagnosis and 6 surgeries, she was always there. Her death has been such a shock and I am having difficulty handling it.

    Yesterday I noticed my almost two year old cat wasn't acting quite right. As I watched her I noticed her eyes weren't as bright and she appeared thinner. I took her to the vet and after an exam and blood work I was told my sweet Jack had a heart murmur and horrible blood counts. She had a raging infection somewhere. It would take more tests to figure out exactly what it was and there was no guarantee she would survive. With the vets help I decided to put her down so she wouldn't suffer. I stayed with her through the whole process as she took her last breath. The vet believes she either had feline AIDS or leukemia.

    The remarkable thing about Jack is that she chose me. At a time when I was recovering from my second mastectomy and was getting ready for my hysterectomy w/BSO, along came this skinny, scrawny cat. The first time I fed her she hissed at me, but gobbled up over half a bowl of food. As she grew to trust me she came into my house and heart. She would sit on the couch with me and just stare at me, purring as I pet her. There were nights when she'd sleep by my head.

    She ended up being named Jack because my oldest daughter said she was a male. Imagine my surprise when she went into heat a few days later. I took this tiny, half starved, bald kitten to the vet to be spayed and have her shots. When asked about her name I said it was because we don't know Jack about cats.

    Now I think back and realize that she was never an active kitten or cat. She was quite content to just sit with me and follow me everywhere I went. I wonder if it was because of her murmur and she couldn't run or exert herself, plus being so sick? This was the first cat that was ever just mine. She came when I needed her most. I hope I helped her as much as she did me. Rest in Peace Jack my orange marmalade cat...

    Linda

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  • prayrv
    prayrv Member Posts: 941
    edited December 2009

    Linda,

    Sorry to hear of your loss.  May God give you His peace to help you through.

    Trish

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited December 2009

    Oh Linda, I feel your pain! Hugs about your friend AND Jack. Let me tell you about my furbabies...

    I used to have 4, but put the oldest one (21) down last year. Then about a month ago we noticed blood drops all around the house. We couldn't figure it out until we finally saw the black one (Bebop - 14 yrs) with a cut or something on his lower lip. We watched him carefully, but he was spry and active and ate well. Then we noticed a swelling and what looked like a growth. I ground up a small bit of my antibiotic and fed it to him in soft food. He ate it down and continued to seem fine.

    He got a bit worse last week but when I came home on Thursday night I didn't notice the gray one (Booe) but my DH said he'd seen her earlier. On Friday (my day off) I still hadn't seen Booe and looked high, but not low for her thinking she was just napping all day.

    When my DH came in I said that we really had to find her so we looked again and I found her dead on the floor of the closet where she napped on clothes my DH didn't put away. So sad!!! She was 17. My DH was going to bury her but I said wait 24 hours as Bebop wasn't looking too good now. He wouldn't eat anymore and we never saw him drink from the bowl. The next day when Bebop was still alive, we buried Booe.

    Now it's a whole week later and it has been so painful to watch Bebop die! The shock of Booe's death in it's suddeness we thought was bad, but now we are actually seeing this one die. He doesn't cry or anything but he smells horrid and one eye is glassing over. We know we should get him put down but we have tried to let nature take it's course.

    We got him into a box with an old housecoat last night to let him feel safe. This morning he had a seizure and I petted him telling him how much I loved him as he was suffering. Then he came out of the seizure! I don't expect him to be alive when I get home today. I have left something for my DH to bury him with. I hate to see him dying, though he doesn't seem to be suffering!

    Long story...a quick death and a long one, but I hope you see my point that I think you did the right thing.

    Gentle hugs,

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  • Sue-61
    Sue-61 Member Posts: 599
    edited December 2009

    Linda, how sad for you. I am so sorry.  I lost my husband over 2 yrs before I was dx w BC. I had adopted the dumbest dog you could ever meet.  I got Nibbles from a shelter over 8 yr ago.  And boy was she dumb but the sweetest dog ever. She comforted me so when my husband passed away; I was so glad to have company in the house.

    When I was going thru all my testing for BC, I noticed the dog was not acting right. Of course she was 12 by this time and I figured she was getting old like me. Gosh darn it, my Vet would do not testing on her so I took her to another vet because she was "snorfing." Best way to describe what her breathing was like. She had nasal cancer.  I treated it conservatively with antibiotics and low dose steroids, but had to have her put down last Mar. I still miss her.

    My prognosis is good. Someone told me that not only can pets detect cancer, they sometimes "take it away" from their owners.  I think this is the case.

    Barbe, I am sorry for your losses, too. 

    Hugs, Sue 

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  • smithlme
    smithlme Member Posts: 1,322
    edited December 2009

    Thank you for your kind words and hugs. It's been a crappy two weeks with Thanksgiving thrown in between. I spoke with the vet today, she must think I'm a loon, because she had asked if there was anything Jack may have gotten into and ate or drank. I know she hadn't so I began thinking that maybe someone had poisoned her. She reassured me that based on her blood counts and description of her behavior, she was probably born with this disease and managed to stay alive this long. She let me know that she knew how difficult this decision was and what a gentle cat Jack was. I thanked her and her staff for their compassion and love they showed to both of us. I have another cat, but she's just not my Jack....this sucks...

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  • Sue-61
    Sue-61 Member Posts: 599
    edited December 2009

    Linda

    Well, my Vet was the one that was the LOON. I think I am perfectly sane and certainly understand your pain. It will get better. You will find peace in remembering all the good things about Jack. I can now laugh and smile about Nibbles. My husband used to call her Dumb A$$. 

    I think she came to me long before I needed her. I really needed that girl. And I still miss her. Even tho she really really really was DUMB. I think Jack did find you and hope you can find peace in remembering her. . Sometimes animals are the best friends we can find. 

    And maybe Jack stayed alive so long so as to help you. I am not very religious but I think there is a reason for everything in this life.

    Again, hugs, Sue 

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited December 2009
    Well, Bebop just died about an hour ago and is already buried with his toy. Godspeed Bebop Cry
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  • ADK
    ADK Member Posts: 2,259
    edited December 2009

    Oh, Barbe and Linda,

    I am so sorry for your losses - I have recently been through the loss of a beloved pet and I sympathize. 

    Linda, I am so sorry for your friend's family.  This is such a difficult time to lose a family member - last time I saw my mom was on Thanksgiving twenty years ago - she died on November 30th.  My DH lost his dad to a heart attack on Thanksgiving morning thirty years ago.  My DH's mom fell at our home on Thanksgiving day 22 years ago and died on December 12th.  I so understand how difficult it is to deal with these losses at this time of the year.  When you add the loss of a beloved pet on top of that, it can be so hard to bear.  Know that you gave that little angel the best two years that she could ever hope to have.

    Barbe, I am so sorry for your dual loss within such a short time - I think they do mourn when one is lost and it may have made it harder for your Bebop to have lost Booe.  I am so sorry.

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  • smithlme
    smithlme Member Posts: 1,322
    edited December 2009

    Barbe,

    I am so sorry for your losses, too. I am still crying at any thought of Jack or my friend.

    Anne,

    Thank you for your kind words. Yes, Jack was my angel and I thank God that I was allowed to share part of lives together...

    Linda

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited December 2009
    I'm not handling this too well......Cry
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  • Isabella4
    Isabella4 Member Posts: 2,166
    edited December 2009

    Linda....so sorry about the loss of your good friend and Jack.

     You made the right call, you know your own pets, and how to treat them without the vet making you feel more anxious asking silly questions.

    Barbe... I have been seeing your posts about Booe and Bebop...can't really say much to comfort you as this is something we have to do at the end of our animals lives. I am a great believer in letting nature take its course, and this is usually the way most of my animals will go. That is, of course, unless there's an acute illness, and the pet is suffering.....only then will I get my backside to the vet and end things!...most of my animals live to be a good age, and I feel that they just need to be near to the one they love in their final days. I too will wrap them up in a comfortable box, and even cart them around the house with me as I am working, a reassuring voice means so much to them. Sometimes when they are near to death, I will talk to them, and quite often get a little flick of a tail as they recognise my voice. 

    I lost a Daxie about 3 months ago, very unexpectedly, I came in from shopping and there she was laid out on the floor in the kitchen, obviously had had a stroke, very little life in her, as soon as I got down by her side and said her name her little tail went up and down for about 20 seconds, and within another minute she was gone. I like to think she held out for me to get back to her...but, who knows ??

    Thinking of you both, and anyone else who loses a beloved pet.

    Isabella. 

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  • iodine
    iodine Member Posts: 4,289
    edited December 2009

    How sad to loose a good human friend and a pet friend so close together that one cannot comfort you.

    And to loose 2 pet friends within such a short time.  My heart goes out to you.

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  • smithlme
    smithlme Member Posts: 1,322
    edited December 2009

    Again, thank you all for your kind words. I came home yesterday from our annual Toy Run and there was a condolence card in my mail from my vet, and all of her staff included a personal note. It was so touching. I don't know how these women, and people in the health field, work around death every day. I realize that they also have their good days, but it would tear my heart out to do what these compassionate people do.

    We have a pet store in town so I will go there and get an ornament to hang on our Christmas tree to honor Jack's short, but incredibly loving and giving, life...

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited December 2009

    I cried on my way home from work last night, knowing I wouldn't have my "team" greeting me. No matter what they were doing, when Mommy came home they were there for me....Cry

    I think that was my last cry though...there is a sense of relief knowing the sick one is not ill anymore. Innocent

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  • Jenniferz
    Jenniferz Member Posts: 541
    edited December 2009

    Hugs to you both. Losses like this are tough. We had a little stray someone dumped...a tiny little hairball that was the cutest thing but way to young (we think) to be away from her mommy. Anyway, we lost that little thing, (and a piece of my heart went with it) and my hope is that all the kitties are playing away on the Rainbow Bridge, wating for us to get there!



    Jennifer

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  • ADK
    ADK Member Posts: 2,259
    edited December 2009

    Linda,

    When we lost our Tobiko in May, the vet did a ceramic paw print for us - I so cherish that.  I think a decoration for the tree to honor Jack is a wonderful idea.

     Barbe - I know about the crying sporadically.  I hope you can take comfort from knowing how well you treated your team and that they are playing together on the rainbow bridge.  I have to believe that because I have know so many wonderful animals and I am sure they have souls.

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited December 2009
    Cry
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  • Harley44
    Harley44 Member Posts: 5,446
    edited December 2009

    Barb,

    so sorry for your loss!!  

    Our pets are such help, they get us through tough times.  My two cats, Spike and Thor, comforted me through my tx.  They were here, and even slept on the bed with me most of the time.  Spike sleeps on the bed during the cold winter months, and Thor doesn't really sleep on the bed at night.  But even Thor was up on the bed with me, but at the foot of the bed.  Spike likes to lay next to me, in the curve of my legs, when I curl up. 

    HUGS
    Harley

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  • dreamwriter
    dreamwriter Member Posts: 3,255
    edited December 2009

    I lost a cat to breast cancer.  I was dx in dec 2005, she was dx july 2006. She had a quadectomy (4 right?) and that helped a little - gave us more time with her.  I had a pillow for her on my bed and I nursed her and held her til she took her last breath dec 2006. 

    Last year Smudge ran under my bed and when I dragged him out, his eyes were huge, he was a little lightweight but obviously sick.  It was liver disease.  The big eyes were from dehydration.  We put him down that day.  Broke my daughters heart... she loved that cat.

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  • cmharris59
    cmharris59 Member Posts: 496
    edited December 2009

    So Sorry for everyone's losses. I can sympathize and hope that we can all get through this soon and find some peace. I have lost two of my belvoed cats since my dx. One within a few months of my dx, the other on Nov 11th. It is killing me, but I know we must go on. I have 4 other cats to protect and love. One day, I may rescue more cats and dogs, giving them all a home that has much experience in love for the fur babies. I know that somewhere someday... there is another little fur baby needing each of us to love them as we have done for our babies that have passed.

    I lost my best friend of 30+ years, 15 years ago.  I still miss her terribly and wish that she could be here to help me get through this tx. It is always hard to lose someone that we love. Condolences to the family and friends of those that have passed.

    I think this is a little jumbled, but I am anxious about my upcoming surgery and my pre-op tests tomorrow. It is hard when it feels like everything is falling apaart. I miss my friend and my fur babies.  I am sorry that you have had to experience this also.

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