SOME FAMILY NOT SUPPORTIVE

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roberta37
roberta37 Member Posts: 371
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Has anyone had to go through this journey and found that some family just disappeared?

I just chalked it up to it must be really hard to have the possibility of loosing a sister.  Now one of the brothers is now using the cancer in a very hurtful manner.  He also has no idea that the chemo, radiation and surgery may be over but the treatment doesn't end there or the fact that your not "cured." 

I just basically told him that he's lucky he still has a sister to make his life miserable and fight with and that I know that everyday is a gift and I'm going to enjoy it.  I also know that having gone through this I'm just blunt and to the point.

Just need to vent. 

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  • RaiderDee
    RaiderDee Member Posts: 150
    edited December 2009

    The whole family dynamics that come out during a crisis is often weird and surprising.  My DH's family have been much more loving and supportive than mine has, which is particularly weird, given the fact that we've been married less than 5 years.  I've received phone calls,"get well" cards and "thinking of you" cards from many of his distant relatives that I've only met once.  They have been great.  My family, on the other hand, have been outright strange about my diagnosis.My mother is afraid I'm suddenly fragile and going to somehow "break".  My stepfather is convinced to his very core that I'm going to die and doesn't even try to hid this feeling when I talk to him.  Thankfully, most of DH's family is local and, also fortunately, my family is several states away.  I never even told my one and only brother that I had BC because he is a born again Christian who  would make my life miserable if he knew.  Luckily we don't speak and he lives far away as well.  Some friends have wigged out and some have stepped up to help that has suprised me.  You never know how people are going to react until you get in the thick of things.  Vent away, it always does you good!

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  • pj12
    pj12 Member Posts: 25,402
    edited December 2009

    Roberta,

    Here is how I see it:

    The child in us, that little girl who adored her brother, admired her big sister, depended on mommy and daddy, has an imaginary paradigm of how that "Leave It To Beaver" family is going to react to her diagnosis.  But the "Leave It To Beaver" family only existed on television and in our memories through rose-tinted glasses.  If you have a relative for whom it was always about her... somehow your cancer will now be seen through how it affects her.  If another relative always managed to shift the blame  to you.. well, your cancer can now be used against you.  If you did not get any sympathy for the skinned knee, you aren't going to get it for breast cancer!

    We all do it... expect people in our lives to act better in our crises than they are able of. Somehow we have to find the inner strength to accept what they are capable of in reality, not in our dreams.  The forum is filled with women who share and understand what I am going through. I am thankful every day for that.  And I really do hope that my family members who don't "get it" never are so unfortunate to learn about cancer from the inside.  

    pam 

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  • roberta37
    roberta37 Member Posts: 371
    edited December 2009

    Thank you both - I guess I am still waiting for my brother to actually be a brother.  Yes I have that "Leave it To Beaver" image and I tell you he really is not living up to it at all :) Just because he has the title doesn't mean anyone is going to make him step up to the plate.  I'm with you Pam - my husband's boss wouldn't give him the day off for my first chemo - everyone was pretty upset and the only thing I could think of was "I hope he never has to experience this himself" because he has no idea.  I'll have to give my family members the same benefit of the doubt.  I don't want to vent to the rest of the family as I feel I'm just trying to drag them into it and make them take sides.  Again, thank you for just letting me vent and giving me some good thoughts to think about.

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  • pj12
    pj12 Member Posts: 25,402
    edited December 2009

    Bless you and your beautiful family in your avatar.

    pam 

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