I need to vent..not entirely about BC
I was not sure where to post this but I need some input and thoughts on my day. I have always found you all to be great support. First let me tell you my year (briefly) IDC dx Jan 09, first in right breast then in left breast after MRI, neo chemo dose dense ACT 4x4, bilateral MX with TE's, Tamoxifen, CYP2D6 test -poor metabolizer, complete hysterectomy with bilateral salpingo oopherectomy, Femara, about to have implant exch Dec 11. Age 36, married, no children but had hoped to and BC and the Tamox issue put an end to that. My boss (I work a state gov. job) has been ok but has made comments that boy she had to soooo much extra work while I was out and what stress she has had, blah, blah, blah. I have thought, really? you had your hair fall out, you had your breasts cut off, you had your chance to have children taken away, you did not know in Jan if you were going to be killed by BC? No, she did not have any of these things. When I returned to work she continued to make comments such as when my first week back she threw tons of work at me and I said ok let me get one thing done before you give me another and she said, "welcome to my world" or some other comment to that effect. So I have complained very little about the crap year that I have had at work and went back all in. I am currently working about 60-65 hours per week, 12 hour days, Saturdays, some Sundays. I am paid for a salary of 40 hours per week. I come in early, stay very late, and work through lunch very often. None of this falls into the manage stress and do weight bearing exercise part of my recovery. Because I have been made to feel guilty about being out of work to receive cancer treatment I have been trying to give it my all and I work in Unemployment and needless to say we are VERY busy. My boss continues to make comments to me and when I go to her about the people I supervise not coming in on time, not doing assigned tasks she tells me that I am being a bitch and need to understand that she is not going to reprimand this person or that person because one is a newlywed, one is having personal problems, and I needed to be out (getting cancer treatment remember) and so I don't need to judge. Well here is where it gets good. Lately I have been having side effects of Femara. I am stiff, headaches, some stomach issues. Nothing major but enough that I am coming home from work and laying on the couch with a heating pad and basically spending about 2-3 waking hours with my husband. Today I woke up with a major headache. I woke up early mind you not like I slept in, and sent my boss a text that I would be in later and explained why. Text is fine in my office. Around 9:30 I got up and got ready and headed off to work. While I was on my way my best friend of 31 years called and said that she was having chest pains, burning in chest, and vomiting. She needed to go to ER. Where I live I have only my husband and her as close family. She is not married and presently has no SO. She came to every appointment, chemo session, surgery, put together a benefit for us that raised $25,000 for my treatment and has been a sister to me for 31 years. We met on the school bus as 6 year olds. I immediately called work and told my boss what was going on and that I would call after and let her know if I would be in. My boss SCREAMED at me "does she not have another friend, does she not have any family". I was floored. I said, "no, she called me". I did not need to explain to her that her mother has passed away and her father and sister live in another state. My boss then said to me that I did not care about my job and HUNG UP on me. I called back thinking we must have been cut off and she picked up and said, I am working" and hung up on me again. Keep in mind that I have been working 60 hours a week and convinced my OB/GYN to sign off on me coming back to work 2 weeks after my hyster/ooph after she told me 4 weeks minimum. All signs that I do not care about my job. I send her a text and said that I could not believe that she spoke to me that way and that I was calling our central office. She text back good, because I have not approved your upcoming leave yet. This leave is for my implant exchange surgery. One thing I decided after going through this cancer experience is that my friends and family are more important than anything and at the end of my life I will regret only the time not spent with them. I am pissed beyond belief and did not think it possible that a supervisor could be so unprofessional and unfeeling. I was not off in Europe finding myself, I was battling BC. What would you do, how would you feel? I need some input. I did not call anyone today about it because I wanted to cool off and not say anything I would regret. I can not quit because my health benefits are great and we need them. I can ask for a transfer and may do that. I would have to take a non supervisor position though and at this point I am thinking that is fine with me. Sorry this is so long but I needed to get this off my chest and hear from people that don't know me so I can get some unbiased replies. I am finally pissed off about all of this. This whole year. Until now I have been just playing the hand dealt and thinking some have it worse some have it better. Now I want to scream. Thanks all.
Comments
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I'm so sorry to hear about your situation at work.
If you can't quit then could you look for another job? I know it's hard to leave a job that provides great health benefits, but, you may find another job with equally great benefits.
It makes me angry to read about what you are having to deal with. I've worked with stressful people and experienced blows to my health because I've been in situations that I had no control of and no say so in. I don't deal well with certain kinds of stress. As a result, I had litterally busted vessels in my left eye because I got so angry and stressed out.
It sounds to me like your boss is resentful of you for some reason. Or maybe she's just plain sadistic.
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Hi Nene,
I just left a very well-known internet company because I got very similar treatment after returning from 5 months of disability leave for bc surgery. They wouldn't have let me transfer, although I would certainly have preferred that to unemployment. And while I miss the insurance benefits, I think that the immediate release of stress I feel from not having to deal with that bs every day, is far better for me than any benefits I received from them. I started stressing on Sunday nights - and I used to love my work!
Even though the economy is bad, things will work out. I've never been this seriously "ill" before (although I actually feel fine, just a bit tired still from chemo a year ago!) and it puts things in better perspective. Life is too short. Move on when you need to!
Best of luck,
Sue
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nene - OMG!!!! What a nightmare...If you can, ask for a transfer to another department or office...look for another job..It is not healthy working in such a toxic environment!!!
I was laid off in March, found the lump in April and dx'd in May. I live in a rural area with a 10% unemployment rate and after flooding the area with resume's and no response for two months I really thought I would never find a job. One week after dx if got THREE calls for interviews!!!! WTH...I was so not in the right frame of mind to interview and scheduled for a bilat mx in three weeks..however, I was offer a position in the field I was trained in, I ended up taking a HUGE cut in pay but I am sooo much more happier where I am. I have an incredible boss who AND co-workers who are AWESOME when I need to take time off for Herception tx's, DR appts, exchange surgery, etc...
Life is too uncertain to spend the majority of our time in toxic environments and feeling unappreciated!
I hope your friend is doing well and back home resting comfortably and her se's were not indicative of a more serious health issue.
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My god, what a year you've had. I am so sorry you've had to go through all that. You are a very strong person.
I would also be beside myself with that supervisor. From what you've said, I don't think she'll ever see your issues clearly. She may be threatened by your competence and commitment to your work.
I think your plan to apply for a transfer is exactly right. There's no way to improve a situation where a bad boss holds power over you--unless the boss moves on or is removed. And you know that this constant stress is counterproductive for your recovery and continued good health.
I know something about the pressure you're feeling. I was laid off from my job last March, while I was still getting Herception infusions every three weeks. We live with the looming increase in our COBRA payments and the fact that finding a job for me, who carried the family benefits, is looking next to impossible. BUT a toxic work environment will poison the good days you need to support your recovery. Please do what you need to do for your health. Good luck and let us know what happens!
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your boss is bullying you...it's not fair..it sucks. It sucks a lot.
Please consider reading "the bully at work".
I am not sure what the legal status of harassing someone for having breast cancer.Find out.
I am sure there is some support out there thought komen or other organization.
Will HR back you up? It's the post office right? If you can transfer, do it now!!!
You need to be careful, with what is excused, and not. You may be on thin ice caring for a friend, there is not much legal protection.
Start documenting!!!!! Daily, email yourself the documentation with a time stamp, but be careful about handing it over to a supervisior.
It is miserable the situation you are in. I was harassed for having athsma, and ended up quitting, even thought the state I was in, Wisconsin recognized that as a protected class disability.
Good luck
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I don't know what state you are in, but in CA working for state government is a very good job with tons of security and benefits - and under no circumstances should a woman with breast cancer give that up! Especially with the economy the way it is.
In CA, the state workers are unionized and as much as your boss complains, nothing can happen to you. However, if your boss is behaving in an unprofessional manner you should begin to document it and possibly all your union and grieve her.
While you are working on that you can also look for transfer opportuntities. A fresh start might help you mentally too, you don't need this crap now while recovering. A boss that handles pressure better might be helpful to you.
My husband is pretty high up in state government and he has had employees who do zero work. None. Watch movies on their PCs all day and flaunt it. And, there isn't anything he can do about it because the union protects that employee.
If a person with a documented illness is working as much as you are, then you are 100% safe. SHE is the one who is in trouble. I understand that she may be under stress too. It's always best to try to look at both sides. She probably has legitimate complaints and pressures about the work that needs to be done not getting done for whatever reason. However, is NO excuse for the comments she is making or the way she is treating you - you can't help your illness. She's behaving in a very unprofessional manner.
I think you should have a sit-down with her first and talk it out. Get her perspective and explain yours. If she still berates you -call the union.
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Nene, I'm having a flashback reading your story! My boss at the time of my dx and mastectomy was a horrible bitch -- a female physician, no less -- and I have always been in a similar situation, working at least 60 hours a week while getting paid for 35 (maximum at our institution), never taking all my vacation days, working weekends (I pulled an all-nighter in the weeks between lumpectomy and mastectomy, getting a grant application done, while boss whose grant it was went home at 2 AM...). She never expressed concern for me, only anguish for herself at having to manage without me while I was out... There's more, but this isn't my thread, so I'll try to control myself! Anyway, some departmental administrators were horrified at the attitudes she expressed to THEM (boss texted one of them, about me, "it's not like she lost a major organ or something") -- and they let me know of a position opening up that I transferred to.
Then, of course, my ex-boss raged at how everyone stabbed her in the back and "stole" me from her!
I never did go to the physical therapy that my BS and PS had prescribed for me... no time. I work in an academic hospital, and it's kind of like "the shoemaker's child goes barefoot" -- people in medicine really hate for their employees to have medical problems.
But maybe the "culture" in your HR department is more sympathetic to your medical needs? I would see if there is someone in HR you can talk to. Write down what your boss says to you, and DOCUMENT YOUR HOURS! (If you're only getting paid for 40, the whole place may not be interested in documenting that you've worked 60, so any way you can document it, that would be a good idea).
It just sucks -- the people who really knock themselves out for their jobs are the ones who get treated like this! Because a half-assed clockwatcher would smirk at a boss or supervisor who said such mean things, it would roll right off their backs, so that kind of boss doesn't even bother! They want to pressure and manipulate the people who really care and really perform!
So, I think it might help you to get a little of that "water off a duck's back" attitude -- I know it's really hard and scary -- I was terrified of being fired when I came back from mastectomy -- but for things like what you need medically and personally, I think it might help you if you withhold some of your openness and caring about the job -- the job is not "caring" about you, so you have to make sure you take care of yourself. They won't repay your concern for the job with their concern about your health. So don't pour yourself out for them.
(I think, if anything like your friend's emergency comes up again, if you have any personal days, just call and say you are taking a personal day, or a sick day. It's now obvious that your supervisor will not respond kindly to any honest expression of need on your part.)
Does your job offer any kind of anonymous employee counseling? Mine did -- I went to a counselor and talked specifically about how I was being treated, and it was helpful to speak to someone who wasn't HR, wasn't in any position of power, kind of helped me to rehearse what I was going to say and do with HR, boss, department heads, etc. If not your job, maybe they provide free counseling/social worker (maybe even legal advice?) where you are being treated?
Anyway, this sucks, you deserve better -- some people are just horrible when someone has an illness -- it's like some primitive "drive the sick one from the pack" mentality. I'm sorry it's happening to you, and I hope you can transfer to a better situation! It'll serve your supervisor right...
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Oh, my goodness, I am sorry that you have had to go through this on top of your breast cancer. I am a Christian but since my breast cancer journey, I have learned that we must forgive but we don't have to reconcile with people like your boss. If I were you, I would quit this awful job, report your boss and then move on. You deserve to be happy and there are hopefully other jobs out there. I will be praying for you daily. God bless you, Kathy
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"drive the sick one from the pack"
What a good way of putting this.
My old boss, in a previous job, told a guy with a heart problem if he didn't carry a desk up the stairs he was fired.
At my workplace he denied a woman with a difficult pregnancy her breaks.
The final straw for me, was when I saw an employee with multiple medical problems using dangerous equiptment (putting up the mast on a live truck) after being at work 18 hours.
Some supervisors are just evil.
I'm sorry to say several of us ended up pursuing this through the legal system. While the laws are there it is NOT an easy path and should be avoided if possible.
Sadly, there was a very serious accident not long after I left.
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Hi all! Thank you so much for all of the replies. I would love to say that things were better today but they really weren't. I got a text last night from my boss about a training that we had to attend today at our central office (state capital) which is about three hours away. Only the two of us were cleared to attend and we would be riding together. Three hours each way. In her usual fashion she behaved as if yesterday did not happen. We were just friends again, two people that used to do happy hours and roomed together at conferences. I do not work this way. If someone freaks on me I do not just get over it with out addressing the issue. I do not have confrontational relationships in my private life because I do not allow them. Any way she glossed over everything and made a very small comment about holding her tongue when stressed. Since I do not work in the private sector I am covered by just about every employment law there is. If I went to HR or above her head, which is within my rights, they would be very upset. All of my leave, which I only took after losing all my hair and not being able to recover from biweekly chemo in enough time to actually be productive, was time that I had earned through our leave system. The complication is that we were (are?) friends and I know that her heart is good but this way of dealing with people, which I have witnessed many times, is not appropriate for a manager. I do not speak to the people I supervise this way. Anyway getting back to the horrific number of hours I am working.....my therapist (I started to see one with the BC diagnosis) has been telling me to have my oncologist write a letter stating that I can not work beyone a certain number of hours per week because I am recovering from my treatments. Until this I have not done so. Yesterday I called and was met with the "wall" that protects my onc. First I have to explain my reason for calling to the receptionist, who is not a medical professional, then I have to leave a message for his nurse. When said nurse returns the call she is always very confused as to the reason for my call because receptionist has stated what she HEARD not what I SAID. Yesterday the call back was a vm stating that they have never had someone who could not work on Femara so she did not think that the onc would take me out of work. I called back and said that was not what I was asking for and explained my work situation and that my therapist and I do spend time on how the stress of my job is something I need to control for my health and well being. I then stated that she had recommended that I ask for the letter and that I felt that it was sad to need such a letter but I was afraid I needed it. She said that she understood and that my onc would be back in tomorrow (today) and that she would talk to him and call me. Keep in mind all I asked for was a note stating that due to the many treatments I have had this year for BC it would be best if I not be required to work so many hours over my normal work week while I recover and adapt to the many changes my body has been through. Well the call I got back today (vm as I was in training) was from the nurse (dr. never calls back or speaks on phone-EVER) and she said, "yeah as this is a mental health issue regarding stress from your job, your therapist should write the letter." "Basically as your breast cancer is done and your job is stressful you should have the therapist write the letter". DONE? Did my onc say to her that my BC was cured? That would be interesting as he has never used the word cured with me and I have an appointment to see him the first of the year. A six week follow up that I have been having every six weeks. From his calculations I should never have to see him again. My BC is done. Why am I on Femara? What my therapist was advising me to do was based on my physical health not mental health. I am afraid of what the long hours and stress are doing to me physically, mentally I can handle stress, I did just have cancer. So once again I am playing the rumor game with my oncologist in that every time my story gets repeated it stops resembling the original request. I was not even going to turn in the letter unless I had to, like a situatuion such as yesterday. Now I know that my BS will give me a letter in a heartbeat and he also gives out his cell number to patients, I just feel like my long term relationship is with my onc and he should be the one treating me as a person not just two tumors. Apparently my relationship is with his receptionist and LPN. By the way ladies...I started the thread but please feel free to use it to vent.....also I live in a non union state......my health benefits are absolutely keeping me there........I believe in forgiveness as well but sometimes the line, "Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you're an a**hole" fits. Love to you all.
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My heart goes out to you that you have to deal with this additional stress. I think your boss is passive aggressive and has many issues that she hasn't dealt with that are making her strike out at you. The fact that she thinks everything is okay the next day just confirms she is not mentally stable IMHO. That being said, this is not about her, it is about you and your recovery and wellness. I know you probably weigh your options on a regular basis and make your decision of how to deal with work as you go. You will know the answers as you go forward. If you need to make a change, you will.
But, as I read your post, I felt you are dealing with another issue that is adding to your stress. I was taken aback by your comment that your onc never personally speaks to you on the phone. My onc gave me his cell number on my first visit. I have only needed to call him once, but he answered immediately. Early on he called me regularly and we had lengthy conversations as we tried to figure out my treatment options. He is top notch in his field, but also extremely caring. His nurse (the gatekeeper) is a little more difficult, but in time she has come around also as she learned that I do not call unless it is legit. Everyone I know in my area has their onc's cell number.
That is not even the point. The point is you need to feel safe and cared for. You need to feel your doctor is heading your team and has your best interests at heart. I do not like this passing the buck attitude. If your onc infact spoke with you and then felt this way he would explain why he thinks the letter should come from the therapist. But he/she did not even address the issue.
You and I have similar dx's although my tumor was 3.5 cent. I was diagnosed about six months earlier than you and I know that my BC is NOT over. My doctors are there 100%. You need to feel yours are there too. I am not trying to upset you or add to your woes, but I do think you need to ask yourself if your doctor relationship is what you want and NEED.
We cannot do this alone. That is why we come to this site................we need support and encouragement. Make sure you are getting that. Sometimes we just need to get rid of what is toxic in our lives. We have all learned what is important and we need to do whatever it takes to fight this battle.
We are our own best advocates and must do what will make us the most comfortable. Listen to your inner voice.
We sisters need to hold each other up. I am holding you close, and hope you can resolve whatever issues are causing you stress.
Caren
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Hi nene.....you've have one helI of a year, and despite that you clearly have a very strong worth ethic. I don't have any answers for you, but absolutely agree that you have to look after yourself. No one else can make your health a priority but you and if your boss doesn't support you, you need to escalate this to her superior. I live in Canada, so can't speak to American employment standards but surely you must have some rights (unionized or not) that will protect you.
Good luck to you and I hope your friend is doing ok.
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Actually Canada has a law against work place bullying that the us does not. I experienced bullying and the hand of a former friend who turned against me when I was promoted.
IWe always sat together at parties and I invited her to my wedding.
I'm glad things are better. Call back the onc and ask how many hours is it healthy for you to be working. (I got limits because my athsma kicked in after 10 hours) If he does not feel there should be limits, then you will have to go another route.
You may want to start working with an attorney, if things get worse.
Good luck!
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Thanks again ladies! I relaxed for the first time in a few days reading your posts. I have started to take a "whatever" attitude with work even though I was informed today that I will be working on Saturday. I am starting my job search tonight. My hubby and I recently started the process to foster to adopt a little girl and that has been a ray of light. If and when we welcome her into our home that will put and end to all of this crazy overtime. If she becomes our daughter I can promise you that my focus will switch back to where it should be-my family. Goodfight-I agree that my onc needs to more available. I do not randomly call him so it is not like I am always asking him for something. I have not spoken to anyone in his office since my last appointment until yesterday. I am so frustrated with physicians at this point that I am starting to think our system does need repair as it is clearly broken. Mich_ and cookiegal- Thank you, thank you, thank you for responding to my posts. I could not make it through the horror that is BC without you all.
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Nene, I feel for you. This sounds horrible. How wonderful tht you may be getting your daughter. I know it will be hard in a lot of ways, but I think you should work your contract--and nothing more. It sounds like you are wearing yourself out, sweetie. Please take good care of yourself. Keep the benefits, work your normal hours, and let her complain all she wants. She can't force you to work more hours than you are required to do so. It is just not worth it. Do your best when you are at work, and then come home and relax! you deserve better than this boss. In sisterhood, xo
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I need to vent also, and not about BC - if you dont mind.
I was diagnosed in April 2009. Prior to diagnosis, I used most of my vacation days going to doctors appts/tests and such. So when I got the news it was definitely BC and required chemo, I made the decision to go on STD through work. My drive to work is one hour 20 minutes - one way. So driving to and from work takes 2 hours 40 minutes of my day. Going on STD was really my best decision - the stress of the commute on top of all work related stress. When I filed for STD, I found out our policy had changed and STD was for 3 months only - then I would have to go LTD. The oncologist recommended 6 months off work - so I had to file LTD and STD paperwork.
Exactly one week after my breast surgery my boss calls me up and said the amount of time I would be out was to long and they were going to fill my position so there was no guarantee of a position on my return. My boss also stated there may be changes to my salary. The news hit me like a brick. I've been with the company over nine years now and this is how I am treated?? I too was dedicated to my work. Now that I have been out for so long, I have learned my lesson. I will never be so dedicated to a job again, it's just not worth the mental and physcial stress on my body.
Then almost three months out on chemo, getting ready to go off STD and go on LTD, I get another call from my boss stating they changed policy again. Anyone out longer than 6 months on disabililty their position is terminated with the company. At that time I was half way through chemo and feeling like sh*t. It was like a punch to my stomach. How was I to rush my bc treatments and be back to work after 6 months. I knew I would be facing radiation treatments after chemo, I had no hair, I looked like a freak of nature. I also knew I would have follow appts after treatment, how would I manage those with no vacation time left? They were backing me into a corner and I felt defeated...what could I do??
When my 6 month date arrived I had not been released by my onc so I was waiting for the termination letter to arrive in my mailbox. It never came. Two weeks later I get another call from my boss stating I still had a job. WTF happened? I just dont get it. I wanted to question what was going on to my boss, but I'm saving that for a face to face when I go back there. I really dont want to go back, only because I dont feel like my boss wants me there. I feel like an outcast, they have made me feel isolated during this whole process.
So my onc is going to release me in January. I have contacted work with my date of return. I asked my boss (via e-mail) what position I would be returning to. Four days later I get yet another phone call from my boss. The company is going through organizational changes, my boss is not sure if it will happen before I return or after I return so couldnt say what position I'll return to....
The term "organizational changes" sounds like a layoff to me. So now I'm thinking I'll be layed off either before I go back or as soon as I go back. It really doesnt matter to me, after all the stress I've been through I think I would rather not go back. I need a change. I want to work with caring, compassionate people.
Thanks for listening...
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Jean-welcome and thanks for venting here. I am right there with you on this. You have been treated horribly and God forbid these bullies should ever have to deal with 1/10th of what we have been through. If my boss has menstrual cramps you would think that she was hemorraging and we should be holding a vigil. I don't blame you if you don't want to go back, however as someone who works with unemployment claims, let them make the decision. Show back up and make them lay you off if that is their plan. Do not quit and possibly miss out on unemployment benefits. I too want to work with caring, compassionate people...guess maybe they only exist on here. I will now give you the advice that I also need and wish I could take....breathe deeply and relax. You are a survivor and a thriver. They can not take that away from you.
Breathing and biting tongue right along with you!
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Jean...I think your boss was bsing you. You can't just fire people for being on disability. He was taking a cheap shot and hoping you would take the bait.
I won't say he's not gunning for you, but I would not be surprised if you have a job when you go back.
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Gee I hate to hear stories like this. My tendency would be to GO FOR THE TRANSFER JOB AND GET OUT OF YOUR SUPERVISORY POSITION! I did that years back and then sat and watched my replacement (replacements, one after another after another) go through hell dealing with the underlings on one side and the superiors on the other. SO NOT WORTH IT! Imagine what you're making hourly when you're working 65 hours. They do not deserve you! You can take a salary cut and find other ways to cut corners. Hell, just being home 20 more hours a week you can save money cooking at home, shopping more wisely etc. I truly believe that STRESS IS THE ROOT CAUSE OF MANY CANCERS. Why put yourself through this stress? I can just hear your stress coming through in your posts.
If you REALLLY feel you want to stay put, keep working 60 hours and keep being a supervisor, then tell your boss that you are putting in for a transfer. At least she will see that you are serious and she will have to sit down and hash it all out with you without brushing everything under the rug. And this talk might help you make your final decision one way or the other.
Oh, and by the way, if my boss had come in to me and said "welcome to my world" like that....I would have torn off my wig, busted open my blouse, and said "And welcome to MY world, bitch! " -
I don't have time to read through all the posts but have you called your states Labor Dept.? That sounds like a hostil environment issue. Your health will definately be at risk in such a terrible environment. She may be trying to drive you out. I would make a call to them and then contact an attorney to see your rights. They will often give you a free consultation. As a state employee you definately have rights that they will be more likely to comply to than private sector. I am furious that someone thinks they can get away with that behavior. From what I have read on the subject, the key issue is that she has power over you which is why your rights are being violated. You are being asked to work more hours than is beneficial to your health. The normal recovery time is 6 weeks for a hysterectomy so if you went back early because you feared for your job...bingo there's a big problem.
Make those calls at least to see if you have recourse. You matter!
Roseann
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Jean09, I don't know what state you live in, but in my state my boss would not even be speaking to me about my disability, I would only deal with the HR dept or Leave of Absence co-ordinator. My immediate supervisor does not even need to be told WHY I am out or anything about my illness. You may have a legal case based on what he told you and how they end up treating you so take notes and get correspondence via e-mail if possible. Unfortunately it's not a great time to be looking for a new job! The most alarming thing about your post is that your boss CALLED you when you were out on disability. Unless he is a one-man show who is boss, HR dept and compensation dept all in one, he has no right to call you to discuss work issues while you are out on disability. Perhaps you can find some free or inexpensive legal advice.
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Jean09 I agree with Shara and I know how you feel because my boss is empowered to make decisions on my leave as well and I do not agree with it at all. Leave that I earn should be granted through HR and not by someone in my office that has a "dog in the fight" so to speak. I have started to feel better and my "whatever" attitude is really starting to kick in. SharaD I read the last part of your post and LMAO! I envision myself saying "welcome to MY world, bitch". Nothing is more important than our health and we have taken on a formidable opponent in cancer. I do believe in karma, cosmic justice, what goes around comes around, whatever you may call it. Maybe a miserable life is what you get when you are ugly to people. I left a message for my onc's office two days ago to once and for all clear up the letter issue, to clear up my side anyway as I am going to get what I need from another doctor but I want to be heard. I still have not received a return call. This is unacceptable and I will be addressing it at my next appointment. I chose him to treat me he did not choose to treat me. He was compensated for his time and expertise. I feel like kicking a** and taking names and may just do so.
Thanks again ladies and I may contact a lawyer (and another oncologist) on Monday.
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Go nene!!!!
Hope you have a wonderful, restorative weekend.
Hugs,
Ann
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Nene, Cookiegal, Shara - thank you for your comments. It's nice to have people in your corner. I dont plan on quitting. I will go back. I actually cant wait to see my boss face to face and get an explanation.
I had to start paying cobra 5 months out on disability. When I contacted HR with my date of return in January, I was told to go ahead and make my cobra payment for the month of January. HR also advised me that I can come back part time and the LTD insurance company would thne compensate for a 40 hour week. My onc released me to go back to work, he did not say anything about part time. Wouldnt my onc have to release me part time or can I go back part time because I want to??? I was confused when HR put the part time bug in my ear - is it normal for HR depts say an employee can come back part time without a doctors note? Would the LTD insurace company need written notice from my onc of part time work?
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Again I'm in Canada so may not be relevant to your situation, but in my work experience it's been the norm for people who are coming back to work after an extended leave to come back part time through a reintegration plan, so that they can build up to working full time hours. Often our reintegration plans range from 6 to 8 weeks until the staff person is back full time and the insurance carriers pays the difference in salary through the long term disabily plan.
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Jean- I think your doc would need to revise your note, stating that you are cleared to go back to work for 20-24 hours per week. While your HR dept might be nice and allow you to make that decision for yourself, I doubt the the insurance would pay unless the doctor stated that you weren't ready to go back full time just yet.
GIRLS! - don't forget that little thing called DOCTOR PATIENT CONFIDENTIALITY! A receptionist needs to be told NOTHING! I don't tell a receptionist ANY details of my call, just that I need to speak to the doctor. Getting around the Nurse Practitioner or Doctor's assistant is a little tougher. The doc has obviously given them instructions, and rightly so as he can not handle 20 ten-minute phone conversations per day and also keep up with his practice. BUT, there are occasions when you MUST speak with your onc , so just play the confidentiality card. Tell his nurse that you need to speak with him regarding a confidential matter. She shouldn't pry beyond this, but if she does, just stick to your guns and say that you need to speak directly with your doctor regarding a matter that is protected by the doctor-patient confidentiality laws. Don't cry wolf, but when you MUST speak with your oncologist, make DEMANDS!
Nene...if I were you I'd call your nurse and ask her why you have an appointment with the oncologist in January if your cancer is "done"? Make her give you an explanation as to why in the world you have to pay for a doctor's visit if your cancer is finished, kapuut, history! Then, tell her that she is forbidden to leave messages for you on voicemail. Tell her that others have access to your voicemail and that you consider all of your medical information to be CONFIDENTIAL!
Lastly I would like to tell everyone who has trouble with staff members to mention this to your oncologist! Yes there is a nursing shortage and yes offices and hospitals are cutting back, but EVERY doctor should know when his staff is not performing up to par. The least he can do is to meet with them and remind them what we all are dealing with. And let your onc know that you do NOT appreciate having to spend 5 minutes talking to a receptionist, then ten minutes with the nurse, before being allowed your three minutes on the phone with the doctor. I told my oncologist straight on that I could explain my needs to him much better and much quicker than his nurse and receptionist can....and why does he want to hear all my questions three times, anyway???? He agreed and now I get through. I keep it short and to the point, but I do get HIM on the phone! -
Well ladies...back to the hellhole tomorrow. I worked yesterday so had my one day off this week. I have come back from the ledge that I was on and I am actually feeling sorry for my boss now. This journey was not a welcome one but has taught me so much. I have decided to focus on the positive. I feel sorry for her because she is clearly tying her happiness in life to this job and I believe that to be a HUGE mistake. I am back to remembering that I get to spend another holiday with my family and that we are all fortunate to still be here. One look at our angels thread can bring me back to reality. I am not going to let her take my job from me. I need the benefits and the money. I have a secure job in a bad economy and she can not take that away. My onc is another story and when I see him again I am going to address the "guards" that must decide if I get an audience with him. Medical school must give you priveleges that I was not aware of. My BS told me that it was a privelege to treat me and that I was very important to his practice. He also gave us his cell number and both my husband and I have spoken to him. I do not need to be treated with kid gloves but I do want to be treated as a person. I hope you all had a great weekend and are embracing the fact that tomorrow is Monday:) I get my implants on Friday and I am excited. I am ready for the turtle shells to be removed from my chest. I told my DH that they are his Christmas present. It must be really pleasant to touch my chest and feel bricks. Again, small price to pay. Thanks again for grabbing my hand when I felt the need to reach it out.
Bless you all.
edited to correct one of the typos that I caught
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