Starting Chemo April 2009
Comments
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GOOD MORNING GIRL;o)
I saw this video posted on another thread and loved it so I wanted to share it with you guys. It started my day off right!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEdVfyt-mLwI can't figure out how to make it a link so you'll have to copy and paste!
HUGS for a great day, Dawn
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Dawn - fantastic! Thanks for sharing.
Hugs, Judy x
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OMG - Dawn that was recorded at my hospital and the strange looking doctor 3/4 of the way through was my rads onc. What a kick!
Betsy
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Dawn that was awesome! Thanks for the link!
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Glad you guys liked it too;o)!
BETSY - That's so funny - you've got a great group behind you!
Happy Turkey Day!
HUGS, Dawn
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Happy Thanksgiving to you all!!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs, Judy x
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Hope everyone is doing ok on this thread and just too busy to write - which is a great sign!!!
Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!
Hugs, Judy x
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Hi all, Hmmm, well, haven't really been feeling myself (whoever that person is! I thought she was coming back but she went away again) -- dammit that was REALLY bad timing to stop smoking -- I should have waited for myself to FULLY return first, but what's done is done. I also had that massive amount of dental work done, and while my teeth LOOK so much better, I was taking pain pills (codeine-Tylenol) for almost three weeks straight because my mouth hurt so bad. I still get occasional twinges (and am watching what I eat, still avoiding crunchy stuff), but it's improving and doesn't get bad or last long enough to take even regular Tylenols anymore. Also had my last oncologist appointment 11/5/09. I asked him if the Tamoxifen hot flashes would ever go away. He told me that he'd have to put me on an antidepressant to stop them. After the Lexapro experience this summer, I don't want to go anywhere near antidepressants again. So I'm stuck living with them. :-P I also asked him about when I can have my port removed (I am sooo sick of the sight of that thing). He says he wants to do some more scans in January first. My next checkup with him is 12/31/09, and that's when he'll also order the scans. And, while my hair is growing, I'm still hideous without my wig. Just as it was when I was totally bald, I only go topless in my apartment -- I'm too embarrassed to go out or even open the apt door being this ugly. Um let's see, I'm 4 months, 1 week and 1 day post chemo, and my hair is only ALMOST as long as Dawn's was in that picture she posted of herself. It's coming in brown now, but has those white "mycelium tips" from when the regrowth started. Which means I could get that trimmed off, except I'm too embarrassed to sit topless at a hairdresser's looking like this if another client comes in and I have to be seen with my hair this short. :::shudder::: It's going to be a long time...I just don't think short hair is "cute" or "sassy" or anything good at all -- especially not on ME -- IT'S UGLY! I am so sick of being ugly. Any good news -- well, just had four days with my Pack Rat (heh heh heh), and with his help, my computer situation is far upgraded. The Sims are on my "new" Mac Mini and I have a nice little ethernet network with the Quicksilver, the Mini, the printer, and the external hard drive -- and also a KVM switch to go back and forth between the Mini and Quicksilver. MUUUCH better. Chelev -- did you say you had NED?! COOOOOL! Though that infection business sounded really nasty! :-P Titan -- You're going topless now? Wow! :::::faint::::: You're a much braver woman than I am. Sure, I go topless when I'm in my apartment by myself (I had to even when I was bald because in the summer, and with the hot flashes, well I had to!) -- but I still can't make myself even open the apt door this way. About the weight gain you mentioned -- I had no idea that taking vitamins could do that. I take vitamins too, but my weight has stayed more or less the same through all this. I don't have a scale at home, but when I get weighed at the doctor I take note of it, and I've been fluctuating up and down about 2-3 pounds within my "uppermost acceptable" range between onc visits. Dawn -- About that "slime flu" thing -- that's what kids are: plaguemeisters! Yeah, libido is good now, and no sexual problems (this is why I don't want to try any more antidepressants: blunted hard-to-reach orgasms are more depressing than depression!) Oh, and about my continuing hot flashes, my Pack Rat commented on one I had in the middle of the night while he was here -- I woke him up by furiously kicking the covers off myself. Are you on Tamoxifen? Hot flashes are a SE of Tamoxifen, which I started taking the week after I finished chemo. I had bad hot flashes from chemo too. Betsy -- Glad to hear you're doing so well. :-) Your caramel slugs remind me of the Staphylococcus and Streptococcus cupcakes I made for one of my former bosses on his birthday (um yeah, that's when I was working as a microbiologist). I had made miniature chocolate cupcakes and iced them with blue-purple icing so they'd look Gram positive -- I got the color by putting blue and red food coloring in plain white icing. Then I arranged them on platters in clusters (Staphylococcus) and chains (Streptococcus). Oh, that was a lot of fun seeing everyone react to them (my sick sense of humor was well known). One person said, "You eat one first," (hehehe) and my boss loved them. JudyNaomi -- Hope the heartburn is getting better, and hmmm, you're also getting brave with the hair? Wow. Well, gotta go now. Take care everybody! ~Lena.
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Hey Lena girl..good to hear from you! Sounds like everything is going pretty well for you...good to hear! Yes..the lovely hot flashes....I don't have them as bad as before but they still kick up again...and off go to the blankets...then I wake up freezing!
As far as topless...yes...we are all going topless now! I had my hair colored at 13 weeks PFC...people say I look good..my mom in law even said I look adorable....I don't know about adorable..but she is my mom in law and she did say something nice so I will go with it.
Had my 3 month check with the onc today...he said everything looked and sounded good. Also took blood to check my Vitamin D. levels also. He also released my report from my last mammogram and it was something I really enjoyed reading...THIS TIME!...I still have "young" breasts...hopefully they turn to fat soon...! I don't need to be dense anymore!
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Lena - good to hear from you! Yes, I am topless! And the funny thing is that I am so cold outdoors, but I don't want to put a hat on!!!
Heartburn still comes and goes, so we will see what happens with that.
Hugs to all, Judy x
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Of course you don't want to put a hat on! It would mess up your hair!! HEE! HEE!...Isn't it great?
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You are so right Titan - I have so little hair, but I just don't want to cover it! Of course, I also associate covering it with having treatment - but that is another whole discussion .... : )
Hugs to all, Judy xxx
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I still have very little hair and have to keep my head covered. When I go to work I wear a wig. When I'm just out and about I wear a baseball cap but have stopped wearing a scarf underneath. When I am alone at home I don't cover up any more. However, it's almost 6 months and I have very little hair. I'm worried it will not grow back. I'm working 3 days a week and will move to full time in January. At the end of a day, I am very, very tired. I had a biopsy on my arm last week. Doctor doesn't think it is a concern but wants to be sure. I still can't lose the chemo weight and since I started Arimidex I have put on even more. I hate how I look and it affects how I feel.
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Helen, hi. I wish there was something that I could say that would make you feel better. I think of you so often, but I don't think that is much help, is it? I too am very tired at the end of the day and I don't go to work, so I can only imagine how tired you must be. I too am finding it hard to keep my weight down, although I did lose during treatment because my stomach was so bad. I do find that doing excercise helps me though, both physically and mentally.
In addition to being sick, you have had a family loss to deal with and I think that everything takes its toll on a person. Healing takes time and I don't think that any of us realize just how long it can take to get back to "normal".
Just know that we are all by your side and are here if you ever need to vent!
Take care and hang in there...
Hugs, Judy xxx
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Thanks a lot, Judy. It does help to know that you think of me....it really does. When I went through this the first time I found myself on a forward path of getting stronger, feeling better, resuming normal activities although in hindsight it took about 2 years. I just don't feel the same this time as I feel that I have lost so much (body parts, relationships, family members), still feeling the effects of the chemo so many months down the line so it's much more difficult for me to get on a forward looking path. I know that there is much to be grateful for and I do try to focus on that but it really is harder the second time and I haven't gotten over the losses and I still worry that my hair won't come back. Thank you so much for your kind message.
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I know it is hard.....
We need to find a way to look forward, but it doesn't mean that it is going to be easy for us.
Have a good night, hugs, Judy xxx
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Helen..ditto what Judy wrote to you...she couldn't have said it any better...usually I'm the one that is messing with everyone but I'm not sure if it is something I should do with you..maybe when your hair is really starting to come in (and dang it..it will)...I will mess with you so you had better watch out....Breast cancer sucks...I hate what it does to perfectly beautiful women (LIKE US)..that certainly don't deserve this...people talk about a positive attitude..and I do think that it helps alot but sometimes being positive just doesn't freaking work....I just wish I could give you a big hug (I'm really good at those)....and just take care of you....know that we are here and thinking of you..feel the vibes..maybe someday we can all get together...there will be some tears but some laughter too..hang in there...we love you!
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You are a wonderful group of women. I don't know what I would without you. This is the only place that I feel totally accepted.
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Titan -- no, we're not ALL going out in public topless yet -- I'm not and Helen isn't! Gosh, isn't it strange...to "normal people" the word "topless" conjures up images of women naked from the waist up, but for us BC patients, it means "without wig, hat or scarf" !! And oh what imagery, like I'd have any business going ANY kind of "topless" anyway with this hideous GI Jane hair and my cancer-mangled right breast! Yuck! Which kind of brings me to...
Helen -- I know exactly how you feel, because I'm just like you when you said that hating how you look affects how you feel -- well me too! :-( We should start the "Sick of Looking Ugly" club huh? And yeah, ditto to what Judy and Titan told you.
Judy -- when I was up in NH visiting with my Pack Rat a few weeks ago, I had bought this hooded sweatshirt which I discovered covers my head enough where I could probably get away without wearing my wig, and I was actually tempted to wear it today when thinking of how to dress for today since I had to go out (mail a package at the PO, then supermarket shopping). Then I thought maybe the sweatshirt itself would be too warm because I was going to be pretty active, so I continue to muse about my winter hats, which I own ONLY because here in the Frozen Northeast, it gets subzero and windy in the winter, and I get earaches when it's cold and windy unless I wear a hat -- but I ended up deciding to just put the darn wig on! I'll bet nobody would have thought I looked too strange if I'd have worn one of my winter hats, and my less than one inch long hair is all stuck up and impossibly horrid looking ANYWAY (I hated hat-weather days because, yes, they messed up my hair!).....eh but I hate the cold....today wasn't cold enough for either that sweatshirt or a winter hat though -- winter coat and scarf was enough. And I don't know what I'm going to do if it ever comes to putting a winter hat on over my wig! :-O
~Lena.
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HI Girls;o)!
LENA - Hellllloooooo girlfriend. So good to read one of your posts. Tamox for me - I don't think I have any new side effects. My hot flashes started on chemo and have just continued, no different after I started the T. I don't have the sweats, just the flashes. I think they are worse during the night, I go most of the day w/o any but they seem to start in the evening.
As far as the hair goes girls, I think that you guys - HELEN & LENA probably look great and most people probably wouldn't think anything of you w/o your wigs or hats but it is all about being comfortable yourself and no matter what anyone says if you don't feel that way then it doesn't matter. This is such a hell that we have to go through on so many different levels and sometimes it seems like we will never again get to an accepting state of what and who we are now, but it will come and I hope soon for you! We are all here to hold each others hands when we need to and to kick each other in the butt when we need to - that's what friends are for.
TITAN - I bet you do look adorable;o)
JUDY - You sound like you're doing great.
I'll try to post a new pic this week.
LOVE to ya all! HUGS, Dawn
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Just checking in before I go off to bed to lie awake for hours
I have actually been dress shopping this week for a family event overseas in Feb and I am finding it very hard to see myself dressed "normally". I am wearing forms (had bilateral mastectomy, with failed reconstruction - that is for another discussion) and I almost feel like a fake. So Helen, I can totally understand how hard it is to feel good and to try and look good. Does that make any sense? It is almost like looking at someone else in the mirror, except that it isn't someone else, it is US!!! And somehow we have to find a way to accept that - but it is a real challenge. Always here for eachother and that makes this journey so much easier on so many levels!
And yes BC SUCKS but guess what...it didn't win!!!
Have a good night all, hugs, Judy xxx
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Lena and Helen are chicken!
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How are we all doing this evening? Helen, how are you today?
Hugs to all for a good night, Judy xxx
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Hi everyone.....even if you call me "chicken" I won't go topless until my scalp is covered by hair......LOL. I had lunch with barbe1958 today. Turns out we both work in the same area so it was easy to connect. My son and future DIL were supposed to come for dinner tonight but he ended up staying at work until 9 pm so all the preparation went to waste. Fortunately, I was able to freeze some of it. He's in a very high stress job but things are busier than normal these days. He's in the banking industry so it's been a rough year. But he's one of the guys at the bottom of the barrel who doesn't get a big bonus. I'm looking forward to Friday afternoon when I get to babysit my granddaughter (she is 2 years old).
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Chicken? I've been called worse! LOL! I don't care who calls me chicken or anything else (my Pack Rat thinks I'm irrational about the "hair thing") -- fine, fine, fine, but I am not going to so much as open my apt door topless until my hair has grown long enough for me to be able to at least minimally TOLERATE how I look -- and thus far for me, the bare minimum has never been shorter than SHOULDER LENGTH!
However, while watching Deep Space Nine yesterday I was noticing how Major Kira's hair isn't much longer than mine is (but she has a young, pretty face so it looks OK on her -- if she had really long hair, IMO she'd be totally drop dead gorgeous -- I just don't like short hair...)...well I got the brief idea that by springtime (if I'm still alive), I MIGHT actually have enough, or almost enough hair to get it trimmed/styled like hers. Problem is that *I* don't look good in short hair! Kira can pull it off being so pretty, but I'm not pretty like she is and I look HORRIBLE with it! So I guess I'm stuck with the damn wig.
Oh yeah, here's some pics of Major Kira so those of you who aren't Trekkies know who I mean:
http://media.photobucket.com/image/Major%20Kira%20Nerys/inverse352/major-kira-nerys-2.jpg
http://mario.lapam.mo.it/ds9/gifs/kira_2.jpg
~Lena.
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I'm ok with short hair......I just want it thick enough to cover my head. It seems that I may be the last one of this group to be able to go topless. But I will keep you posted.
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Helen...have fun with your grandaughter today...I have a great-niece that is two and I just love her...We took her shopping with us on Black Friday and she was awesome...I guess we are raising her right! To be a shopper..She kept putting stuff in a purse that she had picked up at the store and we had to empty it out and put the purse back before she was accused of shoplifting!
Helen..are you taking biotin? I have been taking it for about 15 weeks..I don't know if that was "it" that helped my hair come back fairly well....either way I'm not going to stop taking it..unless I start growing a beard or something.
Have a great weekend everyone!
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Babies are wonderful - they give that unconditional love we all need. I am taking Biotin.... have been doing so since the end of active treatment. I figure it can't hurt and maybe it is helping. I am also massaging my scalp with pure shea butter and avocado oil to try to provide more nutrition. I'm not panicky yet but if I don't see any difference in the next 2 months I think I'm in trouble re: hair. I'm coming up to 6 months PFC and I still have bald patches on my head. The top is very thin. The only place I see growth is on the sides just above my ears. I may try Nioxin. I know a number of people have tried that but I honestly don't know if it's just "snake oil" or if it really works. Does anyone else still have any lingering neuropathy? I have some still on the balls of my feet. I also find I am fatigued and need a lot more sleep. Sorry to be complaining so much today .... In a couple of hours I'm going over to see my granddaughter so I'll feel much happier.
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You hang in there Helen! With you all the way!
Have a good weekend all! Hugs, Judy x
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Enjoy your grandaughter too!
J x
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