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  • sheila888
    sheila888 Member Posts: 25,634
    edited November 2009
  • konakat
    konakat Member Posts: 6,085
    edited November 2009

    chase sexy lifeguards

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited November 2009
  • konakat
    konakat Member Posts: 6,085
    edited November 2009

    to their beachhut

  • sheila888
    sheila888 Member Posts: 25,634
    edited November 2009

    older men crazy

  • sheila888
    sheila888 Member Posts: 25,634
    edited November 2009
  • konakat
    konakat Member Posts: 6,085
    edited November 2009

    lookin' like Madonna

  • kbugmom
    kbugmom Member Posts: 15,189
    edited November 2009

    or even better.

  • sheila888
    sheila888 Member Posts: 25,634
    edited November 2009

    she walked proudly

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited November 2009

    whille suddenly farting  Fart In Face 





  • kbugmom
    kbugmom Member Posts: 15,189
    edited November 2009
  • konakat
    konakat Member Posts: 6,085
    edited November 2009

    holding head high

  • kbugmom
    kbugmom Member Posts: 15,189
    edited November 2009

    like a girafee

  • Laughjoyfully
    Laughjoyfully Member Posts: 174
    edited November 2009
    I was sitting on the patio sucking a lemon and watching the frogs knit their tongues around bugs, when suddenly a man walked by and kissed me. (I) was in shock!! It was Santa! My OWN Dad! I said, "what is that daffodil hanging on your big red sack?" "Ho Ho Ho", he said, "You might need glasses. That's no daffodil, it's an elf wearing a yellow ribbon and it says "cancer sucks". "It's not pink"! I exclaimed with a bitchslappin voice regretting it immediately. Santa sighed and made a silly joke and turned into a frog.

    Mrs. Claus helped Mr. Claus to remove his boots, only to discover his socks were dirty and smelly because frog feet hate cancer too. But frogs love bugs better than us all here. If it was BC sisters love I would hug a rich prince, if he is really a prince pure of heart and real pisser. But not too angry or hurtful, but a drinker. My prince would be a dog. So I decided to stay single, always easier really.

    It was raining cats and dogs, got all wet. By the time the day of celebration came we barely had enough dog shampoo to bathe the cat. We used cologne that smelled like meatballs and cheese spinach lasagna. All the other children were hungry and that's not how it should be when there's plenty of desire in the hearts of highway drivers. After the children played with their litter of puppies they got fleas. To get rid of the children, the fleas feasted on their blood. It was yucky. Thankfully, when they all drank cocoa the prince appeared. He was handsome except for the giant wart on his big toe which hardly showed. He was just such a kind of a legend and realized this...he was gay. This meant he was very happy and always helped want to be in boxer shorts.

    The next day his shorts disappeared. I wonder why he didn't notice he was naked? Not a pretty sight, except for glasses and his ding-dong still swinging along singing a song called "ding-a-dong-ding". Then he peed into the jack-o-lantern as he farted then he departed. How it smarted singing the song, a beautiful song, but he tripped over my boobs-in-a-box, out the window singing and farting laughing all the way.

    A sudden lapse it seems likely he wasn't aware that following him very, very closely was his nemesis dressed in green with a tiara and a wand. Next door, a loudly barking dog that just wouldn't say goodbye instead and left abuptly.

    But then, surprisingly, we all laughed so hard that our dentures rattled and we snorted changed our Depends with some help of the aid of my dog. Tears ran down on my lap top which didn't survive the "flood". I dried it, held my breath, counted to three, we all farted and that gas from their ass mooning us all while we hugged as we danced and we cheered while doing somersaults noticed jewels sparkling in odd places peed my pants did not care but the smell!!!

    Like expensive perfume, filled the room ... a rotten smell. A dead mouse?

    No, it's new, stunk like poo. Our eyes watered salty, laughing tears into our ears until we saw the open maw. A purple, tap-dancing lizard, bless his heart. He ate fried chicken and it caused him to riot. So we took the food, fed the dog, cranked the music... Dance Dance Dance til we lost our breath and fell out laughing.

    A pink elephant appeared! Was wearing shoes, polka dotted shoes, with a bikini, and started skipping rope with my great big llama and her mama was cooking dinner - sauerkraut and sausage. Started a fire, roasted some marshmallows, burnt down the old chicken coop. That is okay. Started to build a fancy one out of titanium and sparkling diamonds. But then we realize ... too expensive - need another plan.

    Boarding the hot-air balloon, went to Aruba, found pool guy. Heard him fart, that's no fun for the guests. He needs manners, and serve some drinks to us on the house. But who can swim with him? He smells bad enough I fainted. Who will help to call 911? Maybe the mermaid, if she can. If not, then we slap her. No black eyes are a-pretty side.

    Merman - now that's a great guy who is engaged to my best rich old aunt from northern Quebec who loves "boy-toys" and electric trains in the tub. Loves being shocked with a surprise. Why does the oddest things happen in boring stories?

    Are you trying to spruce up a banal lie by speaking truth? It worked before I started this. Garfield said so... the silly goose with pink feathers laid an egg that never hatched. So whatever happened??

    It just wait until the dark, when the fairies return to the enchanted land of Never Never Cancerland. So they decided to egg-nap it and incubate it and keep waiting for the hatching. Everyone in town was so excited yet slightly worried because it was a repeat performance.

    People were tired of this nasty cold windy weather of cancer land. They decided to, then something happened. The goose forgot about the eggs, cooked ‘em up, lived happily ever, until one day, when heard a whale or wail? But was only a hatching egg!!!!!!!!

    As I watched with a watchful attentiveness, it seemed a golden light glowed from within green foggy smell swelled from underneath and out came ...

    a baby princess.

    She's so beautiful! She's a blessing! Sugar and spice but ... not nice to be born with a crown from a Wal-Mart. No return policy and no diamonds.

    She grew up to become a billionaire stock broker and bought herself a Manhattan penthouse and a horse needed a place because the pig had some piglets. No way to eat pork again! So I decided to have lasagna, then some wine, when I remembered I needed to get cheese cake for the guest and for myself.

    The princess married guess who lol?

    And they went (to) Hawaii for (their) honeymoon in full monty on a full moon. The cow jumped over the fence and fell on a big turtle. He apologized profusely but Turtle snapped his lips and fell down pained onto Louise's head.

    She is maddddddddd about green cheese that tastes like a troll's tongue. So add icing and some sprinkles, a few candles blown out perfectly with a wish for a really all paid vacation to the beach.

    While I was packing my suitcase with my bikini, (I) looked at myself, packed a girdle (and) some secret snacks with a large bottle of wine. Head (to) the beach to get drunk, chase sexy lifeguards, but not drive to their beachhut with a girdle. Lookin' like Madonna or even better. She walked proudly while suddenly farting. Oh who heard?

    Holding head high like a giraffe reached the end.

    Thanks everyone - this was amazing -  I will start a new story thread with 5 words this time. BTW my DDH sat and copied the whole story -  he done good 8~D

     Laughjoyfully,

    Linda

  • sheila888
    sheila888 Member Posts: 25,634
    edited November 2009

    Thank you Linda for this funny thread and thank you DDH for copying.

    Looking forward for the next story.

    SheilaWink

  • Marple
    Marple Member Posts: 19,143
    edited November 2009
  • candie1971
    candie1971 Member Posts: 4,820
    edited November 2009

    great..thanks for all your work

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