Poetry thread anyone?

me too, I have been quiet lately, coming up to 3 yrs from dx soon and I have been going between -- dread/knot in my stomach/can't look at pictures of my children w/o crying -- to  -- sad/what have I done with the past 3 yrs/have I wasted all this time -- to -- I don't know what.

So the question of the day is why is everyone moving to facebook?

Hoping everyone is well

Pantufas.. good luck.. we'll miss you.  I'm sure you'll find a way to check in.  Best of luck.  I hope the change does you well.

if i only had more poems in my head....

g nite to you!

I remember that one! Sorry that you will not be online as much, hopefully you will be able to check in now and then! Sounds like the move is going to a good one for you. I hope you have a safe journey and good health!

a silly happy cancerversay poem i posted on facebook for one of my sisters

Happy Cancerversary

may your day be filled with joy
we hope your treatments did destroy
the yucky stuff they found.
that they found it is profound.

having cancer is very sad
we  miss the boobs that once we had
but we wake and it's another day
here's hoping we are here to stay.

LOL.. Ladies... You have me back here again. Love you people

Oh lovely ladies, I'm so glad I have found you.  I was struggling, getting ready to go through six weeks of radiation, and scared to death.  Wanting to read some encouraging posts from people who really know what it feels like to have to go through this.  So I found, "Help me get through treatment" and clicked on that, and then see this poetry forum.  When I read your poems, like Nancy, Apple, and Saint,  I feel unworthy to call myself "poetjanet" but that is what I do.  That is how I express myself. I thank you all for expressing yourselves. Your poems stir and comfort my soul.  I decided to try to write something to respond to people that just don't seem to understand why it is hard for me to go to our small group that meets twice a month or so.  Perhaps some of you might relate to feeling as I do:

WHY I'M NOT ME

To those who do not understand,

Why I don't feel like talking,

And my cheery smile has now become bland;

Why I am now more depressed,

When trusting God I could be,

Why I'm not walking in victory,

As you think I should be.

Why I want to hibernate,

When you think I should cluster,

What you don't understand,

This takes all the strength  I can muster.

I can't come and visit,

And sit relaxed and calm,

While life goes on as normal for you,

For me it is all wrong.

I know you have your ups and downs,

But for me down is here to stay for awhile;

And to run and hide as much as I may desire;

I have to face this and go through the fire.

So please understand,

And don't push me

To be what you think

I should be.

Pray for me do,

And by God's grace I'll get through,

But until this battle is over,

I cannot be me for you.

poetjanet   10/2/09

Janet,

Inside all of us is a poet, thoughts and feelings, worries and joys all trying to come out some how. The words don't really matter, who cares if it rhymes or has the "proper cadence". Its about finding a way to express emotions, good and bad, giving wings or flight to things unnamed. And by Gods strength, I believe you will find the you that was lost.

Lots of gentle hugs and kickass prayers!

Edit for spelling

Pantufas!!!! (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))  Our local library has pc's... maybe you could do that to keep in touch with us once in awhile.  Sure am gonna miss you!

EWB... I agree with Saint...you said it well sistah!

Poetjanet... I'm a janet too....  I loved your poem!!!!  I think the part I related to was that even though my family and friends have been very supportive...they want the energetic, always doing something janet back...and right now she's gone.  I still do quite a bit, but nothing like before the dx.  Have to take naps almost everyday after rads.  Over the weekend I slept 12 hours in one night!  Unheard of!  Absurd!  lol  Anyway...just wanted to tell you I loved your poem!

Farila...love right back at ya!

I haven't been posting as much but still enjoy reading through the threads... you guys are my "sistahs" for life....

xoxoxo  janet

                    TEAR

When in my eye like a drop she will appear

Don't look down upon her calling her a mere tear

Of the pains inside me she is the daughter

Born in  my heart when it was under slaughter

The news of her birth reached me as my heart bled

As an infant she was salty and coloured red

As my emotions lept up towards skies

She slowly traveled upwards to reach my eyes

Traveling on this hard road she lost her colour

And made her appearance like a dew on a flower

She had changed now, her colour was at fault

But her taste was unchanged and still tasted like salt.

Hi everyone,

What a talented group ...... previous to my cancer, I had never written anything.  I discovered, through journaling, what a great help writing became in releasing my feelings and darkest thoughts.  I don't know if my writings are "poetry", but I thought I would share one of them with you anyway.

I REMEBERED TODAY, BUT TRIED TO FORGET

I remembered today, but tried to forget ....

That Saturday when I felt the small, hard ball just beneath my skin and the fearful recognition of what I had just discovered.

I remembered today, but tried to forget ......

Lying on the cold examination table, the stunningly quiet ultrasound technician with her eyes darting about the room afraid to settle her eyes upon my face .... her silence acknowledging what I already knew.

I remembered today, but tried to forget ......

The painful biopsies .... and how I charmed the room with my humorous quips to blanket the panic and fear that I was really feeling.

I remembered today, but tried to forget ......

The phone ringing a few days later, the calm voice of a nurse on the other end, a million miles away, saying matter-of-factly that I have breast cancer ... the phone call only lasting minutes but feeling like an eternity .... using words I couldn't yet understand like estrogen, progesterone, chemotherapy, and tamoxifen. And that voice cheerfully stating that it is a good thing that my tumor is hormone positive ..... A good thing would have been to hear her say that this was all a big mistake ...

I remembered today, but tried to forget ......

Putting on that brave mask and tellling my family and friends that I have breast cancer ...... seeing the palpable pain on their faces and hearing the regret in their voices ..... telling my two beautiful daughters together in my livingroom .... trying to reassure them that I will be fine but also havnig to be honest that my future is uncertain .... seeing their bright-eyed faces trying to be brave, recognizing their quivering chins and sagging shoulders, Katherine having to leave the room to compose herself.

I remembered today, but tried to forget ......

The surgery to remove my breast and the huge painful drain that became my constant companion, trying to hide it like it was something to be ashamed about, the same shame I felt about the breast cancer, like I had done something wrong.

I remembered today, but tried to forget ......

The first chemotherapy infusion ..... being scared to death when they started the i.v. ..... waiting to die when the toxic coctail made its way into my veins ..... realizing that I couldn't walk away from this like you can with other problems ..... sitting there for hours watching, just watching, the drugs drip into me .... drip, drip, drip ..... looking around the chemo room at all the sickness there and feeling like I don't belong.

I remembered today, but tried to forget ......

Waking up one morning and noticing that my arm hair had vacated my body, knowing what was coming, the loss of my hair was right around the corner, unavoidable. And, after my hair fell out, being afraid of mirrors for months for fear that I could see into the soul of the person staring back at me and having to face the pain held there.

I remembered today, but tried to forget ......

The sickness I felt for months .... my swollen body a traitor to me ...bearing all of the rarest side effects that even baffled the doctors .... but having to go on with my life as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, and coworker, never telling anyone how badly I really felt.

I remembered today, but tried to forget ......

Until this moment, when I can now look back and recognize the slow, steady signs of healing ..... the physical .... i.e. my hair growing back, shedding my wig, my edema slowly dissipating, losing the chemo pounds I had gained .... but also the emotional healing ..... being "okay" with that person staring back at me in the mirror, wanting to reach out to those less fortunate than I, wanting to be closer to my kids, friends and family, wanting to live....... wanting to love.

oh wow...

very inspiring Gillkath.  You have been through alot, and made it, and come here to help us with your story of hope.  Farila, your poem was very deep with a haunting quality. 

Fiestybluegecko, i can certainly relate to your, nightly mind games.   I just started radiation, and fears of what is ahead keep taunting me.  Trying to tell myself to take one day at a time. When you mention sunshine bringing hope, I am reminded of a verse in the Bible that says, "His mercies are new each morning. 

Hi Apple.  Had to google that verse as I couldn't remember where it was from:  "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases.  His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22-23

I decided to put in here a poem I wrote back in 2000, when my husband had hodgkins disease.

Can't say that I feel I can repeat these words everyday when I am engulfed with worry.  But I know that in times where I have chosen trust over fear, what ever I was facing was easier to bear.

Hope

Hope is a fountain.

Hope is a rock.

Hope is my salvation

From panic's stumbling block.

With hope there is no worry.

With hope there is no fear.

With hope there is calm assurance

That my Jesus is always there.

So I'll trust Him for today,

And leave tomorrow for His grace;

For no matter what I encounter,

He walks with me in that place.

poetjanet  4/25/2000

deep heartfelt prayers for Saint

who has lovingly helped me so.

prayers from the bottom of my heart sent to God above

 may he surround you with his love