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cindoe
cindoe Member Posts: 265
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Hello,

Lost my partner to BC two months ago. From beginning to end it was five months. I go to work, but that's all I can seem to do. I'm frozen. I can't do anything that needs to be done. I don't sit here and cry too much. I have gone over it in my head, but now not so much. I just feel overwhelmed all the time, just by everything. I wasn't this way even during those five months. Is this a depression symptom?

Thanks,

Cyn

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited November 2009

        I remember your posts from the hospital and when you were arguing with doctors and family regarding Chris's care and wishes, practically living at the hospital. .  You were so loyal and there thru all the tough times no matter how bad, that probably even though it is a relief to know she is at peace, you are experiencing not only grief, but a let down.  Had so much going on and now Bam, you are alone with memories and thoughts. Work is something scheduled that you have to do, but after that no motivation and I think that is perfectly normal.  You asked if the way you are feeling is a symptom of  depression....probably.  Do you have friends who are there for you.?  I know there is great support on here, but sometimes it is good to get a physical hug and not just the cyber ones. Also, I think there are grief support groups.that might help.  Just tell yourself, this too shall pass. 

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  • cindoe
    cindoe Member Posts: 265
    edited November 2009

    Marybe,

    I lost most my friends when I started my relationship. My best friend couldn't take it I guess. When I was happy for the relationship and told her, she said what do you want me to say. I was thinking to myself, maybe you could say, I'm happy for you! So she's out. Chris had alot of guy friends and I feel weird talking to them. Support groups, and  other structured help, I am debating that, I see them as not really caring. If its one thing I hate is talking to someone and them looking at their watch. In other words they really don't care, in my opinion. So like you said, maybe just wait for it to pass.

    Thanks,

    Cyn

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited November 2009

    Cyn, as women we step up to the plate very well during a crisis, but then give ourselves a chance to "collapse" when it's all over. You fought very well for Chris and now are in the "collapse" stage. Let yourself heal. You have the right to take as long as you need before you "have to move on". You also have a grieving process to go through as well! Double whammy.

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{ Hugs to you! }}}}}}}}}}}}}}

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  • Isabella4
    Isabella4 Member Posts: 2,166
    edited November 2009

    Cyn. I don't have much advice on this subject, apart from it sounds as if you have something akin to depression.

    This is to be expected. You have lost your other half. I read your posts as you and Chris were at the hospital. I am sorry you lost her, I can't imagine how you must feel.

    Barbe is quite right, there is a grieving process to go thru, and we all take different times to go thru each stage. You have to look after yourself which means a trip to see your Dr. to begin with. Would Chris have wanted you to be in this state? She would surely have wanted for you to get on with things. I know, I know, easier said than done !!

    Is there something you feel you able to get involved with ? Could you feel able to volunteer, to get a little involved with others, so there is something taking up the space in your mind that is a void at this moment in time ? You did such a great job for Chris, use your talents, advocate for others maybe ?

    Most of all don't stew alone. We are all here to lean on and listen, and it always helps to have another perspective on a problem.

    Take care of YOU, thats the main thing.  (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

    Isabella.

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  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 19,757
    edited November 2009

    Cyn, remember, the pain you feel now, validates the love you and Chris shared.....

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  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 1,585
    edited November 2009

    hang in there sweet sister, we are here for you!  In sisterhood, xo

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