One year ago today

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ShondaE
ShondaE Member Posts: 48
edited June 2014 in IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)

I was one year ago today that my whole world came crashing down around me.  This is when they called me to tell me that I had Breast Cancer.

Today  I am feeling so sad, I am still laying in bed and it's 1 in the afternoon.  I keep reflecting on the past year and I still can't believe it.

I've been thru chemo, bi-lateral mx, gene testing (brac 1 Positive), un countable tests, gained a ton of weigh, lost my hair, and now i'm going thru the reconstruction process.  I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I'm seeing my Onco every 3 months which scares the hell out of me, I can't take Tamoxifen or anything since I'm Triple Negative as well so I worry all the time that the cancer will come back.

I get so tired of people telling me well " it's been a year and see how far you"ve come." Is it wrong to want to strangle people..LOL....

I think i'm going to pop a cpl of bottles of wine open and just drink this whole day away. 

Thanks for listening to me ramble.

Shonda

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  • chainsawz
    chainsawz Member Posts: 3,473
    edited October 2009

    Shonda - you have every right to feel like you do....breast cancer sucks!  I was diagnosed last year and I can't believe how different I look today.  Gone is my waist length naturally blond hair - replaced with weird scrubby brown stuff.  Eyelashes - only little stubbles in their place.  Long nails - broken and brittle.  Skin - blotchy and yucky.  Breasts - gone - scars in their place and a bloated stomach sticks out.  I have gained 40+ pounds and lost my neck somewhere :>  It is a ton to take on top of the fact that we have cancer, we live in constant fear and are subjected to tests and procedures continually.   People just do not appreciate how difficult this journey is for all of us.  Your sisters here do!   lisa

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  • CoolBreeze
    CoolBreeze Member Posts: 4,668
    edited October 2009

    I'm so sorry a year down the road you are feeling like this.  I'm a newbie to this journey- had my mx last week, still no path report - don't start chemo until November, herceptin after that .  Long road to go for me.  I just wish I was near you so that we could share a glass of wine together and assure ourselves that it's hard now but someday will be okay.

    Or just drink a glass of wine together and complain. That's okay too.  {{hugs}}

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  • ShondaE
    ShondaE Member Posts: 48
    edited October 2009

    chainsawz, thank you for responding.  I am so thankfull for this site and all my sisters here I'm not sure what I would do without it. 

    CoolBreeze, I'm sorry to hear of you DX.  I hope you are doing okay after you MX.  If you want somebody to chat with please PM I know what a rough road it is.  I wish you were close enough we definetly could share thhat bottle of wine and compalin..LOL

    Hugs Shonda 

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  • lovemyfamilysomuch
    lovemyfamilysomuch Member Posts: 1,585
    edited October 2009

    Sweet sister ShondaE,  I know just how you feel!  This is the month of my dx last year and I have had all sorts of feelings.  It is such an awful experience, and people just do not understand, but WE do!!  Vent all you want, that is why we are here!  In sisterhood, xo

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  • coonie
    coonie Member Posts: 7,618
    edited October 2009

    ((((ShondaE))))

    Life after diagnosis is difficult, but I think we learn to live a new "normal" life. Just wanted you to know we understand how you're feeling. Hope you come here anytime you need reassurance or just a hug. These sistahs are great!!!

    Gentle hugs to you!!! If that's your family in the avatar, you have a beautiful family!!

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  • LittleRed
    LittleRed Member Posts: 223
    edited October 2009

    ShondaE:

    Hang in there - sending good thoughts your way -

    Be good to you -

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  • LRM216
    LRM216 Member Posts: 2,115
    edited October 2009

    ShondaE - I hear you, sister.  I too am triple negative and I am no farther along in my optimism or thinking than I was when diagnosed late last February.  Am in my second week of rads and I know I will crash upon completion.  Nothing more to do - but wait.  I hate this with a passion and would give anything not to be triple negative.  I pray for all of us - it's a beast of a disease.

    Linda

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