Can't Stop Crying

Jadai, I am so sorry for your pain and loss, I don't know what words to say, there are no words really. People here do get it at least, keep coming back here.

Jadai, I had no idea that your mom passed. I'm so..so sorry. I just wanted to give you a hug during this difficult time... (((((())))))

Jadai, I lost my mum when I was 10, I'm now 47 and I miss her everyday but over time the deep hurt becomes something you live with.  Your mum would want you to have a happy life, grieve for her but try and remember that for as long as you have memories she will live forever. This disease is horrid and I'm so sorry your beautiful mum had to go through so much pain.

When someone says I look like my mum it brightens my day and makes me feel so proud.  It's time ... time .. time..nothing else can help ... (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

My own mother died when I was young and I was so close to my mother in law - she was my best friend as well as my mother in law - I cared for her when she was dying of stage 4 lung cancer.  Probably doesnt compare to what you are going through but I thought I would share...

After my mother in law passed, my daughters and I would find hearts every where - puddles in the shape of hearts, heart shaped rocks, even an apple one day - red with a green heart on it.  I told them that it was Grandma telling us she loved us.  To this day, I find them (on a recent hike when I told my husband that he didnt believe me we found a pink heart shaped rock so big we couldnt move it! I told him next time he doubted me she would drop a boulder on his car!)

I believe those who love us are still around us and it brings me comfort.

I'm so very sorry for your loss.  You are doing the right thing by expressing yourself!  As many of us have learned this entire cancer experience is a grieving 'process'...and until you work thru it is hard to move forward. I could not stop crying months after I completed my treatment........ learned later it was delayed grieving. I have learned w/ the help of a counselor/ therapist to express myself apropriately and release the grief.....and life is looking so much better now!  Please know you're not alone and do not hesitate to seek help/support when you need it.

xoxo

Jadai, My heart goes out to you.  I lost my mother 3 years ago and then 11 months after lost my father. 2 years before my mother got sick (lung cancer) my sister was diagnosed with BC so they were there to help her with all the ups and downs, sickness and instability related with masectomy, radiation & kemotherapy until she went into remission and was strong enought to help my mother through her radiation and kemotherapy.  3 days after we buried my mother my sister came out of remission and has been battling every day (still with kemo and in 3 weeks she starts with cyber knife treatment).  We have a large family and we are all very close (7brothers & sisters). 

Anyway, I did not think that I was ever going to be able to laugh or smile again when I thought of my parents but with my sister's help my heart grows everytime I think of them.  Terry always had a thing with my mom every time the clock had same numbers (1:11; 2:22 etc) they always would bring it to each others attention and smile. Now everytime I see it on the clock I say it in a wisper to my mother and know that she is smiling. I also find the dreaming about them can keep me happy for an entire day just reliving the dream over and over. Terry (sister) says a little prayer at night before she falls asleep and swears that most times it works "God please let me dream about mom and dad tonight". I can't promise it works but it does help to think about them before falling asleep. 

Bottom line, you will eventually start to feel better, you will always miss them but eventually you will be able to smile when you think about them.

You are in my prayers.

Jadai,

I truly understand your pain. It hit me when you mentioned that you have become an "orphan"at 35. I lost my only sister to BC last november 2008. I was 30 and she was 36 .. It all happened so fast, she was diagnosed in Jan08 and passed away 10 months later. I still have my parents, fortunately for me, but since my sister is gone I do feel the difference of being an "only" child...and it is difficult sometimes. Almost 1 year has gone by, and every day when I wake up I think of her. I always will and I know that's ok. I still don't understand how this could happen and I don't think I ever will. However, I have accepted it. When she knew there was no cure for her, she told me that she had been fortunate in her life up until then..but that was her path in life. She had accepted it, so I think so shoud I.

I try not to think about her suffering in the last weeks, because it is painful. It was very difficult to see her young vibrant self deteriorate so quickly and to see her girls (ages 6 and 8) lose their mom at such a young age. All year, I had reminders of what had happened on such a date the previous year and it was difficult. But it's part of the grieving process and with time it does get better. It helps to focus on the good times and I cherish the happy memories I have of her. She has also appeared in my dreams a few times.

I would suggest you join a local support group, it might help to meet others in similar situations.

All the best.