Slow Motion Recovery

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pabbie
pabbie Member Posts: 370
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

Hi-I was dx'ed with BC in Feb. 2008. I had 2 surgeries for a lumpectomy, 7 weeks of radiation, and tamoxifen. I'm also on some prescription drugs for depression, anxiety, sleeping and moodiness.

Now I'm ready to look for a part-time job. But the only way I can describe it is I'm physically and mentally walking in slow motion. My physical therapist told me I have a new job and that is to take care of myself. I have to exercise everyday. This has motivated me a little in that I'm more aware of going for a walk. And push myself (it's like a job) to go to the gym when my left ankle swells up. I have lymphadema in that leg due to my surgery for colorectal cancer. And I think because of my weight gain it puts more strain on the feet.

My question is? Does anyone mentally think they are getting ready to get back into life by working and such but feel a tug backwards. My psych. says I'm still depressed but I feel I'm ready to move on. It was much easier w/ my first cancer but I was 41 then. I think by feeling extra anxious in taking the tamoxifen has added to my slowness because I take clonazapem. (for anxiety & sleeping)

I always thought, "OK when I'm ready I'll be able to move forward."  I guess I'm moving like a "backwards snail" but at least I'm moving?

Thanks for listening. My psych. and I are trying to streamline some of my drugs but it makes it difficult w/ the side effects of the tamoxifen. Take care of yourselves.Undecided

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited October 2009

    Hi Pabbie.  Sorry you are going through this but you know it's not an easy journey. 

     I'm nowhere near being an expert but it sounds to me like you are not yet ready to take the next step.  I actually think I can hear your "depression" just in your post.  Please, please, don't rush yet.  I know it doesn't feel like you are rushing but when you do eventually move ahead (and you will!) you want to be successful.  How about giving it until the end of the year, get stronger, let your body do some more healing, and discuss it again with your psych? 

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  • pabbie
    pabbie Member Posts: 370
    edited October 2009

    Bump

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  • marmsie
    marmsie Member Posts: 59
    edited October 2009

    I feel like I am just treading water and holding my place. I am definitely not ready for forward progress. This was my second cancer, too, though my first cancer, also at age 41 was breast cancer. This most recent treatment was "technically" a quicker fix, but I am not adjusting to my new body very well. With the help of a prosthesis, I look just like my old self. I feel nothing like my old self.

    The Arimidex has also really taken a toll. But this little pill is all I've got. That and a great deal of walking. But other than that I am not being a very productive human being. I take care of the basics. My family has chosen to ignore or at least pretend to ignore that I am not my "old self". 

    So for now I am going to be content to tread water as it really is the best I can do. I was beating myself up about that at first, but I figure I've got the right to just hold steady for a bit and even step aside from what was my usual stuff. I really have faced quite a trauma with the second cancer diagnosis and mastectomy. I have the luxury of not needing to work right now. Honestly, this second surgery has done a bit of a number on my ability to do the work I'm qualified for anyway. That does not help on one level, but thankfully I don't need that income.

    If it helps at all - I think I understand what you are saying.

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