Stage Less than 4 Woman...Here's YOUR place..

LRM216 -

Those words are SO true! 

And I'm still learning how my mind reacts to the fear.  Some of my immediate reactions/thoughts are so wrong but I think it's the survival instinct coming in to play.  For instance, even though my logical side knows better, when I hear about someone who is diagnosed with stage I can hear my little voices saying "oh, they don't have anything to worrry about!".  Yet when I talk to a co-worker about his wife who passed from her initial stage IV dx and he tells me that it looks so good for me because I have a real chance at getting clear margins then the little voices say "what are you talking about??? you don't know my cancer! you don't know my family history!".

Honestly, my own hypocrisy really bugs me.  It's something I know I have to work on.  But since I'm aware of it (at least some of the time!) then maybe I have a chance of eliminating it.

Personally, I think it's another SE from BC.  But it's not going to go away like the other SEs. 

Linda,

YOU ROCK!! 

Love you, sistah!

Okay ladies I am Stage 4 lady and I would be more then happy to answer any of your questions  just PM me . God Bless

Just chiming in... I read that you should never TRUMP anyone else's cancer and I do my best to live by that. I'm told I'm "between" a stage IIIC and a IV and that a true Stage will never be absolutely known because I required 6 months of chemo before my bi-lat. Sometimes I don't know where I belong but chose to stick with Stage IIIC in my identification.

Still the same "trumping" is always in the back of my mind. I'm now working with some newly diagnosed women. I always tell them that their cancer is the most important cancer there is, they need to own and not listen to the "my sister, my aunt, my cousin". While the advice I have received is immeasurable, choices involving cancer and reactions to treatment are very personal and very individual.

Love and prayers always (really always praying for my cancer buddies),

Jane

Beesie once quoted someone else on these boards as having said, "We have to remember that the worst thing someone else has gone through is the worst thing they have gone through."  That was to remind us to be sensitive to other people's concerns, because their concerns are just as valid to them as ours are to us.

Nevertheless, I really do think those of us with "early-stage" BC have no clue what it's like to be Stage IV.  We forget that the agonizing decisions we've had to make (lumpectomy or mast?  chemo or no chemo?  2nd opinion or get started right away?) were probably faced by our Stage IV sisters several years ago, when they were first dx'd with cancer and it was not known to have spread.

We sometimes think we're "all in the same boat" with our Stage IV sisters, as we worry about our future -- Will we be around to see our children graduate from high school and get married?  Will we ever know our grandchildren?  Will we have a chance to go on those cruises we'd planned for our retirement, or buy that vacation home in the mountains... or will we not be around that long?

The thing we forget sometimes is that many of our Stage IV sisters already know they will not live to see their children fall in love and marry, and they will not ever hold their grandchildren.  And, as far as that vacation home is concerned, they'll never see it; because they will need to be thinking about long-term nursing care or hospice instead. They will be on chemo for the rest of their lives, or until they've decided they've had enough and it's time to let go.  Those aren't "what-if's" for our Stage IV sisters -- they are certainties.  And, I cannot believe that knowing those things are on the horizon is any less agonizing than thinking they might be, despite our doctors' optimism.

It's grim.  I know, because I have a friend who is Stage IV.  She beat the odds, and lived longer and with more freedom and independence ("normalcy") than anyone predicted.  But now she is losing her struggle and does not have much time left.  How could I possibly equate my situation with hers, just because we were both dx'd with breast cancer?  How could I possibly suggest that she should be more tolerant of me, and more sensitive to my fears, if I insist on calling her or emailing her with questions and she doesn't want to answer them?

I found this article in yesterday's on-line NY Times.  It's about MD Anderson and the people who go there for treatment or work there as doctors and nurses.  Don't read it if you are already feeling morose today, because I don't think it will cheer you up.  It's a serious reality-check:  http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/25/health/research/25anderson.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&em

Hugs to all...

otter 

Thank you, Otter.

Thanks for the article, Otter.

I ran across a book right after I had been diagnosed.  It was Fighting Cancer with the Help of Your Catholic Faith. The very first page I opened to while in the bookstore was about the author asking her doctor when her life would return to normal.  His response was basically "never".  I don't think people without cancer really understand that.   No matter what, I will always have to deal with the fact that I've had cancer.  I will always know that there is the chance of a recurrence, and now a greater chance of developing another cancer, etc.  It will never go away.

I read the NYT article last night. My gyno told me to get a skin check - I'm very fair and have a lot of dark body freckles. The appointment is for this week and I was going to cancel it, but resolved to keep it after I read the article.

Woman in colorado started a business in her basement - she created and sold croc "ornaments"  for $2.49 a piece. Soon she was selling $2 million in croc ornaments a month and within a year sold the company to crocs for 10mm. 

http://www.denverpost.com/ci_4442705# 

Sure wish I could come up with million dollar ideas like the lady in Colorado - ornaments for crocs..................

The little ornaments for crocs were called Gibbits (or Jibbits)!  I remember seeing them and thought they were cute.  Still didn't make me want to wear crocs, though.  I'm with you, Jane, no crocs for me.  And never, NEVER should they be on men!!

Laura 

did i need that reality check?  i suppose it's good to know i could be dead in less than five years.

i hereby resolve to avoid all carcinogens with diligence.

short for crocodiles..indestructible  animals at home on land and in the water

Trumping others' cancer.  Yes.  I was at a Christmas Party last year and the widow of a good friend of my husbands asked me if I knew how lucky I was.  Hmmm, stage III ovarian cancer 7 years ago (I'm told I beat the odds on that one) and stage III cancer two years ago.  Lucky me!

Her husband was diagnosed with esophogeal cancer in May '05 and was gone by September.  Yes, his cancer was worse than mine.  I replied to her "Oh yes, I do know how lucky I am.  The lymph nodes behind my breastbone were involved and they couldn't operate on them.  I was very fortunate that the chemo took care of them and I know that I am very lucky to be alive."

I could tell by the look on her face that she had had no idea how seriously ill I had been.  I think she had thought my cancer was nothing.  There was no benefit in my getting angry at her.  I believe that my calm approach made much more of an impact on her.  This is a lady that has no compassion for her husband's grieving parents although she's happy to go to their house for Christmas and bring her new boyfriend!