Sex become difficult?

Lucy

 You should check out the I want my Mojo Back thread which is on the MOving on from Cancer board - it is pinned to the top of the first page of threads. It has heaps and heaps of ideas from lots of different women.

For my own part, I found that - 

(a) it was better to have sex even if I didn't particularly feel like it, because afterwards I always felt satisfied and more sexual. Having sex kept my libido flickering. So don't wait for it to come back  - bring it back by acting as if it is already back

(b) one needs lots and lots of foreplay and a really good lubricant (I recommend Pjur, check out the Mojo thread for other suggestions)

(c) the best way to lubricate is oral sex (seriously)

(d) on times when I really couldn't face penetration there were still lots of ways I could make my boyfriend happy, and usually making him satisfied made me feel more relaxed and sexual anyway so that I enjoyed myself more

(e) the key to penetration is going really, really, really slowly. LIke, it might take 5 minutes for him to get fully inside you, if that is how long your body takes to adjust. But it is worth it!

(f) get yourself a good vibrator if you don't already have one, and use it often, because orgasm helps ease the dryness.

Sorry if this is too explicit - be warned the Mojo thread is worse!

Good luck to you. THis is such an important thing in our lives and there is no way we shoudl let cancer treatment take it from us. Using the above guidelines I had good sex (though not as much as usual) throughout chemo, and I do definitely notice my body beginning to recover now that I am  nearly 2 months post chemo.

I'm going through the same thing.  I was diagnosed in April and got married in June and since about my 3rd Chemo, I've had no desire whatsoever to have sex.  Its had a huge, huge impact on my relationship with my new husband.  He thinks I'm just not interested.

I asked my Oncologist about it but he really thought I was just talking about dryness and said that maybe I just don't feel sexy right now.  I'm very comfortable with how I look right now (it took time) so I know its not just me feeling unsexy. 

Also going through hot flushes/flashes aswell so it may be that I'm just hitting menopause early. 

I really wish someone had told me about all these side effects when I was diagnosed!

Ruby,  this is a thread that I'm sure many women are feeling.  I mentioned this on my thread not too long ago about missing having hot sex with my hubby as a reason I don't feel positive, as others always seem to tell you how to feel.  I am one who really misses that because it was always a very important part of our 37 yr. long marriage.  Sex was always good between us.  Even now with all I've gone thru with this bc beast, he's been thru every step of the way even tho sex has not been great. I do agree with what others have already posted here.  Even when there is no libido, just staying sexually connect  to each other will bring about those feelings.  Don't just wait for your libido to happen.  In our circumstances, we have to make it happen.  Lots of lubrication and foreplay with a vibrator is helpful for getting those feeling down there to want him inside you, and then go very slow if it is painful.  I found it was painful for me because I think the skin around our vulva is thinned out from the lack of hormone.  I wanted to speak to my gyno about possibly getting some progesterone or testosterone creme to apply down there to alleviate the thin skinned hard to penetrate area.  It' s just a thought that I want to run by my gyno and if any ladies have any advise I would be grateful to hear it.  Oh and by the way we are really bc sisters! We were diagnosed on the same day.

When I explained these problems to my oncologist, I was sent to a gynecologist for help which was a waste of time.  He just said there was no way I should use any hormones cuz I was ER+ and PR+.  He just said to use lubrication.  But my vagina hurts whether or not I am having intercourse.  Another cancer survivor recommended Replens, a vaginal moisturizer that you use every 3 days on a regular basis which helps with the pain.  but I hate my life.  I really miss my natural progesterone cream which I was using before cancer.  It solved all my menopausal symptoms, and brought my libido back but they don't want me to use it.

Is there anyone out there that can give us hope?

Hi ebann,

 I find your use of Cialis intriguing! I just started using Vagifem once a day for 2 weeks, then I am to use it twice a week. I am TN so no problems with vaginal estrogen. My gyn even prescribed some estradiol cream to use externally for the first two weeks. Am going to give sex a try this weekend...I also have been using Astroglide lubricant which helps a bit. Am going to fake the libido part...just go ahead and give it a try.

Kathy