Emotional Impact 2 years out
This may sound crazy, but I am starting to feel a new emotional impact now that I am two years out from my surgery and chemo. I thought I would be happy again by now. I thought the fear and worry would be behind me. Sure, I know we all have to live with an uncertain future, but sometimes I feel like somebody hi-jacked my life and my happiness. I see dark clouds ahead and I can't snap myself out of it. My life has totally changed. I hate it.
How are the rest of your guys doing two years out from your DX. Should I seek therapy? I didn't go to a therapist or counseling or Gilda's Club or any of that. I relied on friends and family.
The question is, where should I be right now in this process?
Comments
-
I total get that feeling, Im coming up on my 2 years and I think Im having more anxiety now. I had a complete meltdown at my last check up. I wish I had an answer for you, but I dont...just wanted you to know, you aren't alone.
Teresa
-
I am also feeling worse now than any time during treatment. Dx'd 2 years ago and finished treatement last April. I can't snap out of it either. I put on a happy face for people but when I am alone, I have such anxiety and unhappiness. When will it go away? Do I need help?
-
I am so glad somebody wrote back. Maybe what we are going through is normal. I too put on the happy face. When I was in treatment, I had things to do, I saw doctors who really focused on my disease and my needs. After chemo and surgery was done. It was like I dropped out of the medical care system. There should be some program in place that you transition to, like a step down unit after critical care.
Maybe I should write a protocol for the time after chemo and surgery up to five years out. Or maybe a work book for patients for the time after care. A year-by-year guide. It should tell you the signs of when you need help and what kind of help to get. Maybe you need more medical help, maybe you need psychological help.
They should not dump cancer patients after therapy. Thanks guys.
-
You are not alone in your feelings. I haven't snapped out of it either. My happiness has been majorly affected. My life has totally changed and not for the better. I want my old life back. I think about cancer all the time whether it is my cancer or Heidi Ho's cancer or Florida Lady's cancer of my husbands friends cancer...it is just everywhere.
I don't know if you should seek therapy but I go to a support group and it has helped me. Also, just coming here to breastcancer.org has been helpful. I am starting to read books on emotional healing. Our lives have forever been changed. I hate it but I guess the only thing we can do is cope.
You are not alone in your feelings. I think you are reacting normally and I understand and feel your pain. Good luck to you.
-
I'm reading your posts and just got an anxiety hot flash! I'm about 1.5 years out and I'm worse now than when I was in treatment. Stinks!
I'm mad too. I want my old life back but I don't want my old life back! I want to be carefree again. And I don't think I will ever be again...
Lorrie
-
dears - i am right there with you...September marked two years post tx for me and i am reeling. all the worries and fears are constant and i am so focused on the losses....health, body image, love relationship...
-
I sure hope you all realize you have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome! It is real and it can come to you at any time after this horrible disease is diagnosed. Get help if you don't get your mojo back soon.
I recommend proper meds (up to your doc/onc) and a good array of vitamins. !000mg of C, 1000mg of D3, a real good B complex and Co-Enzyme 10. No one knows if these things help, but at least it helps you to try to get your body and mind over this disaster and on the way to feeling your old self.
You WILL be your old self again, I am just about 11 years post treatment and rarely think about this stinking disease anymore.
Love you all, gentle hugs, Shirlann
-
Thanks Shirlann. It feels good to know that I'm not alone feeling the feelings I feel! Yes, it does feel like post traumatic stress syndrome. Some different smells can set me off too! I can't wait until it eases off.
I think I need to find a hobby or something to immerse myself in to so that I can get my mind off of this at least some of the time!
Lorrie
-
Hi...I'm now four years out from my last chemo (Sept. 29th officially) and I wanted to say that it does get better. Now every headache or muscle ache is just...an ache. Not an automatic panic attack like it used to be. When someone mentions they know someone who died of cancer I don't automatically think "I'm next." Yes, I do think of cancer more than I'd like to, but it's in the background of my life now.
Eventually your brains will settle down the fear response - do you remember learning to drive, and your reactions were like..."AHH....that car almost came into my lane!! AHH...that car pulled right in front of me! I'm going 65 miles an hour, it feels too fast!!!" and your hands were clenched on the steering wheel? At two years out, you have the "learner's permit of breast cancer" and you are on the triple negative freeway, baby! In the next while you'll be able to navigate the road hazards and recognize them for what they are...just little pot holes that make a bump as you go over them...you know they're there but you keep heading to your destination.
The best advice my oncologist gave me was "We didn't wait for cancer the first time, and we're not going to waste time waiting for a next time." I hope this helps....it's a real process, isn't it? The upside for me was turning 50 - instead of dwelling on getting older and looking for wrinkles, I celebrated!! I was so excited that had I reached an age that millions of people around the world have never been blessed to see. I still brag - someone said recently "you don't look old enough to have a grandson" and I said "heck, yeah! I'm 51 now!" WAHOO!!
-
Thank you NancyM. I never thought about it being "new" and we have to get used to this new life.
I agree with celebrating birthdays! I will turn 48 next month and I am thrilled!
Lorrie
-
At 2 yrs out I was diagnosed with PTSD too. I also had a recurrence in the other breast at the time but I think the PTSD was slowly building in me either way. I went to a Psychologist for about a year. PTSD is very common if you experience a life threat (as we all have). Do not be ashamed, get xanax, and talk to someone. You will get through this I did.
I am 4 yrs and a couple of months out of original dx. Ironically I now have Rheumatoid Arthritis what next..........well I guess i am still alive
-
Hi girls... my 2 year Dx anniversary is coming up in December. In the past 2 years, I have had 3 surgeries, agressive chemotherapy, 16 rounds of radiation, 5 or 6 months of physical therapy and I am now on the verge or getting ready for breast reconstruction. Sound familiar? It is kinda funny that I found this thread because it is only the last few weeks that I have started to feel anything. Fear and sadness are certainly very close to me all the time.
I think a lot of us are probably similar. It takes time for the reality of what has happned to sink in.
For the last 2 years I have been just doing what I needed to do to get through and to make it better for everyone else around me. My parents, my young boys, my husband, my friends. How many times in the last 2 years when someone asked "how are you?" that you said "Good... doing really good... yep feeling good. Everythings good... yup good. and... how may of you got the reply... "Well that's the attitude... Stay positive."
I think its okay to be not good sometimes. I think there is a difference between "Staying positive" and facing reality. It doesn't make us weak. It's part of the healing process. Coming to the realization that you have had a very serious disease. Some of us will die from that disease. Some of us already have. I think a part of me needs a little bit of that fear. It keeps me on the straight and narrow with making decisions. How to prioritize things? What foods do I need to eat? Am I going to exercise today or not? How many things can I volunteer for?
I think I will always have a little space to be sad, mad or scared. But I won't let it take over. I'm trying very hard to put it in perspective. Pat yourself on the back for what the heck you've accomplished in the past 2 years. Take a breath keep moving forward.
Nancy
-
Good Morning ladies,
As a 13 year warrior this is all normal feelings... For the last couple of years you have had a constant watch over your choices and as we get further down the path, we start to make our own choices and it is scary. But take it one step at a time, no hurry ?? Where you going? No where in a hurry that is for sure. Enjoy the fact that you have come thus far. Enjoy your Birthdays!! Have anyone tryed a suppourt group?? It is nice to have feedback, but this is a normal reaction to each of us. DO what is right for you nad what worked for someone else.. If I can help or listen and tell you what worked or help me let me know!
peace,
-
Even though I am not as far out as you are I suffered a terrible bought of depression after my treatments were over. My Onc said I was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and she put me on Effexor (helps with hot flashes too) and referred me to counseling. I feel better now. Still on meds. I think with TNBC you always have this worry that surfaces that the cancer is lurking and anxious to come back. It sucks! It can be difficult to stay positive at times and I find it disconcerting that people don't want to hear your fears, they only want to hear you say "I'm great, I'm cured, I'm fine" becasue that makes them feel better. Once you hear the words "you have CANCER" your life is never the same and never returns to "normal" - you are forever changed. Seek some help, what you are feeling is very common.
"Cancer is tough stuff, but love is stronger."
"I am not a survivor - I am an overcomer"
Remember that you are not alone! -
I feel the same way as you do, Holligoog. I feel very "changed." Putting a label on what is going on with me is very helpful. I have to agree that it is post traumatic stress disorder. It makes so much sense. I see a therapist regularly and I brought the idea of PTSD up to her. She hadn't thought about it but it fits. I have smell aversions. I refuse to wear certain clothing that gives me reminders and I get hot flashes just thinking about my bc or someone else's bc. She said that she is going to work on some hypnosis with me to help relieve my PTSD.
Have a great night and thanks for this thread!
Lorrie
-
I keep butting in on "well this is ALMOST me" stuff, but I am in the midst of my first anniversary of dx, surgery and am having a horrid time with it from physical symptoms to head symptoms. Everyone is at a loss to explain why I'm feeling so glum and so am I. To make matters worse, I had a klutz fall and broke my ankle and am back being a dependent cause I can't drive. Then it's all this breast cancer stuff going on all around cause, after all, it's OCTOBER. Yikes!!! I guess I'll just swim through it and realize that it's probably gonna be like this every year for awhile.
-
I hear you
I am just about a year and half out of treatment and do not know where the time went. October is hard for me, I still can not bring myself to join walks, or even a support group. I am so scared to be with other survivors and I have no idea why. If just for tonight I wish you peace
I am 38 stage 3
-
Hi there..
I'm not TN, but I have that fear right now. I celebrated my 2 year diagnosis date in Sep but have a new fear now..that I'm 2 years out!
I go in and out with this fear.Some days Im positive and hopeful , others I think I'm just getting closer to a recurrence.
It sucks and its so hard. I think its just the month of October..I dunno.
<sigh>
-
Hi all
This is such a timely topic for me. I go in for 18 month check tomorrow, I am struggling with hormone solution. Had me on AI's then decided I am not truly postmeopausal debating Oorph, Zoladex, Tamox (onc does not like it in Her2). I battle with anxiety daily. I have 2 great days then something will hurt in my body (most recently femur pain) and I think what could it be besides mets? YUK YUK I hate this part! I see a therapist actually specializes in Mediative therapy. I don't want to take any more drugs right now just can't. I do take Ativan occasionally but can't go on the anti depressants as I just am sick of the pills. (clodranate and AI and now my BP is high do the AI).
I understand that we should enjoy each day that we have conceptually but it is hard when you get up in the am determined to enjoy that day and you have aches and pains that lead to mental stress, or you have to deal with appts with BC docs, or BC weight gain. I just want to say it sucks big time. I am a very positive person, successful career, 3 great children, very active (tennis, golf, running) now everything seems like a chore and I am afraid to commit to things.
I just want to feel better mentally, physically, and emotionally.
Oh yes I also can not stand Breast Cancer atl don't want to talk about it except here, dont' want to walk for it, dont' want to go to fun lunches for it, dont' want to dress pink, don't wan't to buy yogurt with pink lids.......I want it to go away.
Of course logically I understand I most likely have my life because of all of this attention to BC, but I can not even bring mysefl to say the word.
Someone please come along and share how to let go once and for all, because I am good at it for moments then it all comes crashing back the next minute.
Can also someone speak to all the aches and pains? I never feel normal anymore my feet hurt like SH## my back my hips, my neck. I had many MRI's a few months back just mild arthritis, never felt like this before and am only 44.
-
wow just reread, quite a rant but thats how I feel today.
-
I completely understand. I am less than a year out from diagnosis and treatment, but I feel like I have these major fears everyday and can't help but think that it's going to come back. I try to push them away, but every ache or twitch (currently having a very annoying eyelid twitch) makes me think that the cancer has spread.
I don't want to share these fears with my DH, as I think he is afraid as well. I know the recurrence rate for triple negative bc drops way down after three to five years, but I feel like I'm walking on eggshells until I get to that magic date.
-
Hi Ladies -
Feelings such as these are quite normal. I don't have these feelings every day, but they do come and go and are hard to explain to one who hasn't been through bc or any other traumatic illness or event. My doctor told me I was suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome, just as Shirlann mentions above. I will be feeling wonderful for weeks and then boom, I am suddenly scared, crying, feeling sorry for myself, having issues with my body, etc. When I was dx'd, I did not cry; when I went through mast, chemo, rads I did not cry. When treatment was over, I was emotional and cried. It has gotten much better, but there are days when I just want to hide under the covers.
At least we know we are not alone. Thanks for that ladies.
Raye
-
Oh goodness, I am so grateful that I came upon this site. I have really done well over the past 2 years. As Nov 1 comes closer ( 2 ys from dx ) I am really getting nervous. I feel every pain and worry about my upcoming dr. appt. I guess with TNBC I know the aggression of it and the reoccurence rate, now it lurks in the back of my mind. I am so happy to know that I am not alone. Reading this page has really made me feel better. Within the past 2 weeks I had 4 people ask me what's wrong. They just don't get it and I can't explain it. I thank you for being there and listening and understanding.
Angie
-
I believe that what may be part of this is, like many of you, I'm at the 2 year out mark. My surgeon told me that's a key time, and he just recently removed my port after my annual mammo in Sept. He said that after 2 years, the odds of it returning start dropping significantly.
I think we're all scared to death it will come back and we're facing that 2 year mark, or 3 year, or 5 year...and just waiting, waiting, waiting for something to happen...It's worse for me than sitting in the doctor's office waiting for him to walk through the door and searching his face for clues. This is the unknown.
I was recently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, which the oncologist told me I probably had before my dx, but the chemo (while it is also used to treat RA in patients) just exacerbated the symptoms of RA for me and, at least with RA meds now, I can actually stand up straight from sitting and walk without limping now. All that achiness and pain began about two months after I was done with all my treatments last year.
My husband keeps reminding me I have been through something terribly traumatic, and it will take a very long time to get through it.
-
I would suggest seeing a Rheumatologist for your aches to rule out Rheumatoid Arthritis. I feel 100% better than I did, and I started aching and having pain all over in my ankles, knees, hands, neck soon after all my treatments ended.
-
Thanks Jacquio, I'll check on that when I go back in November. I just have the worst posture and I know that's my problem. I was so touchy about people noticing that I only had one breast, (even with the prosthesis or a good bra) that I hunched my shoulders. Now I am using this time that I have my expander to try to straighten my posture. I just have to keep reminding myself to "sit up straight" as my parents used to tell me
I'm hoping that by the time I switch expander for the implant I will have improved. -
I have the same feelings about being with other survivors. Maybe because it makes it hyper real for us to be with others. I don't know. I also have not done any walks, runs or marches. Is that selfish? I hope not. I am just not ready. But I am feeling super positive today and today is all I have. I am going to enjoy it.
-
This is an excellent post!!!!! Thank you so much. How do we let it go for good? By saying that we can never really let it all go for good, You have a battle scar my friend. Pin a ribbon of victory there.
PS...if there is a way to let it go for good. LET US KNOW RIGHT AWAY!
-
It does get better....... there are some days where I can hardly believed it all happened! I found going to the gym three times a week helps with the aches and pains of 'after chemo'. Stretching helps.
I'm 58 now, live in a city where I can walk everywhere, with so much to do I have to enjoy all the possibilities. I moved here after my chemo and started radiation. I didn't know anyone. For me it was a chance to start over. I am fortunate to be in a situation that allows me this freedom.
I also have two friend in treatment and that is a reminder to enjoy each day. There are silver linings, you just have to open your eyes and truly see. And yes there are some days I'm just too tired (still) that's when the phone is turned off ,no TV, no computer. I get lazy take a rest day
sleep read write. On sunrise and one sunset at a time. Best to all of you out there
-
Oh yeah, I did my first walk last year. I go to a few events, mainly to support my friend who has had breast, ovarian, another breast, and now a relapsed ovarian! Had someone done the BRCA on her initial BC she would have had her ovaries removed (TAH/BSO) that was something that was out there but not offered. At a major teaching institution.
Maybe thats why I feel good, I'm helping someone else deal with an impossibly difficult situation, makes easier to see my own silver lining.
In general was not participating in any of the cancer related organizations until I met this friend.
Categories
- All Categories
- 679 Advocacy and Fund-Raising
- 289 Advocacy
- 68 I've Donated to Breastcancer.org in honor of....
- Test
- 322 Walks, Runs and Fundraising Events for Breastcancer.org
- 5.6K Community Connections
- 282 Middle Age 40-60(ish) Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 53 Australians and New Zealanders Affected by Breast Cancer
- 208 Black Women or Men With Breast Cancer
- 684 Canadians Affected by Breast Cancer
- 1.5K Caring for Someone with Breast cancer
- 455 Caring for Someone with Stage IV or Mets
- 260 High Risk of Recurrence or Second Breast Cancer
- 22 International, Non-English Speakers With Breast Cancer
- 16 Latinas/Hispanics With Breast Cancer
- 189 LGBTQA+ With Breast Cancer
- 152 May Their Memory Live On
- 85 Member Matchup & Virtual Support Meetups
- 375 Members by Location
- 291 Older Than 60 Years Old With Breast Cancer
- 177 Singles With Breast Cancer
- 869 Young With Breast Cancer
- 50.4K Connecting With Others Who Have a Similar Diagnosis
- 204 Breast Cancer with Another Diagnosis or Comorbidity
- 4K DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma In Situ)
- 79 DCIS plus HER2-positive Microinvasion
- 529 Genetic Testing
- 2.2K HER2+ (Positive) Breast Cancer
- 1.5K IBC (Inflammatory Breast Cancer)
- 3.4K IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma)
- 1.5K ILC (Invasive Lobular Carcinoma)
- 999 Just Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastasis
- 652 LCIS (Lobular Carcinoma In Situ)
- 193 Less Common Types of Breast Cancer
- 252 Male Breast Cancer
- 86 Mixed Type Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Not Diagnosed With a Recurrence or Metastases but Concerned
- 189 Palliative Therapy/Hospice Care
- 488 Second or Third Breast Cancer
- 1.2K Stage I Breast Cancer
- 313 Stage II Breast Cancer
- 3.8K Stage III Breast Cancer
- 2.5K Triple-Negative Breast Cancer
- 13.1K Day-to-Day Matters
- 132 All things COVID-19 or coronavirus
- 87 BCO Free-Cycle: Give or Trade Items Related to Breast Cancer
- 5.9K Clinical Trials, Research News, Podcasts, and Study Results
- 86 Coping with Holidays, Special Days and Anniversaries
- 828 Employment, Insurance, and Other Financial Issues
- 101 Family and Family Planning Matters
- Family Issues for Those Who Have Breast Cancer
- 26 Furry friends
- 1.8K Humor and Games
- 1.6K Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts
- 706 Recipe Swap for Healthy Living
- 704 Recommend Your Resources
- 171 Sex & Relationship Matters
- 9 The Political Corner
- 874 Working on Your Fitness
- 4.5K Moving On & Finding Inspiration After Breast Cancer
- 394 Bonded by Breast Cancer
- 3.1K Life After Breast Cancer
- 806 Prayers and Spiritual Support
- 285 Who or What Inspires You?
- 28.7K Not Diagnosed But Concerned
- 1K Benign Breast Conditions
- 2.3K High Risk for Breast Cancer
- 18K Not Diagnosed But Worried
- 7.4K Waiting for Test Results
- 603 Site News and Announcements
- 560 Comments, Suggestions, Feature Requests
- 39 Mod Announcements, Breastcancer.org News, Blog Entries, Podcasts
- 4 Survey, Interview and Participant Requests: Need your Help!
- 61.9K Tests, Treatments & Side Effects
- 586 Alternative Medicine
- 255 Bone Health and Bone Loss
- 11.4K Breast Reconstruction
- 7.9K Chemotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 2.7K Complementary and Holistic Medicine and Treatment
- 775 Diagnosed and Waiting for Test Results
- 7.8K Hormonal Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 50 Immunotherapy - Before, During, and After
- 7.4K Just Diagnosed
- 1.4K Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy
- 5.2K Lymphedema
- 3.6K Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment
- 591 Pain
- 3.9K Radiation Therapy - Before, During, and After
- 8.4K Surgery - Before, During, and After
- 109 Welcome to Breastcancer.org
- 98 Acknowledging and honoring our Community
- 11 Info & Resources for New Patients & Members From the Team