NJ disability and or SSI unable to work, as I am a mess

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cherneski
cherneski Member Posts: 726
edited June 2014 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

Hi everyone, I have been out of work since before my bi-mast May 6th 2009.  I did sx, just finished chemo, and in a few weeks will be on to rads.

NJ has short term disability for 6 months, and that is it.  During that time I am on paid leave from the state of NJ.  But after 6 months I am on my own.  

SSI told me that in order to qualify for permanent SSI disability my dr. needs to say I will be out of work minimum of 1 year or result in death.  Well my dr. and I dont know excaclty how long I will be out.  As of right now it looks like probably around 10-11 months (if all goes well with rads and all the other drs I have to see).  I am not able to return to MY job for minimum of 1 year because of how labor intense it is.  SSI says I must not be able to return to ANY job.  

I know there are so many women that dont let this "take over their lives", but I am not one of them.  I am sorry to say it has consumed me.  I started freaking out before chemo ended because in my mind once chemo stops the cancer can come back.  Or what if I find it didnt work at all?  My onc. isnt sending me for another PET until after rads.  I am gonna push her to send me before rads just for some peace of mind.  

My boss is willing to help me in anyway he can.  2 weeks ago HR sent me a bill for my portion of medical insurance.  They told me before I went on leave they weren't sure how they were going to handle it and once they knew, if I was gonna be responsible for any of it they would send me a bill.  Well they sent me a bill for $1800.00!  They applied all my vacation and personal time as if they didnt it would have been $2600.00.  The are allowing me to make payments of about $320.  every 2 weeks, on top of my $260+ bi-weekly for continued coverage.    They are the ones that dropped the ball.  They know my NJ dis. is ending the end of this month causing me to have NO INCOME from me to help with the house.  How the heck am I supposed to pay this bill ?  They told me they could have dropped me a while ago and didnt (like I should be grateful), NO they couldnt have dropped me.  But now if I dont pay it yes they can not only drop me they can drop me retroactive.  So when I talked to my boss and explained everything he was gonna look into laying me off, that way I can collect unemployment and get in on the reduced COBRA that Obama has in place.  Sounds great right?  Nope because I just found out that if I go on unemployment and am unable to work I wont get unemployment! I will be denied not only for unemployment but the COBRA thing too.

I am so scared about all of this.  I really dont see myself going back to any job anytime soon.  I have chemo brain so bad I coudnt function at a job.  I cant stand or walk for more than about 30 minutes because of my neuropathy hurts so bad.  I cant grab things, it takes me forever to type anything.  I cry all the time.  I cant sit for more than about 30 minutes as I have such sever back pain.  I am a true head case!  Who the heck will hire me?  And then if I did get a job, I dont think I would be able to keep it.   I have always taken pride in any job that I do, and I feel useless. 

I am gonna go after SSI and hope that I get it but as I have been told it is a long process, and their jobs at SS is to deny deny deny.  Then if I do get it, that I wont get Medicaid for 2 years, once again causing me the problem of health insurance.

My DH got laid off last November and is collecting unemployment.  He is about at the end, we wont know if he gets an extension for about 2 more weeks, so I am stressing that really bad.  He has been looking but any job that he comes across is either part time or pays so little it wont pay to drive there.  

I would love to have the attitude of I have cancer, cancer doesnt have me but the reality of it is that cancer has screwed me so bad I dont know what to do!  I have no idea how to get through this.  I have been on xanex since just before my dx.  Years ago I suffered from depression and I feel myself slipping into it again.  

If anyone has any knowledge as to where to start and what to do please help.  I cant fight this disease and have so much to worry about on top of it.  I feel so defeated.  What am I supposed to do?  At this time I am ready to tell my dr. I cant do rads, I have to go back to work and hope for the best.  I know medically that is not a good idea, but what else am I supposed to do?

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  • idaho
    idaho Member Posts: 1,187
    edited October 2009

    I would think your doctor could write you that letter that you need - so you can get SSI.   It is only a one month difference.   Ask him to do this for you.... Tami

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  • pabbie
    pabbie Member Posts: 370
    edited October 2009

    Hi-I know CA state disability is for one year. I thought NY state was included in that. Hmmmm, you're only 6 months?

    My opinion, I would get the ball rolling for long-term disability. (Social Security Disability Insurance) When I was 1st diagnosed w/ colorectal cancer in 1999 (Age 41) I applied for SSDI even though I returned to work for another 10 yrs. Then BC (51) dx in 2008. I filed again along with my CA state DI. But this time the difference was that I hired a SSDI attorney. (they don't get paid until the case is won) The process did take about a year and a half in which I was on CA DI for one year.

    I did win my case in which I am very grateful. I think you know when you're ready to hang up all the energy it takes to sustain a 40 hr work week. With SSDI you can work part-time.

    What I learned is that you can't listen to anyone else re: how you feel and what you can do as far as work. You have to believe and know in yourself. Take care.

    P.S. Everyone situation is different in that my husband works full-time and I have health benefits through him. I think my medi-cal starts after 2 years.

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  • nancyluvspink
    nancyluvspink Member Posts: 102
    edited March 2010

    Hi - I can TOTALLY relate to you and your post.  I am currently trying to get approved for social security disability.  I have had bc twice.  Today, as I sit here, I am a total mess.  I have lost all hope.  I could never return to a full time job.  I used to kick ass and take names.  I dressed up for work and was very professional and popular.  Those were the days!  The kicker is that I am only 45 years old.  And yeah, I might as well be 80.  It's sad, I know.  The people who just keep on going and are sooo positive.  I am depressed and scared.  If I don't get approved, I really can't say what will happen to me.  Hope you are doing ok.

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