Starting Chemo in June 2005

Analemma · July 2005

I'm going for AC #3 next Monday. I guess I left myself off the list! Just got back from the day trip to IKEA with DIL. I felt pretty good - we were in the store for four hours! But we had lunch in the store restaurant, so that was a nice break. Not too tired now, either, much, much better than yesterday. To make it worse, when I'm tired I get depressed and start thinking morbid thoughts, and I hate boing like that! I think I will start a regimented nap time each afternoon to try to stay ahead of the tiredness. I have a hard time making myself slow down, even when I know I should, then I guess I'm going to pay later.

DH suggested we go out for dinner, and that's fine with me!

Dana, sounds like chemo was uneventful today. Hope you feel ok with this one.

Nosurrender, thanks for the info about arthritis. It's much better today.

Brenda

LizFL · July 2005

Tomorrow is # 2 for me. Had a CT scan today. Last week when I only had one doctor's appointment is a fond memory

Watson...I'm 58...there were only 4 of us at the LGFB. The volunteer was probably in her 60's, but her tips were up to date. She looked great. One girl in her 40's there and she came just to learn about eyebrows and was happy with her results. At least you got the nice goodie box! Even if all the stuff isn't what you'd buy...it's fun to experiment.

Too tired now to worry about anything...that's a good thing. Sounds like everyone is coming along pretty well. Hair not coming out yet, but scalp starting to feel tender in some spots. Take my wig off when I get home and my little crew cut feels nice and cool! Have my chemo bag packed...now I have to iron clothes for tomorrow and Friday. Tomorrow I'm having chemo in the afternoon so I can go to work in the AM. If that doesn't work well I will go back to the AM appointments.

I plan on following all of Coach's instructions and will know you are all with me in spirit tomorrow!

Good luck everyone!

Hugs,
Liz

Watson · July 2005

Geezo,
I hope I didn't sound ungrateful! They were darling ladies and I really did enjoy myself. They really didn't do the eyebrow thing. That would have been good. But they were sweet, sweet & sweet and I don't regret going.
Anyone who wants to help bald women look good is a saint!

Take care (and Zofran!)

Rene23 · July 2005

Brenda - were you at the Schaumburg, IL IKEA? That's pretty near where I live. I hate the crowds in there, but it is fun to wander through for a few hours.

I find myself feeling better then overdoing things, only to pay for them later. I was fairly active yesterday and today.. and tonight I feel like I lost a fight! I'm sore and exhausted. I'm afraid to sleep too much now, since I've had trouble with sleeping at night. I think the Decadron was contributing to that though. I've been doing the Ativan.. trying to get something to help with this terrible burning heartburn I keep getting. My onc. called in a prescription for "probiotics" for me to try.. and my insurance company rejected it! We'll have to appeal tomorrow. Oddly enough, I have been eating like a horse, in spurts. I'm going to be the only fat chemo patient out there.

The hair thing is past the initial trauma, but today most of the nubbies came out in the shower and I'm left nearly all-bald now. The few clumps that were left, I did pull out since they were driving me crazy. My scalp is very sensitive and itchy now. I also can't bear to have anyone see my newly white scalp. When it was covered in black nubbies, that was okay, in a chic french model sort of way.. but this is just too hard for me to even accept yet. I didn't think I'd be shedding any more tears over my lost hair after the initial shaving, but I'm afraid I am.

It'll come back.. I know..

Analemma · July 2005

Rene, I went to IKEA in Pittsburgh, it's the closest one. DIL wanted to buy a desk for their study which she just painted a brick red - very dramatic! We found one on the floor that wasn't shown online, with lots of storage and looks cool. IKEA is not the greatest for quality, but they're chic and inexpensive, so she got something that looks great and they can afford. It will last a while.

The only fat chemo patient? I don't think so! I lost 60 pounds in 2002 - needed to lose a hundred, so I'm still 40 over. And I've been struggling to keep it off. Now, eith chemo, it seems like I just want to eat carbs, comfort foods and sweets! I really haven't had much desire for fruits and veggies or grilled fish, which is what our normal diet has consisted of for the last three years. Now I'm craving mac & cheese and milkshakes. So, I fully expect to be one of the chemo gainers, which I was told that most women are. And food still tastes great! Especially milkshakes...

MichelleB39 · July 2005

I craved carbs too. After chemo, it was the only thing that sounded good and would sit well in my tummy. I also heard to eat lots of carbs and of course, fluids. My onc also told me not to eat fruits or veggies that aren't cooked or peeled. I guess it is from all of the problems with people getting sick from fruits and veggies in Florida.

I will probably gain weight too!

My hairdresser is stopping by on her way home to shave my head for me. I don't think she wanted to scare away her clients LOL. No really, she is just being thougtful.

Have a great day!

JoMac · July 2005

I have the opposite problem. I can't even look at sweets and if I eat a piece of toast I feel even more lousy.
I am mostly eating protein (chicken) and yogurt, nuts and raisins.
Today is my husbands birthday . Luckily my mother thought to get him a cake.
I will pass.....
Today I was able to walk again. Not very far but at least I got my legs going.
I am thinking too much about AC number 4 coming up. I feel like I am being led to an execution .
I need distractions!

NancyM · July 2005

Hi everyone...I just have a moment to pop in because I am feeling so dang good that I'm trying to get stuff done around the house today...yippie! I tried my chemochicks.com turban again, this time I got it to work. Wore it with the matching T shirt and a large necklace I had already. 13 y.o. stepson said "oh, that looks tight! That means you look good!" Husband also was a big fan of the turban. I guess I can be a fashion diva with the turban after all!

Thought someone might like a write up of the words to the survivor movie. If you haven't seen the website, go check it out! thesurvivormovie.com

I have cancer, but cancer does not have me.
Cancer is not who I am.
It is only a bend in the road that is my lifes journey.
An unexpected detour on my path.
It is a lesson in the cosmic schoolroom that is human existence.
So I will pause to rest and heal and study the lesson
before I move on to my life beyond cancer.
I will not give into fear, and I will not be discouraged by setbacks.
Setbacks are only opportunities to review the lesson.
I will not be ashamed of my scars.
Scars are the brushstrokes in the masterpiece that is my life.
I will be thankful for the many blessings cancer
has brought into my life
People I never would have known.
Love that I had never been still or quiet enough to witness.
Humility I needed,
Strength I thought I had lost,
Courage I never knew I had.
I will remember that I can still have fun and that its okay
- even healthy! - to be silly.
I will remember that to find the joy in rainbows,
I must endure the rain.
And I will always remember that
While I have cancer,
Cancer does not have me.

Hope everyone is well. I FEEL SO GOOD TODAY!

LizFL · July 2005

Nancy...thanks for writing that up for us. That is a very inspiring movie.

Back from # 2...dozed off a few times while in the barcolounger. Feeling a little tired now so it's nappy time.

Liz

Watson · July 2005

Nighty night Liz.
Rest well.
I wore my wig to work today for a test run. The mail man asked me if I got my hair colored. I think it's getting buzzed tonight. Shedding at quite a quick rate now. That's one reason I wore the wig, to keep from compulsively pulling it out!
Oh well, it was bound to go.

zeamer3 · July 2005

Hi Ladies,

I have chemo #2 tomorrow and I went to have my blood drawn for the counts but I don't remember what it is they look at. I can access my results via the internet and I think it all looks within normal ranges. I just want to keep going and get it over with!

kimBe · July 2005

Just a minute to pop in...I did not sleep hardly at all last night and work was "one of those days" so think I will find something on TV to watch that takes no concentration and off to bed early. This is my "off" week and I think I am beginning to feel the accumulation---tired and crabby, not hungry and tired of everything tasting the same...Maybe a popcicle will pick me up. Talk to you tomorrow.
KimB

Watson · July 2005

Hey JuneBugs,
Just more whining from Watson.
I shaved my head last night. Well, I should say my husband shaved my head. He kept asking me if I was ready and I'd say not just yet. He asked me several times. Of course I waited until about 11:45 last night, woke him up and said "let's do it".
It felt soooo good shaving it off. I was really suffering from that pony tail head feeling. It wasn't until this morning that I really looked at it. Dang, I've got an ugly head! lol I look like Mr. Clean.
The wig fits better though.
My 18 year old Diva Daughter cried then bought me flowers.
My 16 year old son does NOT want to see it.
My six year old is still giggling.
My emotions run somewhere in the middle.

Oh, and to top off the emotional roller coaster, my husband tells me this morning that he couldn't get out of biz trip to The Netherlands and he leaves Monday! My next chemo is Thursday and I'm a little freaked out.

Other than all that drama, I'm doing well I suppose.

I promise to try and be more upbeat soon.

danahollis · July 2005

Hello...

Watson... your whining is always welcome! I'm sure you are just saying what most of are thinking or have thought at some point.

I'm feeling ok for a Day 3. My last 2 Day 3's were worse I think. Maybe I'm getting used to Chemo... LOL! I don't feel great... but I'm not totally miserable. My sinuses are bothering me though. I feel like I have that Cytoxin burn... I don't like it. Wah, wah, wah...

Ya know what I hate the worst about all this? I feel like after I have chemo I'm just wishing the days away until I feel "normal" again. I don't like feeling icky and I don't like wishing days away. I want to feel like my old self again and I want my hair back. I hate cancer. It's not fair.

Ok, enough of my boo hooing.... I'll go rest now or something.

HUGS!

MarilynB · July 2005

I have been following all of your post and thought it was time I joined the group.I began my first chemo on June 22 and so far have been fairly lucky with side effects. Small amount of nausea but the worst is lack of sleep, With all the fluid we drink I spend more time in potty at than I do snoozing. Yesterday my hair start shedding like a long haired puppy dog so I will be shaving this weekend. I don't look forward to being bald but I think I can deal with that better than having a hand full of hair each time I run my fingers through it.

I'm so thankful I have others on this journey as I can deal with it better knowing that I'm not alone in the fight.

nosurrender · July 2005

Hello Junesters...
And welcome to the bravest group around Marilyn!
I am on the bench...my computer committed Hari Kari last night so I am at the library here in ole Mayberry and just wanted to send you all comforting hugs, big bowls of ice cream, a box of tissues because it is OK to feel like whining!!!, and the reminder THAT:

You know how bad you feel now? How worn out, fed up and just leave me the heck alone???

HOW DO YOU THINK THOSE CANCER CELLS ARE FEELIN?

When you get down remember you are a mass murderer...your faces are on the post offices of every cancer cell post office... after you are done they won't DARE mess with you again!

Go Get 'em!

Scout · July 2005

Marilyn, I started chemo on June 22 too! I will have my second one on July 14th. My biggest complaint is the fatigue. It has gotten better these last two days and I have been getting about 6 hours of sleep each night, which is a big improvment than last week.
DH shaved my head two nights ago because it was coming out in chunks..mostly the top of my head...wish the rest would fall out now...ths stubs hurt!

NancyM · July 2005

Hi all and welcome Marilyn!
It dawned on me today that the last time I posted and said how good I was feeling that some of you may have felt like, "oh, nice for you...now shut up!!" because you are not feeling good. I don't want to offend anyone!! I just like saying it because I'm so darn excited about it and I think someone will think soon it will be their turn to be feeling good, too. Let me know if it is insensitive to say when we are having good days!

My head looks like it belongs to a 95 year old man...little wisps of hair all over....
My head is smaller than I thought it would be...hope my brain stays the same size...

JoMac · July 2005

Welcome Marilyn,
Today was an up and down kind of day. I have been using eye drops because my eyes have been hurting so much. Then this afternoon I realized eveything was fuzzy.
so I called my doctor. He said the eyedrops have an oil in them that is coating my eye.
So I am not going blind .
Now I guess I won't be using eye drops. So the next few days will be challenging. I do have some books on tape. So I can listen to those. Reading and painting are out for sure.
I'm glad I called the doctor instead of obsessing about it all weekend.
Meanwhile along with everyone else, the fatigue is deep.
I hope as No Surrender says the cancer cells are feeling the heat too.

Watson · July 2005

Hey Marilyn,
For all my whining and obsessing about the hair thing, I"m sure glad it's been shaved! It is depressing watching your hair shed all over the house. I"m already semi-okay with it.
It is nice not going through this alone. However, I wish NONE of us had to be here.
Take care,

LizFL · July 2005

Welcome to our group Marilyn. I started 6/23, but I am on dense dose (every two weeks).

Nancy...we are happy when some one has an easy time. We are all here together to listen to good and bad. We all need to whine when things are not going well and cheer when they are.

Watson, your whining is always welcome...you do always add a touch of humor to it. We feel for you!

Cancer is nasty..but we are all fighting it...and you know what...we are WINNERS! We are all going to do whatever it takes to beat this. We are really a great team. It helps me to read all of your posts. JoMac...sure hope the eye problem clears up. Kim, Dana, Scout and everyone...feel better!

I'm a little punchy from only four hours sleep last night. Otherwise I am doing ok. Still waiting for hair to start coming out. Glad I got it cut so short...getting used to wearing the wig..take it off as soon as I get home from work and run my hands through my "guy" haircut. Men sure have it easy with hair! I put my curling iron, hairspray and hair dryer away. Easy to comb back my short do and plop on the wig.

I think my hand is healing well and hope to get the cast off on Tuesday...one less annoyance to deal with.

No Surrender...sure hope that computer gets fixed soon. We need our Coach!

Hugs to all!
Liz

Watson · July 2005

Liz,
My husband came in the bathroom today and said Wow, you cleaned the bathroom! It looks great in here!
All I did was put all my hair stuff under the sink.
But I took the credit
I'm getting over my whininess a little.
Soldier on troops!

Watson · July 2005

Hey Marilyn,
I just saw you're from Texas. Where? I"m in Katy, west of Houston.

Analemma · July 2005

Watson, how long wil your husband be gone? Mine had to go to Houston (NASA) on Wednesday after my first chemo. It was my worst day, but he left in the afternoon, and I was telling him "Oh, I feel fine, don't worry about me" because he really did have to go to a high level safety meeting about the Space Station. He felt awful about leaving me, and I didn't want to add to his stress. But I felt crappy! Do you have someone to go with you to your next chemo?

I've got a show tomorrow and Sunday, then chemo #3 on Monday. Then another show next weekend. Boy, with the way I've felt these last two weeks, I hope I will be ok for a show on the weekend of chemo. I'm going to be really conscientious about not overdoing it during the week, and taking a disciplined rest period every day. That's what I did wrong this cycle - I overdid it on the 4th weekend, felt lousy Tuesday, went for a day shopping Wednesday, felt tired Thursday, and today I was careful not to overdo... I guess you could say I'm a slow learner. If this stuff is cumulative, I'm in trouble with my show schedule for the summer. But I had them all scheduled and paid for before DX. Lucky for me, DH is coming to all the shows. It's pretty exhausting in the best of circumstances to put up the tent, then pack everything up at the end of the weekend. I'm not sure I could do it by myself with how easily I get tired these days. I know I'm really doing very well, relatively speaking, but it just makes me ANGRY that I'm not 100% because of this damn disease. It feels like giving in and letting it win. I hate being tired, I hate letting this damn disease dictate to me what I can accomplish.

There, all done venting. Thanks.

Brenda

Watson · July 2005

Brenda,
He is set to be gone for two weeks, but plans on trying to come home early if possible. But he'll be gone during my chemo time. I've got an 18 and 16 yr old that can help me with the 6 yr old. Plus scads of neighbors and freinds who claim to want to help. I may put them to use this time.
Brenda, you are one busy woman! You put the ones of us who go back to an office job to shame! I'm sure you posted before, but what type of shows do you do? I didn't do well in the heat before bc, but forget about it now!
Take care of yourself.

RebeccaH · July 2005

Welcome to our group, Marilyn.

I am starting to feel better....just in time for #2. Does anyone else wonder why they are going back for another dose of torture afterwards? Finally made it a whole day without doping up on phenegran. Ate like a pig, too....daughter had to work, and husband had a formal military affair to go to....I just sat on my bottom and ate....I am paying for it...damn gas!

I'm glad I'm not in this alone!

Rebecca

mtngrl · July 2005

I just now found this group & am psyched. Don't have internet @ home, so is hard to spend too much time here but am glad for what I can get.

Started AC June 14 (dose dense), will go for #3 soon.
I was a basket case before the 2nd, but not as bad as I feared. (Funny how that goes.)

It is VERY good to hear about other's side effects, (i.e. dry eyes) etc. that the doc doesn't mention. Lets me know I'm not completely insane.

Latest challenge is me and my sweetie adjusting to loss of energy. We both are super active and usually just "push through", but the rest breaks aren't cutting it. Trying to sleep more even if the quality is cruddy.

We're learning that there seems to be a big gap between knowing something and actually understanding what it means on a day-to-day basis.

Good luck with #2, at least you have some idea of what to expect this time.

danahollis · July 2005

Yeah... I wonder why I go back for more Chemo "fun... good thing I usually get a a few good days in between or I am not so sure I'd go back.

I'm having a "poor me" moment. I'm not feeling the best... I'm jealous of anyone who feels good. I'm mad at my genes for being messed up and giving me breast cancer. It's just not fair. Why me... I try to live a pretty healthy life. I just want to feel good again.

Sorry... but I needed to vent to someone. I don't like to vent to my family because I know it hurts them since they can't do anything to help.

I'm just blue... I know it will pass... but sometimes it seems like an eternity before it does.

Jenster · July 2005

I'm a June lady, also. I had my first treatment on June 2nd and it hasn't been nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

My situation, just like everyone else's, sucks. My husband had quit his job and accepted a new position in another state, 1200 miles away, when I was diagnosed. I had a left mastectomy on May 3 and on May 14 he left for his new job. Now he's living out of a Homewood Suites and, thankfully, his new company sends him home nearly every weekend. So he's never here when I have my chemo every third Thursday. But he does get here on Friday when I'm feeling yucky. Those weekends aren't so much fun. lol.

I'm rather excited, though, because I get my 3rd treatment this next Wednesday and my parents are driving me and my two kids (10 and 13) up to Pennsylvania to visit for a few days. My biggest concern is having to stop every 30 minutes to 2 hours to pee. lol. It's going to take us FOREVER to get there! But that's okay. It will be worth it.

I love this board. I don't post a whole lot, but I sure do read a lot. You ladies have helped me in so many ways. Thanks for always being here!

MarilynB · July 2005

Dear Rebecca and fellow Junesters

Thanks for the warm welcome. It's so nice to have you guys to talk with. My family has been great but its nice to be able to share with others going through treatment at the same time as myself. Just knowing what's normal ( if one can call it normal) in each stage of treatment and being able to have others share their experience has made a difference to me. I hate the unknown.

Woke up with some lower back pain..must have slept wrong. Did manage to sleep longer last night. Think my body is anticipating next treatment. I hear it gets rougher as we go through each chemo.

Watson, I live in Lewisville. That's 20 miles north of Dallas. Cowboy country.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Starting Chemo in June 2005

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