October Rads. 2009

I have to jump in here with a counterpoint to the low-carb diet information.  My own first hand experience is one of eating carbs along with the rest of a typical diet.  (By carbs I mean pasta, bread, potatoes and, yes, Cheetos were in there too)  I have no blistering; my skin is pink-tan, but not the black that some are writing of.  I have only 3 boosts to go. 

Supposedly 1/3 of women get the more severe skin S/Es.  I have wondered if women who did chemo first are more likely to burn/blister?  I did not have chemo.  A friend of mine did have it and she blistered badly.

Maybe it is too simplistic to think that there is one diet protocol, or one lotion protocol, or any magical combination that will help us avoid the skin-burn.  I do think overall nutrition, hydration and sleep are what is going to be beneficial to the recovery of skin and the tissue underneath.  I also think that for every conscientious, organic-livin' sistah out there who did burn, there's a Cheetos eating one who didn't.  Who knows why?  I just take it as Goof Luck!  (That's a typo for Good Luck, but the typo version just fits me better.)

Hello, everyone, I just had my first of 33 radiation treatments and I am deeply grateful for all the women who have written about their emotional reaction to this phase of their treatment. I thought I was going crazy. Having kept a pretty stiff upper lip through chemotherapy and lumpectomy, I was positive I would sail through rads--it just sounded so much easier than everything else I'd been through. I was even joking with the doctor and the technicians as  I was getting tattooed and all the rest of the preparation. But then, today, when the time came for the real thing and I was lying on the table with my breasts bared, my hands above my head and my legs tethered and some inane 70's love song bouncing off the walls, something snapped. I'm not a particularly modest person, but as I lay there I was filled with all these images of all the joyous experiences I associated with bared breasts, from skinny dipping in a pond late at night, to making love, to nursing my daughter and now it had come to this. I suddenly felt so humiliated, and exposed, so fed up with everything, so violated by this machine, so angry for no apparent reason, that the tears just flowed down my cheeks. The technicians, who are very young and very sweet, looked a little baffled by my reaction, and I was sure I was the first person to feel this way. Thank you for helping me to see that I'm not. Thank you for being here.

Lynnmarie, I've managed not to cry so far (in public), but today I lost it, and I haven't started the actual radiation yet. I had my second of 3 pre-radiation appts today. The tattoos and measuring. They were late taking me in and while I waited I was peeking at the other women waiting. I saw they were all about 15 or more years older than me, and I kept thinking, "So why am I here?"  Illogical, I know, but this has not been a time to be logical. Then as the minutes went by I discovered that all those other women were there accompanying a relative who was MUCH much older. One by one they all got to leave. I was both the only patient there by myself and the youngest by far, by what seemed like a generation. I just cried and cried and hoped I'd stop by the time they came to get me.

My place has nothing but ugly green hospital gowns: I went through a stack before I found one that even had any ties left. And then once I was laying there all exposed I wondered why I'd bothered. Even the "good" breast is made to suffer embarrassment. Somehow that did not occur to me before today.

Up until the last few months my breasts were like good friends: sources of happiness and comfort, good things like milk for my children. Now I feel like one is a traitor. And that's illogical too.

Okay, I've consulted with both my oncologist and my surgeon regarding the necessity of radiation. Apparently the course of chemo, surgery, then radiation was laid out at original diagnosis based on the size of my tumor and involvment of the sentinal node at that time. My tumor was 4.5cm when first measured. Even though the surgical pathology (after chemo) showed no cancer in breast or nodes, my "fate" was set from the start. The need for radiation is not determined by where you "end up" after chemo/surgery, but by where you started. I'm comfortable with that explanation so onward we go to radiation.

My thanks to all who have posted their experiences here. I have a better understanding of what is going to happen in that "lonely room". I will be one of those unaccompanied women doing it alone so I do have concerns about driving (40 miles round trip). 

Will they let you use an iPod during treatment? I don't want to listen to soft elevator music. I prefer good old rock 'n roll. Stuff like John Cougar Melloncamps "Hurt So Good"...LOL Hopefully I'll have my JP drains out before I start this process.

 Anybody using "Jean Cream"? I've heard it is good, but expensive.

Thanks, Linn. I'll ask if they have a CD. :-)

I still find it difficult to get my arms above my head when laying on my back. It's like a thousand hot needles sticking into my armpit and down my arm. 

Brookside, love that "red boob of courage"!!

While laying there for #7 today I thought: I'm not really alone - I have all of YOU with me... it helped a tiny bit.

OK - HERE IS A WEIRD QUESTION:  I woke up with extra fluid - like when you're pg - couldn't get my rings off - couldn't put shoes on (feet were swollen).  Nurse practitioner said that this isn't related to rads.  Is it??

Also, my tumor was right over my heart.  So, rads are going close to the cardiac area - never occurred to me until today. I had cardiac problems in the past and now feel a "heaviness" there plus skipping beats.  Maybe time to call one of the many docs on this case?? I'm just not sure anymore who is zooming who - with everyone with their own "speciality".  Think I'll call my primary doc.

Any advice?

Thanks,
liz

Hi, it's me again. Talked with my primary and we'll work together on my symptoms- none of which seems to be related to radiation.

I feel better -

Best always,

Liz

"Tha Tha-Tha That's All, Folks!"

I'm done, finito, finished with Rads.  I'd like to say it wasn't so bad, but there is no way I'll ever call that freakishly un-natural activity anything but bad.  Like dentists, but worse.  Don't get me wrong, the staff were all super nice.  I took them some muffins.  The treatment went quick, and then I was off that table with a side aerial flip.  The judges in my mind scored the dismount with 10, 10 and 9.5.  I skipped out to the lobby, RANG THE BELL like the building was on fire.  Then, as pre-planned, my sheet music of "The Merry Go Round Broke Down" (more widely known as the LOONEY TUNES theme) was played by the lobby pianist.  More skipping ensued.  (They had warned me that cartwheels were a liability!)  My check-in swipe card was flung heavenward, as I closed with the immortalized lines, "Tha Tha-Tha That's All, Folks!"

*The side aerial is fictional; the skipping all true.

CONGRATULATIONS, Elimar.

LOVE your attitude. You go girl!!!!!!!!!

Liz

Yeah, Elimar! Congratulations!

Rozzy - I'm just a tiny bit ahead of you; just finished #17. If I may offer a bit of advice: stop using the wash cloth and dont let the shower water hit your chest directly. Both are much too abrasive right now, Instead, shield your front from the direct water, just massage a gentle soap (I use Cetaphil gentle which doesn't even need to be washed off)  and then either splash water over it or squeeze the washcloth so it run over it. Personally, even though I dont like them, I've switched to baths (warm not hot) and just dunk.

For the stinging/pain, try a Vinegar soak (1 part Apple Cider Vinegar to 9 parts cold water) mixed in a dish and then dunk a washcloth, wring it out and lay it gently over the breast/ chest and underarm - I've found that Vinegar gets rid of itching, stinging and even relieves the tightness at the incision sites. But, for you, be careful to avoid any open wounds/ raw skin since it will sting ! Also, try putting a thick layer of Aquaphor on the nipple to remoisturize it and help with the burning/pain. 

Hope this helps!

For the most part, I think the docs and techs focus on treating the cancer and dont bog down in the surface stuff (pun intended) so it definitely makes sense to post questions/ concerns/ requests for input here. We all  get to help each other.

Elimar-You are too cool for school, girl!  Congrats on being finito!!! Can't wait till Nov 13 when I can say the same thing!!!

Joni2

MTG- I have a total of 35 rads.  Today was 15 so I'm almost halfway.  28 regular rads and 7 boosts I believe.  I should be finished the first week of November I believe. Ok, I'll search those topics, because I know I'm not a crazy woman.  And my shoulders have never bothered me before.   I'll just have to figure it out on this site or thru web searches.