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Jimis43
Jimis43 Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in Caring for Someone with Breast cancer

Hi, my wife told me about this site today. My wife who is only 41 has stage 2 ductal B/C. The mass had been removed and it is found to be a non aggressive type. We decided to do radiation first and the 5 months of chemo.Breast cancer falls in her family quite a bit. All of her aunts have had breast cancer and lived to a normal full age. They didn't devolope thiers until thier late 50's though.

  I just wanted to say Hello to this group. I'm very stressed and really don't have much family support from parents/sibilings. I have a 15 yr old daughter and pray everyday that my wife will be around to help me raise her to adulthood. It just terrifies me to think I could possibly be a single dad raising a teenage daughter.

 I just wanted to say Hi and hope to be a help to others in my age range.

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  • London-Virginia
    London-Virginia Member Posts: 851
    edited October 2009

    Hello Jim - so sorry you have to be here but there is loads of info to be found.  Maybe too much at times!

     There are a lot of good treatments but obviously the entire thing is an awful shock to everyone. My mum was ill with BC and I was a young tennager and my Dad did a great job. 

    You know why?  Because it didn't really matter exatly how he did it.  He loved me.  And he was my Daddy.  And that's just it. So you could be a crap cook.  You could get embarassed talking about girl stuff.  And you could have a daughter who wants to do unsuitable things at rock festivals, wear awful makeup and date people that look like they come from Planet Other Place.

     Worse still, you could start wearing cardigans that embarass her.  But you know what?

    It is quite a long time since I was a teenager and my Dad passed away 4 years ago.  And there isn't a day when I don't miss him and wish he was around still - he taught me every whorth while value I have.  And a lot of the time he didn't get things right and we had rows.

    But he was my lovely Dad and he didn't need to be perfect.

    And in this difficult time, I think the most you can do is to love your wife, who may have a good prognosis and many years to enjoy, and love your daughter.  And just tell them that whenever you can.  And if it feels appropriate, explain your worries to your daughter about knowing how best to help her and your wife right now.  And tell them you need a big hug too sometimes.  A very very big one.  Being strong for otherpeople dfoesn't always mean that you can't voice your fears too - and maybe not doing so can make some people seem shut down.  I don't think that sounds like you, but stick with the hugs!!!

    All the very best to you and the family

    warmest regards from London, England

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  • Jimis43
    Jimis43 Member Posts: 2
    edited October 2009

    Thanks for the kind words. We have completed radiation and all went absolutly perfect.We have complted all scans and all are clear and look great. 

      We go in next week for the port installation and then in a week or two we will start the chemo. The doctors say she has done excellent and after the chemo there is around 7%chance of it returning anywhere eles in her body.

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  • London-Virginia
    London-Virginia Member Posts: 851
    edited October 2009

    great news - very best to you all!

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  • Route53
    Route53 Member Posts: 340
    edited October 2009

    Jim,

     Sorry you have to join our community, but the community is very helpful and supportive as you've found.  In the discussion boards you will find much advice that will help you and your wife to cope with your fears, worries, etc.  For you separately as a husband, please check out the Husbands and Boyfriends section of  the Forum to look for resources for yourself as you will encounter many situations and feelings that you'd probably thought you'd never see or feel:

    http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/16/topic/157741?page=23#idx_688 

    Erik (Route53)

    http://route53.wordpress.com

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