Diagnosed 9-22
Hello, I am Melinda from Tennessee and after a crazy month of Mammos, biopsy and waiting, I received my diagnoses of IDC yesterday. About a 4cm lump, grade 2, preliminary stage 2-3 to be determined after SNB.
Plan is to have mastectomy on 10-2. Given the option to try and shrink tumor and try lumpectomy, but I have decided to go for the mastectomy. I feel good about that decision, I need to not feel like I have a time bomb in my body.
So, I am planning for best case scenario, mast, foob after 8-10 weeks, reconstruction in 2010.
Frankly, I am not going to consider the SNB results, my brain is digesting all it can right now.
I am a divorced mom af two DD's aged 10 and 12. They seem to be doing OK with news, 10yo has many questions about the specifics, 12yo just asked me "how bad can this get".
Thinking of making a plaster cast of my breast before surgery, then perhaps after recovery and again after reconstruction. May be a cool thing to have, even if they just live in my attic. I always wanted one when I was pregnant, but never did it.
I struggle with thinking there is so much to do, and then I realize that there is nothing to do that will really make a difference.
Comments
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Melinda, I remember when I was first diagnosed 10 July 2007 how overwhelming everything is but I promise you it will get better once you have a plan in place, I was so scared and I thought I will never make it throught this but here I am 2 years out from treatment and just had my scans and they are all clear still, my tumor was 4.5 cm and stage 3 with no cancer in the nodes , I did 4 ac and 4 taxol not easy buy doable, I worked everday except my chemo days and all the glory to God for that , after my first chemo the tumor was already shrinking and after the fourth the Dr could not even fill it any longer, so I went in to surgery and when I woke up the Dr said if not for the clips left in during your biopsy we would not have found where the tumor was so the chemo definitely worked for me . You will make it just take it one day at a time .
Hugs Tina
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Tina is absolutely correct. Take it one day at a time. I would suggest that you let the school know so they can be supportive if needed. Definitely let anyone help in anyway that they offer to do so. Now is not the time for any pride. Good luck to you.
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i had chemo first to shrink my tumor (it was about 5 cm). within the first 10 days after my first chemo, i could alredy feel the tumor had shrunk to about half its original size. i finished chemo on july 20 and had surgery on aug. 20. both my onco dr an my surgeon are thrilled with my results and have said i can tell my family i am cancer free. i start radiation on the 28th to make sure there's nothing left, but over all my prognosis is great. just like tina and flash wrote, one day at a time, accept help and stay focused on what makes you feel more comfortable. right now, everything IS all about you.
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Thanks ladies,
Today I will go to work (I only work Fri-Sun) so this will be the first work day since D-day, Work does know since I will need time off. I am nervous about seeing everyone and the emotional stuff. It is going to be a rough weekend.
I called the ACS, my insurance company and the hospital trying to find some liason between the insurance and the health care providers. My insurance benefits are extremely limited and I need the most "bang for my buck" so to speak.
The kids have finally opened up a little to me, 10yo DD is concerned about a future implant. She doesn't want to have a "Robo-mom". We joked how cool it would be if I implant could pop out to become a third arm like a Inspector Gadget thing. I asked her to hold off on the implant concerns as that is down the road a bit.
Still obsessing about the little things but as long as I know why I am feeling crazy, I can deal that. (And really hoping my period comes pre-surgery, I don't want to try to deal with my period immediately post-op).
Everyone is asking me about chemo and radiation and I feel strange telling them that I don't know yet. But we just have to wait for the SNB results, right? Did everyone else know about chemo and rad immediately after diagnosis? I haven't met an oncologist yet, we are just trying to get the thing out of me to have all the info on it.
I am just afraid that I am missing some big piece of the puzzle.
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Hey Melinda-
I am so sorry you are under so much stress, I hope it gets better.
I didn't know my exact plan of treatment until I saw my oncologist, (and I kind of got the impression he didn't think the other doctors, not in his specialty, should be speculating on my plan of treatment.) and my husband pushed a bit when he would talk to the surgeon and radiology oncologists and no one would budge. Then we got into the oncology appointment and we were shocked when he listed off all the chemo rads, surgery etc..
I really think the SNB also affects the treatment plan too.
I wish you well,
Barbara
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Work yesterday was a pretty good distraction. Did get a coupld of medical related phone calls regarding the insurance mess, nothing that was good news.
Bought some mens tank tops for sleeping and a couple of those built in shelf tank tops.
Still having trouble rememberig to eat but did have one of those real unhealthy sandwiches from Dominos pizza last night. At least I got some calories in.
My 10yo DD walked in, out of the blue, and promised me that when I get my "foob" she will never let me leave the house lopsided. Isn't that sweet? The kids are doing pretty well. I found little BC beanie babies and they took them with them to their dad's this weekend.
I am surprised how comfortable I have become telling people, I thought I would have some deep seated shame about it, but I have been able to talk about it pretty freely. I don't want to talk about it all the time, but I would rather answer questions honestly instead of people blindly speculating.
Mentally, my right boob has become slightly offensive to me, the lump is huge, I itch, can't sleep on it, I guess I am learning to loath it so I will deal with it's absense better (maybe like I had to learn to do with my exHusband!).
I did think about writing "An Ode to my Boob". We have had some good times and some bad times, I guess it deserves a proper eulogy. Or maybe I am just crazy.
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Hi Melinda,
I was just diagnosed 2 weeks ago myself and just finished all the prelimiary tests (MRI, PetScan, etc) yesterday. I was diagnosed with grade 2 IDC, the lump is about 4 cm and like you the doctors have told me they recommend checmo before doing a lumpectomy because they would have to remove too much tissue otherwise.
It sounds like you are a strong person to not only make the decision to have a mastectomy but to also be so certain that this is the right decision for you. You have already taken a big step into the direction of fighting this - I'm still debating if I made the right choice by doing the lumpectomy.
As for the earlier advise given to you to contact the school and inform them, I think that's excellent advise which I will probably also follow as I have a twelve-year-old. He has not asked me any questions since I first talked to him, which worries me a little. He seems to keep it all inside but has mentioned that he don't understand why the doctors can't just "cut the cancer out" and be done with it.
Hang in there and keep us posted as to how things are going for you. It look slike we are both at the beginning of this journey. Good luck to you. Piffken
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Picked up patho report today, new info says ER(-) and PR(-) which is bad news from what I understand IF it has spread. From what I gather, if it hasn't spread than it is not a big deal since I am having the mastectomy.
Someone correct me if I am wrong.
On the bright side, I have made contact with a human being that will help me. Found the cancer social worker at the hospital who will help me navigate this insurance nightmare.
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Had pre-op blood work and chest x-ray done yesterday.
Today, surgeon's nurse calls to say something showed up on chest film and I need CT today or tomorrow, waiting for call to tell me when to show up.
I am really angry for my children, they shouldn't have to have this crap in their childhood memory folder.
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Good luck Melinda!
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Melinda-
I know what you mean about the kids and for that I am sorry.
But I wanted to wish you good luck, and best wishes for Friday.
Positive Hugs
Barbara
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Melinda,
Wishing you good luck on your surgery this Friday, and a speedy recovery. Whenever possible please let us know how you are doing .
You and your children are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs
Lorra
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Melinda,
You mentioned that you are ER- & PR- ......what about HER? status??
Reading your story reminds me of my dear friend I have met at the cancer center. She lives in another state but travels the 4 hrs to come here (MDAnderson) for treatments. This past weekend she had a Farewell Party to her BOOB! ... She has chosen to only remove the affected one. She DID make the mold you spoke of, as did a friend of hers that is a photographer do a complete photo shoot with her...ie: formal gown, ankle length fur coat (only) Pearls only, etc.....She plans to put them in her scrapbook ...... Boob Memories...I think I may recall that all the photos were only of her boob she is losing...... can't remember? .... I thought it was a fantastic idea!!!! She is due to have her single Mast. on Oct. 6th and already has purchased nipple tassles to place on her nipples for when the surgeon pulls back her gown to start the operation.....she is such a jokester type person. One of the most outgoing people!!
Dawn
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Melinda, I am so sorry you had to join our club. I was diagnosed on 9-22-08, just hit the one year mark. I am doing great. You will be ok, hang in there. It was the hardest year of my life, but got through it, thanks to the ladies here, it would have been a lot harder without them. I am wishing you the best for Oct 2nd, my prayers will be with you, let us know how you are doing when you are up to it.
Lorraine ox
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Thanks everyone, I had the CT scan today, I guess I will hear something tomorrow.
Surely this won't affect my surgery schedule, I can't stand this waiting anymore. Cut the big crap out and we can zap anything that is remaining.
I was really angry today, so after the ct scan, I took my kids to the batting cage (something I have only done once before in my life). It felt great to get out some aggression. I hit 44 out of 45 balls, I imagined them to be cancer cells.
Suncris: I don't know my HER status yet, it was not on the first addendum to the path report. I imagine the doctor has it, my brain is just saturated right now.
I love the tassle idea, but with my luck, they would say I contaminated the sterile field and would put off surgery. I did think of doing boob cupcakes, but my kids thought that was weird! They are 10 and 12, anything to do with boobs is weird to them.
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CT scan shows clear lungs, I am so happy to say "I just have breast cancer!"
Check in at 9AM tomorrow.
I wrote a letter to my boob, put it a new thread, it felt good to say good bye.
Realized that I never flashed a trucker before, guess I will have to wait to do that since my boob has run out of time.
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You could always flash a trucker on the way to the hospital
what a great way to go!
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Thanks Lefty for the idea, and G-d bless my 70 yo mother who said she would flash on the over pass with me!
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Got home from the hospital yesterday. SNB was positive so axillary lymph nodes were removed. Chemo is in my future.
I can remove the bandages today, that is pretty terrifying. The drains are inconvienent but that is about it, I wore the fanny pack yesterday but then I looked like a had a huge tumor in my abdomen. So this morning I just have them tucked into my waistband.
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Melinda,
Glad to hear you're home from the hospital and doing well. I love that your mom offered to flash with you, that would have been a sight!
Just remember to take it slow and easy with your recovery.
Hugs
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Had post-op appt today, still have drains, maybe they can come out Thursday.
New info from path reports puts me at HER2/neu +. Should have stage on Thursday.
From what I understand, chemo will start ASAP after mastectomy recovery.
Surgeon said just keep doing what I am doing and don't do stuff that hurts.
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Your Path sounds almost JUST like mine did a year + ago... PM me anytime you want to talk or get an answer.. I will help if I can!
Laura
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Hey Melinda
It sounds like you have a great attitude. I think I was more embarrassed to be seen with a fanny pack than my amibigious looking chest after surgery. I had a bilat on Sept 23rd and had quite a few lymph nodes. I was in Seattle for treatment and the funny thing was my daughters (8) and (10) haven't even noticed my new chest since I came home last week.
I had 3 drains and FINALLY one was removed yesterday by this totally hot and very young doc. Now I realize why my younger and single friends are anxious to meet him.
I start chemo on Oct 23 so maybe we'll be in the holiday chemo club together. After 2 rounds of the super toxic stuff (i think my sis called it red devil) I switch to taxol for the 2010, followed by rads. I hoping I travel with kids to California for that portion of the treatment.
The funny thing is that I have more energy now than before surgery. The tumor was quite large and I think it was sucking the life out of me. That was removed in August and I've been feeling better ever since.
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The drains got pulled post-op day 6, which may have been a little soon as I have had a bugger of a time with swelling around the drain site. Went to doctor yesterday who aspirated some bluck, felt better afterwards but woke up all swollen again.
Will see oncologist for the first time on 10/16.
I am frustrated with my pain level but know that it is just due to the swelling.
And my remaining boob is growing resentful that it is not in a bra yet. The soft sided shelf bras are just not cutting it.
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I have to be readmitted tomorrow to have my "oma" removed (seroma, hematoma, whatever is in there).
Will have the drain again, I will try not to complain about it as the swelling is much worse than the drain.
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I went to post-op and had drain removed from my hematoma incision and drainage. For whatever reason, this time the drain was very irriated at the insertion site. But I did not complain since it was better than the swelling. I did learn to walk bent over and to the side to avoid anything touching the drain site. I am going to have to start doing yoga to get myself unbent.
My incision site is weeping a little this morning, must have popped a stitch.
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