2nd treatment tomorrow... crying again! Durn!

Oh girls, a big cyber hug to you from me. It is ok to have a pity party, it is ok to cry, it is ok to yell, rant and rave. I didn't do A/C but I did CMF. I know how you feel, tho, to do the next one. It is ok...you will get through it and all will be ok. Linda, I always said those same words...I dont want to play this game anymore. As soon as you get through the treatments, you dont have to play it. Stay posting here on the beautiful website where there is lots of love and support. I am very close to being a 3 year survivor...and I still post here. I can't let go of these beautiful people. People I have known for a long time, people who are just starting the journey.

Take care of YOU, rest,read, watch good movies, do some crafts. Take care of YOU!!!!

Hugs,prayers,love,support and may it not be too bad for you,

your bc sister,

Candie

Oh big hugs to you guys! NatureGrrl, you are SOOOO not alone!  I used to begin to cry and make myself sick from the moment I would head to the doctors for treatment until I left the doctors office after treatment.  Once I left, I would be fine but that whole time I would be there for treatments I cried and got sick.  I also would get so ticked off anytime some fool would come up to me and say "oh how beautiful I looked".  Believe me, I saw each and everyday what I looked like and it wasn't pretty...I knew it. I used to scare myself just looking in the mirror. (HA HA!)  But it just kept feeling like everyone was lying constantly to me just to make me feel better.  The rage I put my poor husband through was also a big thing.  But he stood through it like a trooper.  He took the lickings and just stood solid through it all.  I am one of the lucky ones with an amazing husband who stood by me with the most positive attitude and pushed me through it.  But darlin', you are SOOOO NOT alone!  We have been there, felt that way, and done it too!  So anything you need don't hesitate to ask.   

I'm also having my second chemo (TC) tomorrow and am very anxious. I started the steroids this morning and I know they get me all wound up.....by tomorrow I'll be bouncing off the walls. After the Neulasta shot was when all the pain began.......Good luck tomorrow everyone.

Hi Carol

I have just joined today and would like to say just take everyday as it comes. I went through chemo and now on Radiation and all i tell myself each day is i am taking a step torwards recovery and believe me once i am done with Radiation which i have been for Simulation today and to the machines on the 13th in the Name of the Lord my body will not harbour any cancer cells ever again. I just try and be positive and i have told my self i will see my 2 sons grow up get married and see my grandchildren and since my diagnosis i have been living the Secret. So head up Jewel you will pull through!!

God Bless all the Breast Cancer Ladies

 Drascy 

A few seconds ago Krista wrote:

NatureGrrl,

UH, yeah, sorry to say...the hot flashes are normal.  And you haven't seen anything yet!  The chemo puts you into a chemical menopause and if you choose to do what I did b/c I was HER2NU +3, I had my ovaries taken out.  So now I am in full blown menopause.  Girl, let me just tell you....the hot flashes and night sweats are crazy!  This past winter my poor husband kept getting sick (colds and stuff) and I finally realized it was b/c I had been opening up the windows in the middle of the night to cool off and leaving them up through part of the night when it was like 19 degrees outside...LOL!  Poor thing!  He asked me if I was trying to kill him.  

Yep, I have one of the most wonderful husbands I think anyone could ask for.  Been married 16 years and he told me that we have been together this long...can't get rid of me now! ha!  He gave me the best gift while going through treatment which was just to stand there and take it.  I can remember right after having my lumpectomy (3days after) I really felt disfigured by the way I looked and was insistent upon going out and finding some sort of boob to fill in the gap.  It really wasn't that big of one but for me it was way too much!  And I made my husband and my mom take me to the mall to try to find something...anything...it didn't matter.  And nobody had anything.  The more I looked the more I had people telling me No, they didn't have anything like what I wanted.  So after the millionth time of hearing "It will be alright", I lost it and cursed them both out standing in the middle of the mall!  Screaming at the top of my lungs, "This is NOT alright!"  God bless them....they stood right there and took it....didn't say a word and just let me scream and get it out of my system. That, hands down was the best gift anyone has ever given me.  Right afterword's, I went to Victoria Secret's and found exactly what I needed!  So, don't give up and I have been right where you are standing right now and know the fears, anxiety, anger and the want to have your "normal" life back.  Believe me!  So anytime you want to vent, just scream, I am here for ya girl!  Stay tough!

Krista~ Hope, Faith and Blessings!
Dx 2007, DCIS, Stage IIb, 0/5 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+

Diana50 is correct, but the mere fact that you know what it's going to do to your body afterwards and how you are going to feel and seeing the way people look at you it's just so hard to focus on that good part of chemo.  But you are correct....thanks for that great reminder.   Hope and Faith are what give you strength.   Just when you don't think there is any left...dig deep, because there is much more.  You just have to find the positives in chemo.....Not having to shave my legs was one of THE biggest ya-hoo ever!!!!  

Well, what I did was I had my chemo treatments on Thurs so I would work a half a day on Thurs and take off Friday for my wonderful NEULASTA shot that way I would have my really bad days on the weekends.  Then on Monday's I went back to work.  I think there were a few that I ended up only being able to deal with a half of a day on the Monday after treatments but for the rest of the week I was there.  For my radiation, I went in the mornings before I was to be at work and had no real issues with it except for some fatigue.  I began my Herceptin after I was done with the chemo and radiation was over with b/c I felt like it was just too much to try to do more than one at a time.  So when I did my Herceptin I did it on my lunch hours b/c it was only a half hour drip.  So it would make me go over some on my lunch hour but typically only about 15-30 min for which I made up coming in early other days.  I was also VERY blessed with having such caring co-workers who gave up their own sick time for me to use b/c of the many many doc appts in the beginning and the surgeries. 

Also know that how I got through work may not be the best thing for you b/c I am a VERY stubborn woman who was insistent this was NOT going to change anything about my lifestyle.  Needless to say I was WRONG!  This should explain how stubborn I am....On the day of my very first treatment I was told to be at the doc office at 8am.  They said it was a 4 hr drip + would need to see the doc for blood work ect.  During the treatment I had an allergic reaction for which they had to stop everything and give me something to counteract the allergic reaction.  I told my nurse that I was planning on going back to work after my treatment was over with.  My nurse begged me not to.  I told her I didn't care what was going on.....that I was going back to work and I wasn't going to let anything change that.  Well it was about 2:30 when I was finally able to leave from treatment and still I was insistent on going back to work.  My normal work hrs are from 8:30 - 5.  So my husband drove me and I went into work for the whole 2 hrs that were left when I got there.  By the time I left at 5, I could hardly walk.  My husband had to carry me into the house when we got home and then spoon feed me something to eat.  Obviously I had over done it b/c of my butt-headedness!  But that is to give you an idea of how stubborn I am.  I am the one that goes goes goes and then worries about the results later.  I obviously don't suggest going back to work to ANYONE the day of treatment and would NEVER do it again myself.   So ya, get the idea anyway.  Hope any of that help.  Stay strong and don't give up Hope and Faith.  We are here for ya darlin'!

NatureGrrl, here's another one of those positives to think of.....it doesn't take nearly as long to get yourself ready in the morning.  Just jump out of the shower and get dressed with some make-up and go!  Now that my hair is coming back (it's now back down to my shoulders and it's so much thicker now and all curly...so the rumor is true.....the complete opposite comes back!) it takes me a lot longer to get ready in the morning and I am back to hearing my husband say "Exactly how long do you need to get ready???"   or "Why does it take you so long"  So you just have to find those positives as best as you can.  There aren't too many but they are there I promise.  I know it's so hard to find them when you are hardly able to hold up your head and feeling sick and emotional and ready to bite someones head off just for breathing in your direction.  But a few days after treatment when you see that slight glimmer of hope to begin try to remember what I said....find those few positives and hold on tight.  It will help you through each day that you are just trying to get through.  You have many on here that have been where you are right now and can help you walk through it.  You have many on here that are in the same boat as you and there will be many more to come in the future that you will be able to help walk through their journey.  In the name of Clairee from Steel Magnolias "Go ahead, hit her, take a whack at Weezer!"  (that is one of the best parts of that movie....) We are here for ya darlin'!

oh something i did which helped me.  i used a calendar during my chemo...and wrote down EVERY DAY how i was feeling......that way i could kinda track the physical symptoms.  and i could kinda use it as a predictor for the next cycle. i still have that calendar.....you can put down whatever you want..i used: icky....better.....body aches...feel more energy...etc.  it really helped as i got into chemo 3, etc.  i could plan my life a little better

FYI -- uncontrollable crying for apparently no reason or over something very very trival is a sign of Depression.  As a person diagnosed with server clinical depression this should have been a warning sign to me 18 yrs ago.  I've been on anti-depression meds since 1995 and my temperment has been more or less normal since then.  Talk to your dr. about all symptoms you have even if they seem trival.  My crying and rages nearly killed me.