Any isolaters or hermits out there?

Hi Kathleen,

Renata is not my real name, I've been advised several times not to use my personal data in any website no matter how safe I feel it is, I chose Renata  as my screen name because it's literal Latin for reborn and because it's a beautiful name. Probably you're right regarding the even worse aesthetic outcomes for mastectomies 60 years ago, but I still think 60 years it's a loooong time and that the progress made against cancer is very poor.

Best wishes.

OH  Beautiful Lady:

I  thank you sooo much, because, i KNOW I was trying to find another Doctor, but if, I went to the cancer centres, then it would be about the "MEAT" instead of me.  My Doctor, who had looked after me after my Grave's Disease, (hyper-thyroidism), he left the province (same as state), about a year ago; oh, I had trouble with healthcare coverage, absolute none, for about 4 years, well, I decided to call him in the other province, (Friday - everyone still ducks out early).

The GP I have now, is filling his and another Doctor's shoes. 

So,  I will try to reach him Monday, explain what is going on, and see if he recommends anything or anybody.

Feeling good.  I'll be quiet until I hear anything next week.

Thank you Thank You Thank you Thank you.  (Hermits hate brew ha ha's).

I know that is so unfair.  She also lost her oldest son (22 years old) last year.  Had it been me I would have pulled my tents in and quit.  She has fraternal twins left - both of which married this year.  In addition, she and her husband engaged a surrogate to have twins for them - due in December!  She is amazing.  Plus she helped me through my breast cancer with some really helpful hints not to mention plenty of support.  She is incredible and I just love her to pieces!

Sessna, thanks! I had no idea I was any more "admirable" than anyone else.

Seyla, although I don't hate anybody for their political opinions (even those whose political opinions are in 100 % opposition to mine), much less think they deserve to die for that, I had a rather interesting experience along that line concerning another matter. In addition to my divorcing my husband for cheating on me, it turned out that my Pack Rat had ended his relationship with his last girlfriend because she had cheated on him (I had been faithful to my husband, and he had been faithful to his girlfriend) -- so when it was plain that we were interested in each other "that way" but before we got physical, he and I agreed that we should use condoms until we can get tested for AIDS, which we did. We went for our AIDS tests together, and when the clinician asked us about other sexual partners, I just exploded with "If it turns out I have the AIDS virus, the only person I could have got it from would be my ex-husband, and if he got it and gave it to me, he deserves to die!" I surprised myself with that one! Fortunately though, when we got the test results, we were both clean. :-)

Pabbie -- it's fairly easy to cut off a family of origin when they're a threat to your mental health. Here's how I did it:  I sent letters to my mother and my father telling them why I thought it was in all of our best interests not to have a relationship. I had years of examples and reasons (especially for my mother), all of which I provided, and at the end of the letters I told them (truthfully) that I hoped they lived long and happy lives, it's just that I considered it best for me that we go our separate ways. Since my sister was a drug addict I'd already simply cut out of my life, I didn't bother with a letter for her. The next thing I did was to change from one unlisted phone number (the one they had) to another (which I didn't give them) and didn't let them into my apartment building the few times they tried to show up (only my mother and sister tried). Hope that helps!

ymb -- Not everybody is extroverted and outgoing by nature -- there's nothing wrong with you if you're an introvert and only enjoy the company and conversation of your husband and daughter. 

Barbe1958 -- Let me take take this opportunity to tell you that (from your posts in various areas of BCO), I really admire you and your "I do what's best for ME" attitude regardless of what other people may think. This isn't the first place I've seen it, but I loved your comment about what to do about oxygen masks in airplanes enough to finally get off my lazy butt and tell you how much I like and admire you.

Kmmcrawl -- what Barbe means, and I know because I share her view, is not that the whole world revolves around her/everybody exists to do her bidding or make her happy, but rather that she puts her own interests first when she makes her decisions and does what SHE thinks is best for HER. That's very different from expecting or trying to force or manipulate others to bend themselves backwards to please oneself.

Renata -- I agree, that's a beautiful name. Lena isn't my real name either (I NEVER use or give out my real name online, and, it's also different from my usual screen name which I use elsewhere; don't want my other net buddies all somehow finding out about my breast cancer) -- it's the name my mother ALMOST named me until she changed her mind and gave me the one she DID give me. Thing is, I don't like the name she gave me, but I do like the name Lena, so I used it when I signed up here at BCO.

Hmmmm, well, so now I'm 8 weeks PFC and feeling considerably better than I did at my last post. Last Saturday when the weather was really beautiful, I actually went out for a couple hours, and not because I had to because of a doctor appointment or running low on groceries, etc. I took my iBook to the park and sat by myself though (played my sims and re-read part of one of my novels). But since I like being a hermit, I enjoyed it. :-)

~Lena.

I think we all agree - I spent so many years giving and giving to my family of origin and when I really needed them it was business as usual.  I still have trouble with this one but I am getting better.  You are right.  If I don't fill up myself first than the only one who suffers is me.

My epiphany was that THE world did not revolve around me and sometimes even MY world doesn't.  That is a very hard one for me as I grew up in a very dysfunctional family where your worth was measured by how much you could give to the family.  Emotions and feelings were a sign of weakness.  So I stuffed everything inside - unfortunately, including food, to try to fill the emptiness and loneliness.  Now I prefer my own company.  I am finally learning, albeit slowly, that I can say "no" and not feel guilty or like I have to be angry to get my point across.  That took a long time to learn.

I am still very much a work in progress.  Those lessons we learned as children stay the longest and are the most difficult to change.

Thanks Flash.  I appreciate it.

barbe -- Glad I was able to help you articulate it, though I wouldn't call your original phrasing "selfish" -- more like "imprecise," perhaps (but that's OK, I had severe chemo brain, and "imprecise" doesn't begin to describe how I was until very recently!). Personally, I think the term "selfish" is the wrong word for people like us who put ourselves first. Although there are certainly selfish people out there in the world who are inconsiderate of others, and those who trample others' rights and feelings to get what they want, to be concerned with one's own well being first and foremost need not be synonymous with being inconsiderate or abusive of others, and to be self-serving need  not ne synonymous with harming or hurting others in order to achieve one's goals. But, that could lead into a long philosophical debate of the kind I stopped having (except with my Pack Rat) years ago, not to mention hijacking the thread completely! Anyway, I put myself first simply because I have needs and nobody else is going to fill them for me when and to the degree I need them filled (which kind of brings me to kmmcraw423, who I'll get to in a moment), not just to make me capable of giving to others, although I agree with you totally that giving to others is only truly possible and rewarding for a person who is fulfilled him or herself. "Onesies," huh? I haven't heard that expression since I played jacks as a little girl! LOL. Really though, I think "loner" or "hermit" are good enough words to describe me.

kmmcraw423 -- I came from a dysfunctional family too, and I agree with you that the lessons learned in childhood are the most powerful of all. The most powerful one for me, and the one I learned earliest, was that the only person I could depend on was myself -- so that's where and how I learned to put myself first. 

~Lena.

Unfortunately Lena I learned that lesson at a very early age too.  I was also taught early on that being productive is the only way to win approval - or seemingly so.  Its kinda of like what have you done for me lately.   Its never enough.  But I have been thinking about this whole thread and I know that were circumstances reversed I would take care of them and I don't believe that is a bad thing.  Yes, you need to fill up your own cup so to speak but giving to others is a reward in and of itself.  Can we just agree to disagree and get back to being hermits?

Bettysgirl - I agree with you - the only good thing to come out of this is finding these wonderful, caring and geneous women.  BTW, love your avatar - that's me in the morning!   I love Garfield.

Flash - its hard to stand up tall when you have cervical and spinal stenosis and a little arthritis but I'll try!

I know about the members 'round the world, just didn't know where you are....