Could use an older perspective...

I was diagnosed late Feb. of 2009 after 40 f%$&ing years of painful squish the boob to a pancake mammograms.  Missed my 2008 mammo due to daughter being in hospital, but figured, oh hell, no cancer on both sides of the family ever, I will be fine - looked at it as a year vacation of not undergoing all that pain with the mammo.  Following Feb or 2009, went for mammo and to gyno for pap - whoa - called back for first time ever by breast center, had a compression and US, and biopsy done next day - and here I am.  One of those little old "young" ladies (just turned 62) with cancer.  To say I was shocked would be an understatement.  After the initial days after diagnose, my mother and sister began to peel me off the wall.  I then embarked upon a crash course on breast cancer.  I managed to get my masters degree in it within 48 hours or so.  Fastest learning I ever had to do.  Point of all my long-winded post is to say that I wanted to know absolutely everything I could - the good, the bad and the ugly.  Age doesn't enter into it all.  While I may feel guilty I have 30 years on the poor young mother that gets diagnosed with my ugly disease (triple neg) at the age of 32, I still have to realize it is really all relative, as I no more want to die than she does.  I also raise my 14 year old grand-daughter by myself (am a widow that must work full time), and I don't want to leave her either until she is an adult and out on her own. 

I think the important thing to realize though is that, once we are diagnosed, and once we get over the sublime shock of it all (do we really ever get over it?), we lose something that the cancer free-women going to those luncheons have not yet lost - and that is their innocence. After the shock of a cancer diagnose - what the hell is left to shock us. Not so for the undiagnosed - I see it with my mom and younger sister - they just never expected it to be so hard on the one going through it all.  Komen, Revlon, Avon, Cancer Society, even they all pretty it up and wrap it in damn pink ribbons.  I detest that - it's not pink and pretty and we are not saving thousands of women - thousands of women are still dying from this beast every day, every month and every year.  Where's the cure - where are the drugs for us triple negs?  Forget the hype and SAVE US, PLEASE.

Whew- sorry for the rant.

Linda

JGrim ~ I'd venture a guess that maybe someone just decided the hard-hitting approach with photos was not appropriate for a luncheon.  It sounds like you have a good message, but maybe not appropriate for everyone (no matter what their age), especially if they're not expecting it. 

I also think there's a time and place to expose people to the realities of bc tx.  If my doctors had told me up front everything I would have to go through, with photos, I would have been even more terrified and upset.  Taken in little doses with the truth softened a bit or even left out -- if and until it happened -- was do-able. 

Just my take on what might have happened ~  Deannna

I had to chuckle with getting your masters in BC in 48 hours.  I am still doing " post graduate work ", even though I am done with tx, had my port out July 20 and am considered to have had a "complete response" ( not exactly cured, but you know ).  As an older victim of BC, (age 62 at dx) I am cautious what I tell to people.  The gory details of chemo cause those who never went thru it to cringe.   I only had a lumpectomy, but it was traumatic enough.   

I try to tell that there are so many factors - it is not like black or white, you have it, you don't anymore.  It is a process of diagnosis, treatment, follow up, but it is also a reality for 1 in 7 women who are diagnosed.  I suggest they not be one of those who are NOT diagnosed due to fear of the unknown.     I tell them that I do not wish it on anyone, but I am here to lean on if it happens to them.    I know, I understand, I probably did, said, thought, and felt similar or  exactly the same when I was diagnosed.   It is no longer a forbidden topic or a death sentence.   

Hugs,  Nancy 

Pam, at age 63, I tell ppl I am practicing for when I get old or "in training".

I really don't think this is an age thing.   By the time they hit 60 or thereabouts most women have seen a fair amount of life including its less delectible parts.  The delicate sensiblities of these women are long behind them.  But as Deanna says, they might not want to hear about the gory details over lunch.  And some women are frightened by treatment, some by radiation and others by chemo.  Stupid, yes - but there it is.

Also I'm not sure just how educational it is to talk about an individual experience.  I've had BC 3 times now with different treatment each time.  Which time would I talk about?  A couple that were a walk in the park of the one that had me in the ER with the doctor suggesting a DNR order? They were are real for me, but only for that time.

Thanks for those pictures on your site.  I had always been slim, never had to diet or exercise, had three kids and bounced back, reached 60 in great shape and then - where the hell did all that fat come from?  I don't have a tattoo, but my back looks just like that.

I am also in the group that tried to get a graduate degree in BC in two weeks...when I was diagnosed

in 2000 there were not alot of on line support sites...I did alot of my research in a medical library..

I needed to know the whole picture...but I think that going to a luncheon of ladies who may or may not be particularly interested in the subject--- a good overview of the topic is good..but not all the gory details...it really has nothing to do with age...

In this journey we may or may not go down certain paths like mastectomies, chemo, rads etc..

we take one step at a time and deal with what we need to in our particular case...

I went to BC graduate school, too, after diagnosis. It was partly that I didn't trust the doctor to give me the real "scoop" about my prognosis (turned out to be justified), it was partly because I wanted to know if my treatment was really all they could do (turned out it really was, I got great treatment).  Geeze, I do have a problem with trust.  Anyway, through it all, and even today, I feel like I was plain stupid about breast cancer before my diagnosis.  I didn't need the shock of pictures of treatment, I did need facts about what it really means when they tell you that you have dense breasts, cysts, and the real probability that a mammo may not catch malignancy before it's invasive.  I didn't even know what invasive meant.  The reality of the danger of this disease just wasn't there.  We all wish we had known then what we know now, that's just 20/20 hindsight. However,  I do know my lack of trust didn't go far enough BEFORE I was diagnosed.  I'm one old person who would have benefited from a factual, honest presentation.  I saw a "Komen" representative on public television promoting a run for the cure type event, and I don't think anyone could have been more vague and uninformative.  What a waste of air time and what a lost opportunity.

I was originally diagnosed in 1993. In 1995 I was part of a group that sponsored a booth in the mall with lots of info on BC. I watched in utter disbelief as women would be walking toward our booth and then realize what we were talking about and divert their direction elsewhere. I guess if you don't know about it it won't hurt you. LOL!!!! I also got my master's degree in 2 weeks learning everything I could. I wonder if BC is a little like AA or any of those other groups. You don't pay attention until you need it and even then you go into denial. I know of several women who were this way. All we can do is keep trying but I really do believe that until a woman is faced with the situation she is in denial that it will ever happen to her. Guess we need to focus on being there to pick up the pieces when they crumble instead of trying to prevent the crumble. I once had a saying: I don't mind being a firefighter, but at least let me show you how to prevent the fire and don't just wait until there is one to call me.

God bless!

Susan

Got the masters when my DMI was dx with BC 8 years ago, It was a very large invasive tumor that had mastisized to her bone and eventually to her head. I was with her for each Dr, App., surgery, radiation and chemo. She didn't want to know anything or talk about it: she just wanted to be able to keep on doing her on thing. Her care was up to me. Her wonderful Oncologist said she would have no pain from the cancer and she didn't. She had five more wonderful years. 

Now I am working on my PHD dealing with my DX. Totally different situation, different cancer. I'm the one who needs to see pictures and learn all aspects of BC.I need to know all my options and what to expect, the good, the bad and the ugly. I went to the same Oncologist because I knew I can trust him to put my needs first. He answers all questions. He helps me find answers and is my advocate.