Advice on when to be there for my mom

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marytodd123
marytodd123 Member Posts: 2
edited June 2014 in IBC (Inflammatory Breast Cancer)

My mom who is 76 years old and was just diagnosed with ibc.  she goes next week to the oncologist. my mom is alone, as my father passed away several years ago from lung cancer.  i live 15 hours from her (work and have three kids and a great husband who is supportive of me being with my mom.) I love my mom and this is killing me as i hate to think of her alone.   My question is, when do you think she will need me? would it be helpful for me to be there for her chemo treatments, as i would be able to help her if she is not feeling well.  Any advice that anyone can give me is really appreciated.  Please keep my mom in your prayer!

Thank you,

Mary

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited September 2009

    Mary, my adult daughter came with me to the oncologist for the first time, and it was such a blessing to have her there to listen and ask questions, because I felt numb. At the time I was alone, having been divorced for some years. For chemo, I got friends from church to take me, and also had friends help with meals, laundry, shopping when I was feeling ill.

    The second best thing that my daughter did for me was take me shopping for a wig and some attractive head scarves and hats when we knew that I would lose my hair from chemo. We had fun despite the purpose of the trip, and I still remember that day..

    Bette 

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  • marytodd123
    marytodd123 Member Posts: 2
    edited September 2009

    Thank you for your response Bette.  I wish that i could be there on Thursday when she goes to the oncologist, but i will not be able to.  My cousin is going to go with her so that should help.

    i was thinking that i would like to be there at least the first few times for chemo...to make sure she does ok through the night.  i've heard that some chemo makes your hair fall out and some does not.  Do the dr.'s know which kind makes this happen? (i know that sounds like a crazy question, but i have no experience with this)

    thanks for your advice!

    Mary

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  • AmyIsStrong
    AmyIsStrong Member Posts: 1,755
    edited September 2009

    Mary

    The doctors (or even better, the chemo nurses) will be able to tell you if/when she will lose her hair based on the type of drugs she is receiving).  For me, the treatments got a little worse each time. So I had my mom come for the first one (fear of the unknown) but then I was ok for the next few, but then I had her come again for the last one.
    It is difficult to be far away but your desire to be there for her is going to give her a lot of suppport!  I think many women on here would say that the day OF chemo and the 2 days or so after are ok because of the additional meds they give you with the chemo treatment. Then on the 3rd day or so, when those initial 'helping' drugs wear off, you can be knocked down pretty hard. Everyone is different, but that seems to be a theme on here  and was true for me as well. I had my daughters come (early 20's - sort of 'adults') on the 3rd and 5th days to cheer me up and distract me and help me eat as I didn't feel like eating. So if it were ME, I wouldn't want you to come ON chemo day, but show up on day 3 and stay through day 5 or 6. But that's only me. I"m sure other ladies will chime in.

    It is going to take more than just you to support your mom so please be accepting of any/all others' help.  I have a wonderful husband to help and support me, but having the girls come and be here gave him a break, as it did when my mom was here. So it is an "all hands on deck" situation.

    Good luck and best wishes to your mom.

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