Motivation

First off, here's an email from Spring to me on  Facebook last night (I didn't see I had a msg earlier, duh!) 

hi kari! our computer broke so am doing this through the phone. Richard is snoring, but I have insomnia! lol. I am doing okay... tell the ladies that I am doing laps in the hallways! Love, Beverly

Brenda & Rachel, you've got it right!!  Well said.  Brenda-LOVED 'when I check my hair for new growth' I just CRACKED UP!  My hair is growing like a weed, very fast now!!  Not sure where yours is at, but here's to new hair growth sista!!

Rachel, LOVED the photos and the perseverence of your dad.  My dad is almost 80 and he rides his bike everyday...he had a major heart attack a couple years ago, but that didn't keep him down long, he's very stubborn, and I get that streak from him.  Your nanny is probably afraid to come back! heehee  and 29 lbs, wow that boy is heavy!!  good job, but take care of those legs/feet now.

Helena, you are always an inspiration to me, squeaky foob or not, heehee!! 

So, I went out shopping and called my sister, she has MS (multiple sclerosis), she's 52 and its getting worse.  She's very stubborn too, but has to walk with a cane now and she said 'I just wish I could feel normal again and go hiking with my dogs'...SIGH, my heart feels a bit heavy...we talked and laughed and shared things that only we would understand.  Stupid cancer, Stupid MS!  OK I feel better now.  Still going to walk later...off to do my PT exercises...

Hi ladies! hope everyone had a great weekend! We also stayed home and despite plans for a big hike on Sunday ended up lounging around the house instead! We started doing small projects around the house and then we both ran out of steam...oh well! Felt good though--I agree--sometimes you just need to relax.

Kari--what is a sigmoidoscopy? Love that quote!! Also--you mention the treadmill--have you tried the elliptical or is that the same effect?

So glad to hear that Spring is leaving the hospital today--yay!! Spring we miss you!  

kari- nanny said she got some really great sleep last night!  I don't know if you were a part of the thread when a bunch of us started talking about the people with MS in our lives.  My mom had MS, and I will let the others speak for themselves.  Sending all my love to your sister. You both inspire me and amaze me.   

If only Helena's temporarily squeaking boob provided her with some entertainment value... could be funny, like dh having sex with a rubbery ducky...  

Yeah Allie, it can feel like you're skipping school when you take a day or so off to catch up on sleep and couch time.  Someone said something really funny to me about this when I was recently goofing off, and I can't remember it but it was along the lines of i don't care if its bad for me I am doing it and it feels good so faff off!  They said it better, but sometimes ya just gotta have some down time.  Enjoy!

Oh and on the sigmoidoscopy- it ain't no thang babe.  Although EVERYONE should be getting colonoscopies, and they are a pain in the ass, so literally.  Here's more from the Mayo Clinic:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/flexible-sigmoidoscopy/MY00622 

I am guessing its flexible sigmoidoscopy, not rigid.  Any case, they are sending a camera up your bum (nice euphemism thanks to Aussie Helena).  You're asleep for this, so you don't care.  Some people like to be awake and watch the camera, kinda of like your own TV special "Kari's Bum, the incredible voyage".  Personally, I'd wait for the video... but they don't give you a video, they can give you some still shots.  fun fun fun!!! Seriously the exam itself aint no thang, but preparing for it is the obnoxious part.  Sigmoid is a lot easier than the Colonoscopy in terms of preparation.  Idea is that if they are sending a camera up there, they would rather get a clean shot of what they are looking at, without all the uh... flotsam and jetsam that is usually there... the only way to clean out your digestive system is by ... cleaning it out.  Bleh. But the best part is this:  This is one cancer they can find and stop in it's tracks.  Hallelujah!  Cancer presents as a polyp, they cut it off, end of cancer.  Period.  I am always high after the colonoscopy.  They found a polyp once, and actually its a really, really really funny story.  Lemme know if y'all want me to write it up and post it.  Here's another tip: You are lying on your left side for the exam, so I put a temporary tatoo of a Van Gogh masterpiece sideways on my ass before the exam.  When the doc saw this he fell out!  He thought it was a real tatoo!   I said I thought he should have something nice to look at while he's back there- but it's sideways, did he really think I'd have a permanent tatoo on my ass sideways for him????  

Fine Art Temporary Tattoos

Michelangelo, my ass!

Monet, Gaugin, Kahlo, Cassat, Monet

think I will stock up in advance.

I ain't doing it if I can't have a laugh while I am at it.  Laughter is the key to everything.  For biopsy, I drew on my boobs, but the make up came off.  I was going to wear stripper tassels for my lumpectomy but was afraid they'd leave them on when they wrapped me  up.  I was going to wear crotchless panties to my IVF surgery, but my Reproductive Endocrinologist has NO sense of humor.  

Here is story of my first colonoscopy... and my first root canal...

I had done the prep for my colonoscopy, and the day before the exam I got this incredible pain in my jaw.  I mean, smack-myself-in-the-face-with-a-hammer-to-make-it-stop pain.  Nothing helped, not even Tylenol with codeine. This is because its the swelling that causes the pain, so the only thing that would help the inflamed tooth root would be an NSAID like motrin, advil etc.  But I could not take an NSAID before the colonoscopy because it also is a blood thinner and if they kind a polyp or accidently nick my intestines or some inner part and it would bleed, it may not clot and that would be a bad thing.  So my choices were to reschedule the colonoscopy or deal with the pain.  By the time I figured this out, it was late in the day and the colonoscopy was in the morning, so I figured OK, they knock me out, I feel no pain, and then after the colonoscopy i can take the NSAIDs and/or have the work done for my tooth.  Fine.  Neither I nor the colonoscopy doc expected a problem, as I was going early like your husband due to a family history of colon cancer (my grandma died of it).

So I did the tattoo thing and ya gotta love that valium drip, proposed to the anesthesiologist and all that... oh there is one uncomfy moment when they uh insert a thing in your bum I guess to keep it open, sorry about TMI.  OK so I wake up and the doc is white as a sheet. He had just done another colonoscopy for someone who waited too long, and it was a bad scene there.  And he had found a polyp in me, saved my life right there.  So I am all high and happy about my ass not killing me and finding the pre-cancer and stopping it ya ya ya ass cancer not gonna kill me... and then... uh... since they cut off the polyp, no NSAIDS for two weeks.  No oral surgery for two weeks either.  Fun fun fun!!! What am I going to do now?

No surprise, I headed for the Internet and came up with a solution.  Acupuncture.  Now I knew that acupuncture was a valid and venerable science, and I had always meant to try it, but I was never really in the mood to have a zillion needles poked into me.  But lemme tell ya, when the alternative is smacking myself in the face with a hammer, the needles start looking really good.

And so I did acupuncture to manage the pain from my infected tooth, and then I got the root canal, and believe it or not there's a funny story there too.

And on the colonoscopy prep- I can't do it correctly, so I have this special machine thing that is quite annoying, but at least I dont have to fast for a week and take laxitives until I "poop clear".

I guess I should go check when I am due for next colonoscopy, I got a little distracted with all this breast cancer shit. (Pardon my expletives, I think this thread is more polite than I am... I hope that's OK?) 

kari- I have a friend who has no drugs when he  gets his colonoscopy.  He is INSANE.  Why do that to yourself?  He's 86 and afraid being knocked out. He watches the whole thing. Pictures after the voyage are plenty for me. Postcards from the trip. I had a follow up sigmoidoscopy after the colonscopy that they found the polyp and they said something about it being smaller and thinner and/or not going so far whatever, and I rememebr the prep wasn't as big a deal.  I also always ASK to be knocked out.  Knock me the fuck out.  "Heavy MAC" they call it. But maybe since its a smaller thing, maybe you can be comfy and watch it while being awake or twilight sleep... but my curiosity is not as strong as my cowardice.

The one time I tried to do the prep the usual way was a diaster.  I barely made it to the office without pooping my pants and after all that they said the cleaning was only "fair".  So I will be doing the PIE from now on.

And the MS thing, that was definitely at least two other gals on my RADS thread, and I remember who they are but am waiting for them to speak up for themselves because at least one of them is on this thread too, and it's not my place to offer their stories.  Just that we were remarking on the connection to BC and also the things MS does to the people around the people who have MS, which thankfully are not affecting you and your sister.  Just know if you want to vent about it, there's a bunch of us who can relate- and feel free to tap me for support there.

Thanks Rachel!  Hey, what's the PIE???  your friend is insane!!  oh share your story, the one you mentioned earlier.  Interesting about the BC and MS thing.  So it was on your Rads thread, ok, I know we touched upon it briefly on the B.O.T. thread, but not in depth.

Walked at lunch on the trail behind the office.  It got hot and now I'm all sweaty...ewww, supposed to be all professional, heehee...SO I tried calculating the mileage I walked (not too fast as it was hilly and I felt my low back tensing up), so 25 min. 3,050 steps!  That's all????????

Hi Ladies, It's me, back from the great beyond of surgery world. Got the computer working today, so was able to catch up here!  It reminded me again that this is such a wonderful and motivating thread with some wonderful women!

Thanks for all the good thoughts, hugs, and prayers. Today I felt pretty puny so I am realizing it will be a long recovery. Although, reading through here I realized I should probably set some "movement" goals each day...  You all are still very motivating!!   I am able to get in and out of chairs pretty well, so that is good. Getting in and out of bed is what I am working on now!!! 

The new "girls" look nice, but swollen, and having my pec muscles back on my chest feels great. I am no longer feeling that "tight pain" I had before, so I am very happy about this! And I'm just a few days post op. My belly and butt look ravaged! I think I will need to wait until phase 2 to be "all smoothed out".(That's in Dec!)

I need to start eating better. Hospital and hotel type food. Today I started concentrating on green salads and fruit! So moving in the right directly.

Deanna, I am so filled with fluid! My feet look like marsh-mellow puffs! I am wondering if I should ask for something like you did!!! ugh...

Missed you all!!! Glad to be back! 

Love love love, Spring.

Welcome back Spring. Just the thought of what you went through makes me admire you more. I am not sure I could have done it. I am content to stay lopsided I guess!

It is so great to seem newbies constantly joining in here. I have a hard time keeping everyone all straight though! Rachel, I loved the photos of Gourdon, especially since I should be in France right now, but it kind of fell through. My partner and I were supposed to go and work on a program for our students, but one of her coworkers got bc so she has to pick up the load. Honestly, this damn disease is everywhere. I say we should all plan a trip to France and climb that hill together! If that does not motivate us, nothing will. Start saving gals!

And don't worry about feeling like the bc thing will haunt you all forever. I am almost to my 2 year anniversary and I have to say, I do not worry or think about it anymore. I sometimes marvel that I was able to come out of that fog. I never thought I would, but there is life at the end of that tunnel. I guarantee you will all get there. Just keep walking forward, leaving cancer one step further behind!

Hi, all--I dared myself to get out of bed at 5:55am this morning and do a 30 minute stretching and strength building program, and I actually followed through. YEA! I am daring myself to do it again tomorrow morning. Maybe if I keep holding myself accountable, exercise will become another expected part of my day and I will "have to have it" to feel normal. (I must admit: I once said that about sex and then I went through hormonal therapy in 2006, which really messed up the old mojo. Then I recovered some, only to be totally unnerved by the effect of T/C chemo on my sex life earlier this year.)



Rachel--I'm glad that you decided to reveal yourself here, but it was fun to know that you were lurking....I appreciate knowing that someone else relates to my experience in trying to live more with gratitude. I must admit that I am relearning to have gratitude also for my body, which at times I have felt has betrayed or abandoned me with the multiple cancers; hey, I am still here, so my body must be doing something right! And I want to nurture what I hope is a very natural physical impulse to heal by doing what I can, like get up and move, even when I don't want to!



Kari--I think my hair is about an inch to an inch and a half (gotta love those halves) long. I am out in the world with no scarves, and I tell you, I really loved the feeling of the wind moving through my hair the other day (surely it wasn't just my imagination....). And the bell experience? It sounds like "classical conditioning"--like when an event gets paired with another event, then the first event triggers a response like the second event did. Maybe you can consciously associate the bell sound with something quite affirming and transform the whole response into something else! I do that sometimes when I have anxiety....



Okay, Ivorymom, what in the world are burpees? And Ainm--14 pounds lost is wonderful; you sound like you are on the right track! Spring--I have been hearing about you lots of other places and I hope your body will keep on healing. Vivre--I hope you will have a lifetime of anniversaries having NED; congrats!



Good night to all!

SSSSPPPPRRRRIIIINNNGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm SO very happy to see you here!!!!!  I have been lurking on your NOLA thread I must admit to learn about what you and the other girls are going through, since I am contemplating recon...You are such an inspiration to me, you have such a great attitude and you are so fearless and yes, this thread isn't the same without you here!  So Welcome Back baby!!  Take it slow and heal heal heal...you have Phase 2 in 3 mos!!  You are doing it!

Meg, that's quite a little workout you've got going on!  You sound so strong!  Last week I started incorporating jumping jacks back into my morning wakeup routine.  Felt good!  I used to do 100 each morning then chemo wiped that out fast.  So, starting adding things in slowly again! feels good.  Although I haven't done any this week yet.

Ainm, what Meg said!!  14 lbs is awesome and I know you are so proud of yourself!  Gradual is better!!! always!!  Glad you found an outfit to wear also.

Brenda, I hear ya girl on the needing it thing and the mojo thing!  I've always needed exercise in my life, its huge for me.  I'm not a pro but have always 'moved' it!!  Just wish the back/hip pain would let me move it without pain!!

Helena, I thought I saw you lurking, but then I heard a squeak and I KNEW it was you! LOL  HI!!

Vivre, Love the idea of all of us climbing that hill in France!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  sorry to hear your trip was canceled.

Had an off night last night, feel down this a.m.  Developed a headache yesterday afternoon that turned bad last night, I was just exhausted and was awake practically all night with this dumb headache.  My neck muscles are very tight...was it from all the cleaning?  and then walking the hills yesterday at lunch and then sitting in this darn work chair all day, everything in my back was really tight...oh brother!  Acupuncture during lunch hour today, hope that will help!   

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
~Mary Wilson Little 

OH if anybody wants to know more about recon stuff (and I totally respect anybody who wants to *skip* this, believe me! it's a personal choice) let me know.

Spring-glad to see you are back on board. I really admire your tenacity. You are a true survivor of the fittest. Now if we could just figure out where dear Lisa is off to????

Ivory-great advice to Ainm and everyone. Losing it slowly is the best way because it means you are changing your habits. Diets do not work unless they are all about lifestyle changes. My state is now adding a tax on all sales of alcohol, soda, and candy(what can say, my state is run by tax and spend libs). I was thinking that as much as I hate these "sin" taxes, at least they will not cost me a cent because I really have no taste for any of that stuff anymore. I use to have to have a diet cola everyday, and I have not had one now in almost 2 years. I have NO desire for it at all. Remember it takes about 3 weeks for something to become a habit. If you exercise every day for 3 weeks, even mildly, you will want to continue it because it becomes a habit. If you can give up a vice for 3 weeks, you will no longer want it. Don't try to do it all at once. At a couple of things at a time. I started with just daily walks and cutting out dairy and continued from there.

Have a great day everyone. I am still thinking how great it would be to walk up that hill in France or around those green fields in Ireland, but I guess I will just have to enjoy my walk along my local river.

Reporting in: I was able to walk around a few city blocks today outside! Put sneakers on my "marsh-mellow - like" feet!!! happy....

Kari and Deanna, I PM'd you about the recon stuff.

Spring--yay!! Welcome back! We missed you. Sending you god vibes for a speedy recovery and hugs!

Ainm-14 lbs!!! That's amazing--you should be really proud of yourself. You can "do this"-you already are!!!

Went to yoga this morning and feel totally worked over--which is good! Having dinner with friends I haven't seen in ages--if I can drag my butt out later today!  have been doing a "supplemental workout" by moving heavy rugs and furniture--yikes! Hope my back holds out... !