Starting Chemo in June 2005

Hi everyone...I was so happy to be feeling almost normal last night! Went and sat on the front steps with my husband for awhile and it felt nice. When I went to get up I felt like a little old lady (also known as LOL!) but I won't let that get me down. It's just a wake up call that I need to exercise more!

Brenda, I'm doing the dose dense schedule. I know what you mean about feeling that slowing down is a sign of weakness, but I decided if I need to baby myself some days, it's OK. I have learned by watching my husband do too much when his back is bothering him. He is barely starting to see the benefits of being gentle with your body!
Kim - I can relate to having nothing sound good to eat or drink! My husband would ask if I wanted something I ate just the day before with no problem, and the thought of that food again was horrible! But - I celebrated getting my appetite back with some Italian food last night and it was wonderful! I hope the next chemos follow the same cycle so I can anticipate how long the bad days will last.
Liz - I saw on here somewhere a link to chemochicks.com and they have henna tattoos for eyebrows! I guess they last a few days. They also have henna tattoo patterns for your scalp and they look really cool! I'm tempted... I like the idea of having something like henna that won't rub off if you rub your eyes, but not permanent if you did it wrong.
Sungem - I saw your post where you feel freaked out for next time. I was too, but I feel better about it now. How are you doing? I sure hope you are feeling better.
Dana - how are you, have you had chemo #2 yet? I'm so glad you started this thread!
Nosurrender and kda - thanks so much for checking in on us. You help SO MUCH! YOU ROCK!!
I hope everyone else is getting through today alright. Go, Chemo Chicks!

Hi Junesters,
Just a quick note-
You may find that you become allergic to things on chemo that you never were allergic to before. For me it was Tide and Cats. It went away about a year after I was done but if you are planning on getting something like the Henna- wait until you are in treatment and then do a small patch test to see if you can tolerate it. I know it is crazy but no one ever said chemo was sane!

Has anyone ever checked out Heavenly Hats? They give new hats to new chemo patients....might be worth a look- it is a little toasty in some parts of the country for a hat but they have all kinds!

Also- you may find yourself having weird food cravings. I guess it is like pregnancy. I never have been pregnant so I don't know- but I know I craved weird things and friends of mine did too. One friend would only eat Ragu Spaghetti Sauce out of a jar that had been in the refrigerator. It had to be Ice cold. ME? All I could think about was raw Bisquick. I do NOT know why!

Hi
Due to lovely chemo brian don't know what I written and haven't written. I feel great today. Actually cleaned the house for real! It is day 15 since first treatment and yes that tingling, sunburnt feeling on scalp was it-hair is going out by the handful. I let my dd and her friend go at it with scissors. They are only 13 and had a ball-it isn't as short as I need ti to be. I thought I would go get a buzz but the battery died on my van so I got a jump from Triple A and went and bought a new battery! I feel like superwoman with my short hair and bc cap on. Now ask me on Thursday when I feel like I can't even open my eyes let alone climb out of bed!LOL At least I have today!

Today was a whole new day! I retrospect think Monday was my bad day (am sure if I took a poll no one would disagree!). So, after #1 bad day was Sunday-After #2 it was Monday. I am in a trial and had the possibility of weekly AC which in retrospect there is no way I could do it weekly. Today I wore a hat to work-which went well-working in a surgical hospital half the people wear "hats" all the time. Which a co-worker gave me a Viagra one....now just need to have an occassion to wear that one as well as my Hooters hat. If your hair loss is like mine there will be no doubt-and like JoMac I now have "stubble" everywhere-I do put a hat on to eat even at home. Am really beginning to realize how different everyone reacts as I can't believe how I was yesterday---thanks again for letting me vent.
KimB

About the being envious thing....
I have had that but it takes a left turn somewhere and this is how MY thought process goes-

I will be feeling especially yucky and unattractive and in comes miss Perky Boobs all full of energy and shoving her cleavage in everyone's face. After what I have been through and from what I have learned from getting to know the awesome women who have battled this beast it makes me think this- "Keep it up as long as you can Honey because soon enough you are going to have that mammo and your Perky days will be over." Now I don't know if that is HEALTHY either!
But it just seems that EVERY ONE HAS THIS FRIGGIN DISEASE! So I just look at these folks and think- "You may be next!"

On another note...
How many of you now have your chests stared at? After my diagnosis people - men especially- would stare at my chest as if they could figure out which one was the "bad one"... pay attention- you will catch them doing it!

As far as the breast reduction..I think that was the first really hurtful thing that was ever said to me in this...a woman who I thought was my friend asked me after my surgeries if I thought she should have a breast reduction. For some reason that cut me to the quick. I have never spoken to her again. If she said this now I would tell her off but then I was devastated.

You see, that's the thing with this disease. You start out all raw and your feelings are on the surface and you feel like you can't ever do another thing again. AFTER the surgeries, chemo and radiation???? WATCH OUT WORLD! This new chick emerges! She is strong, brave, tough and does not take sh!t from ANYONE. I like the ME now so much better than that wimpering sap I was before. I had NO IDEA this other woman was inside of me. She is great.

Remember the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes" and the amazon/warrior/take no prisoners woman they made up when they needed to be strong? Her name was Townanda? Well BC brings out the Towanda in all of us.

You'll see- you may not believe it now! But bullets will bounce off you when you are done with this crap!

Your priorities change so much. What you thought was important once is not now. And you learn to see the beauty in each day. And if some idiot is causing you stress or anger out pops Towanda to let them know that you do not mess with a woman who has had BC and been through chemo- because little nonsense is no match to the victory you will have just earned!

Just remember- Towanda is waiting inside and she is ready to come out and kick some ass if necessary!

Hi Nancy,
I don't know what soft tissue spread means. When will the CAT scan be?
I hope they can make that happen fast.
You sound to me like your "Towanda" is alive and well.
No surrender has been a big help to me in these past few days too.
I recommend her services to others.
Don't they say the best recommendation is by word of mouth?
Thankyou ladies for sharing your thoughts on the relative wellness of others.
Some people can be so insensitive. So far I have only had one rude experience.
I do find people asking me advice on life decisions they are contemplating like ..retiring, buying a new house...ending a relationship...etc.
What is this about? Is cancer supposed to be making me smarter?
I remember a line from Thirtysomething where a character has had a hysterectomy.
Her husband was treating her with kid gloves so she said to him "Elliot , I had a hysterectomy not a lombotomy."
I love that line.

Hi Brenda,
It sounds like the "let down" after a great family visit.
Maybe while eveyone was there you were able to put these thoughts aside and now they have found room to return.
I have those thoughts too.
Especially if I start feeling tired.
I have a visitor today so I will have to try and pace myself.
I don't feel like being a hostess.
Maybe this will provide a needed diversion but I think I am happier with my regular schedule.
I'll let you know.
I have those same thoughts when I see really really old people.
I want to be you someday.
What a really want is to be here for my daughter and husband.
Sometimes I feel like I am fighting more for them than for me.
Oh and I wanted to mention to Watson that I think it is amazing that her boss did all that cleaning for her.
People show love in so many different ways don't they?

No surrender, I just love you.
I think that is a great story.
I want to be just like you when I grow up.
I have been grazing all day.
My guests made a chinese chicken salad and chicken soup. So I have great food for the next few days.
Eating the whole grain rolled oats helped me a lot this morning. I haven't had heart burn today.So I am going to follow the same plan for tomorrow.
I am increasing my nightly ativan because I have noticed I am not sleeping long enough.
I did manage to walk for 45 mintues today. That felt great.
I also ordered a couple new head coverings and the first season of Taxi on DVD.
All my best wishes to the Thursday girls.
Write when you can.

You guys are all so inspirational. I'm sitting here crying because I'm having a feeling-sorry-for-myself moment, but then I read the wonderful attitudes of some of you ladies and I'm making myself snap out of it. I'm a Thursday gal too, but my #2 isn't until next Thursday. I have to say, Zofran was not a good med for me at all. In fact, I didn't start actual vomiting until after I took it! Figures. Compazine worked much better for me.

Anyone else here have a mastectomy and still thinking about reconstruction options? I know there's another forum for those discussions, but I'm just wondering if any of my fellow Junies are where I am with the implant vs. reconstruction debate.

Dana...the wigs look GOOD..can't decide which I like better...looks like the same wig...just styled differently. You really look cute!

Liz

Rene, I got my period two days after first chemo. I guess it was already gonna happen, so hopefully I won't get another.

Dana, Trazadone has been my sleep-aid of choice for years! Sorry it doesn't work for you. Last night was my first night without anything since diagnosis!
I love the wigs-do they look as natural up close as the photos do? I ordered a wig DAYS ago and it's not due to be delivered until Monday. Hope the hair holds out ill then! I like the bangs, they are long enough to camoflage if you lose your brows. I don't knkow if I could stand hair in my face, though. It's always been a bother for me. I did sew a hat yesteray, from McCalls pattern #4116. It sort of looks like a do-rag, but it's fitted on top, has a little elastic in back, then ties in the back. I got a real open cotton knit so I can just throw it on when it's really hot.

I think I'm feeling not so gloomy today. It helps to have things that have to get done. I've been working on getting student loan info together to consolidat before interest rates go way up on July 1. It amazes me to see how much we have borrowed to put four kids through college!

Good luck Thursday ladies! Don't forget to eat ice chips or a popsicle during the "A" push!

Hi everybody! I woke up this morning feeling NORMAL and I am so overjoyed! I had a temp of 99.2 yesterday and felt tired, woozy...took a Benadryl to make me sleepy enough to stay asleep (I hate getting up every 2 hours to pee the extra water!!) but my husband had back pain, so he woke me up at 4am with his tossing and turning. Somehow, I woke up refreshed and my temp was 98.1! I am happy, happy, happy!

Dana, I love your pixie look! So cute, I think you should keep it that way when your hair comes back. I got my 2 wigs in the mail yesterday. The longish blonde wig (my husband picked out) looks pretty good. The shorter red perky do (I picked out) looks very weird on me. I should have gone to a wig shop, but the Paula Young wigs on the internet are very reasonably priced (and I just could not make myself go out to shop for them). I also got my T shirt with matching color turban from ChemoChicks.com. I cannot get the turban to look right...looks like I bunched up the T shirt and parked it on my head. I'm not a perky do, turban-wearing outrageous woman, although the ones who can carry off the look are fabulous! *sigh*

Is anyone interested in having a reunion when we are finished with all of this? We could see who is farthest west/east etc. and pick a location somewhere in the middle to meet. I think it would be wonderful to see everyone in person, and the trip would be a gift to ourselves for all we've been through. Just for fun, I'll put in a poll (since I've never done one before).