"catching up" with old friends - what do you say?

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Anxiousmama
Anxiousmama Member Posts: 92
edited June 2014 in Managing Side Effects of Breast Cancer and Its Treatment

Today I heard from an old friend who has just moved back to town, then another who moved here from elsewhere called me Thursday. Now, my old college roommate just "friended" me on facebook. These are all people I've kinda kept in touch with via Christmas, sometimes bday, cards, but we've been living in different places. I was diagnosed in May and most people around me know I have bc and have a vague idea of my treatment plan (had surgery in June, now doing RADs, then taking tamoxifen).  I don't really mind telling them, but I feel akward "breaking the news" right of the bat. But, I also feel weird saying "I'm fine" when I'm not. Now my old college roomie just friended me on fb and wants to know how I'm doing. I don't really know what to say. We haven't seen each other in person in years so it hadn't occured to me to tell her, but now it seems I should since most of my fb friends know. Or should I just let her read it all for herself. Or am I overthinking this. I swear there should be some kind of  etiquitte manual written for how to tell your friends about your cancer diagnosis and treatment with some tact and grace. Hmmmmm . Maybe that's what I need to do instead of looking for a job...

Anyway, how do you handle stuff like that? Just "out with it" right off the bat?  Wait until they ask why you have a doctors appointment every day?  Just let it go and see if they hear it somewhere else or read something about it on your fb page?

Maybe I'm just too tired and overthinking. Need. sleep. now.

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  • lvtwoqlt
    lvtwoqlt Member Posts: 6,162
    edited August 2009

    I am having some of the same questions, my high school class reunion is coming up in October. I moved away from the town about 5 yrs after graduation and haven't kept in touch with many people. Only one I went to school with knows about my bc experience, he is the one who gave my info to get the invite to this reunion (30th). It starts with the homecoming game on Friday and dinner on Saturday night at the banquet room at the Holiday Inn in town. I live about 50 miles away and will probably be spending the weekend there.

    Sheila

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  • Anxiousmama
    Anxiousmama Member Posts: 92
    edited August 2009

    Well, at least I'm not the only one who doesn't know quite how to handle it. =)  It's so akward to say "I have bc" in response to "how are things with you?", but I'm not really good at hiding the truth so "I'm fine" comes out kinda not quite honest...

     I like your quote at the bottom, btw. very nice.

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  • bluedasher
    bluedasher Member Posts: 1,203
    edited August 2009

    I struggle with this one too. I'll get a contact from a colleague on LinkedIn and it almost always starts out asking how things are going or I'll run into someone at a meeting. Now that I'm towards the end of treatment and my hair is approaching the shortest I've worn it and the rest of my appearance is pretty much back to normal, I'm even more unsure about what to say. Treatment has been such a big part of my life for the last year that it was always on my mind - the next chemo, all the blood tests, going to rads every week day for 6 weeks. It was really hard not to say something at that point and in person it was obvious that something was going on.

    But now it is starting to fade and someone who saw me probably wouldn't know that something had gone on. Do I say "Oh, I'm just finishing up BC treatment and feeling much better now and how are your?" or "I'm fine" which is now honest?

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