July 2009 rads group

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  • MsDebS
    MsDebS Member Posts: 36
    edited August 2009

    7 more boosts to go and I am done.  My underarm is raw and hurts like heck.  Got 2 new techs who aren't very friendly.  They keep telling me that I am too tense on the table.  HELLO....of course I am tense.  Remember that movie with Charlton Heston called Soilent Green.  That is how I feel in the morning....everyone lined up in their gowns, walking towards the door.  I want to yell....Soilent Green is people.  They are the unfeeling aliens.  Anyway, for those of you who didnt see the movie, it is humans being tricked into thinking that something awful is really good for them.  I hurt...I am miserable most of the time and I hope and pray that I will never have to go through this again.  Thank goodness that the other ladies in my time slot are so wonderful and we look forward to seeing each other every morning.  And I dont know how I would have gotten through all of this without this web site.  Oh....and my husband is much better and getting around pretty well.  No surgery on his back for the meantime and he is coping with his newly diagnosed diabetes.  He says that his problems are miniscule compared to what I have been through. What a guy!

    Congrats to all who have finished.  I am almost there

    Deb

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited August 2009

    Deb, I'm glad your dh is doing better. Sorry your techs are so cold. What do they think - we have cancer, we need awful treatments which give us painful side effects, we have no way of knowing if this will even work, and then they expect you to RELAX? Listen, if they make that comment about too tense again, offer to switch places with them!.

    ibjennifer, what a frustrating thing to happen! Hope the rest goes smoothly and you will soon be FINISHED.

    Went on a small trip on Sunday, nothing strenuous, and have felt like I've been hit by a Mack truck since then. It was worth it though.

    Leah

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited August 2009

    Deb, I'm glad your dh is doing better. Sorry your techs are so cold. What do they think - we have cancer, we need awful treatments which give us painful side effects, we have no way of knowing if this will even work, and then they expect you to RELAX? Listen, if they make that comment about too tense again, offer to switch places with them!.

    ibjennifer, what a frustrating thing to happen! Hope the rest goes smoothly and you will soon be FINISHED.

    Went on a small trip on Sunday, nothing strenuous, and have felt like I've been hit by a Mack truck since then. It was worth it though.

    Leah

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited August 2009

    ok, anyone know why it was printed twice?

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  • nwood450
    nwood450 Member Posts: 110
    edited August 2009

    Hi all,

     Helen thanks for the hugs.  Leah thanks for the calandula suggestion.  I'm waiting for the UPS man.  He's supposed to bring me this MSM cream.  I'll try anything right now.  Ibjennifer:  i'm right there with you girl.  So cranky and weepy it's ridiculous.  Didn't go to work today.  It is so hot hear in Massachusetts - so the heat doesn't help with all of this soreness.  I'm staying in my bedroom with the air conditioning and the dogs for company. 

    Thank goodness for this website.  It truly helps to put your feeling down and know that the people who read thes words fully understand what you are going through. 

    God bless you all,
    Nancy

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  • donnamariem
    donnamariem Member Posts: 27
    edited August 2009

    lbjennifer125 thanks for your comments.  I'll get over it I'm sure.

    I had 28 regular treatments and 5 boosters left.  I feel horrible!  Aside from the fatigue, I am so dizzy and nauseous.  It started over the weekend.  I worked 1/2 day yesterday and probably will leave early today also.  I hope this goes away soon.

     Nancy, I too am glad for this site.  I feel that I have no one to talk to that can truly relate.  Thank you all for just letting me vent!!  Will we ever have the life back that we had before we were diagnosed?  Will it always be there haunting us? 

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  • living4today
    living4today Member Posts: 215
    edited August 2009

    I am so sorry to hear about all you who are suffering these horrible side effects, but so relieved.  I was beginning to wonder if I was the biggest wimp around...I hate rads.  Last week, I had been walking up to 2 miles a day, now I can hardly walk to my car.  I am still trying to work full time, but am only able to go into office for a few hours and than go home and rest and than work from home the remainder of the day.  I am at 19 of 28.  Yesterday the Radiation MD did say that the fatigue would probable hit me a bit worse as I am having both breasts radiated.  Lucky me!

    Hang in there sisters, I now know why they say breast cancer survivors who go through treatment are strong women!!!!  Together we can do this!!!

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  • ibjennifer125
    ibjennifer125 Member Posts: 57
    edited August 2009

    Well the machine worked today - 2 more to go and I can't wait. On chemo which was horrible I was too weak to complain and have pity parties and I was ok with rads until this last 10 days. Skin wasn't doing too bad until last week. I want this stupid ugly port out of my chest also.

     living4today - I agree - we must be some mighty strong gals cause breast cancer totally sucks!

    donnamariem -  we will have a BETTER life than before because we know how precious it is and how fast in can be snatched away. Yes, the fear of re-occurrence  will be there - we are human, but I have determined in my mind I'm going to live my life to the fullest and not let my fears dominate me.

     My little 4 yr old grand daughter started pre-school yesterday. I intend to see her graduate from college!

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  • Irishred
    Irishred Member Posts: 136
    edited August 2009

    I havent experienced what you are going thru, I had my 11th rad today.  But it really pisses me off that they let people like that work in that dept.   Compassion is a huge help in our situation.  I had problems at first,  they kept me in this horrible position for 45 minutes while the techs argued about who drew the purple line or the blue line first,  that wa one day,  after  3 more days of that crap.  I had the worst muscle spasms in history.  I sat on the floor and cried all night in pain. Thank god my sister was with me.  She took me in the next day and i raised HELL. About the Non professionalism, about the griping and bitching and said if this doesnt change then to hell with it.  I had to lay off radiation 10 days with pain pills every two hours and my arm is still screwed up.  Now, they know they had better be damn nice to me and listen to me.  I asked about changing the left arm position and after they listened and we tried it  what a hell of a difference.  ASK if you want something changed, and if someone has no compassion, fricking report them to their superior or manager.  IT WORKS  !!!

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  • ibjennifer125
    ibjennifer125 Member Posts: 57
    edited August 2009

    Irishred I hope you don't experience the raw and oozing flesh and sorry you had such a bad time in the beginning. I had to stay in that position for a long time too and I was a month out of my mastectomy and still sore and swollen.  I thought I was going to pass out, my arms were shaking so plus it was freezing cold in that room. I just want this radiation done....it's gotten me at an all time low since this nightmare started last October 30th.

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited August 2009

    Now, what I don't understand is all the people who say that radiation is "a walk in the park".

    Hmmm. Now, as you know I live in Israel. The town of Sderot in the south of the country has been the target of thousands of rocket attacks in the last several years. They built a playgrund recently where there are covered slides and tunnels for playing that are made of reinforced concrete so they can be uses as emergency shelters.

    Yup, that's the park we're walking through during rads.

    Leah

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  • jdeking
    jdeking Member Posts: 408
    edited August 2009

    Hey girls!

     I am right there with you all in the agony department! I am at 32/33 today (28 reg DONE, now on the 5 boosts). My nipple and the skin underneath my breast are cracked, weepy, raw and PAINFUL!!!! My rad onc doesn't want to prescribe Sivadene because I am so close to the end, and have 'done so well compared to others'. But the techs say I will continue cooking for the next 2 weeks, so I think I will insist on the cream today.

    Not helping at all is the fact that we are having the hottest summer ever on record here in S. Texas. Today will be #53 of 100+ days. I have at least one hot flash an hour, and sweating in my sports bra is not helping my skin at all. I work 10 hours/day, so cannot go without a bra.

    I feel for all of you going through this, and am so happy for those of you who finished without any problems! We are almost there, we just have to hang in for a few more weeks. We can do it!!

    (((((hugs))))) to all!

    Janine

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  • MsDebS
    MsDebS Member Posts: 36
    edited August 2009

    Yeah!!!! Only 5 more to go.  Today I was in and out in 15 minutes.  Techs were okay today...not really friendly but they were on the ball.  I too am cooking under my arm.  Got so bad that I took the numbing cream for my port and put it on.  Have a muga scan on Friday after rads and cant wait for this to be all over.

    When do you decide that you can go without a wig/scarf?  I dont wear anything around the house but am very apprehensive about going to work without something on my head.  I have thick hair all over my head that is about 1/2 inch long but it is kind of out of control and also came in white.  Kind of a shocker. I was blonde by choice.  I work for a Judge and am in and out of the courtroom all day.  Maybe I will give it another month.....

    Deb 

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  • Leah_S
    Leah_S Member Posts: 8,458
    edited August 2009

    I'm still cooking. Not to much pain, but the ITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    itch itch itch itch itch

    ITCH ITCH ITCH ITCH

    Leah

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  • ibjennifer125
    ibjennifer125 Member Posts: 57
    edited August 2009

    Leah_S - nice analogy. Please know I pray for Israel and the apple of God's eye everyday.

    jdeking - Insist on the Silvadene today. It's the only thing that relives me any at all at this point. Not understanding your Doctor - what is it off him to prescribe cream that is going to bring relief.If he ever has to be zapped with his onb treatment, God forbid, maybe he will know where his patients are coming from.

    MsDebs - have you tried geling the hair you now have into a punk like look? I know a girl who's doing that now and it looks cute, but I think hers is about an inch and a half. Mine's about like yours, out of control and too much gray but a lot of black. My hair was brown and heavy blonde highlights before all this.   I wear a ball cap mostly when I go out casually and still wearing my wig to church and etc et. Luckily my job is such I work on a computer all day and my company set me up at to work at home when this first starte. Thank God! Hey I DID put nice and easy on my hair to cover the hideous gray.

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  • carollynn79
    carollynn79 Member Posts: 654
    edited August 2009

    Last full breast zap today now only 5 boosts left, have started to crack in the crease below the beast, sore.  Leah love your anology and agree.   Sitting on the cough with my shirt up and the fan on, feels good, it is so hot lately, how long once done does it contiue to cook?  Oh well the end in in site thanks to all my BC sisters who have encouraged along the way.  Sorry to hear some have Techs who are non caring, nap time!

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  • TwillNW
    TwillNW Member Posts: 46
    edited August 2009

    Checking back one week and one day after my last rad to report that all the affected areas of my skin (armpit, under breast) are vastly improved.  The color is fading and while there is still a little peeling happening, I find I am hardly thinking about or noticing the area at all - yea!  Since my last five treatments were boosts, I am two weeks out from the last full breast rad -- so while there may have been some continued cooking, things for the most part have gotten better rather than worse.  Hope those of you just now finishing find the same to be true - keep your eye on the finish line!  Take care all,

    Tricia

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  • earthandie
    earthandie Member Posts: 15
    edited August 2009

    I have 3 more boosts to go!  It's true they do not tell you how radiations sucks~! (excuse me if i offended anyone)  All everyone said is that "after chemo it's a walk in the park" just as Leah said, and you are right - what a park it is.....Yesterday was the worst day of all - skin was very painful, i was having a full blown pity party, and my husband who has been wonderful reminded me of the benefits of doing this and I did feel comfort in that (although not in my skin!)  The RN at the rad center did give me a gel pad and it really took the heat off - but they don't sell them there and the ones I bought at the drug store (2nd skin) are not as good but the good news is today, my skin actually is a bit lighter, and not quite as hot. 

    jdeking - insist that your doc gives you the meds that  you need - if not is there another doc who can be an advocate -  you should not have to suffer.....

    MsDebs - My hair came in white also !  this was after having it long and reddish by choice for many years.  I stopped wearing a wig to work about a month ago. Everyone loves it and tells me to keep it short and white!!! 

     Hugs and love to you, my sisters who have given me strength and community through this journey

    Andie

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  • living4today
    living4today Member Posts: 215
    edited August 2009

    Thank you to all who say rads sucks...I have 8 to go and am so ready to quit!  But, you all encourage me to keep pushing towards the finish line.  Thanks!

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  • carollynn79
    carollynn79 Member Posts: 654
    edited August 2009

    Yes Rads sucks as does Cancer but we all need to follow thru so we are here to Bitch!  Feel much better this morning, not so hot, ambien worked well and slept for the second night in a row yea!  Hope all have a good day today hope to make pickles and freeze sweet corn after treatment today will see how I feel.

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  • nwood450
    nwood450 Member Posts: 110
    edited August 2009

    Hi all,

    I am one week and one day out of last rad treatment.  I am red, raw, and bleeding under my breast.  The wonderfully compassionate nurse at my facility told me I just have to "ride it out".  Special!!!  Trying Aquaphor again. I am not sleeping very well.  I am weepy.  I am anxious. I am discouraged. I am sick and tired of this whole cancer thing. It SUCKS BIG TIME!  I thought that once I got in to the radiation lap of this race that I would be almost home free.  It certainly doesn't feel that way. My whole body aches from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.  It feels like the flu but no fever.  Leah:  great analogy regarding the walk in the park.  You have a great way with words. Chemo was horrible but radiation certainly hasn't been easy - for me at least.

    This is a dark day for me.  Sorry but if anyone knows how I feel, you all do.  Thanks for listening.  Tomorrow is another day.

    Nancy

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  • Becky613
    Becky613 Member Posts: 25
    edited August 2009

    Nancy,  I too was red raw but not bleeding and very sore when I finished rads 1 week and 3 days ago.  The doc just said keep using Bag Balm and it would take 2 weeks to heal (ugh).  I couldn't stand it any more and was afraid of infection, not to mention crying a the drop of a hat. 

    My son works in an herbal tea shop in KC and he sent me a bag of mixed herbs of Calendua, goldenseal, planktin, and yarrow.  I started doing compresses 2X day on Fri and by Sun. it was pretty dried up and less raw.  I was shocked!!!!   I don't know if you're receptive to alternative  stuff but if you are near a health food store or herb shop at the very least try the calendula tea compresses.  Although none of the local stores near me had any.

    Just when we think life will get better, something else happens.  For me the skin breakdown didn't happen until treatment 30 or so and I got very discouraged.  Try to hang in there.  I laid on my bed topless for 2 days trying to get it to heal.

    If you want more info on what I used you can PM me.

    Becky

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  • jdeking
    jdeking Member Posts: 408
    edited August 2009

    ((((Nancy)))) - hope you find some relief!

    I did get Silvadene yesterday, and it made such a big difference! I was able to sleep relatively pain-free last night, and parts of my breast already look a lot more healed.

    And best of all - I am done!!!!!! Woohoo, happy dance. I got to put my handprint on the wall in purple paint, and got a certificate of completion. It is going to be so great next week to not have rads interrupting my daily schedule!

    Have a great weekend all, and hang in there!

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  • rreynolds1
    rreynolds1 Member Posts: 450
    edited August 2009

    Hi Leah,

    I'm sorry you were treated so badly.  We should expect kindness when we are going through such a difficult time.  I suggest you write a letter about your experience and address it to your radiologist oncologist and his/her affiliated clinic, practice and/or hospital.  They will read it and hopefully follow-up with you for details.  It will help you to take your power back and you may make a difference for our sisters who come after you.  Hugs.

    Roseann

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  • campingmom
    campingmom Member Posts: 3
    edited August 2009

    Though I have never posted, I too have read these boards every day and found the only sane moments in all this craziness! I started July 8 and tomorrow is my last day. I was blessed with great techs and only a 10 minute drive from my house.

    But along with all of you I suffered through having a daily reminder that I was a cancer patient and the strangeness of wondering if my hair will ever be long again.

    I wondered if the woman who had to go to the lung doctor is still out there reading these. I had the exact same thing happen to me- 4 weeks after the set up CT scan I get a call they see something near the lung. The PET scan confirmed it and finally a bronchoscope and biospy on this Monday told them it was not cancer! It was the scariest 3 weeks of this whole journey.

    Anyway, I just wanted to thank all of you who were brave enough to post your feelings- it has helped more people than you could possibly know!

    Thank you!!!!

    Camping Mom

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  • living4today
    living4today Member Posts: 215
    edited August 2009

    Hi everyone!  Only  7 more treatments left...I figure God made the world in 7 days, I can get through treatment.  Just wanted to let you know something cool that happened today.  The rad machine has been having issues this week, so one day I was late getting in, one day I had to come back a few hours later and today, they squeezed me in at the end of the day instead of my 730 am...anyways when I went to get dressed after treatment, the rads tech handed me a card with apologies and a gift card for the grocery store.  I thought that was so very nice of them. 

    Thanks everyone for sharing your journey!

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  • Becky613
    Becky613 Member Posts: 25
    edited August 2009

    Ladies - There is hope for whatever is the "new normalacy" after BC and rads.  Last night was the first night I slept without my breast and chest greased up since June 23!  Now if the itching would stop.

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  • ibjennifer125
    ibjennifer125 Member Posts: 57
    edited August 2009

    Thank you blessed Jesus I am done!  As of yesterday DONE DONE DONE.... The clinic I go to has a big cow bell outside the treatment room and after your last treatment you get to ring it. Everyone knows what it means and starts whooping and clapping all over the clinic. It was emotional and I was sobbing like crazy.  I'm taking them 3 doz donuts Monday morning from the best bakery in town.

    Those that are nearing the finish line this hell does come to an end. I've had the burning itching weeping raw side effects and I had my first pity party last Sunday - I was just so done. 

    My prayers are with you all - hang in there!

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  • NanaA
    NanaA Member Posts: 293
    edited August 2009

    Camping Mom - I am the lady who had to go to the lung doc.  They did a second CT which showed a couple more nodules, so they are doing a pet scan next week.  Thanks for letting me know that yours was OK.  I am so glad.  It gives me hope that mine will turn out to be nothing to worry about too.  Rads are going OK.  It is a good thing with everything else going on.  If finished 20 out of 37 today.  Next week is last 5 regular and then  12 boosts over the next 3 weeks after that.  Thanks for sharing.  Hugs Annette

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  • nanabolini
    nanabolini Member Posts: 61
    edited August 2009

    It's been a week since my last rad.  I thought by now I would be on the mend but I feel worse than ever,  so tired and weak, can barely do anything.  Is this "normal?" I wonder and worry. 

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