Why does it take so long to find out??

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kane744
kane744 Member Posts: 461

New member here.  I finished treatment to my right breast (surgery, chemo, 33 rads) in April 2009.  It took me awhile to work up the nerve to self exam and when I did I felt a lump in that breast. My husband felt it, too.   I was so scared.  But I waited to say anything until my surgery to remove the port.  The surgeon felt it and when I asked if it were scar tissue he responded by asking if I had a mammogram scheduled.  I did for Aug. 25.  After that, I called the Breast Care Nurse at my cancer clinic and spoke at length to her.  She offered to move up the date but also went through records from my May oncologist visit where she felt something which seemed like scar tissue to her.  She's the one I trust most so I said I'd wait till my Aug. mammo date.  This past Thurs. I went back to the surgeon to have the port incision checked.  He immediately went to the right breast and started feeling around.  I again asked if he thought it was scar tissue and he said he didn't know.  His incliniation would be to excise it, send it to pathology, and take it from there--after I had the mammogram.  I asked why I wouldn't have a biopsy done first and he responded that he wouldn't want to chance that they miss the lump,  This startled me since the first time no one could feel it.  He told me not to make myself crazy and come back to see him in Sept.  Like a dutiful little patient, I left.  But as I was walking to my car I knew I'd be a basket case if I waited that long so I turned around and went to the Breast Care Clinic and asked to speak to the nurse.  When I told her my story, she slammed her hand on the desk and said I would have my mammogram that day if I didn't mind waiting.  And so I did.  Two times.  And an ultrasound.  It's not looking good.  There are three lumps, not one.  My nurse pulled strings and got me in for an MRI on Monday morning.

I am one freaked out 65 year old.  I don't understand how cancer could be back so soon after all that treatment.  I'm questioning my decision to have the lumpectomy.  I feel I let my vanity of holding on to that sagging breast put me into this situation.  Also, I didn't have a second opinion because I felt strongly confident in my caregivers.  But if this is the worst-case and it's malignant, I've told them I want to switch surgeons and I would want both breasts taken and no reconstruction.  My husband said his main consideration is that I live and he doesn't care whether I have breasts or not.  He just wants me.  He took such great care of me last time that I also feel guilty having to put him through all this again.  I don't know where I will find the courage to repeat  this again.  I'm afraid of the pain, afraid of feeling so sick, afraid of what I'll look like.  It's making me sick! 

 Help me, please.

Comments

  • lovinmomma
    lovinmomma Member Posts: 1,879
    edited August 2009

    I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this and so soon. Do not beat yourself up over your past decisions. It is in the past. I am glad that the nurse is taking good care of you. I have not had a recurrence so I can not speak to that, but I did have a lump in my opposite breast and it was b9 after biopsy. It was actually 2 small lumps, so b9 lumps exist even for us!! Prayers.

  • mke
    mke Member Posts: 584
    edited August 2009

    Everyone's experience is different and I don't really remember the exact time frame of events but when I was about 60 I went through my second lumpectomy.  The surgeon and I had discussed a bilateral versus only the affected side but ultimately decided on chemo first and lumpectomy if the tumour shrunk enough.  Well it did and I had a lumpectomy with a very good cosmetic result.  The chemo was very hard for me, I was hospitalzed with neutropenia twice and there were many days I could hardly stand.  But I did get through it and the year of herceptin after.

    Fast forward about a year and a half and the mammogram of the other breast showed something (I'd had a lumpectomy on that one 10 years earlier but no chemo that round).  Well, you know how I felt.  The "I just don't know if I can do this again" feeling.  Like you I wondered if I had made the wrong choice on the previous round, but in fact all 3 of my tumours were apparently primaries, certainly the 2nd and 3rd were.  My choices were reasonable based on what I knew at the time.  This time there was no discussion, I wanted a bilateral and there would be no reconstruction.  I used the same surgeon as I didn't really feel that he had made a mistake - it just happened.

    About a year and half ago I had my bilateral and an uneventful recovery.  I'd already had radiation on both sides so that was out, I wasn't keen on armidex and such and the oncologist said it wouldn't help much anyway so really the surgery was the only treatment.  Oddly this most drastic of surgeries was the easiest of treatment regimens.  The drains were an annoyance, but that was relatively brief.  I really didn't require much care.

    I'm careful about lymphedema, I don't carry heavy things, I wear gardening gloves, I'm just generally cautious but I haven't had any problems.  I haven't yet gone to get prostheses, I have insurance that will pay, but it just hasn't seemed worth the bother.  I suppose I look a bit odd, but no one seems to notice, certainly no one cares.

    That was a really long way of saying benign would be really good, but even if the news is bad the effects might not be as bad as you fear.  However I'm still hoping for benign for you.

  • dreamwriter
    dreamwriter Member Posts: 3,255
    edited August 2009
  • kane744
    kane744 Member Posts: 461
    edited August 2009

    Three benign cysts!!!  Recheck in three months.  Whewwww!  Am I relieved.  Another good thing came out of all this.  I need to join a BC group to keep things more in perspective and to not imagine the worst every time.  Anyway, tomorrow I'm starting up Curves after a year's absence and Tuesday I'm restarting my volunteer work at The Kentucky Horse Park--something I truly enjoy.

  • mke
    mke Member Posts: 584
    edited August 2009

    Thank you for sharing your good news.

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