Any isolaters or hermits out there?

Wow. So many of us home, alone. So many either in depression or pain or both. In a weird sort of way, it's nice to know you're there. All of you. Thanks for logging in and letting me read your stories.

I feel so close to so many in here, when we've never really met. But we have something in common with the shock of dx and learning how to deal with people, or not.

njdarcy - my heart goes out to you! You've had enough tragedy without having to deal with this too, You sound strong and level headed, I'm sure you'll do fine, it's after the treatment ends when your 'friends' stop visiting, and no one asks you to lunch anymore, that's when it's the hardest. 

I'm working on getting SSD now. Have to go be 'mentally examined' on Wednesday. Expect this exam to take 1 to 3 hours. Doesn't that sound like fun?? I applied in April, and expected a denial. Got this Dr. Appt. instead, so I guess thats a good thing., at least I know they are working on it.

My Neurosurgeon wrote me up for Physical Therapy, I've been searching local places to go all day. Having to ask if they will reduce or eliminate the $25 co-pay per visit, so I can go as many as 3x week. Sux to have to ask. But I would really rather have groceries in the house than have to pay for PT right now. Not having some shopping money is really a bummer. But thats so trivial, when compared with some of you.

I would really like to learn how to count my blessings.

my butt is becoming flat from sitting here looking for friends in cyberspace. I joined BC.org in 2007 Feb. I watched So you think you can dance....the BC dance....and have pretty much been crying ever since.

I have a ptsd diagnosis.....well duh...LOL...

My son is coming home for a visit next Saturday. He is 21 and has been gone since last Octobers visit. So in addition I have empty nest.

I could really use a boost too. You know whats a mazing? I haven't been on BC.org for at least a year maybe more and my log on/password still work. i just think that is the nicest most thoughtful thing.

barbe1958 is my hero, still.

Lena is now adored by me for writing so much and stealing my admiration.

njdarcyis my soul sister - she understands why I can't tell my dad about the chemo - and until he finds out I'm wearing a wig, I'll be da#ned if I'll tell him about it.

People. whether you are agnostic, atheist, or just plain hedonist - women were created as a helper to men because we can take a lot of stuff that a grown up little boy can't - and we KNOW it.  Even grown up little girls are more mature.  We're just made that way.  Men are great for a lot of stuff.  I wouldn't want the world to be without 'em.  Men aren't usually great at getting older and taking care of their bodies.  They need us - take that all you silly romantic movies of 2009!  Love and commitment is a serious thing - give me "When Harry Met Sally" any day.

sessna1

I haven't watched the news since 9/11. I know that sounds weird, but that really crashed my world. As a Canadian I had always thought of the US as so strong and to see them literally crumple with no immediate recourse from the president just blew me away. I can't deal with it.

I don't read the newspapers either. Anything I really need to know, someone is sure to tell me. I do listen to the radio so I get the headlines, but that's all I want.

A lot of people think I'm a lot younger than I am. I've been pegged at 35, yet I'm 51. I just don't take everyone else's lives so seriously. Just my own! Of course that doesn't mean I don't care, it just means that I know I have to be Number One in my own world or I'm no good to anyone else.

Hugs All!

Dear C, I never put my 2 cents in family arguments. But how anybody can hate someone that

you are deserved to die. I don't want to talk about politics in this thread or anywhere else but i guess my BC happened during Bush i don't deserve to die????????? I don't understand the mentality of some people. I also voted for Obama I have good friends they voted for MC Cain what different does it make????

I always said we are all equal, I cant stand prodigious people and i ignore them as much as possible. You take care of yourself I don't blame you. Those are very hurtful words even though we all know there is no truth behind them.

Hugs

 Sheila

can't say that i am a hermit but I would love to be. I don't enjoy social events, working is a challenge and home unfortunaly is not a refuge right now. Both of our kids (25&22) live here as well as our two grandgirls (2 and 3)...it is a full house and often a zoo...HOWEVER...I am an isolater at heart. I am content to be alone, like quiet and don't mind eating out alone...I have gotten to the place where i would stay in and out of the circle if the house was my own again and I was able to relax a little while here. The days when I was more outgoing are so long gone that I hardly remember them anymore. Several events in my life have caused that change and chemopause and BC and all that goes with it have only plummeted spirits even lower. While I think that tamoxifen is partly my problem i know there are some issues out there as well,

I am sorry that we are all here...am saddened to hear of people who post hurtful things..I can't watch much of the news because so little of it is unbiased and the state of our union is SO depressing. I am grateful to have the boards here to vent, to share and to listen.

I wish all of you a good evening doing whatever makes you happy!

Still feeling blue & isolated. I do go to the gym 3-4 x a week to help maintain weight since tamoxifen, but I still feel very isolated at times. I want to go out & socialize more. I am married & have 4 kids. My husband is a huge sports fan. He is always watching something on TV or going to an event if not working. I was a "sports widow" before BC. My dx hasn't changed his attitude or behavior one bit. I have 2 adult children & 2 teenagers, all at home still. My greatest pleasure is having a big dinner w/ everyone, which is maybe twice a month. There is a local Gilda's Club near me. I was thinking of checking it out, but I've been under the impression that the people that go there have experienced a more advanced cancer. I guess I won't know until I check it out. I'm sure a lot of these feelings are also  SE from tamoxifen

It saddens me to read about family issues; especially in cases where it is just plain cruelty.  We are, unfortunately, cruelest to those we love the most.  I think sometimes these harsh words come out of fear (fear of death, fear of mortality, fear that it could happen to anyone).  Whatever the reason, I know it still hurts.  I, too, like to isolate but realize that it is not good for me.  When left to my own devices I tend to catastophize and drive myself crazy.

Bettysgirl:  Are your granddaughters a source of love for you?  They are so cute at that age.  My uncle who is like a brother as we are the same age suffers from depression.  I find it so difficult to understand how anyone can be depressed looking into the faces of four grandbabies.  Whenever I am around them I feel the unconditional love of a child and marvel at the wonder in their eyes.

Of course, I can certainly relate to the love of animals.  I only have one cat now but at one time I had eight and loved it.  If I could support myself and had my own home, I would have a dozen!  My fantasy has always been to win a lottery and establish a cat haven!

Remember - you can never be too rich or too thin or have too many friends!  Love to all.

Okay ladies, as I told a co-worker years ago who complained that her mother was telling her what to do, 'You don't have to tell your mother everything.'

It's a life skill to know what to share with who.  It's a blessing to be able to figure out the strong people vs. the weak ones vs. the rude and insensitive ones.  Learn your aura and try to feel out theirs.  No 'new age' stuff, I truly mean what they are putting out unspoken.  People do put out vibes.  If you listen well enough, you can hear what they actually mean and catch them leaving out information (sometimes lying).

It is the only way to make your life better - to make yourself wiser.  There ARE good people out there.  Ask God (if you believe or you are a Christian) to lead you to good people or lead them to you.  Be selective.  Be cautious.

cmharris, your niece is a very un-smart, cruel, and unhappy person.  Steer clear of her.  She had no right to know how you voted - NO ONE does.  Rude young person. (Is she a young person?)  Just as you don't go into a burning house, don't go near a steaming person - and she is steaming with anger.  She has no respect for you.  Shake the dust from your feet and leave her be.

-sessna1

Blessings on you Rhonda, You are not alone.  I am coming out of my self imposed shell, it will happen, it takes time.  I send all my support and encouragement to you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

We are here.

God Bless

Ellen

I seem to take one step forward and two steps back in recovery.  Today I found a small hole in the foot ulcer when it was almost healed completely.  Ever have days when the walls are closing in on you?  Kinda like this:

If it were not for these Boards I would be losing my mind right about now.  Thanks.

Well, I  am glad I am not alone on this one. I do isolate myself. I watch tv, surf the web, read and sleep. I go to work and keep to myself. I do not have the desire or energy to chat, make small talk or entertain.

I am on antidepressants now for about 4 months. I feel somewhat less depressed, but still do not want to "socialize". 

My dh  is very frustrated with me about it all and this makes it worse. I cannot believe after surviving all that treatment and still being physically healthy after 5 years, that I am dealing with this unrelenting depression. Am I not supposed to feeling grateful and positive that I am still alive?

I feel empty and energyless. I know this is depression. But I sometimes wonder if I really am just a hermit by nature anyways....

Wendy A

Talk to your Doc

was just told by my Onc the other day that I was suffering from PTSD. Dx 12/08 with Triple-Neg BC. It's been a long and traumatic road that I have had to basically fight alone (my divorce became final in Feb. 2009- 2 weeks after my first surgery). My Onc put me on an anti-depressant last week. Recently I cry all of the time and that is NOT like me!

I found this poem and I try to focus on the message~

My Battle - My Victory

Yesterday I fought a Battle, But I did not fight alone-

I had a Protector - A Guide, I was never on my own

This enemy came to me suddenly, No warning as to prepare-

And before I knew what happened, this enemy was everywhere.

I felt so overwhelmed; Did no one know my pain?

How could this be happening to me, How did it know my name?

Today I fight this battle, The enemy with me still

It has not yet taken control, Nor has it broke my will

It is hurtful and it is cruel, It doesn't care the damage it causes

It is wearing down my defenses; I can soon count my losses.

It is ruthless and emotionless, Its purpose to destroy

I can not, must not let it, Will not let it have control

Hear me when I tell you, Please listen when I say

I have many scars from this battle; I do struggle from day to day

It takes many things from me; Within my body it has much power

It affects loved ones around me; The battle has become a war

You may not know by looking at me, Then again maybe you can,

That this enemy shows no mercy, I fall when I can no longer stand

It does not care what age you are, or your status here on Earth

It doesn't count your income, or what you think you are worth

This battle that I speak of, CANCER is its name

And because I continue to fight, I will never be the same!

Tomorrow may never come for me; I live only in the present

My life is right here, right now, What I have is this very moment

But I will continue to fight, For I learned down on my knees

is where I fight this battle, It is where God gives me the victory.

I was like this before my breast cancer, so I don't blame the cancer on the way I am. I have to be extroverted for work and I find it just drains me.

Sunday I was at a family gathering for an aunt who turned 96. It was my mother's sister who I hadn't seen in 8 years since my mom's funeral. I only knew about 5 people there and everyone else was from the other side. It was SO hard for me that I only stayed about an hour then slipped out. It's weird, I can "turn it on" for work meeting strangers, but can be comfortable with "family". So sad really.

molly52, I have a friend who works in animal rescue.

Okay, when you found the dog, was he willing to drink water?  Was he either hungry or thirsty upon being found or just aggitated?

Does your local paper run free "FOUND DOG,  CALL TO IDENTIFY" ads?

Look at the bottom of his paw - the pads.  That will give you a clue as to how long he had been walking after he got lost - paws are like a pets shoes.  Does he look like a city dog, a backyard dog, or a country working dog?

He could be a neighborhood pet, living less than two blocks away.  I found one of those once.  Well trained, clean, obedient, socialized.

People, please fill out the books of "Found/Lost" animals at the animal shelter - don't just look in the kennels.  Some people are holding your animals in their back yard trying to post and find you and keep your pet way from kennel cough or other shelter diseases. 

Does the dog fetch?  Is he willing to play, be petted, groomed, etc.?  Does he behave like a loved pet, albeit a confused loved  pet?

When my own dog got lost - I got him back - the lady was suprised that he was clean, not hungry, smelled good (dog shampoo, bathed regularly), chubby (eventually, we both lost weight), and had soft paw pads.  He was my friend - not just my dog, and I treated him like that.

IF that dog has friends, they are looking for him.  Best wishes with this...

sessna1